“Have you not heard a word that’s been said? You’re brother has been saying things to them for months. They’re probably not the only ones. That consists of bullying. Mr Hendry here knows that, he also knows that if I go to the Governor with this he may lose his job.” I’m not bullshitting either. I’m not going to stand around and let my brothers be suspended only for him to get away with bullying.
“Why would he lose his job?” Lewis asks and it’s the first thing the little shit has said since I came in.
“Well both my brothers are straight A students. They’re top of their classes and aren’t rich but are being bullied. Whereas your brother’s got rich parents and fails almost every class. They're going to wonder why nothing was done and what sort of kickbacks Mr Hendry here has been getting.” I’m so smug right now seeing the look on all three of their faces, because nothing has changed since I was at school. Mr Hendry always loved the rich kids and there was rumours going around that the rich parents would give him money to overlook their children’s indiscretions.
“So are we still suspended?” Si, the cheeky git asks.
“No, you’re all in detention.” Mr. Hendry splutters which makes his face red and blotchy. He finally makes a wise decision.
I don’t bother with them anymore, I turn around and walk to the door, “Come on boys, Damien’s waiting outside for us. Make sure you’ve got everything.” I walk out of the office thinking how great I did not to crumple for seeing Hunter again. The boys run off to their lockers to grab their bags, jackets and whatever else they need before we leave because I'm not coming back here if they’ve forgotten something.
“Same old Jess hmm? You’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen but still a conniving piece of work.” Hunter says as he stands behind me.
Just having him in that close proximity to me makes my whole body shiver. I’ve got goose pimples and all I want to do is kiss him. I don’t, because he didn’t want Emme and for that reason alone I’ll never be able to forgive him. The musky scent of his aftershave gets stronger so I know that he is getting closer to me. I turn around and face him head on. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he has the upper hand. “Conniving? I don’t know how you came up with that and to be honest I don’t give two fucks, but you have a bloody nerve to even stand there talking to me.” I’m lying about not caring, I’m just trying to show that he doesn't affect me, but he does have some cheek to stand there and call me conniving.
“Ready to go home now Jess? I’d say Damien is getting a bit antsy waiting for us.” Si says from behind me and I’m thankful for the reprieve, I don’t know how much longer I can be around him without saying something I may regret.
“Who’s Damien?” Hunter enquiries sounding pretty peeved, although it’s none of his business.
“He’s Jess’ friend.” Si tells him winding him up, because the way he said friend implied that he’s a hell of a lot more than my friend.
“Where’s Tony?” I quickly change the subject, not wanting to get into it with Hunter any more than I already have. I just want to get the hell out of here, before I break down.
“He’s getting homework, so he doesn’t miss anything.” I honestly don’t know who Tony takes after, because I would never have done that.
“Who’s Damien?” Hunter asks and I feel him moving closer to me. I don’t answer him thankfully I see Tony coming down the stairs, struggling with his school bag, and I think he’s got more than a week's worth of homework, I don’t wait for him to come to us, I walk out of the reception, away from Hunter and meet Tony at the bottom of the stairs.
Once I’m at the car, I lean through the open window as Damien looks at me questioningly and I wonder if he can tell that I’ve just been knocked for six? I feel as though I’ve just ran a marathon. I look at the time and see that I’ve forty minutes before I have to pick up Emme. “I’m sorry to have made you wait this long, but I’ve to pick up Emme in a bit and I could do with the walk.” I feel terrible that he’s been sitting here waiting for us.
“Jess, its fine. You didn’t ask me to wait. Are the boys okay?” He seems worried and I feel even worse.
“Yeah, they got into a fight. The little bastard they fought, had been saying shit for months and neither one of them told me.” I wish they had, I would have tried to do something to help.
“Hmm, they take after you then don’t they? You never told me about Layla.” He gets out of the car and pulls me into a hug. “Jess, you ever need anything, just ask.” He kisses my cheek and I lean into him, thankful for him being here and caring about not only me but my family. “Jess, there’s some guy staring at us, he looks like he wants to kill me. Who is it?” Damien doesn’t look very happy, in fact he looks as if he’s ready to kill, whoever it is.
