Super Jack

by Susanne Gervay

  Everyone laughs with relief. ‘You’re hilarious, Nanna.’ Samantha’s pudgy hand reaches over to the back seat and Nanna’s wobbly hands wiggle back at her. I think I get my great humour from Nanna.

  I squint at the seawall. I don’t say goodbye to the seawall because of Anna. She is a bit sensitive about our rock painting. I can just make out our orange rock.

  Leo notices me squinting at the boulders. ‘Backwards Jack.’

  ‘Oh, shut up, Leo,’ I whisper under my breath. I wonder if he told Rob about it.

  We turn out of town. As we hit the main road, Rob says that there will be no detours. No detours? Rob must be joking. I have to see the Big Bull at Wauchope and I really want to see the Big Banana at Coffs Harbour. ‘Hey, Rob.’

  ‘It’s a nine-hour drive to the Gold Coast. No tourist stops, kids.’

  ‘But there is lots to see on the way, Rob.’

  ‘Look out of the window.’

  As if I can, jammed between Samantha, Floppy and Leo. ‘I haven’t got the window seat.’

  Rob doesn’t even listen. ‘At Coffs Harbour there’s the Big Banana. We drive right past it.’

  Nanna sparks up. ‘A banana smoothie. Mmmm. We should stop there.’ Nanna is right. I wait, staring at the back of Rob’s golf ball head.

  ‘Maybe we’ll stop on the way back.’

  That means NO. Rob won’t stop on the way there or the way back. I start to argue, but Mum turns around with that look. It is her new support-Rob tactic AND right in front of Leo. ‘No, Jack.’

  Leo smiles. I’ll wipe that smile off his face one day. This is all so unfair. ‘Bananas,’ I mutter under my breath as Rob zooms between forests of scribbly gum trees and along divided highways. I twist away from Leo. My head is thumping. The road cuts through mountains like a bread knife, or is it my head? Finally banana plantations appear, in the valleys, along the sides of hills, right to the peak. Thousands of trees with leafy green palms and fat yellow bananas hanging from them in pods. I’ll give it one last try. ‘Rob, can I …’

  ‘Sorry, Jack. Another time. I promise.’ Rob turns his head to look at me for a second.

  ‘NO BIG BANANA.’ Leo elbows me.

  I grunt at him, ‘NO BIG BULL,’ then whisper in his ear, ‘you bull-poo.’ Leo gives me a mucky look. ‘Bull-poo,’ I whisper again, before I flick Rob’s hair. ‘NO BIG GOLF HEAD either.’

  Anna laughs. Rob rubs his prickly head. Mum gives it a pat too.

  ‘NO BIG SHEEP,’ Samantha bleats. ‘Baa-baa.’

  ‘NO BIG NOISE,’ I bleat back at Samantha before I tell her to shut up. But she doesn’t shut up. She keeps baa-ing, baa-ing until Nanna pipes in.

  Nanna is holding an empty lunch bag. ‘NO BIG COOKIE.’

  Mum joins in next. ‘NO BIG FEAST.’

  Then it starts seriously. Total nuttiness takes over the car like a virus. ‘NO BIG ROCK’… ‘NO BIG KOALA’… ‘NO BIG MANGO’… ‘NO BIG …’

  As we drive past the Big Banana, I yell out, ‘NO BIG IDIOTS.’

  There is this dead silence for two seconds, before everyone is yelling, ‘NO BIG NUTS, NO BIG BRAINS, NO BIG …’

  I groan. ‘Put on the radio, Mum. Pleassssse.’

  ‘What, darling?’ Mum splutters.

  Darling? I give up. ‘Radio,’ I shout.

  ‘Oh, all right.’ It takes a while for the laughing to stop and Mum’s music to hum through the car. There are no more BIG anythings mentioned and Samantha starts begging Mum to change the station. Mum doesn’t.

  Luckily Rob turns into a roadside service centre. ‘Rest stop, kids.’ Every two hours Rob pulls over. He says that when you’re driving you don’t notice how tired you get. ‘Drivers fall asleep at the wheel.’ I reckon that Rob is an advertisement for the road safety slogan, ‘Stop, Revive, Survive’.

  It is great stretching my legs, especially since I have been stuck between two blobs. Samantha blob and Leo blob. Toilet stop. Good, at least it won’t be a bush can under a goanna attack. Imagine having two penises. Goanna-power. I might do some research on that when I get home. Interesting. I wonder how my fungus is. Has it turned into penicillin or something incredible?

  My stomach rumbles.

  ‘Hamburgers and milkshakes for everyone?’

  ‘Rob, Rob can I have a double burger with cheese and bacon?’

  ‘Me too,’ Leo copies, which is really annoying.

