“Hey Babe, how are you?” She has always called me babe, it’s funny when she’s on the phone to me, and with one of her clients. Her clients presume she’s talking to her fella.
“Hey Chick, I’m good. How’s tricks?” she laughs, like me, she too has a nickname, hers is chick.
“Tricks? Babe, I’m no prossie. Thank you very much. Are you working tonight?”
“Of course, it’s Friday. My next day off is Monday. That can’t come around quick enough. What about you Chick, are you going anywhere fancy tonight?” Being an escort, she gets to go to some really fancy hotels and restaurants.
“I don’t know yet, but I have no doubt it’ll be fancy, as it happens I’m off Monday and Tuesday, want to do something?”
“Hell yes, I do, the kids are off next week. Anyway, I was calling to see if you wanted to come shopping today? I have to get the boys new trousers and Emme her birthday present.” I’m casual even though I’m dying for her to say yes.
“Of course, I’ll come, I could do with some new clothes.” I’m actually looking forward to seeing her, it’s been at least a week since I last saw her, and we text, Snapchat and Facebook each other every day. Her and Emme, love Snapchat. Yes, my four-year-old knows how to use Snapchat.
“What’s going on? You don’t sound very happy.” She actually sounds as if she’s been crying.
“I miss Emme.” Comes her sad reply.
Hmm.
“Why are you dodging my question missy?” I ask her with a bit of humour in my voice, I’m not her mother but I’m the closest thing she has to family, so I never judge, but always try and make things light, yet serious.
I hear her sigh down the phone. “Nosey cow. Fine. I made the biggest mistake of my life.”
“What it can’t be that bad,” I say light-heartedly what’s the worst that could have happened?
“I slept with my client.” Comes her remorseful reply.
Oh shit. That is the worst thing that could have happened.
“Oh Chick, how did that happen?” My tone is gentle and compassionate, something I didn’t know I had in me. Go figure.
“How do you think? Naked and in a bed.” I laugh I can’t help it. She’s trying to make light of it, I get it, and I would too, but this is so unlike her.
“Funny. No really, we have rules, and you’re usually a stickler for them. What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know, it’s James, he’s been my client for almost six months now, I don’t know, it just felt right.” She sounds so sad, and I’m too far away to do anything about it.
“When did this happen?”
“Three Months ago, Jess. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but it turns out, he’s married.”
Oh, bloody hell.
“What a bastard. So, what are you going to do? And why didn’t you tell me beforehand?”
“Nothing, I’m going to ignore him. He’s been calling me for the last six weeks, and I’ve ignored every one of them. Penelope understands that I can’t have him as a client. She’s actually demanding it. If he ever calls she offers him one of the other girls. He hangs up. He’s determined that’s for sure. I didn’t want to admit that I was a fool, I didn’t want you thinking I was a fool either.”
Oh God, it’s worse than I even thought.
“You’re in love with him! It’s why you slept with him. Finding out he had a wife broke your heart. That is why you don’t want to be around him. I would never think that. I may think you’re crazy, but never a fool Stef.”
“Jesus Jess, when did you become psychic? I am in love with him. How the hell do you stop yourself being in love?”
I start laughing. “You know what Chick when you find out that answer, can you please let me know?”
“Oh Jess, you’re still in love with Hunter, but I thought you hated him?” I feel bad for not telling her that I’m still in love with my ex.
“You can hate someone and still love them Stef. There’s a fine line between love and hate. Some days I’ll not think of him straight away, other days, he’s my very first thought.”
I hate that, I wish it were easy to get over him. So far, I haven’t, and it’s been years since I was with him.
“Okay Babe, this talk is for Monday night. We’re getting drunk.” She’s got laughter in her voice, and I feel a bit better knowing she’s at least smiling.
“Definitely. I’ll meet you in an hour, and we’ll leave all the heavy stuff for Monday night.” The sooner the bloody better in my eyes, I need to give my best friend a hug.
