A Secret Sacrifice (Amish Secrets--Book 5)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  “Is that against the rules?”

  “Yes, it’s against the rules.” Her exasperation evident in her tone.

  “Okay, fine. I’m not peeking.”

  “Promise?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

  <><><>

  For the life of him, John couldn’t figure out what on earth Rosanna was up to. He was dying to sneak a gander, but he’d promised he wouldn’t. And if he had any chance of a future with this beautiful girl who laughed at all his silly jokes, he’d better keep his promises.

  They sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity until…

  Woah! Warm, soft lips touched his and sent a thrill up his spine. He opened his eyes for a fraction of a second to make sure it was real. He wasn’t dreaming, it was very real. He gladly pulled Rosanna closer and returned her sweet kiss which ended all too soon.

  He opened his eyes. “That was the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time. Can we do that again?”

  Rosanna bit her lip. Was she self-conscious about her forward behavior?

  He didn’t wait for an audible answer. Her eyes told him all he needed to know. She wanted more.

  This time, he leaned forward and met her lips. Her warm hands wrapped around his back and neck, pulling him even closer. He was afraid that if he stopped, this lovely dream would come to an end.

  “Rosanna…” His heart quickened in his chest and he knew they really should stop. Now. He forced himself away. “Whew! I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that kind of kissing before. Girl, you know what you’re doing.”

  Her eyelids lowered and her cheeks blossomed with color. “I do?”

  He shook his head. “Oh my, do you ever!”

  The sound of clip clop from another buggy was approaching, but he couldn’t see it just yet.

  “We’d better go now, jah?”

  “Yes, we’d better.” He released the brake and signaled to the horse, and with a light flick of the reins, they were on their way. Their quite wonderful, glorious way to a promising future.

  John sighed in contentment. She kissed me!

  <><><>

  Zachariah heard the turn of buggy wheels entering the driveway and knew it had to be Rosanna returning home. He’d gone by the schoolhouse earlier to see if she’d needed a ride but she hadn’t been there. Now he knew why. John had picked her up.

  The window from his second-story room gave him a bird’s eye view. He really shouldn’t be watching his best friend like this, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. When the buggy reached the hitching post and John got out, Zach descended the stairs to greet his friend.

  Rosanna entered the kitchen through the back door and was smiling until her eyes met his. She quickly looked away and moved past him, making a beeline for her room. He groaned inwardly out of frustration. Could she not even acknowledge him? It had been months since he tried to kiss her.

  As he opened the door to step outside, he heard his mother’s voice.

  He turned back. “Yeah, Mamm?”

  “Be sure to ask John to stay for supper. It’s just about ready.”

  “Okay, Mamm,” he called back as he headed out the door for the second time.

  His friend greeted him. “Oh, good. I was hoping you’d come out and say hello. I need to talk to you about something important.”

  Zachariah frowned and nodded. “Before you do, I have a message from my mother. She said to ask you to stay for supper.”

  “Ah, man, I’d love to but I really need to get back home. I told Daed I wouldn’t be gone long and I’ve already been out too long.” He frowned. “Hey, would you come by tonight?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll save you some dessert.”

  “I’ll definitely be there.” Zach smiled.

  “I knew you’d take a bribe.”

  “Hey, bribe or no, I always have time for you.”

  John cupped his shoulder. “That’s good to know, friend.” He went to unhitch his horse. “I better git. See you in a while.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Rosanna sat on the porch swing contemplating the events of the day, which seemed to have become a nightly ritual. She couldn’t seem to get her mind off John since he’d dropped her off this afternoon. Their trip into town proved to be rather uneventful, other than their brief roadside distraction. She surprised herself today – something that didn’t happen often. She still couldn’t believe her forwardness, but with John Christner, the kiss just seemed so natural.

  He said she’d stolen his heart, but she certainly wasn’t the only thief in this equation. No, they were partners in crime. She smiled, thinking of how John might respond to her conclusions. John had everything a girl could want; he was kind, considerate, funny, and quite handsome in her eyes. How could she resist falling in love with a guy like that? Yep, it seemed like John Christner would most likely become her life mate. And, oh, how wonderful that would be! Was it possible to know that after courting only three months?

  She wondered where Zachariah had disappeared to after supper until his mother mentioned something about him visiting John. She didn’t desire to separate the two friends, but she also didn’t want either one of them to kiss and tell. Not that she’d kissed Zach. But if Zach told John that he’d kissed her, she wondered how John would react.

  “Hey.” Zach’s voice caught her off guard.

  “Hey.”

  “Do you mind if we talk a little bit?”

  “I don’t know, John might –”

  “I’ll sit over here. I promise not to come too close. Contrary to popular belief, I can control myself.” He took a seat in one of the old hickory rockers his folks had probably owned forever, by the look of them. It was amazing the antiques still held up.

  “Okay, I guess that would be fine.” She eyed the large manila envelope he held. “What’s in there?”

  He shrugged. “Just some stuff.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I just came from John’s. He’s pretty captivated by you.”

  She lifted a small smile.

