The Ocean Between Us (A Southern Heroes Novel Book 1)

by Michelle Heard

  I change the settings for her, before closing the laptop and placing it behind me.

  I turn toward her, waiting for her to look at me.

  Her eyes finally meet mine and I hate that the happy sparkle is gone from them.

  “Thank you for helping with the setting. You saved me hours of studying. Now I can get going with the paper.” She smiles, but it only hovers around her lips.

  “My pleasure. I’m going to run out in a minute. Can I bring you somethin’ to eat?” I ask.

  “I’m good, but thank you for asking,” she declines again.

  “What have you been eatin’?” I ask as I get up.

  “I…” her words trail away, and she draws her bottom lip between her teeth.

  My blood runs cold as I watch her fidget. She was going to lie to me but for some reason stopped.

  I really look at her, the circles under her eyes, the fidgeting, and then my gut tells me to check her nightstand.

  I walk to it, and as I reach for the drawer, Emma darts forward. “No, Aiden!” Her voice is drenched with panic as I pull the drawer open. I grab the open bottle of Toplet and check how many are left.

  Fuck, she’s been taking them.

  “If you tell me you’ve been flushin’ them I’ll believe you,” I say.

  But her mother’s not here. There’s no need for her to flush them. She should’ve thrown them all out. “Tell me, Emma.”

  She doesn’t say anything.

  I grab all four bottles and walking to the bathroom, I open the sealed bottles. I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand around and let Emma waste away because of some lunatic on the other side of the fucking planet. Anger rolls over me in waves as I empty the first one into the toilet.

  Emma grabs at my arm. “No!” She tries to get past me, but being twice her size makes it easy to just step in front of her. She slams into my back as the rest go into the toilet, and I flush.

  “No,” she whimpers. I hear her breath catch in her throat as she pushes away from me.

  I follow her back to her room, and watch as she starts to pace, the length of the room like a caged animal.

  “Why are you takin’ them again?”

  I have to remind myself to stay calm. It doesn’t help to get all heated up when one of us is already emotional.

  “Because!”

  I walk toward her and taking hold of her shoulders, I make her stop.

  “Why are you takin’ them?” I ask again, my patience slipping. Usually, I’m a very patient man, but with matters concerning Emma, it’s very hard.

  “Because,” she whimpers. She doesn’t make eye contact. Instead, she ducks her head low, staring at her feet. “They help. They help me sleep. I don’t dream then. I don’t have to eat. I don’t have to think. They just help. They keep her away.”

  She looks so fucking hopeless and tired. I can’t be mad even if I wanted to. She steps back from under my hands.

  “I’d like to start on my paper now,” she says, crossing her arms around her middle.

  I nod and leave. We both need the space right now.

  I need to go see Zac.

  I can’t fucking deal with this shit on my own.

  Relief floods me when Zac opens the door, and I look into his blue eyes. Laurie always said they made her think of heaven. Well, I need some advice, so he better call on some divine intervention for this one.

  “You look like shit,” Zac says as he opens the door wider for me to go inside.

  “Thanks,” I growl. “I missed you, too.” I walk to the living room and sink down on a couch.

  “You gonna tell me why you look like shit?” he asks as he takes a seat on the couch opposite me.

  “She’s turned my damn world upside down. I don’t know my head from my ass,” I admit.

  I tell him everything, from start to finish, and then I want to slap him upside the head because he’s staring at me with a huge grin.

  “Oh, you’ve got it bad,” he says. My brother-in-law, who is always packed full of wisdom, now has nothing but a crappy comment for me.

  Feeling irritated, I get up and stalk to the window.

  “Seriously, Zac. I need some advice right now,” I say. I don’t like feeling like this. I need to be in control, and with Emma, I have no control.

  “Go back to the apartment, talk things out, and afterward you can have hot make-up sex,” he says.

  I swing around. “Have you lost your bloody mind?” And then I laugh because I’m starting to sound like her.

  “Bloody?” he laughs.

  “I know, I know.” I look at Zac and shake my head. “This conversation helped nothin’.”

  It’s the weirdest one we’ve ever had.

  “Cause you should be talkin’ to her, not me,” he says, grinning wider, finally giving me advice. “Just go tell her how you feel. You win some, you lose some. But runnin’ away won’t solve shit.”

  He’s right. He’s always right.

  CHAPTER 16

  EMMA

  Fear brings your mind to the edge of insanity, where everything is so frighteningly crystal clear you can take in every little thing that’s happening around you. Your body runs purely on adrenaline, not a drop of blood pumping through your veins.

  But, eventually, your body runs out of adrenaline, and then it starts to feed off your emotions, and the only one strong enough to keep you going is hate. Hate is powerful.

  Sigmund Freud defined hate as an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of its unhappiness.

  I stare at my laptop and the piece I’ve started to write on my paper. For this assignment, we had to choose an emotion, and write about it. I know all about hating someone, so I decided to write about it.

  The past week has been so hard. I can’t look at myself. It feels like I’m being sucked into a black hole which was created by my mother. But now I’m allowing it to grow and swallow me whole.

  The missed calls and text messages from my mother haven’t stopped. The threats haven’t stopped.