  Rob rubs my head, then puts one hand on Leo’s shoulder. ‘You kids must be starving.’

  ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ Leo and I race towards the counter.

  Rob smiles. ‘Good to see you boys getting along.’

  I don’t know about that. I glance at Leo, then Rob. Rob really, truly, desperately wants me to get on with Leo. I guess I have to try but it’s a BIG ask. Hey, is that funny? NO BIG ASK. I can add that to the NO BIG list.

  Nanna, Mum and Rob sit together. The kids sit at another table. I gulp down the last bite of hamburger.

  ‘Everyone finished?’

  I look at Samantha and Anna. ‘Do you want to trick Nanna?’

  ‘It’s not a mean trick, is it?’ Samantha slurps the last of her lemonade.

  ‘No, don’t be stupid. Nanna will think it’s funny.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Anna’s dimples look like question marks. She isn’t sure.

  ‘Nanna likes a joke. You know that.’

  ‘What are you planning?’ Leo leans forward to listen as I whisper the great trick. ‘But I can’t be in it,’ Leo complains.

  ‘Next time, Leo.’ It’s family stuff. ‘We’ll do it when Nanna gets into the car. Okay?’

  The ‘Stop, Revive, Survive’ pit stop is over. Rob is looking at his watch. Nanna is shuffling towards us. I elbow Samantha, then Anna. ‘Ready?’ I whisper under my breath.

  ‘Ready.’ Anna.

  ‘Ready.’ Samantha.

  From the corner of my eye, I see Leo slumping against the car.

  ‘FLASH,’ I shout. ‘NOW.’

  We all drop our shorts and dive for our toes. Our bums are in the air, our underpants are flashing, glowing. Purple.

  Nanna chuckles and clucks. She gets so excited that she flashes her own underpants back at us. Yes, they are purple too. We end up in a howling heap. We can’t believe it. Nanna is wearing her purple underpants too. She must have a secret supply of them.

  Mum turns around to see. Her face drops disappointedly. ‘I wish I was wearing mine.’

  Rob rubs his chin, trying to hide a smile.

  ‘I’ll buy you a pair of purple underpants too, Leo.’ Nanna puffs up with satisfaction at her clever bargain hunting.

  ‘That’d be really great.’ Leo mutters under his breath, ‘Not.’ He doesn’t get it. Purple underpants. It’s something big that Nanna wants to buy him a pair. Luckily Nanna doesn’t see. That is mainly because she’s talking to Rob, who is excited that Nanna wants to buy Leo purple underpants. Rob gets it. I think sawdust is coming out of Rob’s ears. Ha, ha.

  Oh, the sawdust has stopped. Rob is in the driver’s seat. ‘Get comfortable, everyone. It’s a long drive to get there.’

  Mum says that Samantha HAS to swap seats with me. Samantha kicks me. ‘Stop pressing against me, Jack.’

  ‘So now you know what it’s like.’

  She flaps Floppy’s paw in my face. I squash Floppy’s nose. What else could I do? Samantha aims Floppy’s bum at me. Suddenly Mum’s hand grabs Floppy. ‘No teasing.’ Mum only gives Floppy back to Samantha when we both promise to stop arguing. I stare out of the window now that I have the window seat AT LAST. We drive and drive. Then we drive some more. It is getting so boring. I kick Samantha. She whines back at me. Mum turns around. ‘Stop it, Jack.’ She passes out a packet of jelly snakes. Everyone takes a snake. Anna and Samantha have a stretching game. How long can they stretch a red jelly snake? They have to be careful. They measure it. It’s twenty-four centimetres. Wow. Snap. Ha, ha. Samantha eats her half of the snake. Anna throws her half to me. I eat it. Then we have a snake stretching
competition.

  Nanna has a go. Her knobbly hands make it hard to pull. She loses, but I give her a whole snake. She really wants a red snake. Bits stick between her teeth. When will we be there? When? When? Oh no, Nanna takes out her teeth to get to the jelly bits. I am going to be sick.

  Leo laughs at her. He presses back on the car seat, whispering to me behind Samantha’s back, ‘Toothless old bat.’

  Pushing Samantha aside with one hand, I take a swing at Leo. ‘Shut up.’

  Leo yells out, ‘I didn’t do anything. Stop it. Why are you hitting me?’

  He knows why. He does. I stick my finger up at him as he nurses his arm. He is putting on this over-the-top show, moaning and gulping as loudly as he can.

  Mum and Rob don’t even ask what happened. They just shout at me. ‘Why did you do that, Jack?’

  What am I supposed to say?