I turn around and see that Damien’s talking about Hunter. He’s staring at us, I quickly turn back to Damien “That’s Hunter.” It’s a whisper, I want to cry, he looks so good, and he’s gotten hotter. I always thought that if I saw him again, he wouldn’t matter to me, that I’d hate him so much it would override everything else. That isn’t the case here.
“What the fuck is he doing here? Want me to kick his arse?” Damien’s eyes are wild, he really would hurt him.
“No, I’m okay. Thanks Damien.” I’m still whispering and I don’t know why.
“I may have made him think that you and Jess were more than friends. Well that and the way you’re holding her may make him mad. Serves him right. What he’s done to her, he deserves to rot in hell.” Si says getting angry.
“Look, we’re better off without him. We’re surviving and we have the greatest friends. If it wasn’t for him leaving us, I wouldn’t have met Damien or Saffron. He’s the one missing out.” I’m full of shit and I know it. I’m not better off without him; I’m half the person I was. I used to love life and be happy, I’m only happy when I’m around Emme and the boys. Other than that, I hate life, it’s dealt me blow after blow and all I want to do is tell it to take a hike.
“You say that Jess, but we both know that’s not true. The look on your face alone tells me that you still have feelings for him.” Damien sees straight through me and I wonder when I started letting my guard down so much around him. “Look Jess, it’s obvious that things between you and him are unresolved, have you thought about talking to him?”
“No, I haven’t and I’m not going to. He broke my heart and that’s something I can’t forgive. Him not wanting Emme, is something I will not forgive, for that I hate him more than anything. Look I’ve got to go, thanks for today.” I hate talking about that day and just bringing it up makes me relive it.
“Okay, I’ll see you on Thursday? I won’t be in on Wednesday as I have meetings. If you need me Jess call me, I mean it.” He leans down and kisses my cheek once more.
“I know, and thank you. Have a good night tonight with Saff, take it slow with her, you never know she may surprise you.” I lean into him and give him a hug, I really want them to work out. They both deserve to be happy and I genuinely believe that they can make each other happy, but if things go wrong, it could be a disaster.
“Don’t worry about it Jess, I have it planned out.” I smile at him, “No, I won’t tell you what the plans are. Right, I’m off, I’ll see you on Thursday.” He looks behind me once more and gets the scowl back on his face, “Dickhead is still staring.”
“It’s fine, we’re all leaving now. Don’t worry about him, he’ll go back to Devon, and I can go back to pretending he doesn’t exist.” Although that’s pretty hard seeing as Emme looks just like him with her bright green eyes and her wonky smile.
“Whatever you say Jess. I’ll see you soon. Boys, please behave for your sister. She’ll start getting grey hair and then I’ll have to find another dancer.” Damien says getting into his car laughing as he does so.
I don’t even turn around and see if Hunter’s still there, I can’t do it to myself. I have gone over four years without having him
so close to me. I’m so stupid for still loving him, when he clearly didn’t love me or Emme.
I quietly lock the front door behind me, taking my phone out to use as a light, I see that it’s two thirty-nine am, not too bad, it’s one of the earliest I’ve been home in a while. I tiptoe into the kitchen, not wanting to wake any of the kids up. I pour myself a glass of water, when I hear movement behind me. I spin around and see Simon standing there looking serious.
“Jess, I never apologised for getting into that fight. I know you’re disappointed in us, I’m sorry and I’m sorry that you had to see him again.”
“Oh Si, it’s not your fault that he was there.” he has no need to be sorry about that. “So you’re sorry you disappointed me but not sorry for actually fighting?”
“Of course. He said things about you one too many times and Anthony lost it. He charged at him, you would have been proud of him Jess. Anyway, when Lewis punched him and I saw the blood, I lost it, I jumped in.” He tells me proud of his brother, as am I, he looks down to the floor when he tells me the last part of the sentence.
