Johnny Got His Gun

by Dalton Trumbo

  So Jose worked all night and the guys in the bakery thought about it and it finally became as puzzling to them as it was to Jose. They would start to think of a way out for Jose and begin to speak and then they would shake their heads and say no that wouldn’t do it and then they would go on with their work thinking very hard. This guy Jose was a very queer duck and his ideas were crazy but everybody by this time wanted to find a solution so it became a matter of deep interest to the whole night crew.

  The night ended. All the guys in the crew went home and slept and then came back to work that night wondering about Jose. Jose came back too. He was getting pale. He said he was feeling very tired. He said he had gotten only forty-five minutes sleep and that unless he thought of something pretty soon he didn’t know what he was going to do. He said surely there must be some American custom to cover his emergency. But they had told him all the American customs the night before and he had turned them down.

  So he worked the second night through and when he left in the morning and faced the first glare of sunlight outside the bakery he was a very weak looking man. All the next day he worked for the studio and the next night when he came to work he was almost tottering. He said please please think of some way I can quit this job because a man’s health will last only for so long and mine is breaking rapidly since I had no sleep at all today and a man must have sleep if he is going to handle even one job in an honest fashion.

  Then Pinky Carson happened to think of something. Jose said Pinky Carson I’ll tell you what you do. About two in the morning when the pie run comes down you just pick up six or eight pies in their boxes and walk over in front of where that little window is out of Jody’s office so he can see you and you drop those damned pies. Then Jody’ll fire you and everything will be all right. Jose thought for a little while. I do not like the use of violence he said finally but I am a desperate man and if you think violence will work I will use it. He thought a little more and then said I can pay for these pies I have violated yes? Everybody said yes if he wanted to be a fool he could pay for the pies he violated.

  So that night about two or three o’clock Jose took six pies and stationed himself in the direct line of Jody’s vision outside the window of Jody’s lean-to office. All the guys were close around looking as if they were working but really watching Jose. They were watching for the minute when Jody Simmons would look out through that window from his desk. When he looked Pinky was to give a signal and then Jose would dump the pies. It seemed that it took Jody longer to look out that window than it ever had before. But finally he did and Pinky Carson gave the signal and Jose dropped the pies.

  Jody came zipping out of his office like a bumblebee. He said what the hell is the matter with you you clumsy bastard you turned all these pies over. They’re ruined and you’ll have to pay for them. Poor Jose stood there almost melting with sadness. He turned his big eyes on Jody Simmons and he said I am so sorry Mister Simmons that I have violated pies. It was an accident I assure you and only a poor workman would have done it and I am miserable about it and I will gladly pay for them and you will accept my apologies yes?

  Jody Simmons looked real hard at Jose for a moment and then a smile broke over his face and he said why sure Jose we all make mistakes. You can pay for the pies. He said Jose you are a good conscientious workman and I don’t mind if you make a mistake once in a while. He said Jose I wish I had more men like you now forget about the whole thing and go back to work.

  Jose stood there kind of quivering all over and shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe such bad luck could happen to him. Then he turned and looked at the guys in the crew who had been watching. He looked at Pinky Carson like a dog that has been betrayed by its master. Then he turned and walked over in the first aisle and began to go to work again.

  Pinky Carson worked over toward him as soon as possible. Look here Jose he said the idea was all right only it wasn’t big enough. To quit a fine job like this you want to do something very big. The pie run is all finished for tonight but don’t give up hope Jose because we have a pie run every night and tomorrow you can get one of those big racks of pies. You can get one of those racks that has a hundred and eighty pies just think of it and you can put that rack in the same place and then you can push the rack over and it will make a hell of a mess. Oh boy oh boy what a mess and then Jody Simmons will fire you sure.

  Jose looked at Pinky Carson and said the whole thing is very dishonorable but my constitution will not stand very much more so I will do it tomorrow night when the pie run comes. Then he staggered back to his work.

  Most of the guys couldn’t sleep next day they were so anxious to see Jose dump over that rack. They all came to work early. Jody Simmons didn’t get in until around ten o’clock usually. But everybody was hoping he would be in early so they would have a longer time to look at the face of a man who was going to see one hundred and eighty pies turned over right in front of his office. But when they passed Jody’s office and looked into it Jody wasn’t there. There was nothing but a big long box that looked like a floral box lying on Jody’s desk. They all glanced at the box and then went on upstairs and changed for work and pretty soon Jose came in. The first part of the night was the longest any of them ever put in.

  About ten o’clock Jody Simmons checked in. Everybody watched because everybody was curious about that box on his desk. Jody walked into the office and stared at the box like it might be a time bomb. He was a very tough man and anything unusual about the place always aroused his suspicions. Finally he must have decided the box was safe because he began to open it very carefully. Two dozen American beauty roses fell out of it onto his desk. Jody began pawing through the roses to find a card but there wasn’t any card. When Rudy went into Jody’s office to get the night hot sheets he looked at the flowers and said well I see you got some flowers Jody. Jody just glared at the flowers and said that somebody was pulling something funny. But he didn’t care because the roses were good and he could take them to his wife. He sent Rudy out to get a can of water to put the roses in so they’d stay fresh. All that night whenever the guys looked toward the little window in Jody’s office they saw Jody’s bald little head looking as if it wore a wreath of roses.