  I’m scared. I need to find a way to stay here. I need to get my visa extended, and the only way I can do that is by doing well at school.

  I also need to get money somehow. I’m on my last hundred dollars. That’s why I started taking the damn pills. They suppress my appetite.

  I’ve been looking for a job, but once they hear that I’m here on a student visa, they all say no.

  I’ve even been avoiding Chloe. I don’t want her to worry about these things, but it’s been too long. I bring up my email screen. I have to talk to her. It’s not right hiding from her as well.

  Chloe,

  I’m sorry for my disappearing act. I’m a horrible friend. It’s just hard at the moment. I had so many assignments to do.

  I messed things up with Aiden. We started to have sex, but then things went wrong. I’m not a virgin anymore. It’s what I wanted, right? I’m so upset with myself. I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me.

  I wish you were here.

  Hugs,

  Sunshine ;)

  My phone rings a minute later. “Why are you only telling me this now?”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just been a really long week. My mom froze the trust account payments, as well. I need to find a job, but every place I try to apply to, tells me I need a work permit. Do you think they’d give me a visa so I can work, while I have one to study here?

  “She didn’t,” she says, sounding upset on my behalf.

  “She did.”

  “She can’t,” she insists, “you’re over twenty-one.”

  “She can. She’s in charge of it until I turn twenty-five.”

  “What? That bitch.”

  “So yeah, she went ahead and cut me off,” I say.

  Yeah, my finances are a disaster. Winter is coming, and I didn’t pack everything, because I thought I’d be going home for Christmas, which I’m not, so it’s going to be a freezing winter wearing t-shirts and a jacket.

  “I’ll figure s
omething out,” she says.

  “No, you won’t! You’ve done more than enough. I’ll come home if I have no other choice,” I argue, not wanting to be a burden to anyone else.

  I can’t allow Chloe to do a single thing more. She’s done so much already.

  “You can’t do that, Sunshine. You’ve not even been gone three weeks. Don’t let her win so easily.” She doesn’t have to remind me, it’s been on my mind quite a bit.

  “And now Aiden really hates me because he thinks I’m a drug addict, which I’m not. Oh, wait, I didn’t tell you that part.” I’m starting to talk in circles, “He caught me with the bloody pills, and I’m only taking them because they keep the nightmares away,” I cringe, because I know admitting the next part is going to upset Chloe, “and so it will help with my appetite, but they’re all gone. Now I’ll have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms all over again.”

  “Have you finished?” she asks, her voice tight with anger.

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  “Why did you start taking them again? You’re letting her control you from across the bloody ocean,” she snaps at me. “You’d better be eating, or so help me God, I’ll come and feed you myself!”

  “Don’t you get upset as well,” I say, sitting down on the bed.

  “I’m upset with that bitch, Sunshine, not you. Please eat properly. Deal with the dreams. Phone me when you have them, I’m awake anyway.”

  “I will,” I say, then add, “I don’t know how to fix things with Aiden.”

  “Talk to him. He’s not your mother. Just have a conversation with the man. I’m sure things will be better then.”

  I frown when I hear the sad tone in Chloe’s voice. She’s always cheerful.

  “What’s wrong? How are things at home?”

  “What home?” she snorts. “You have enough to deal with, I’m not going to bog you down with my nonsense, too.”

  “Chloe, come on, talk to me,” I say softly, and it’s like I’ve opened a tap. I hear her breath shuddering on the other side, and my heart clenches. Chloe is my rock, and listening to her fall apart breaks my heart.

  “You know I told you I have the best parents, right?” She sounds lost, and I wish I were there to hold her.

  “Yeah?”

  “I love them both so much, but they’re destroying each other, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. My dad shacked up with two other women. Two!” Hearing how much pain she’s in, makes me think maybe it would be better if I go home. Things aren’t working out this side, and Chloe needs me.

  “My mom’s just given up.”

  “Aww, Chloe, maybe they’ll still sort it out.” I should’ve kept quiet because it only makes Chloe cry harder.

  “It’s been going on forever. And when I say my Mom’s given up, I mean she’s sick. She doesn’t want to live anymore. She’s dying of heartache right in front of me, and my dad’s too busy with his new flings to notice. The doctors can’t find anything wrong with her. I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist, hoping they’ll be able to help.”

  I sit stunned, for a second or so. “And you let me bugger off to America?” I shriek. “You needed me, and you let me fly halfway around the damn world? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? I could’ve at least tried to help you in some way.”

  “You can’t change anything, and getting you away from your mother made me feel better.”

  “Just say the word, and I’m on the first flight back.”

  “I will. Right now, I want you to enjoy your freedom.” How can I enjoy anything when my only friend is hurting?

  “Chloe, you know you mean a lot to me, right?” I say.

  “I love you too, Sunshine. I have to go. Thanks for listening to me.”

  “Always. You’re my best friend. Call me if you need to talk.”

  “I will.”

  Cutting the call, I scroll through my contacts until I reach Gran’s number.

  I’ve been hiding from my problems for long enough. I’ve always been close to my gran, and not talking to her for two weeks has been unforgivable on my part.