“So you made it two against one?” He nods at me, “Fuck Si, you never do that, ever.” I hate that bullshit, its gang mentality and I’ve been trying my hardest to steer them away from it.
“I know, I’m really sorry Jess.” He’s pulling at my heartstrings, “I won’t do it again. Goodnight Jess.” He turns to leave.
“Si, come here you Muppet.” I open my arms to him, he doesn’t hesitate, he walks into my embrace, “Look I may be disappointed and a tad angry, but I still love you. What you did, protecting your brother and sticking up for me, it means a lot, just don’t make a habit out of it.”
“Are you going to tell Tony off?” He asks me. I look at him questioningly, “I haven’t told you off so why would I tell Tony off?”
“Because you’ve always told us to never hit first, but if we do get hit, to make sure we hit them back ten times harder, it’ll make them think twice before doing it again.” He mimics me, the little rat.
“We’ll see, now go to bed.” I kiss the top of his head and he walks out of the kitchen, leaving me with a smile on my face.
Chapter Five
“Mummy, I don’t feel very well. I don’t think I can go to school today.” Emme tells me strolling into the kitchen. It’s seven in the morning, and I’m not ready for this, I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet. I didn’t get much sleep, I can’t believe that Hunter’s back. I’ve decided that I’ve wasted enough time on thinking about him, that I need to move on… that’s a lot easier said than done.
“Oh, really? And what is wrong with you?” I ask, standing at the sink filling up the kettle.
“Mummy, I feel really sick, and I’m really hot. I think I should go back to bed.” She’s nodding her head at her own suggestion. For a four-year-old, she has learnt way too much from her uncles.
I put the kettle on, take down two cups and leave them on the counter. I turn and look at Emme; she’s trying her hardest to look sick. I have to bite my lip, so I don’t laugh at her feeble attempt. She’s almost doubled over - holding her back like she’s in pain, she’s in her fleecy pyjamas, and her bottom lip is pouting.
“Okay, come here and let me feel your head, I want to see if you have a temperature.” I see the panic rise on her face as she realises that she doesn’t have one, although she does try her best to cover it up.
“But Mummy, my head won’t tell you. I’m not hot on the outside. I’m boiling on the inside.” She is still pouting that bottom lip, and she looks so adorable, so much like her father that it hurts my heart to know that he threw us away.
“Oh baby, quickly get dressed, wake both your uncles, we’ve got to go to the hospital.” I’m evil, I know I am. I must say she is a lot more imaginative than her uncle’s.
“Why Mummy? I’m not that sick.” She now is standing with both hands on her hips; I see movement in the corner of my eye and see that both Simon and Anthony are awake and now glued to watching the Emme show.
“Mummy I don’t want to wake Si and Tony. It’s not fair, why do I have to go to the hospital?” She stamps her foot, and I hear a snicker from the doorway.
“You have to go to the hospital because you’re burning up on the inside, which is serious Emme.” Now I’m crossing my arms over my chest, showing my defiant little princess that she isn’t getting away with it.
“No Mummy, I won’t go to the hospital. I’ll just stay here and watch telly and have ice-cream, that always makes me feel better.” She has just busted herself, and the boys can’t keep their laughter under control, and Emme turns and glares at them.
“Um, no! You do, however, have a choice.” I tell her and watch as her face glows with anticipation.
“So, you can either go to the hospital or go to school. You decide. In the meantime, boys get dressed and brush your teeth.” I don’t watch as the little princess has her mini-tantrum. I have things to do today and listening to Emme have her meltdown just because she doesn’t get her own way isn’t on my list of things to do.
“Emme, you went too big. You should have said you have a sore throat.” The little rat Tony says, thinking I won’t hear because he’s whispering.
“Try it, any of you, and I swear to god, I’ll ground every single one of you!” I grind out through clenched teeth.
“It’s not like we’re allowed to go anywhere by ourselves anyway,” Tony says, and I spin around just in time to see him get a clip around the ear from Si.