“Jess, you always give me an almost impossible target, I’m not even dressed yet!” She’s always complaining about not having time to be ready.
“You’ve got an hour Chick, love you!” We both giggle.
“Love you too Babe.” And she’s gone giving me an hour to kill before we meet. Might as well go to the bank.
Chapter 6
“Today has been really great Jess, I really needed it! So will Owen be there when you get home?” Stef asks. It’s one in the afternoon and we’ve been shopping since eleven, but I managed to get everything I needed and so did Stef.
“I don’t know, he really didn’t tell me much other than he was being released today and that he was coming home. He obviously doesn’t know that Mum is a bitch and doesn’t live with us.” I’m resigned to the fact that there is going to be world war three tonight. “I’m not looking forward to it.”
“I don’t blame you. Is Emme looking forward to meeting him?” She asks as we walk towards the taxi rank.
“Yes, all the way to school all she wanted to know was when he would be coming home.” I’m scared that she’ll be rejected by him, because he will be so angry, he’ll break her heart if he does.
“Let’s just hope prison didn’t change him. I loved Owen the way he was.” Stef sounds so wistful; she used to have a crush on him. There are loads of taxis available so we walk up between two of them.
“Alright Chick, Monday night and we’ll have a few drinks and discuss what has happened. I’m going to the zoo Monday morning with the kids, Saff, if you want to come? The kids are on bloody half term and I need to do something with them, I can’t have them cooped up in the house all the time.” I’m actually excited, Emme loves animals, probably why she acts like one so much.
“Um, I’m not sure yet, but I’ll let you know! Alright Babe, I’ll talk to you later. Give Emme a kiss from me.” She hugs me and I give her a little squeeze.
“Will do, have fun tonight. Wherever you end up.” We give one last squeeze and go into our separate taxis.
I walk up the steps and see Owen sitting on the top step, waiting. He sure hasn’t changed that much in the past five years, he just looks older, I suppose he is twenty four now. “Hi Jess, it’s nice to see you.” it’s sarcastic and he’s not even in the door yet.
“Owen, I wasn't sure what time you’d be here at. I had to get shopping and trousers for the boys." My reply isn't exactly friendly, but what did he expect? To come home and everything is hunky dory? I open the door and walk into the house; I don't look to see if he’s following.
“Hmm I can see that. Why have you got a bloody Barbie in your bags?” the nosey bastard!
“It’s for Emme. Now are you going to stand there all day or are you going to close the door and help me put the shopping away?” I say and I can't help the way I'm talking to him, I’ve so much pent up anger towards him.
He doesn't say a word just closes the door and starts to empty the bags. Once done, I hide Emme’s presents in Si’s room and put the kettle on. It's only then he pipes up, “Whose Emme? And where is Mum?”
“Sit down Owen; we’ve got a lot to talk about, but first I'm gasping for a cuppa, do you want one?” I’m trying to put off having this conversation as much as I can, but it’s inevitable.
“Yeah, tea would be great. A sandwich wouldn’t go amiss either.” The cheeky beggar asks.
I go about making his sandwich and tea for the pair of us. I
sit down at the kitchen table opposite him and take a deep breath, gearing myself up for this conversation. “So Emme is my daughter.” I tell him, no messing about.
His face is so full of shock but it’s his eyes that get my attention. The disappointment in them is hard to take. “How old is she?”
I don’t lie to him, no matter how much I want to. “She’s four! She’ll be five in November.”
“What the hell Jess? Where’s Hunter?” He shouts at me.
“Don’t shout at me okay! I know you’re disappointed and I know you’re mad at me, but you have to realize that you have a niece that is dying to meet you so don’t be a bollox to her.” I won’t allow it, he can fuck right off.
“Come on Jess, do you think I’d do that? I’m not mad, disappointed, yes, but not mad!” He gets up and walks over to me. He pulls me from my chair and gives me a big hug. All the pain and anger over the past five years rush through my brain, and I break down and sob. “Hey, Jess please don’t cry.”
