Make Me Fall

by Sara Rider

  “One of my favorite stories about Mom is the time she decided to take us on a road trip when I was seven and Eli was nine. After we crossed the border, Mom realized she’d forgotten her wallet at home. In spite of our protests…” She paused to look at Eli. He encouraged her with a nod. “Mom turned the car around, but unfortunately she also forgot to gas up and we ended up stuck on the side of the road.

  Julia laughed and the audience followed suit. She’d always been good at speaking in public and Eli was starting to regret agreeing to give his speech second—his yet-unfinished speech. He’d known it was dumb to wing it, but it wasn’t like the hours spent trying to prepare something ahead of time had done him any good.

  “Instead of panicking,” Julia continued, “Mom dragged us to the side of the road and told us to pick out the most beautiful stones we could find. She made us hold the stones tight in our fists and make a wish. Not five minutes after we did, a car stopped. It turned out to be one of my old teachers, who was more than willing to help us out. From that day on, I realized that something as silly as wishing on a stone was powerful enough to make dreams come true. So if you will join me, please take your stone in your hand.”

  Eli’s mouth pulled into a tight line. Unlike Julia, he hadn’t actually believed his mom when she told him all he had to do was wish on a random piece of rock and all their troubles would be solved. Instead, he’d sulked and pretended to play along.

  There had been a glass bowl full of tiny, smooth stones in every color waiting for the guests at the foyer of the brewpub when they arrived with a note written in Julia’s perfect calligraphy instructing everyone to take one. He obliged this time, slipping a generic gray stone into his jacket pocket. He curled his fingers around the stone while Julia asked everyone to make a wish in their mom’s honor, but it made the cut on his palm throb. The pain helped ground him and keep the guilt and regret from spilling over onto his face.

  The audience dutifully complied and clapped when the speech ended. Julia looked at him with thin tracks of tears on her cheeks. “You’re all wet,” she said, surprise widening her hazel eyes.

  “There wasn’t enough room under the umbrella,” he said gruffly.

  She shook her head with a sad smile. “You’re up.”

  He handed her the umbrella and stepped onto the dais. With all eyes focused on him instead of his sister, his adrenaline jumped, tightening his throat and making his bones feel like as weak as toothpicks. He didn’t have a speech. He didn’t know what to say.

  Say something. Anything.

  The nervous energy turned to panic, blurring his vision and making it hard to breathe. He gripped the water-slicked edges of the podium, but it didn’t help. He closed his eyes to inhale slowly, and when he opened them once more he saw her. Nora. Blond hair bright against the gray sky, and steely confidence in her eyes when they locked on his.

  You’ve got this, she mouthed silently to him.

  He nodded, not looking anywhere but at her. “I thought I was going to stand up here today and tell you that Mom would have been proud of everything that we’ve accomplished, but I can’t. I don’t know how she would feel because she isn’t here. And there’s nothing more unfair in the world. For all I know, she’d hate that we turned a church into a brewpub, and would be scolding me that I should have become a doctor or a lawyer or something.”

  He stopped for a moment and almost laughed when he realized that was probably true. She would’ve told him a brewpub was a terrible investment. The audience seemed to tense, waiting for him to continue, but the only reaction he cared about was Nora’s. She smiled, and he knew it was okay to keep going.

  “Mom didn’t always agree with the choices I made, but I always knew she loved Julia and me. Loved us enough to tell us when we were making dumb mistakes. Loved us enough to fight for our futures, no matter how hard it was for her to do that. She deserved the chance to tell me I was an idiot for moving to Shadow Creek and dragging my impressionable little sister with me.”

  The crowd laughed. Even the people in the audience who didn’t know Julia well were aware she was anything but impressionable.

  His shoulders relaxed and his voice felt stronger. Less shaky. “She deserved the chance to see that I have these amazing friends here, and that sometimes I can make good decisions. And I want to tell you all these amazing stories about her, but I can’t because it still hurts too much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her or feel so damn angry that she hasn’t gotten to see what we’ve created, or gotten the chance to put herself first for once and live her life the way that she deserved after Julia and I grew up.

  “The only thing I can ask you all is to remember that nothing lasts forever. You can’t waste time because you’re scared. You have to hold on to the people you love now because you never know what will happen tomorrow.” His voice had grown raw, words tumbling out of him in a rushed jumble. His chest was rising and falling like he’d just run a hundred-meter sprint. He ducked his head to gather himself, but when he looked up at Nora again, there were tears in her eyes, and it broke him.

  His throat filled with all the emotions he’d tried to bury beneath his cement-covered heart, eyes stinging with the threat of tears. He didn’t even realize Jake had left his seat until his best friend was standing next to him. Jake set his hand on Eli’s shoulder and leaned toward the microphone. “Thank you everyone for coming. We’re going to be serving a special bourbon-barrel aged stout inside the bar in honor of Ruth’s favorite drink.”

  Jake pulled Eli into a hug, and when he finally released him, the crowd had shuffled inside. “You good?”