“Oi, what are you doing that for?” Tony says as he rubs the side of his face and shoves his brother.
“Enough, I mean it! I have had enough of this shit. It’s too early in the morning to deal with this. Now, go and get dressed, brush your teeth and have breakfast. Any of you think about arguing and I’ll be taking your phone for a week.” Si and Tony both look as if they’re about to protest.
“Disagree, I dare you, because it doesn’t bother me making it two weeks.”
They both leave the kitchen, and this is the best time to feed Emme, while she’s quiet. I make her porridge, put raspberry jam through it and finally finish making my tea and sit down.
I watch my daughter eat when she says. “Mummy, why are you so mean this morning?” She has porridge smeared all over her face, this is why she doesn’t get dressed before breakfast. I get up and get a cloth to wipe her face.
“I’m not mean, I just don’t like it when you lot try your hardest to bunk off school. I want you to have everything I couldn’t. I want you to go on and become anything and everything you want, but to be able to do that, you need to go to school.” I sound resigned. I’ve had this conversation with all three of them before, and the thing is, Emme doesn’t fully understand whereas the boys do.
“I’m sorry Jess, I didn’t mean to upset you. We’ll teach her not to skip school.” Tony says from the kitchen door.
“I know you don’t mean anything by it, how are you feeling this morning?” I tell him, and he smiles as he walks towards the toaster.
“Has the migraine fully gone?”
“Oh, I want some toast, Tony,” Emme shouts with a mouthful of porridge.
“Sure Emme, once you say please,” Tony tells her before I do. She always forgets her manners, and we’re all trying to install them in her.
“Yeah, it has fully gone. It wasn’t as bad as normal.”
“Please Tony. Mummy can I please have toast too?” She’s so cute when she asks nicely. Hearing her call, me Mummy, makes my heart fill. Sometimes it only seems like yesterday when I found out that I was pregnant.
I nod to her, telling her silently that it’s okay to have some and I get a toothless smile. She’s missing one of her front teeth. She fell over one day at the park and her tooth fell out.
“Si, what do you want for breakfast?” Tony shouts out, and I’m reminded yet again how amazing my brothers are.
“Weetabix,” Simon shouts from the bathroom.
“Ooh, mummy can I have
Weetabix?” Emme asks, and I swear she must be a bottomless pit.
“No, you already had a full bowl of porridge and Tony is making you toast. If you eat any more, you’re going to be sick.” I watch as she starts to sulk, so I decide to take her mind off it. I take the last swig of tea, walk over to the counter and start to make her packed lunch.
“Emme, what do you want for lunch?”
“Weetabix.” She replies and Tony laughs as he cuts her toast into four.
“Nope, try again,” I say to her with a smile on my face.
“Um, cheese triangle.” She shoves a square of toast into her mouth. She’s such an animal.
I make her cheese triangle sandwich, it’s easy to make, and she loves them, just cut the sandwich into four triangles. I put in some raisins, a peeled orange and cut up pieces of apple. She loves her fruit, the same can’t be said about her veg.
I get the kids to school and decided to call my BFF, Stefanie and see if she's busy today. Stef's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. She's been there for me like no other. She was there when I found out I was pregnant, she was there at Emme's birth, and she was there when I found out Hunter didn't want me and Emme. The twat got his bloody mother to tell me because he was too much of a bastard to tell me himself. That's why it was so easy when I decided she'd be the best person to be Emme's Godmother. I wouldn't have anyone else.
Stef is an Escort, she makes loads of money, and she never sleeps with the clients. She works for Madame Penelope, and that woman looks after her girls. I’m worried about her in that job though, just as she is with me in mine, but we don’t judge each other for our professions, it’s what we got to do to survive.
It’s funny, being best friends and both having jobs that most people would call us whores for doing. To those people. I stick my middle finger up at and smile. I don’t sleep with any of them, never have and never will.
Stef answers straight away, and I feel a sense of calmness when I hear her voice.
The Secrets of Life Page 4