  At two o’clock the pie run began. Pinky Carson went upstairs to the bakeshop while they were being boxed to check up on them. That night they had apple and vanilla cream and blueberry and peach. Pinky Carson hefted each kind and tested its crust and the thickness of the filling. The crew was well up on its work that night so they could catch the pie run while it was still hot. Pinky Carson decided that the blueberry pies would run the best if they were dumped. So he very carefully picked a rack of the hottest and brought them down on the freight elevator to Jose.

  Jose was trembling like a leaf. All the guys stationed near Jody Simmons’ window looked like they were working but they were really doing nothing but making motions. Very carefully Pinky worked the pie rack over to the spot in front of Jody Simmons’ window. Then he ducked to one side and began making signals to Jose. Jose came up looking like a whipped dog. He went to the pie rack and put his hand up against the back of it. It wouldn’t take much of a push to knock it over. Jose stood there just leaning against it and looking sad. Everybody was waiting for Jody Simmons to look out of the window. It seemed like hours. Finally he did and Pinky Carson gave the signal. Jose just pushed a little harder with his hand and the rack went down with a hell of a crash. One hundred and eighty hot blueberry pies spread all over the shipping room floor.

  For a minute Jody just sat in his chair and stared. He looked like he couldn’t believe a thing like this could ever happen to him. Then it looked like someone gave him an electrical shock because instead of pushing his chair back before getting up he shot straight up like a man on a stove and came running and hollering out of his office. Jose just stood there and looked at him. Jose was much taller than Jody Simmons. He looked down at Jody and his eyes were the saddest things on earth. Jody began screaming at h
im you lousy spick bastard last night I gave you another chance and tonight what do you do? You smash one hundred and eighty blueberry pies. You know what this means you sonofabitch? This means you’re through you’re fired get out. Get out and don’t ever let me see you again you lousy dirty spick get out.

  Jose stood for a minute and looked at Jody Simmons like he was forgiving him for everything he said. Then he turned and walked slowly up to the can. All the guys as quick as they could sneaked up there after him. Jose was almost talking to himself. This is the first time I have ever done anything so dishonorable said Jose. Never have I thought I would stoop to such trickery. Mister Simmons he is quite right. He is a fine gentleman who gave me a job when I was in need. I have repaid him with ingratitude. I am a wretch. There is nothing more to be said no?

  Look here Jose said Rudy maybe you know something about those flowers on Jody’s desk. Jose nodded. Yes he said but it is what you call it a secret. I have bought the flowers this afternoon and sent them to Mister Simmons. Well you damn fool said Rudy how’s he going to know you sent them if you didn’t put any name on them?

  Jose said that is not a matter for discussion. The important thing is that Mr. Simmons he receives the flowers. Flowers are beautiful. Mister Simmons is a gentleman and he will enjoy them. That he should know where they came from that is quite beside the point. I know that I have expressed my gratitude with something beautiful. I know that I have tried to repay him for the splendid things he has done for me. It is not important that Mr. Simmons he should know it. It is only important that he should receive the roses yes?

  Jose put on his coat and walked out of the bakery and nobody ever saw him again. Next day he didn’t show up for his check. Instead Jody Simmons received through the mail a money order from Jose for nineteen dollars and eighty-seven cents which with his pay-check would pay for the pies…

  It seemed that Jose was standing in front of him now weaving back and forth in a kind of fog. He was talking to Jose. He was saying how is everything with you Jose how are you doing? Talk right up Jose and tell me about how you are doing and how you ever came out with that rich girl. Talk louder Jose because I don’t seem to be hearing so well lately. Real loud Jose. And come up close because I can’t move much. Later on yes but right now you see I’m in bed. How’s that Jose how’s that?

  Jose!

  Wait a minute wait a minute Jose. Excuse me. You see I thought we were all in the bakery together again. I thought we were all there. But we’re not. I must have been asleep. I must have been dreaming. It’s so hard to tell. Just a minute Jose and I’ll wake up. There there. That’s better much better. I don’t know where you are Jose but I know where I am all right.

  I know where I am.

  vii

  He had to stop this. He had to stop things from fading away and then rushing back at him. He had to stop the smotherings and the sinkings and the risings. He had to stop the fear that made him want to yell and holler and laugh and claw himself to death with a pair of hands that were rotting in some hospital dump.

  He had to get hold of himself so he could think. This had been going on too long. His stumps were healed over now. The bandages were gone. That meant time had passed. A lot of time. Enough time so that he had to come out of it and think. He had to think of himself of Joe Bonham and what he was going to do next. He had to figure things out all over again.

  It was like a full grown man suddenly being stuffed back into his mother’s body. He was lying in stillness. He was completely helpless. Somewhere sticking in his stomach was a tube they fed him through. That was exactly like the womb except a baby in its mother’s body could look forward to the time when it would live.

