Afterlife of Alanna Miller

by Carlton, Demelza

  "Are you all right?" I asked as Caitlin took my hand, swinging her legs over the edge of the shelf. She nodded and waved me out of the way as she twisted to dangle from her hands before dropping to the floor. "What did the men look like? The ones who came in here?"

  Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. "Security uniforms like yours. The first one tried to make me leave. When he touched me, I took him out. The second came in as I was restraining the first. I had to knock him out, too, before I was sure whether he was a danger or not." She looked grave.

  I had a crazy urge to burst out laughing. Caitlin had taken out my best security guards. Could tonight get any crazier?

  "I'll protect you," I promised, curling an arm around her shoulders. To my surprise and relief, she leaned into my side, as if she welcomed the support.

  Together, we returned to the office. "Steve, Jerry, this is...Alana." I hoped they didn't notice my hesitation as I stumbled over her name. "She's lucky she didn't end up trussed up like you, or worse."

  Silence.

  I peered at Jerry's report. "Biker helmets? So you didn't even see their faces?"

  He shook his head.

  "Should I search the security footage for them?"

  "They took the tape?" he suggested, as if even he didn't believe his own cock-and-bull story.

  I sighed. "Look, I can send you two to hospital to get checked out and we can file an incident report about what really happened, or I can ask a doctor to check you out here and we can pretend this was all a bad dream." There was no way in hell either of them would admit they were bested by a girl – let alone one as fragile-looking as Caitlin.

  "Where'll you get a doctor this time of night?" Steve asked.

  "Angel, would you be willing to help? Once we know they're okay to finish their shift, we can go."

  Caitlin nodded and cautiously approached Steve. He flinched as she dropped to a crouch beside him, but he allowed her to examine him. Jerry didn't take his eyes off her all through his own examination until she returned to my side. I'd never seen these men scared before, but they were terrified of her. "I checked them earlier, while they were both stunned. They might have some residual muscle cramps from the taser, but those will subside in a day or so. They should be fine. If not, send them to me and I'll check them over again."

  The taser? So that's how she'd knocked them out.

  "That kid's a doctor?" Steve spluttered.

  I inclined my head. "This is Dr Alana Miller. She's just taken a job at Fiona Stanley Hospital. She was waiting in here for me as it was supposed to be safer than outside. Given the helmeted, tape-stealing bikers, though, it's probably a good thing she hid in the store room and let you guys take the heat." I tried to grin, but it came out more like a grimace. "At least we're trained for it. We'll be headed off now. If there's any more signs of the mystery bikers, call me on my mobile, okay?"

  Jerry nodded slowly as he buckled on his utility belt.

  "Can you get these off me?" Steve grumbled, lifting his handcuffed wrists.

  I left Steve and Jerry to it.

  THIRTY-NINE

  I followed Caitlin's car back to her place, then walked her to the stairwell.

  "Please, will you come up for a drink? Or two?" The quiet desperation in her tone tugged at my heart. I couldn't refuse her anything.

  I agreed and followed her up.

  "Just give me a moment to go tidy up. Help yourself to whatever you like while you're waiting." She waved vaguely at the kitchen as she headed to her bedroom.

  When she returned, I was halfway through drinking my second glass of water.

  "You don't want any alcohol?" she asked, still seeming more nervous than she should be.

  I shrugged. "I figured I'd wait and see what you were having and water's not a bad thing to start with."

  Slowly, she nodded as she opened the pantry and stretched for something on the top shelf. I watched her for a few seconds before I gave in and offered, "Do you need help?"

  She shook her head and edged a box off the shelf. When she set it on the bench, I couldn't hide my surprise. "After tonight, I think a stiff drink is in order. If I open it, will you share it with me?"

  I eyed the bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label she held out to me, the unbroken seal taunting me that I didn't deserve the expensive spirit it guarded. "Don't you have anything else? I mean, that stuff's supposed to be savoured. If all you want is to drown your sorrows and forget, you'd be better off with the Red Label."