  “I’m guessing the feeling is mutual?”

  She began to nod and then stopped. “Where are you going with this conversation?”

  “I just need to figure some things out, that’s all.” He lightly tapped the envelope between his hands.

  “Like?”

  “Never mind. Just, if you’re going to lead John on, then don’t drop him.”

  “What kind of a girl do you think I am? I’m not playing any games.”

  “Good. Just, don’t.”

  He got up from the rocker and looked straight at her. Was that turmoil in his eyes? He looked down at his hands. Did he want to say something more? He appeared to be holding back.

  “Goodbye, Rosanna.” He walked into the house and closed the door behind him.

  <><><>

  Zachariah tossed and turned all night long, unable to sleep more than a few minutes. He hadn’t been prepared for John’s sudden news at all. Was his friend already that serious about his newfound love? Apparently so, and the feeling was mutual.

  There was only one thing to do and it would probably be the most difficult choice he’d ever have to make. In a way, it was the easy way out. Not that it would be easy at all. Far from it. But at least he wouldn’t have to see his best friend and the girl of his dreams falling more in love with each other, day in and day out. He decided to do what a real friend should do – he needed to step out of the way. And if he was going to do that, he had to leave.

  It would be a sacrifice for sure and certain.

  <><><>

  A shrill cry pierced Rosanna’s ears and woke her from a dead sleep. She’d been having such a lovely dream, but she could no longer think about that. Something was wrong. Something must be terribly wrong.

  She and her sisters, who had also awakened, quickly dressed and flew to where the commotion had been heard. She never would have anticipated the scene before her. Eln
ora and Abram Zook sat on the living room couch in tears. Elnora clutched a letter to her chest and rocked back and forth. The Zook children – everyone but Zachariah – stood around crying as well. Had someone died? Where on earth was Zach?

  She looked to her mother, who attempted to comfort Elnora. “Was is letz?”

  Elnora looked up with tears cascading down her face. “Zachariah has left. He…he’s becoming a soldier!”

  A soldier? “What? Why?” Rosanna frowned.

  “We don’t know. He’s never said anything about joining the military,” Zach’s father said shaking his head.

  “He’d always seemed so happy here.” At least, he seemed to be until Rosanna had turned him down. Her heart sank. Had she been the reason he left?

  Something didn’t add up. Was he really joining the military or did he just say he was to prevent his family from looking for him?

  “He never spoke of leaving. He loves the ways of our people. I don’t understand this. Why would he bring this shame upon his family?” His father choked out the words. “We will pray to Der Herr to bring him back. Der Herr will bring him back.” He began sobbing.

  Rosanna didn’t know what to do. How could she comfort this family who now grieved over their son? Zachariah leaving and becoming a soldier was like turning his back on everything he’d ever been taught and embracing a life that was polar opposite to what his family held sacred. How could he take up arms against another human being, if that was, in fact, what he was doing? This was not the Amish way.

  Losing a child to the world was one of the worst things an Amish family could endure, it was akin to a death in the family. But knowing that Zachariah had joined the military was like an extra blow. Surely, at death, his remains would be buried outside of the cemetery in an unmarked grave. That’s where those who died without the Amish church were buried. Undoubtedly, he’d be condemned to Hell. It was a scourge that couldn’t be forgotten quickly enough.

  Anger rose in Rosanna’s throat. How could Zach do this to those who’d always cared for him and provided for all his needs? How could he do this to the ones who loved him the most? And what about his best friend? Surely John would be grieved over his friend’s departure. If Zachariah was here, she’d surely give him a piece of her mind. Pure selfishness, that’s what it was. Never in her life had she ever met a more egotistical person.

  A thought now occurred to her. What if she could find Zach and talk some sense into him? Where had he gone? She didn’t know much about the military, but didn’t they have a place where the soldiers stayed? How would she get that type of information? Perhaps she could find the Englisch driver that no doubt took him to wherever Zachariah had told them to. Jah, that is what she would do and she’d enlist John to help.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Rosanna didn’t know whether she should go over to John’s place to let him know what had happened or wait until the singing tomorrow night. She didn’t think she’d be able to stand waiting that long. Besides, the longer she waited, the more difficult it would be to find Zachariah. Surely, John would want to know as soon as possible. If it was Rosanna’s best friend who’d left, she’d want to know right away, no matter how difficult the news would be.

  One problem existed though. Where did John live? She’d never been to his house before, so she really had no clue. Should she ask one of Zach’s brothers? Apparently, she’d have to ask someone if she had any hope of finding the place.

  A half hour later, Rosanna’s hand was poised to knock on the door of the Christner home. She briefly deliberated whether this was a good idea or not. Would John’s family think she’d come over to share a tidbit of gossip just to see him? She tossed her silly thoughts aside. With bated breath, she knocked twice in quick succession.

  “Rosie?”

  Rosanna forced a half-smile. “Can we talk?”

  His sympathetic look revealed his concern. “Sure.” He glanced behind him. “Let’s go for walk.”

