Super Jack

by Susanne Gervay

  ‘Where did you find them?’ Samantha says as she stuffs a snake into her mouth.

  Leo’s really shuffling now. I let him sweat.

  ‘Yes, where?’ Anna’s wings quiver.

  I look at Rob. Will I tell?

  ‘Where?’ Samantha copies Anna.

  I squint at Leo. ‘Found them under the seat when I got in the car today,’ I lie.

  Leo breathes a sign of relief. I hand him a yellow snake and stare him right in the face. ‘So why did you do it?’ I whisper under my breath.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘You do know. It was so you could have them all to yourself.’ I look at Nanna chewing through the red snake. I wonder if Leo gets it.

  ‘Are you going to tell?’ Leo looks nervously at Rob.

  ‘No, not this time.’ I look at Rob too. ‘You owe me one now.’

  ‘The show is starting.’ Samantha nudges me. Three dolphins leap into the air in unison, then dive, before they jump up again, this time on their tails. ‘Look at their white tummies.’ Samantha rubs hers.

  ‘Fatter than yours.’ I tickle under her arms. ‘Full of squid. Little squirmy squid that suck out your eyes.’

  ‘Don’t, Jack.’ Samantha hits my hands. ‘I hate it when you say that about the eyes.’

  ‘Suck, suck, suck,’ I tease.

  There go the dolphins again, zooming into the air like grey torpedoes. One is throwing a ball with his nose. Oh no, they’re playing water polo. The trainer looks like an idiot when the smallest dolphin dive-bombs him. Nanna is laughing. I take out my camera. Double exposures. Double the dolphins and double the Nannas. That will look good.

  The trainers leave, the dolphins swim to other lagoons and Nanna stays. She is tired. How can she be tired? She has done NOTHING. ‘I’ll sit here and look at people walking by.’

  Good, we’re off to other rides. ‘Bye, Nanna.’

  ‘There are polar bears that way.’ Anna points. ‘They’re so gorgeous.’

  It’s already late afternoon when Mum and Rob come to find us. We are coming out of the exploding Bermuda Triangle volcano when Mum’s voice tinkles through the smoke. ‘Found you. Are you kids hungry?’

  What a question. ‘Starving.’

  We eat hot chips with tomato sauce as we lie on the grass beside the lake. Nanna is on a bench, of course. A big blob of tomato sauce drips onto her white blouse. Photograph. ‘Don’t, Jack.’ Nanna raises her knobby hand. Sorry, photographers have to record everything, even tomato blobs. Snap. Rob is tickling Mum. Snap. Anna has tomato sauce on her chin. Snap. Nanna hides her walking stick. Snap. Samantha is lying on Rob’s chest. Snap. Leo sits next to Rob. I don’t take that picture.

  Rob rubs Samantha’s cheek. ‘Time to leave.’

  Samantha stretches and yawns. ‘Oops, we forgot to visit the aquarium to see the tropical fish.’

  Oh no, did Nanna hear that? Please, please don’t tell the fish and pee-pee story in front of Leo. Please. Phew, Nanna is too busy telling Mum about her ‘lost’ walking stick. I know where she has hidden it.

  ‘Here’s your stick, Nanna.’

  ‘Oh good, Jack.’ Nanna twinkles.

  Nanna is kidding.

  Chapter 11

  Rob has Shrunk

  I dreamt about dolphins all night and slept like a stuffed cane toad. I look at my watch. It is already after nine in the morning. I climb down the bunk ladder, say hi to Leo, then check in the girls’ room for the Samantha lump. Missing. Anna is missing too. I head for the bathroom. Oh no, war zone territory. Commander Mum is in battle dress, her hair pinned into a single twirl with bits escaping like gunfire. Samantha is her infantry troop. Anna is an onlooker. I stick my thumb up at Anna. Dirty clothes are everywhere. Mum is in action mode and Samantha is her action assistant. ‘All clothes,’ Mum orders as she zips through bags and piles of wet towels. Target, the laundry. Samantha dumps all the clothes in a pile on the floor and waits for Mum’s instructions.

  The problem is that Mum is not a great general when it comes to washing clothes. There is a bit of a brain drain with the basic moves. She doesn’t separate whites and colours or fluffy and non-fluffy towels. At home, Mum hangs out my shorts upside down and folded in the middle. That’s why when my shorts are dry and I am wearing them, there is always a crease line along my bum. Washing means that my T-shirts are dotted like the measles with white bits from the towels. Mum never measures how much soap powder to put in the machine. So sometimes our clothes come out of the wash stiff with dried soap. Other times, my clothes are clean but still marked with black lines from soccer slides.