  ‘Are you all right, Leo?’ Mum apologises. All right? What does that mean? Mum and Rob are horrible, lecturing me on being nice to poor little Leo. Yeah, sure. Leo called Nanna a terrible name. My nanna. Mum and Rob wouldn’t believe me even if I told them. And Nanna can never know. ‘I’m really disappointed in you, Jack,’ Mum says quietly. Well, I’m disappointed in Mum.

  Rob turns to stare at me. It’s only for a few seconds, but there is this awful look in his eyes. He hates me. My head is exploding. What can I say? Nothing. Anna shakes her head at me. Everyone is against me. I turn away and press my face against the window. Leo stops whingeing eventually. Mum puts on Samantha’s CD and the car whizzes ahead.

  ‘Where are the rest of the jelly snakes?’ Samantha suddenly looks around.

  There is a search. I don’t even try to look. Everything has been so unfair. How I am supposed to like Leo? And Rob hates me. This choking feeling makes me gasp for air.

  ‘The packet must have fallen under the seat.’ Nanna smiles. ‘I’ll buy you all some more jelly snakes later.’ She is so kind. I give Leo a dirty look.

  ‘Don’t worry about the jelly snakes or anything else.’ Mum turns around and touches my hand. ‘We’re all going to have a good time together.’

  I’m not so sure.

  Hours, hours, hours. The sun blares into the car. Nanna is the first to nod off, then Anna. There is a duet going on in the back — Nanna and Anna snoring. Leo is leaning against the other window. Good, he can stay there. Samantha has collapsed into Floppy’s fur. I feel my eyelids getting heavier. It’s the sun, the glare … zzzzzzzzzzz.

  I doze and wake, doze and wake. Leo’s face sticks into my head like fungus. Oh, my fungus. It likes the sun. It should be growing a lot. Mum’s and Rob’s talk sifts in and out of my head. ‘World peace …’ Mum’s favourite topic. ‘Why do you think Jack hit Leo?’ ‘Maybe he’s jealous.’ ‘They’re just kids. It’s too early, but they’ll work it out. They just have to get used to each other.’ I am never going to get used to Leo. I just want Mum and Rob. Rob is our … I try to speak, but the sun … I wonder if the bottle is big enough for my fungus. Hope the fluids aren’t oozing out. Yawn. It likes the heat … heat … yawn … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  Someone is shaking me. ‘What? What?’ Fungus attack. It is HUGE, white, slimy, stinky. I start hitting the fungal growths. ‘Fungus,’ I moan.

  ‘Jack, stop it. I’m not fungus.’ Blonde frizz is hitting my face. ‘Jack, Jack. It’s Mum. Wake up. We’re here, darling. The Gold Coast. We’re here.’

  I’m confused. Where am I? ‘Darling? Don’t call me darling.’

  Mum is smiling at me. I look around blearily. Ah, I am still in the car. Rob’s head peers over the front seat. What a big golf-ball head. Ha, ha. Oh, I remember. He hates me. There’s Nanna. Anna is running her fingers through her dark hair. She is beautiful. No, I don’t mean that. I shake my head. ‘Wake up, Jack.’ I blink hard twice, rub my face with both hands.

  We’re here.

  Chapter 8

  Star Jumps and Sun Hats

  Mum unloads Nanna from the car. It’s a big job, since her leg has fallen asleep. I don’t want to know. I am still getting over the fungus attack. We pile out of the other car door. The sky is red. There is a cool breeze. Palm trees are waving in the wind.

  ‘Look, Jack.’ Mum points to the holiday apartment. It’s painted tropical yellow with a wide balcony AND it is right opposite the beach just like Mum promised. It looks fantastic. ‘You kids had better shake the sleep out of your heads before we unpack. Jump up and down. It’ll get your blood circulating.’ Mum takes two deep breaths, then starts doing star jumps. Everything is shaking on her. Samantha star jumps too. Then Anna starts jumping. It must be a girl disease. I am out of here.

  Rob is leaning on the back of the four-wheel drive, watching the surf. He calls out to me. ‘Over here Jack.’ I’m not so sure. He keeps waving at me to come.

  ‘All right, all right.’

  ‘Leo, over here too.’ We lean next to Rob on the car. ‘This morning is over. Okay? We’re going to have a great time. Okay?’ Rob puts his arm on Leo’s shoulder, then mine. He repeats himself. ‘Okay?’

  I nod. So does Leo.

  ‘Surf looks good, boys.’

  Rob is right. Surf. Beach. There is sand for as far as you can see — both ways. Waves are rolling in like sausage dogs. My humour is returning. Dog jokes. I must be feeling okay. ‘Sausage dogs,’ I call out to Samantha, pointing to the waves.

  ‘What?’ she calls back.