  With jacket in hand, John joined her outside. “Is everything okay?”

  “It’s Zachariah. He’s gone.” She couldn’t help the fresh tears after remembering his folks’ deep anguish.

  He pulled her close and held her tight.

  She felt a little foolish crying like this since she hadn’t even known Zach that well. Not like John, who was his best friend and had known him his entire life. “He’s become a soldier.”

  Why had John’s body stiffened? Most likely because the Amish were so against fighting, Rosanna answered her unspoken question. She stepped back and looked into his eyes. He wore an expression she couldn’t read. How in the world was he being so calm about all this?

  He sighed. “We will miss him.”

  “I had an idea. What if we went to look for him? We could talk some sense into him and bring him back.”

  John held up a hand and shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “But he’s your best friend. Don’t you even want him to come back home?”

  “It’s not that, Rosie. If Zach left, I’m sure he had his reasons. And if I know Zach, he’ll come back to us.”

  “How can you be sure?” She’d known others who’d left and said they were coming back but they never did. The world seemed to hold too much appeal for former Amish seeking something different. It was as though the devil took hold of them and wouldn’t let go.

  John sighed. “He said he would.”

  She studied him. “You…you knew?”

  “We talked about it yesterday when he came over. Don’t worry, he’s not going away forever.”

  “How long will he be gone?”

  “Two years, most likely.”

  “Two years? But he–” Rosanna frowned. She wouldn’t burden John with her fears for his best friend. How could he still think Zach would come back after being out in the world for two years? In her mind, the chances of Zach’s return were miniscule. “I don’t think he’ll return.”

  “Well, it’s Zach’s life. If he chooses to stay Englisch, that will be his choice.”

  “You’re losing your best friend.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t see it that way. Zach’s friendship goes a lot deeper than that. Amish or no, I won’t hold it against him.”

  Did he have any idea what he was saying? If Zach stayed Englisch that meant the pull would be that much stronger for John. She couldn’t bear to lose both of them.

  Rosanna couldn’t help the tears that welled in her eyes again. “You don’t plan to leave too, do you?”

  John held her at arm’s length and gazed into her eyes. “And leave the girl of my dreams? Not a chance. There’s no way on this earth I’d leave you, Rosie, so lay your fears to rest.” He brushed her cheek with his thumb.

  John pulled her close and caressed her lips with his. “Rosie, I have every intention of growing old with you. I can’t picture anybody else by my side.”

  “How can you know so soon? We haven’t even known each other very long.”

  “It’s been long enough. Rosie, every time I’m with you, something inside me confirms it. From the first time I took you home from the singing, I’ve known. We won’t get married till next year at the soonest, but in my mind I don’t see why we should wait long.” He grasped her hand. “Of course, I want you to be sure it’s what you want as well.”

  “I am fond of you, John and I do care for you. A lot. But I will definitely need time.”

  “I’d wait for you as long as I have to, but if it’s more than a decade…” he shook his head.

  Rosanna giggled. “A decade?”

  “I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst.” He smiled. “See, that’s why I know you’re the one. Nobody laughs at my silly jokes like you do. And laughter can overcome anything. You get mad at me, I just tell you a joke.”

  Rosanna laughed again.

  “See? Yep, you’re definitely the one.” He drew her near again and kissed the top of her head.

  CHAPTER EIGHT


  Noticing the time, Rosanna tapped her small bell three times to signal the beginning of recess. The quiet room instantly became alive with conversation and laughter as her students swarmed the exit. She watched the children make their escape before getting to her feet and crossing desks to the window. Her view was the left side of the schoolyard, where various games were being played. Remembering how she and Magdalena would chase each other nearly every break brought a smile to her lips. She returned to her desk and back to the essay she'd been grading. Zach's sister Julia had written it.

  She sighed. Julia's schoolwork had been lacking considerably since her brother's departure. Rosanna wished she knew how to help her.

  Raised voices met her ears and she leapt up. Pausing to glance out the window, she spotted Julia and Loretta standing side by side, facing several of the other students. She hurried outside.

  “My vatter says your brother is damned to Hell! He's left his Amish roots and ain't never gonna return!” Silas Troyer sneered.

  “He's probably out there shooting people right now! He's a murderer. And we all know murderers don’t go to Heaven.”

  “Does that mean you're gonna leave too? Are you gonna join your brother and go to Hell?”

  Rosanna was fuming by the time she realized what the ruckus was about. “Children, stop this right now!”

  The scholars turned at her sharp tone.

  “I am terribly ashamed of all of you, acting like this! Gott says to love one another, not to condemn. Why would good, Amish kinner turn on their own and disobey God? Think about that. I want every one of you to write an essay on compassion. I'll expect it tomorrow! You may all head back to class.”

  The children shuffled toward the schoolhouse.

  “Silas Troyer, Mose Mast, and Atlee Gingrich, stay here!” Rosanna waited until she had the instigators' attention. “If I ever hear any of you talking like that to Julia or Loretta or anyone else again, you can be certain there will be consequences! I will be speaking to each of your parents about this.”