  Eli met his friend’s hard, concerned look. “Yeah. I’m good.”

  Jake’s expression loosened into a smile. “Good, because it would be a shame if you didn’t get the first taste of that stout.” He clapped Eli on the back and urged him inside.

  His legs were still shaky, but it was from catharsis, not nerves. He’d carried that unspoken anger inside of him for so long, it felt like a weight had lifted when he’d finally let it out.

  Julia was waiting for him with a pint glass when they passed under the white tent and through the back entrance to the pub. She handed him the stout and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her head in his chest. “You were amazing!”

  He exhaled with relief. “So were you. Everything is perfect.”

  She looked so young in this moment, and he realized she’d been as desperate for his approval as he was of hers. “Thank you. Now let’s get going—raise a toast, because everyone is excited to taste this beer.”

  She kept one arm around his waist and called on everyone to raise their glasses. Eli held up the pint and looked around the room at his friends, coworkers, and customers who had come to support him and Julia, feeling the kind of gratitude that was hard to put into words. He looked for Nora, needing to see her in order to rein in the emotions threatening to spill out once more.

  But he couldn’t see her.

  “She just left,” Julia whispered to him when the toast was over. “She had to leave for her conference.”

  His chest tightened with disappointment. Of course she would be leaving as soon as possible.

  “You could probably catch her,” Julia added.

  He started to say something, but he didn’t know what, so instead his mouth just hung open in a foolish expression.

  Julia rolled her eyes and gave him a little shove. “Go. I don’t know what’s going on with the two of you, but I could tell by the way you were looking at each other that you need to talk. And you know Mom would have smacked you upside the head if you let a woman like her get away without a fight. I’ve got it from here.”

  That was the permission he needed. He dashed out to the parking lot just in time to see Nora’s little gray Civic backing out of its spot. He didn’t even know why he was chasing after her or what he wanted to say, but he needed to say something. She was leaving for three days and that suddenly seemed like for
ever.

  Her red backup lights turned off. She drove toward the parking lot exit, leaving him behind on the wet asphalt with cold rain pelting down on him. He was too late.

  He ran his hand through his hair and watched her drive off.

  And then she stopped.

  * * *

  Nora glanced at her review mirror before pulling onto the road, then slammed on her brakes so hard the seatbelt snapped back against her sternum, knocking the wind out of her lungs. “Eli?”

  He jogged to her car and rapped against the passenger side window. She scrambled to unlock the door. As soon as the little beep sounded, he climbed in. Rain had flattened his hair against his forehead, making him look so young. Like the rain and emotions from the afternoon’s ceremony had washed away the protective shell he’d been wearing for the last few weeks.

  “Hey.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “We needed to talk.”

  She sighed. “I’m heading straight to Portland for the conference, and you’re soaking wet.” She reached over and cranked the heat, grateful she’d opted for leather seats when she’d bought this car.

  He leaned forward and warmed his hands in the blast of heat from the center vent. “That’s a four-hour drive, right? More than enough time to say what we need to say.”

  “You’re coming with?”

  He nodded. “You said the reason you’ve been pushing me away isn’t just about me and my habit of destroying everything I touch.”

  She winced at the harshness of the words. God, how badly had she hurt him by saying that?

  “You’re scared,” he added more gently. “Scared that we don’t fit into each other’s worlds and that it will end badly. But the thing is, you do fit into mine—so perfectly, it’s terrifying. So let me show you that I can fit into yours, too. Give me this weekend to prove it.”

  Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel. “How?”

  “We give it a chance, away from our lives in Shadow Creek. Just you and me. You dress up in a sexy suit in the morning and kick ass at your conference, and at night, you come back to the hotel to the handsome paramour waiting for you.”

  She laughed. “Paramour?”

  “Sure. Your lover undercover. Your man who’ll go down on the low down.” He waggled his eyebrows, which made her laugh even harder.

  “But you don’t have any stuff,” she said when she finally. “How are you going to brush your teeth?”

  It was his turn to laugh. “After all we’ve been through, that’s what you’re worried about? I promise not to use your toothbrush. I’m sure there’s a Rite Aid in Portland where I can buy a spare.”

  She exhaled, wondering if she was crazy for considering it. Last night had unsettled her so completely, she needed some time to sort it all out in her head. She’d been planning to use the conference as a chance to escape reality for a little while and really think about her life. What she truly wanted and needed to be happy. There was no way she could do that in an unbiased way with Eli there. He was like the sun, constantly pulling her toward him and brightening everything around him. But he could also burn her if he got too close.

  He reached across the console and set his hand on her thigh. “I’m just asking for a chance, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  He leaned back in his seat with a long exhalation of relief. “So, I bet you want to practice your talk on the drive up.”

  She held back a smile as she set the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot, realizing that just maybe this man understood her so much better than she could ever realize.

  17

  Over the next four hours, Nora practiced her talk over and over again, finally nailing the timing on the nineteenth try. She knew it so well by that point, she could have recited it backwards without stumbling over a single word. She was finally feeling confident that she wasn’t going to make a fool of herself.