I can’t stop and he just holds me until this crying jig stops. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry all over you.”
“It’s fine, but what the hell got you so upset in the first place?” He looks seriously scared and I forgot that he hates people crying, he can’t handle them. He sits me back down and goes and puts the kettle back on.
“Everything. I don’t understand, I held everything together since you were gone. It was like everything just piled on top of me and it was too much. I’m sorry.” I wipe the remaining tears with my sleeve.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who should be sorry. What I did was so stupid, yet the money was something I couldn’t pass up. So where is Mum?” He’s got his back to me, making us both another cup of tea, but I manage to hear him perfectly clear.
“I don’t know. She hasn’t lived here since Emme was eight months old.” I tell him and watch his back go rigid. “She comes by a couple times a month, usually to see what money she can take.” My tone is full of disgust.
“Shit, I thought for sure she’d change when I went down. Wishful thinking huh?” He too sounds disgusted.
“What’s done is done. Mum is Mum, an alcoholic who doesn’t care about anything other than when she’ll get her next drink. She was here when I needed her most, when I was pregnant and when Emme was brought home.” I know that I’m making it out as if it doesn’t matter that she’s not here, when in fact it hurts like hell that she wants a drink more than her own kids.
“Jesus Jess, she should have been here all the damn time. What happened? Where the hell is she?” He’s so mad that I can see the tick he has in his jaw.
“She was here, she realised that she had to take care of the boys, although she was so far out of the loop when it came to our needs that she didn’t even know what to buy.” Owen doesn’t look too shocked and I guess, he’s not as he was the one that took care of us.
“So, I took over and started doing the shopping and paying the bills. I always made sure she had enough money for her alcohol. I felt awful putting money aside to keep her drunk, but I had to. It was the only way I could get the money so our family could stay alive. Most of the time she went too far and took more money than we could afford, and we’d be without electricity for a few days.” It sounds so bad, but I had to, it was the only way to make sure the kids were kept feed.
“Fucking hell. Some mother eh?”
“Yeah, but God, I was so naive when Emme was born. I honestly thought it would be easy. It was anything but. I was happy that mum was still relatively sober at this point, her and Stef helped me out.” Even though Stef was going through her own family problems, and had a lot on her mind, she was still there for the boys and me when Emme was born.
“You still talk to Stef?” I see the glint in his eyes and I pretend that I don’t see it, I don’t want to know what the hell my brother is thinking of doing with my best friend.
“Yes, although lately, she’s been quiet. Before Emme was born she looked after the boys, made sure they went to school and helped them with their homework. I was so overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and the sickness that I felt like I was letting everyone down, but Stef was there to help me pick up the pieces and make sure no one else suffered.” I love that woman so much, she’s an amazing friend and I’m so bloody lucky to have found her.
“So what have you been doing for money? Where are you working?” He asks as he brings the cup of tea to me.
I take a sip and steel myself against the anger that is about to come. I know I was wrong about how he would take the news about Emme, but he’s about to find out his sister is a pole dancer. “As I said, Mum left and I needed money.” I’m trying to make him understand that it was all that I could do. “With no GCSE’s or anything, it was the only place that would accept a sixteen-year old.”
“Jess, for the love of god. Spit it out. Where are you working?” He’s getting pissed off and he’s about to be even more so now.
“I work at The Pleasure Palace.” I say it really quickly hoping he doesn’t catch it.
But he does, his eyes narrow and he starts to get a tick in his jaw. “You’re a fucking prostitute?” He spits out at me.
I jump to my feet, how dare he? “I’m not a prossie you bastard! I’m a pole dancer, there is a huge difference.” The bloody cheek, who the hell is he calling a prostitute?
“Oh like dancing around a pole while stripping is any different. You’re still selling your body! Jesus Christ Jess, I thought you were better than this.” He is in my face shouting at me, his face is red and I’m sure if he continues he may burst a vessel in his face.