  ‘Come on. Stop mucking around. Beach.’ I chase the girls until they are squealing little piggies. ‘Oink, oink.’ I laugh as I tackle them onto the sand.

  ‘I give up,’ they both squeal together. I let them get up, then chase them back to Mum.

  Rob and Leo are still leaning against the four-wheel drive, talking. I wonder what they’re talking about.

  The apartment is the best. It has a huge window in the lounge room that overlooks the beach. All the floors are tiled in a creamy flecked tile, which means that we don’t have to worry about bringing sand inside or spilling drinks. It is a four-bedroom apartment. There is a race for rooms. The girls get the bedroom with a balcony and two single beds. In the boys’ room, there is a bunk bed and no balcony. Leo throws his gear onto the bottom bunk. ‘I’ve got this one.’ He smiles. I shrug.

  We run in and out unpacking when I suddenly just have to stop. Samantha crashes into my back. It is Rob. He is holding a thermometer. I can’t believe it. Rob smiles as he hangs it on the wall. ‘We have to know how hot it gets up here.’

  Samantha and I burst out laughing.

  ‘Not that funny.’ Rob winks at us.

  Leo nudges me. ‘What are you laughing at?’

  ‘Don’t worry. It’s just Rob. Inside joke.’

  Leo’s face creases into a frown. What is wrong with him? It’s just a private joke.

  Nanna is lucky. There’s a comfortable armchair next to the window. Nanna knows straightaway that that chair is hers. As she sits down in it, she grins. ‘I can look at you all from here.’ The chair is right opposite the TV as well. These days Nanna watches a lot of TV with the volume up HIGH. She used to play the violin in the Senior Citizens’ Bush Band, but that was before her hearing went. She misses that. She misses Grandad too.

  Mum announces that she is too tired to cook, even though there is a super-modern kitchen in the apartment. Better than the one at home Nanna is too tired to go out, as well. Rob, Leo and I are given the job of buying dinner Barbecue chicken with herb stuffing, fresh bread, coleslaw and potato salad. It is a feast. Nanna loves the potato salad. It doesn’t stick in her teeth.

  Anna phones her parents to say she has arrived safely. She wasn’t eaten by a goanna or run over by a cane toad. Mr Napoli should be happy about all that.

  Leo rings his mother too. He presses his shoulder against the wall and turns away from us. I listen for a bit. Gee, his mother seems to want to know everything about us, especially about Rob and Mum. ‘No, they don’t fight,’ he mutters. ‘She’s okay. But you’re my mum, okay?’

  F
irst day on the Gold Coast. I am up early. Breakfast. Samantha is setting the table. Anna is grilling bacon and toasting bread. Leo is plugged into his laptop computer. I watched him play it last night for a while. He said that I could have a go but he never let me. He let Anna have a turn but only for a few minutes. In the end, we just walked away. I am squeezing enough juice for everyone on Rob’s super orange squisher. We had to bring it, otherwise Rob would have had serious orange squisher withdrawal symptoms. I think that means frothing at the mouth or dribbling like a tap. Ha, ha.

  ‘Surprise,’ we all shout when Mum and Rob come out of their bedroom. ‘Breakfast made just for you,’ I add.

  ‘How lovely.’ Mum kisses Samantha. Mum doesn’t realise that we have ulterior motives. We need Mum and Rob relaxed when we hit them with our plans for the Gold Coast.

  We don’t wait for Nanna because she usually sleeps in. Rob is drinking his orange juice. ‘Where’s Leo?’ he asks.

  I start telling Mum and Rob about the BIG plans, when Rob just heads for Leo. ‘Hey, Rob,’ I call out, but he ignores me. We wait ages for him to come back. At last Leo is following Rob to the kitchen. He has obviously finished his computer game. Okay. Leo is sitting down now. Rob is sitting too. Oh, Rob is drinking the terrific orange juice we made. A good moment. I use my brains and start talking about Mum’s and Rob’s excellent choices — the great beaches, the fantastic weather, the tropical apartment. Soften them up.

  Mum laughs. ‘What do you want?’

  Mum wrecks everything. Oh well, I might as well launch into it. ‘Can we go to see the dolphins today?’ I move my hands into the shape of a diving dolphin. That should impress Rob and Mum.

  ‘And what about water slides?’ Samantha asks.

  Anna pokes me. ‘Oh yes, and a theme park, and …’

  ‘Hold on, hold on.’ Rob is spluttering his juice.

  ‘Are you okay, Rob?’ Don’t want our driver to choke. Samantha jumps up to rub his back. She is a crawler, but in this situation it’s a good thing.

  ‘I can see why you kids made such a great breakfast.’ Mum smiles. ‘Bribery?’