  “Emma! Emma, is that you?” she answers the phone.

  “Hi, Gran. It’s me. I’m so sorry I left without telling you.”

  She sounds breathless when she says, “Thank God. I was so worried. Where are you? Your mother is so angry.”

  “I’m in America, Gran. I needed some time for myself.”

  “You don’t need to explain that to me, dear. Remember, I raised your mother. I know what she’s like. Takes after her father.”

  “I just couldn’t stay there any longer. I should’ve told you though. How are you?”

  “The old ticker keeps ticking,” she says. “Margie just came over, dear. She’s doing the rounds to make sure we’re all alive in the retirement village.”

  Smiling, I say, “I’ll let you go. Have a good day, Gran.”

  “I love you, my child.”

  I press the phone to my chest and curl up on the bed.

  It’s time for me to get my act together. As soon as Aiden is home, I’ll apologize and try to make things right.

  CHAPTER 17

  EMMA

  I must have dozed off because I wake up with a start. It’s dark in the room, except for the moonlight shining through my window.

  It’s already getting colder in the evenings, and as I sit up, I shiver. I rub my arms to get some warmth into them as the fuzziness of sleep lifts.

  Deciding to take a shower so I can warm up, I grab my pajamas and walk to the bathroom. Closing the door, I place the clothes on the counter, then turn to open the taps.

  Just as I’ve gotten undressed, there’s a knock at the bathroom door. I wrap the towel around me then open the door a little and look up at Aiden.

  “Can we talk?” he asks, looking tense as he stands with his hands in his pockets.

  “Of course. I’m just going to shower quickly,” I reply.

  “Go ahead, but I’m gonna talk,” he says, as he comes in and lifts himself to sit on the counter beside my clothes.

  “Oh, okay,” I say, hoping desperately that I’m coming across more confident than I feel. Aiden meets my stare, and it’s obvious he’s being serious about having this talk while I shower.

  “This is un-bloody-believable,” I mutter. This night is not getting any better. So much for me wanting to apologize.

  “Emma,” he says. “When we met in the bar and-”

  I let the towel drop to the floor. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked. When he doesn’t say anything else, I glance at him over my shoulder. His eyes are glued to my back.

  Shit! I forgot about the scars. Some of my bravery flees the bathroom. I lift my chin in a last attempt to salvage the little pride I have left – naked, in front of him. It’s not working. How do I manage to get myself into these situations?

  “Talk, Aiden,” I say, but my voice doesn’t come out as strong as I would’ve liked. “You’ve seen naked women before. This should be nothing new to you, besides you’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want me in a sexual way.”

  Aiden’s head snaps back as if I’ve hit him. He jumps off the counter, and in one swift movement, he’s right in front of me.

  “Is that what you think?” His voice drops low. “You think I didn’t want you?”

  He looks up at the ceiling as if he’s saying a silent prayer, and I’m starting to think maybe I should say one, too.

  “Emma,” he groans as he grabs hold of my hips, yanking me against him so I can feel how hard he is. “That is how hot you are. This is how much I want you. This is…” He breathes hard, and I can only stare at him in wonder, my stomach in knots. “And then you look at me like that, and I just want to fall into you until there’s nothing left of me.”

  “You do?” I breathe, completely stunned.

  “I do,” he whispers, a slight smile tugging at his lips. I want him to kiss me so we can put all this behind us, but there’s still a lot we have to talk about.<
br />
  “I’m glad you don’t hate me,” I say, “but you had no right flushing the pills earlier.” Even though I’m upset, I don’t want to make a scene about it, but I have to let him know about the consequences I’ll be facing for the next few days.

  He lets go of my hips, and I reach into the shower to turn the water off, before wrapping a towel around my body again.

  “I’m sorry, Em. I lost control,” he explains.

  Before he can continue, I cut in. “I’m sorry I lied to you, and that I didn’t tell you up front that I was taking the pills. That was wrong of me, but for me to not have withdrawal symptoms, I would’ve had to decrease the dosage weekly, until I could finally stop. You just tossed them. Tomorrow the withdrawals will start, and I’m not done with my assignment yet.”

  “How bad are the withdrawals?” he asks, looking worried.

  “They can be pretty bad. I was taking the maximum dosage, Aiden. I tried to stop once, and I was so sick my mother immediately caught me out. I’ll be dizzy, nauseous… ugh, I hate being nauseous,” I groan when I think what’s waiting for me. “Honestly, we’ll have to wait and see what happens. The withdrawals are different for every person.”

  “Fuck, I’m sorry, Em. I should’ve reacted better. “Wouldn’t it be safer if I took you to the hospital?”

  My eyes widen at his words. “No. There’s no way I’m going to the hospital. I’m still on my parent's medical aid, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t cover international hospitals. I’ll deal with it. I’ll just have to stay up tonight and get the assignment done.”

  “I’ll order in. I’ll help you get it done.”

  We stare at each other for a while, then I whisper, “I’m so sorry for the past weeks hell. I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand.”

  “I’m sorry too, Em. Next time we don’t agree on something, let’s talk it out instead of being miserable for a week.”

  “Okay,” I say, feeling hopeful that we can get past this.