  Caitlin laughed. "That's what I usually have, a shot of that with a mixer when I get home. But tonight I just want to drink it straight, which calls for the good stuff. And I don't think even the whole bottle will make me forget, so it'd be pretty pointless to try." She reached into the cupboard and clunked two glasses to the counter. "So, will you join me in a drink?" A deft twist of her hand broke the seal and she poured a precise two fingers into one glass. The smell wafting up was potent, seductive.

  I nodded and watched the amber liquid glug into my glass. The aroma stole into my nostrils and invaded my mind. I wondered if it could dissolve my brain – and whether I'd notice.

  Caitlin's explosive coughing fit made me set the drink down again so I could stop her from choking, but she waved away my offers of assistance. "Shit, that's strong," she said hoarsely, squinting into her glass before taking another sip.

  I gulped half of mine without tasting it, feeling it sear my throat on the way down. I held the second mouthful a little longer, rolling around until I tasted it, then let it burn my oesophagus, too. "It's like drinking petrol." My voice came out almost as hoarse as hers had.

  She smiled and carried her glass over to the couch. When she slumped onto the seat, I realised just how exhausted she was. Cautiously, I sat on the opposite end, where I had a clear view of her face.

  "You're taking this awfully well. Me being in Chaya and all, and me not saying anything."

  I shrugged. "I didn't tell you I was a security guard, either, but that doesn't seem to worry you." After worrying about what she'd think of me, it was a relief. I hadn't even started thinking about the implications of her being a rock star. No, retired rock star – this was the last concert on her band's farewell tour.

  Caitlin concentrated on sipping her drink for a moment before replying, "I already knew. Trevor makes me check all the security guards before a show, so I know who they are and if anyone's not there who should be. Also, if there's anyone I recognise who poses a greater risk than others. I told him I knew you, but that I wanted you on the security team. I was hoping to see you last night and I'd almost given up when you grabbed me tonight. All that instinct of wanting to fight back and escape, but I knew it was you who had me, so I didn't resist. Would you still have grabbed me if you knew I was carrying a taser?"

  I swallowed more whisky. "Those things aren't legal in Australia, you know. If the police find out you have it..."

  She laughed. "Oh, they're legal if you have a permit, and I do. In all states and both territories, too. Right alongside my gun licences. It was one of the weird conditions of my witness protection – that I was supposed to carry a weapon. I always wondered if it was one of Mott's ploys to make sure I had a weapon on me when he sent someone to kill me. Dodgy bastard would've wanted me dead and suicide would've suited him nicely. I had a long talk with Trevor about it and he arranged for the taser permit. I think the argument was along the lines that, as a doctor, I didn't like the idea of shooting people to protect myself, as I'd be bound to provide medical assistance afterwards that would place me in even greater danger, but use of a non-lethal weapon with no long-term effects..."

  "I can think of two men whose pride is going to be hurt for a long time, knowing you bested them with a taser." The minute the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.

  Tears flowed down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Nathan. I didn't mean for any of that to happen tonight. Those two men...shit, I'm sorry."

  I desperately wanted to tell her that everyth
ing would be all right, but the words would be an empty promise I couldn't keep. "They're trained to be able to take down an attacker. If you managed to overcome them, they'll need more training. Simple as that. I don't think either of them wants to admit what happened tonight, so they won't spread stories. It could cost them their jobs. So it'll be a closely guarded secret that they'll do their best to forget. End of story."

  She shook her head. "No. I'm not worried about that. It's that I attacked two men who weren't trying to hurt me – they were only doing their jobs. The guys from ASIO said I'd be safe here. I'm beginning to think I'm paranoid, seeing threats everywhere when there aren't any. It wasn't this bad in Melbourne, but now I'm back here and with the mystery stalker and that house and even you – not that you're a bad thing, Nathan, just that I'm worried about you – I feel like I'm going crazy."