  Rob is different. He pegs every sock and handkerchief separately. There are no extra folds when he hangs his clothes on the line. His shirts are soft and smell good. He even measures the soap powder exactly. I have never seen his towels stiff. I think it’s because he works in the spare parts warehouse and you have to be exact. Rob does his own washing. I wish he would do mine.

  ‘Nanna, Nanna,’ Samantha calls out. ‘Need your washing.’

  Nanna shakes her head. ‘I haven’t got any.’

  There is a big stain in the middle of her white blouse from when she dropped tomato sauce on it yesterday. She tried to wash it. The stain doesn’t look like tomato sauce any more. It’s more like a grubby splotch. ‘Nanna, your blouse is dirty. Can we wash it?’

  Nanna presses her lips together and shakes her head. She knows Mum is a terrible washer, but Nanna can’t do her laundry very well any more. There used to be a time when there were no sheets whiter than Nanna’s, no clothes cleaner. Everyone knew Nanna was the best washer, but lately there are always spots on her clothes. She refuses to give Samantha her tomato sauce blouse.

  ‘The clothes are in the washing machine, even Rob’s,’ Mum announces proudly. ‘First load, anyway.’ Mum smiles at Leo, who has just come out of his bedroom. He has unglued himself from his computer game. ‘I’ll put your clothes in the second wash.’ He doesn’t even answer her. Mum pretends it doesn’t hurt her feelings. She bounces onto the couch next to Rob. ‘It’ll be dry before we go out this afternoon.’

  This afternoon? What about now? We can’t really be waiting for the washing. The sun is shining. How dumb is that? ‘Can’t we go before then?’ I give Mum this doggy wide-eyed look.

  Mum usually falls for it, but not today. She is in commander mode and pursuing her target.

  ‘What did your mother say?’ I hate it when Rob acts as if he is the back-up artillery.

  ‘We’ll wait until the washing is finished, Jack. No argument.’ I can see Mum means it.

  That is really great. NOT. Since Rob, Mum is losing it. AND the washing machine sounds like a crazed tornado. The machine is definitely unbalanced, but I refuse to put a wood block under it. I hope it crashes through the bath tub. I stomp over to Nanna, who is sitting in her chair. I bend down to give her a hug as I glance out of the window. The surf is rolling. Looking good. Very good. A bright idea strikes me. Hey, I’m not hanging around here listening to the washing machine. I yell out. ‘Beach.’

  There is scuffling. The washing infantry asks Mum if she is needed any more. ‘No, no, Samantha darling, you’ve been a big help. Go for a swim.’ Samantha and Anna grab beach towels. Leo grabs one too and we all move out.

  Body surfing. I nearly get a perfect wave. Hey, Leo does too. Samantha is dumped. Ha, ha. There is sand all over her hair and I bet, up her nose. Ha, ha. Anna turns around and gives me a disappointed look. Oops, better stop laughing. I dive under a big wave. ‘Come on.’ I point out a set of smooth curls coming towards us. We turn to face shore then race into the swell, trying to catch waves that take us right in. No luck. I dive underwater and grab Samantha’s legs when she isn’t looking. Splash. Samantha is under. Anna jumps me and I drag her under too. Girls spluttering, ha, ha, until they both leap at me and I’m down and out. They are laughing now.

  ‘Drowned rat.’ Anna splashes water at me.

  ‘You look like Hector’s twin.’ Samantha splashes me too.


  We have the best water fight, until Anna escapes onto the beach. Samantha follows her. Anna flicks her towel in the air. I look at my waterproof watch. ‘We’d better get back.’

  ‘I want to stay.’ Leo dives into the surf.

  ‘Well, stay,’ I yell, then start walking back.

  ‘Stop, Jack. We’ve got to wait for him.’ Anna sits on her towel. Samantha sits next to her. Ganging up. I hate that.

  ‘Why? Leo doesn’t need us watching him.’ I slump beside them. ‘He wouldn’t wait for us.’

  ‘You don’t know that.’ Anna shakes her head. ‘It’s hard to join in without knowing anyone.’

  ‘He knows us and Rob is his dad. He ignores Mum and doesn’t even like Nanna.’

  ‘Well, maybe he just wanted to be with Rob.’ Anna flattens the sand in front of her. ‘He could be jealous.’

  ‘Jealous? Of what?’

  ‘You. Samantha and you live with Rob. Leo isn’t part of it.’

  ‘Well, he’s on holidays with us, isn’t he?’