  She knew she was a talented chemist, but it was so much easier to step up to the podium with the clout of a top research institution behind her. Her research was so much smaller and more modest now—the kind of thing she probably wouldn’t even have bothered giving a talk on until she had another few months’ worth of results to back it up and make a bigger claim. She was going to have to work ten times as hard to earn the respect of her colleagues in the room.

  It didn’t surprise her that Eli could be so patient—he’d always been unendingly sweet with her—but it was a revelation to hear him ask complex follow-up questions about the science. She knew he was smart, but it had been years since he’d been a grad student, and his grasp of the concepts in her talk was almost as good as Doug’s.

  “If you didn’t already have such a successful career, I’d be trying to convince you to do a PhD under me,” she said right after taking the exit off the highway into Portland.

  “Under you, huh? That’s sounds so dirty, I’m almost tempted.”

  She laughed. “Okay, that was a little dirtier than I intended. I’m just impressed you remembered so much. We don’t get a lot of grad students at Shadow Creek College, and the teaching schedule is so much higher that it makes it hard to actually get any real research done.”

  “And that’s your passion, right?”

  She nodded, keeping her eyes on the street signs while looking for the turnoff to the hotel.

  “So why didn’t you go to a school that’s more research-focused?”

  “I didn’t have much choice. I quit my last job right before the New Year, and most universities finish hiring by that point. It was the only thing I could get. I don’t hate it, though. It’s just…different.”

  “Good different or bad different?”

  “Both,” she said honestly, slowing the car to a crawl as she turned into the hotel parking lot. “It’s not as demanding, and I actually have free time for once in my life, but I spend more time in the classroom than the lab. I miss that part a lot.”

  He reached over and rested his palm at the base of her neck, massaging into the tense muscles.

  She parked in the last available spot. Given how late she’d registered for the conference, she’d been lucky to get one of the last available rooms close to the convention center. The rain was still pouring down when they got out of the car. Eli hefted her suitcase out of the trunk and carried it toward the entrance.

  “Just so you know,” he whispered in her ear as they stepped into the lobby, “I meant it when I said I wouldn’t borrow your toothbrush, but I can’t make the same promise about your clothes. You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met, but I think I could give you a run for your money in that little black dress of yours.”

  The struggle to keep the grin from her face was almost painful. “Only if you borrow my fake emerald drop earrings to go with it.”

  “Fake emeralds?” He scoffed. “I am a man of class. Nothing but real diamonds for me.”

  She laughed. “Getting a little full of yourself, Eli?”

  “Nora?”

  She craned her neck at the sound of the familiar voice calling her name, breaking into a smile when she saw who it was. “Dr. Lo?”

  She crossed the few feet of space between her and her former supervisor. Dr. Lo greeted with her with a warm hug. “How many times have I told you to call me Robin? We’re colleagues now.”

  “It’s so good to see you,” Nora said as they let go.

  “You, too. I didn’t realize you would be here.” Robin looked like she hadn’t aged a day in the three years since they’d seen each other. Her black hair was still barely touched by gray and styled in a chic but sensible bob, and there was no sign of wrinkles in her classic black suit.

  “I’m giving a talk on nanoparticle polymer coatings for plasma-assisted solar absorption.”

  Robin smiled. “It’s great to hear you’re managing to keep up with your research.”

  Nora’s own smile slipped. “A little. I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to respond to your email yet.”


  “The job offer is still on the table. We should have dinner to talk about it a little more. Are you free tomorrow night?”

  Nora felt Eli’s presence beside her without having to turn around. He rested his hand against the small of her back. She had no idea what he’d heard. “Our room’s ready.”

  “Right,” she said, as Robin raised her already sharply arched eyebrow. “Eli, this is Robin Lo, my PhD supervisor. Robin, this is Eli, my…”

  She hesitated. What was he? Her friend? Her boyfriend? Yesterday, he wasn’t even speaking to her.

  “Friend,” Eli offered.

  “Boyfriend,” Nora corrected, hoping to God he didn’t object. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was embarrassed by him, even if he did look like he’d been dragged in from a tornado, clothing rumpled and hair having dried into a mess.

  He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her into him, holding out his other hand to Robin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too,” Robin said, giving Nora a sly smile while keeping a firm grip on Eli’s hand. “I hope you’ll be able to join us for dinner as well.”

  Nora’s stomach clenched. She really didn’t want to talk about her professional future with Eli around—not when he messed up her ability to think straight just by being near—but there was no way to politely decline a dinner with the woman she owed so much to.

  “I wouldn’t miss it,” Eli answered.

  Robin gave them a quick nod, then headed to the lobby exit, heels clacking against the stone floor in her wake.

  “That is one intimidating woman,” Eli whispered when she was out of sight, shaking his hand like it had just been crushed by her grip. “I think I’m in love.”

  “I’d hit you,” she whispered back, “but I think I’ve always had a little crush on her, too. There’s speculation that she’s going to win the Nobel Prize soon.”