  "You're not crazy." Perfectly true. "You are very protective of yourself and that's reasonable, given what you've been through." Mostly true. Most rape victims didn't have tasers. "If you say you have a stalker, then I believe you. It's not the first time government staff have lied to you about your safety." The last time I'd helped them, so I skipped to the next point quickly. "And what house? This one?"

  She heaved a heartfelt sigh. "No, not this one. My grandfather's house. My cousin gave it to me as payment of a debt of honour or some crazy idea like that. At least, that's what he told my father. I don't even know what that means. Is it a good debt or a bad one? I mean, who gives someone a house? For all I know, the house could be wired to explode the minute someone sets foot inside. Why go to so much trouble? Surely an assassin would be cheaper and easier. But I can't sell it unless I know it's safe. I don't want someone else's death on my conscience – not even a ruthless real estate agent."

  Something seemed fishy. A long-lost cousin offering an enormous inheritance was too good to be true. It sounded like a scam to me. "What does your security consultant say about it?"

  Caitlin snorted. "Trevor? The minute I told him, he drove down there himself without telling me. It turns out the place gets cleaned weekly by a company in town. He chased up the cleaner and spoke to her. She believed it was a holiday house and she'd never met the owners. She was hired five years ago. About the time I moved to Melbourne." She blew out a breath. "Trevor told me to stay away from it. Just because the cleaner's never been blown up, doesn't mean I won't be. I've agreed to meet with my cousin to discuss it, but I need to see the house first before I agree to take it. There's something about it, lurking in the back of my mind. I know I'll stop worrying once I've seen it, but I'm scared of it, too. Scared of a house I never saw and probably never set foot in." Her eyes were on me now, looking deeper than I felt comfortable with.

  I avoided her gaze and focussed on drinking my whisky.

  "Will you come with me? Please?"

  No. Fuck, no. I'd take a holiday in hell as the devil's personal whipping boy before I'd go within a hundred kilometres of a place that sounded like another nightmare we should both stay the hell away from. But for Caitlin, I'd do anything.

  "Sure."

  She threw herself at me, hugging me tightly. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Nathan. That'll be one less posse of demons to vanquish. I swear, I'll never ask anything of you ever again after this."

  With her clinging to me, squirming in my lap, I wanted to ask her a few things. Things I shouldn't. Instead, I said, "Should we have another drink to celebrate? To crazy ideas and banishing demons?"

  She laughed and agreed, so we poured a little more whisky into our glasses and toasted each other's health and the future.

  Later that night, as I stretched out in bed, I reflected that if they existed, the devil and his demons would probably enjoy being beaten by someone as beautiful as Caitlin. I laughed quietly to myself and let the alcohol in my blood drag me under the surface of sleep.

  FORTY

  I woke up in the dark, hearing the sound of someone else's rapid breathing inside the room with me.

  I sat up, looking for the source of it.

  Caitlin. She lay on her side, facing away from me, silhouetted in the faint light coming from the window and the blind I hadn't closed properly. The curve of her shoulder, her arms bent and resting on the bed beside her. The smooth line down her side to the dip where her waist was, the swell of her hip, sloping down her leg to her foot. Smooth bare skin, not marred by any visible scar. I reached out to touch her, to find out if she was real, running my fingers lightly along her side as I pressed my lips to the back of her neck. Not wanting to wake her, I pulled my hand away as she moved.

  "Nathan?" She sounded like she'd been crying. Her fingers touched my arm, then she turned and moved closer to me, her body pressed against mine. When she rested her head on my chest, her face was damp. She was crying.

  "What's wrong?" I asked immediately, not daring to move in case she moved away.

  "Nothing," she sniffled. "I just had a bad dream."

  I grinned into the dark. "You know what you said last time I had a nightmare?"

  "What?"

  "That we needed to shape a new memory to replace the old one. If all my nightmares ended in phenomenal sex, they'd never frighten me again. Let me take your mind off it, angel."

  I listened to her breathing, which wasn't slowing. Her voice was breathless as she said, "You mean it? You really mean it? You'd...make love to me?"