  He would be in this womb forever and ever and ever. He must remember that. He must never expect or hope for anything different. This was his life from now on every day and every hour and every minute of it. He would never again be able to say hello how are you I love you. He would never again be able to hear music or the whisper of the wind through trees or the chuckle of running water. He would never again breathe in the smell of a steak frying in his mother’s kitchen or the dampness of spring in the air or the wonderful fragrance of sagebrush carried on the wind across a wide open plain. He would never again be able to see the faces of people who made you glad just to look at them of people like Kareen. He would never again be able to see sunlight or the stars or the little grasses that grow on a Colorado hillside.

  He would never walk with his legs on the ground. He would never run or jump or stretch out when he was tired. He would never be tired.

  If the place in which he lay were burning he would simply stay there and let it burn. He would burn up with it and not be able to make a move. If he should feel an insect crawling over the stump of body that remained he could not move one finger to destroy it. If it stung him he could do nothing to ease the itch except maybe to writhe a little against his covers. And this life wouldn’t last only today or tomorrow or until the end of next week. He was in his womb forever. It wasn’t any dream. It was real.

  He wondered how he could have come through it alive. You heard about somebody scratching his thumb and the next thing you knew he was dead. The mountain climber fell off the front stoop and fractured his skull and died by Thursday. Your best friend went to the hospital to have his appendix taken out and four or five days later you were standing beside his grave. A little germ like influenza carried off five maybe ten million people in a single winter. Then how could a guy lose his arms and legs and ears and eyes and nose and mouth and still be alive? How did you make any sense out of it?

  Still there were plenty of people who had lost just their legs or just their arms and were living. So maybe it was reasonable to think that a man could live all right if he lost both his legs and his arms. If one was possible probably both were possible. The doctors were getting pretty smart especially now that they had had three or four years in the army with plenty of raw material to experiment on. If they got to you quickly enough so you didn’t bleed to death they could save you from almost any kind of injury. Evidently they had got to him quickly enough.

  It was fairly reasonable when you thought of it. Plenty guys had their hearing smashed from concussion. Nothing unusual about that. Lots of guys had been blinded. You even read in the papers once in a while about somebody trying to put a bullet through his temple and ending up healthy except he was blind. So his blindness made sense too. There were plenty guys in hospitals back of the lines who were breathing through tubes and plenty without chins and plenty without noses. The whole thing made sense. Only he had combined them all. The shell had simply scooped out his whole face and the doctors had got to him soon enough to keep him from bleeding to death. Just a nice clean slice of the shell that somehow missed his jugular vein and his spine.

  Things had been pretty quiet for a while just before he got his. That meant the doctors in back of the lines had more time to play with him than during an offensive when guys were being brought in by the truckload. That must be it. They had picked him up quickly and hauled him back to a base hospital and all of them had rolled up their sleeves and rubbed their hands together and said well boys here’s a very interesting problem let’s see what we can do. After all they’d only carved up ten thousand guys back there learning how. Now they had come upon something that was a challenge and they had plenty of time so they fixed him up and tucked him back into the womb.

  But why hadn’t he bled to death? You’d think that with the stumps of two arms and two legs spouting blood a man could at least die. There were some mighty big veins in your legs and arms. He’d seen guys bleed to death from losing just an arm. It didn’t seem reasonable the doctors could work fast enough to stop all four flows at once before a man died. Then he thought maybe I was only wounded in them just wounded a little and they were cut off later maybe to save trouble or maybe because they were infected. He remembered stories of gangrene and of soldiers found with their wounds filled with maggots. That was a ver
y good sign. If you had a bullet in your stomach and, a hole was squirming alive with maggots then you were all right because the maggots ate away the pus and kept the wound clean. But if you had the same hole and no maggots you simply festered for a while and then you had gangrene.

  Perhaps he had had no maggots. Maybe if he had been able to scare up just a handful of little white worms he might right now have legs and arms. Just a handful of little white worms. Perhaps when he had been picked up he still had his legs and arms with only a few wounds in them. But by the time they got the important things like his eyes and nose and ears and mouth fixed up the gangrene had started in his legs and arms. Then they started hacking. A toe here a wrist joint there oh hell let’s take it off at the hip. That was probably the way. When doctors are only chopping things off they have ways of stopping the blood so that a man doesn’t necessarily die from loss of it. Maybe if the doctors had known how he would end up they would have let him die. But it happened gradually joint by joint and so here he was alive and they couldn’t kill him now because that would be murder.

  Oh hell there were a lot of funny things happened in this man’s war. Anything could be true. You heard about them all the time. One guy had the whole top of his stomach shot away so they took skin and meat from a dead man and they made a flap over the first guy’s stomach. They could lift the flap like a window and watch him digest his food. There were whole rooms filled with men who breathed through tubes and other wards where men ate through tubes and would eat through them the rest of their lives. Tubes were important. Lots of guys would piss through tubes as long as they lived and there were plenty who had had their rear ends shot off. Now their bowels were connected up with holes in their sides or stomachs. The holes were covered with absorbent bandages because they had no muscles there to control themselves.