He has pushed me way too far now, “Fuck you, I had no other choice, I had three kids to look after, to make sure that they had a roof over their heads and have food in their bellies. Don’t you dare tell me that I’m selling my body, I’m not! I’m dancing and it pays the bills.” I’m in his face now, I won’t back down, and I’ve done nothing wrong.
“It pays the bills? For fuck sake Jess. There must have been something else. I can’t believe that my sister is a fucking prostitute!” He scrubs his hands down his face, as if that’s going to help the situation.
“Listen up arsehole. I’m only going to say this once. You do not get to stand there and fucking judge me. You have no leg to bloody stand on; you sold drugs to keep this family together. You were sent to prison to keep us together! Now I’m doing what it takes to make sure my daughter and my brothers stay with me. So if I have to put on a skimpy outfit, get up on a damn pole and do a dance while taking my clothes off just to keep us together, make no mistake, I’ll do it every day in a heartbeat.” I shove my finger into his chest to emphasise my point.
“Jess, listen.” His voice is full of regret.
“I’ve got to go, I have to pick up Emme from school.” I’m still bloody mad, but the remorse on his face is making me calm down a bit.
“Can I come?” He sounds hopeful and a part of me wants to punish him for the way he spoke to me, but I won’t because no matter what I’m not vindictive and my baby is dying to see him, she’d be so happy to see him.
“Yeah, just no more arguing okay?” I ask as I grab my keys and handbag off the kitchen counter.
“I promise. Jess, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that and certainly shouldn’t have called you a prostitute.” He does sound sorry, but he’s still a dick for saying it in the first place.
I decide to let it lie, what’s done is done and there isn’t anything either of us can do to change it. “It’s okay, now come on. I don’t want to be late getting her.”
“Why am I so nervous?” Owen asks as we’re standing outside her school waiting to pick her up.
“Because you care what she thinks of you.” He can be such a softie. I watch as Mrs. Ryan comes to the door, looks out at all the parents and starts to call the kids.
Emme comes running out when her name is called but stops just past the door, her face breaks out into the happiest
smile I have ever seen her have. “Oh Mummy, you are the best!” She starts to run to us and completely bypasses me. “Uncle Owen, I have waited to meet you forever!”
I can’t help but laugh at her antics, poor Owen is shell shocked, and he is just standing there as she hugs his legs. He looks to me and mouths the word ‘help,’ I just shrug my shoulders at him. Finally he leans down so they are eye level and gives her a hug, she wraps her tiny arms around his neck. “Emme, it’s finally nice to meet you.” I’ve tears in my eyes looking at my brother getting choked up meeting his niece. “How was school?” He asks still holding onto her.
“It went on for aggggeeees.” She drags the word out making Owen laugh.
“Come on let’s go home, we’ve to get your uncles yet.” I tell them, they’re both still hugging each other, people are starting to stare.
Emme, detaches herself from him and grabs his hand, “Quickly Uncle Owen, we have to get Si and Tony, before someone takes them.” I can’t help but laugh at her. Her face looks so serious and she’s pulling Owen to come with her.
“Who’s going to take them?” His voice so full of humour; I love how much they’ve taken to each other already.
“I don’t know, but that’s what Mommy says to me.” She’s still pulling at his hands, trying to drag him down the road with her.
Owen looks at me with his eyebrow raised, I hate how he does that. I can’t do that and I’ve tried my hardest, I end up looking like a complete twat, I know I do, as I tried to do it in the mirror.
“I told her that so she would stop dawdling. Now all I have to say is we need to get the boys and she tries to get there as fast as she can.” His eyes are twinkling with amusement but he doesn’t get a chance to say anything, Emme’s talking enough for the three of us.
“Uncle Owen, are you going to come to my birthday party next month?” she lets go of his hand and starts skipping beside him.
“Of course, what are you hoping to get for your birthday?” He thinks she doesn’t know what he’s doing trying to find out what to get her.
The Secrets of Life Page 5