  After a fashion. I wouldn't give her anything to complain about, that's for sure. "If you want me to, angel."

  "Yes," she breathed. I heard the sound of satin sliding over skin before I felt it – her skin warm against mine, slippery with a thin sheen of sweat from the dream that had woken her. "Can you...can you turn the light on, though? I'm not good in the dark."

  I reached over and clicked the switch. Now I could see her beautiful naked body – everything I wanted. I flicked my tongue over her nipple and felt it harden at the touch.

  "More," she gasped, arching her back to offer me her breasts.

  A gift I took willingly, sucking first one and then the other, before I slid my hand up her thigh.

  "Oh yes," she breathed, parting her legs for me. She was slick with need, her core closing around my fingers as she moaned in pleasure and not pain. With Caitlin, I definitely knew the difference.

  She rode my hand to her gasping peak and I kissed her mouth until her shuddering subsided.

  "Better?" I asked, withdrawing my fingers.

  "Fuck yes," she groaned, grabbing my hand. "Don't stop now. More to make me forget...forget everything. Everything...except you." The desire in her eyes was unmistakeable – I recognised it now.

  Caitlin. Angel. Everything I'd ever wanted and more. My angel, whose body felt as heavenly as it looked. And I wanted her to feel it, too, deep inside. I wanted to make her forget everything that had ever happened to her before this moment so that she'd be mine.

  I drove my fingers deep inside her, kissing her through every gasp until she climaxed, sobbing my name. I kissed my way down her neck and her breasts as she bucked beneath me, my fingers continuing their pleasurable onslaught. I slowed as my lips touched her belly, knowing she was close to her third. She came just as my tongue darted out to taste her essence. God, so sweet and I wanted more, so I didn't stop, tonguing that tiny bundle of nerve endings that made her fall apart all over again. And again. Until she shattered with a scream, sobbing my name and begging me to continue.

  She might forget her own name, but she'd never forget mine. I plunged my fingers inside her, surging up the bed to kiss her with the taste of her still on my lips. She moaned at her next climax. I'd lost count of how many times she'd come and I didn't care.

  "Have you had enough, angel?" I asked tenderly, kissing her neck.

  "No. I want more. More than your fingers and your tongue, Nathan. I want..." She cried out as my fingers caressed her insides again. She reached for me, running her hands across my chest as if she wanted to etch every muscle into her memory. "More. More!"

&nb
sp; Blood rushed from her caressing fingers straight to my groin and I wanted to cheer. "Tell me what you'd like, angel, and I'll do it."

  Her fingers tickled my belly, moving slowly down. "You could start with a kiss."

  Mike's words.

  Reality came crashing down, dousing my libido in freezing slush.

  Not even her stroking hands could arouse me now, squeezing my flaccid length as if she could coax life back into it.

  "You really don't want me." Her voice shook. "Oh God."

  I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but she propelled herself out of bed and stumbled out of the room.

  There. She finally knew my secret. I didn't deserve her. And she didn't deserve an impotent loser like me who could never satisfy her.

  FORTY-ONE

  I'm ashamed to say I cried myself to sleep. What had I expected? Nathan had had years of being able to pull any girl he wanted. A damaged doctor who still had occasional nightmares from five years ago wasn't even a blip on his dating radar.

  When the morning sun streamed in, reality dawned with it. Nathan had given me a precious gift last night, even if he hadn't given me all of himself. He was the only one who could play my body like that and I was profoundly grateful that he had. None of my dreams were nightmares after that. And he did want me – he'd said so and I'd seen it in his eyes. He wasn't the first man to suffer impotence as a result of psychological trauma. If I helped him with the trauma, maybe I'd be able to help him with other things, too. All in good time.

  I bounced out of bed and into the shower, relishing the hot water that was nothing compared to the caresses that felt burned into my body after last night. Trust selfless Nathan to use his extraordinary skills to make me feel this good without any thought of reward.