  ‘That’s not the same as living with you all.’ Anna presses her finger against her dimple. I don’t know.

  We hang around and I keep looking at my watch. Then I start telling jokes. Good ones about sharks and surfers at the beach. ‘Hey, what do dolphins have that no other animals have?’

  ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘Baby dolphins.’

  The girls are laughing, and finally Leo splashes out of the surf. We clump into the apartment with wet towels. ‘More washing. Great surf, you should go out,’ I tell Mum, who is standing in the kitchen. Mum has weird pinkish splotches on her face. ‘Are you all right?’ Mum doesn’t answer. I look at Nanna, who is sitting in her chair hiding a creased, crinkled smile. This is suspicious. ‘What’s wrong?’

  Suddenly Rob appears in the doorway. Our mouths open in amazement. He is standing there with his skinny legs and bumpy knees. No one usually sees his bumpy knees, but we do today. His shorts are edging up his bum crack and they are tight. Really tight. His T-shirt is glued to his body and reaches just above his belly button. His shorts and T-shirt match. They are both khaki. Brown, pooey khaki.

  Nanna is the first to break. Her crinkles stretch into a cheery smile. Anna is nearly wetting herself. Samantha has to run to the bathroom. I am cracking up. Leo is too. Rob is laughing. There is only one person who isn’t. MUM.

  Samantha is out of the bathroom. She makes a grand entrance, then doubles over giggling. She flashes more evidence of disaster. Baby-sized T-shirts, green and white striped towels that are multicoloured now, pygmy underpants. Samantha’s favourite white heart nightie is green. It’s lucky that Rob’s socks have been saved. They must be made of elastic. They haven’t shrunk. They’ve just turned greeny-brown. Anna runs into the bedroom. Phew, she is back with her angel T-shirt. It didn’t go into the first load. Saved.

  Poor Mum. She forgot to turn the water temperature to COLD. Boiling hot water, dye-running green beach towels, an extra long wash, mixed colours. By the end of the wash, everything was clean. It’s just that everything was different. Small, shrunk and poo-coloured.

  Nanna keeps smiling and touching her tomato sauce blouse. She loves that blouse. Clever Nanna.

  Poor Mum has to listen to washing jokes all through lunch, then as we pile into the car, and later as we head towards the water park. There are breakouts of spontaneous hooting. ‘What are small, rolly and brown?’ Ha, ha, ha. ‘Rob’s socks.’

  We arrive. Mum finally cracks. Her cheeks are giant splotches now. Her voice is nails scraping on the blackboard. ‘NO MORE WASHING JOKES.’ Then she breaks into a sob. ‘I’m sorry.’ Poor Mum. Rob puts his arms around her. So does Samantha. There is a group hug. Yeah, yeah, but I can hear splashing, see water slides. Aren’t we over this?

  I tug Samantha’s T-shirt. ‘Mum, it’s okay. Let’s go.’ Rob and Mum hold hands. I don’t care. Let’s move. I smell water.

  Change rooms at last. I whistle when Anna comes out in a light blue sparkly bikini. New swimmers. Anna got them for Christmas and has been saving them. She looks fantastic. I whistle at Samantha too. She is wearing her yellow sparkly bikini. Sparkles must be in. Leo says he thinks they look fantastic too, but it was ME who whistled first.

  Then Nanna arrives. I try to whistle, but it’s pretty difficult when you see Nanna. She loves flowers like Mum does, but even Mum wouldn’t wear this. It is Nanna’s new swimming costume. She has a big, no, I mean a GIANT swimming costume on. That doesn’t even worry me. It is the colour, the pattern. There are massive green, blue and red flowers all over it. Two giant leaves act as the straps to hold up the whole contraption. The worst is an evil yellow snapdragon on Nanna’s stomach. When she laughs, the snapdragon sneers, snarls, then snaps. Scary stuff. Samantha is giggling behind her hand. ‘Smile, Nanna.’ She does. The snapdragon snaps and I click a photograph.

  Mum is wearing her usual blue daisy swimmers. Thank goodness they weren’t shrunk in the wash. There is a great effort made by everyone to unload Nanna into the giant wave pool. She has left her walking stick in the car, but she doesn’t need it in the pool, she says. I am sick of her stupid walking stick, anyway. I’m not going back to get it. No way. It must be one of Mum’s weak moments. ‘Nanna doesn’t need it now.’ Nanna ends up happily floating on an inflatable tyre, bobbing up and down with Mum floating next to her. The rest of us head off. There is serious fun out there.

  I see it. A high-speed, four-storey, forty-five degree plunge. Death defying. I don’t even bother asking anyone else. ‘Rob, Rob. Are you coming?’

  ‘Leo, do you want to have a go?’ Rob asks.

  As if he would. What about me? I want to go with Rob. No, Leo doesn’t want to ride. Good.

  We climb the steps, up, up, up. ‘Be careful, Jack.’ Anna’s voice peters out as we battle to the top. I stick my thumb up at the girls, who look like shrunken dolls. It is a long, long way down to the splash pool. We watch toboggans speed down the slide, with people’s mouths open and screams breaking eardrums.

  I am having second thoughts when the attendant shoves us to the start. Rob is at the front. I am clinging on to him. ‘I don’t know about …’ The attendant presses the shove button and ‘Aaahhhh …’ we’re double screaming.

  Anna clicks a terrific photo of us. The ride was unbelievable but Rob doesn’t want to have another go. That’s okay, because we have lots of other things to do.

  We race around like maniacs from one slide to another. Anna and Samantha cling to each other on a water rage turner that spirals in total darkness. I click them with their mouths wide open as they hurtle into the exit pool. ‘Scared?’ I yell at them. They splutter and splatter, emerging like drowned bunnies. Can you believe it? They are doing it again.

  ‘Come on.’ It is white water territory. We climb into a raft with water breaking over the sides, then there is the plunge, wild water and earsplitting shrieks as we go over the falls. Anna holds on to me as we spin down rapids and smash into turns. We are soaking wet and laughing, dripping out of the raft. Anna shakes her hands at me, scattering drops into my face. ‘You’re on, Anna.’ I pick her up and swirl her around until she is begging me to stop. No stopping. Twirl, tickle, twist.

  We are falling over each other in a heap when Leo twirls Anna away. ‘Safe.’ He smiles.

  Anna thanks him ‘for saving me from the Jack’.

  I’ve had it with that jerk. When Leo heads off to the toilets, I follow him. I grab his skinny arm and drag him around the back of the toilets.

  ‘What’s up?’ he asks.

  ‘I’ll tell you what’s up. I’m sick of you trying to impress Anna and making me look bad.’

  ‘Why? Do you like her?’

  ‘Yeah, I do. She’s my friend.’

  ‘Well, she’s my friend too.’

  ‘What’s your problem, Leo?’ It spurts out of me like bad milk. ‘You’re always sneering at me. You sneer at Mum too. Like, what’s she done to you? Why did you steal the jelly snakes? And y
ou’re mean to Nanna. She’s nice to you.’

  ‘Yeah, real nice. She wants me to wear purple underpants. That sounds great,’ he scoffs.

  ‘Stop it.’ I shove my face so close to his that our eyeballs are nearly touching. ‘My nanna is kind to you. Kind. My whole family and Anna are kind to you.’ A volcano is exploding inside my head.

  ‘Yeah, who is YOUR family? Does that include MY dad? Rob is MY dad.’ He shoves me. ‘He’s not YOUR dad.’

  I shove him in the chest. ‘Well, I haven’t got a dad. So you’re lucky, aren’t you?’

  ‘Sure, except I never see him.’ He kicks the ground. ‘You see him all the time. You do stuff with him. Stuff I don’t even know about.’ Leo is spitting out words. ‘Like thermometers.’

  ‘Thermometers? What are you talking about?’

  ‘You think about it if you can. I’m going to the toilet now, if that’s okay with you.’ My head is throbbing as I walk away.

  Anna and Samantha are waiting. Mum has arrived too. ‘Nanna had enough of the wave pool. She’s on a bench waiting for us to come back. She’s a bit tired.’

  ‘Here comes Leo.’ Rob waves at him.

  That’s a real thrill. Leo is here. Whoopee-doo.

  ‘Hi, Nanna.’ She waves at us but she is shaking a bit. I feel shaky too. The snapdragon on her stomach wiggles.

  ‘Are you cold?’ Mum puts Nanna’s towel around her to stop her shakes.

  ‘I’m fine, everyone. Don’t fuss.’

  ‘Maybe it’s time to go home now, kids.’

  ‘Home?’ Samantha’s face drops like a deflated balloon.

  I look up. The sun is starting to set already.

  ‘Can we stay just a bit longer, Mum? Pleasssse?’ Samantha yanks Mum’s skirt.

  Nanna sparkles a smile. ‘Let them have another ride.’

  ‘Well, if Nanna doesn’t mind.’ Mum looks at her, then us, then her. ‘Half an hour only, and that’s it.’

  Nanna takes out her last cookie from her bag. She’ll be happy with that.