Voyeur

by Candace Wondrak

  My shoulders slumped. Great.

  Jamie, the Dollhouse’s bartender, must’ve hung back and listened to what Autumn had told me, for she stood near the door to the rest of the club, giving me a concerned look. “She’s right, you know,” she said. “I’d be very careful when dealing with the both of them, hun, because they’re not the kind of men who treat their girls with flowers and chocolate. They might give you diamonds, but they’ll give you those pretty stones stained with blood.”

  I blinked, watching as Jamie left the backroom, leaving me all alone with my thoughts. I wanted to either scream or bang my head against the wall, ask why the fuck everyone was so dramatic when it came to Roman and Carter. I mean, sure, they were sex on two legs—literally—and rich as a fucking corporation that used child labor in a foreign country to make its profits, but that didn’t mean they were as good as God himself.

  My eyes darted to the schedule again, and I felt myself growing irate. He’d forced Autumn to cut my hours, keep me on Tuesdays and Thursdays only? The bastard wasn’t even a set figure in my life and yet, somehow he saw fit to control me.

  What the hell? I could not stress that enough.

  Since tonight was Tuesday, I worked. As the night wore on, I half expected Roman and Carter to roll in like they always seemed to do when I was working, but neither of them showed up. That was fine, though, because I was fuming, so mad I could hardly think straight, let alone see straight.

  It was a damned good thing the Tuesday night clientele were different than the weekend ones, because I was out of it. So out of it that Jamie pulled me to the side and had me help her at the bar rather than let me wander around the floor, even though I wasn’t twenty-one yet, so I shouldn’t be touching or serving anyone’s alcohol.

  A stupid rule.

  Everything was fucking stupid, actually. The under twenty-one law, the way Roman thought he could control me. From what it sounded like, he never did anything like this for any of the other girls, so what the hell made me so special? I didn’t want to be. He might be the finest-looking man I’d ever met with a stare that could kill, but that didn’t mean he could take control of my life like this.

  I mean, what the ever-loving fuck?

  Crystal wasn’t working tonight, otherwise I would’ve pulled her aside and had a little chat with her. If I would’ve known how Roman would react after doing what I did with Carter, I wouldn’t have done it. Yeah, it felt ridiculously good to let go while knowing Roman was watching, but this was my life, and no man was going to fuck with my life unless I let him.

  Roman might make my thighs clench and my pussy drip, but he didn’t mean anything to me. I only met the guy twice.

  My thoughts ran wild as I worked with Jamie, and by the time I was off for the night—er, the next morning—my blood pressure was so high I probably should’ve been admitted to a hospital. I walked home, frowning to myself all the while. The sun was an hour or two before its rise, but that didn’t matter. When I got back to the apartment building, I planned on waking Crystal’s ass up and having a long chat with her.

  Call me crazy, but I didn’t think she adequately warned me about Roman.

  The building was quiet when I reached it, its parking lot empty of all people. Not a single person other than me was up, it looked like. Though it might be calming any other night-slash-early morning, right now it wasn’t, because all I could think about was what the hell I got myself into when it came to Roman and Carter.

  Seriously. It wasn’t like I signed up for anything. Just a little dick. That did not mean Carter’s dick was the only dick I wanted for the rest of my life. I wanted to tell those two to get over themselves.

  Once I reached Crystal’s door, I knocked. I knocked so hard on her door it was more like pounding than knocking. Since this entire place was full of studio apartments, there was no laying down in bed and ignoring it; you were forced to hear it. If she was in there, she’d be wide awake, now.

  I heard her swearing inside her apartment—and then I was pretty sure I heard her trip on something and then swear some more. By the time she reached the door and opened it, another minute had passed.

  Crystal’s bedhead was… well, let’s just say she wasn’t gorgeous all the time. Without her makeup, really, she looked rather plain. The curse of wearing so much makeup every day. I’d much prefer to wear minimal makeup normally, then when I want to stun, do a bit more.

  “What the hell, Zoey?” Crystal said, rubbing her eyes. She held open the door with her foot, inviting me in without another word. “It’s too early for this.”

  I walked in, finding her place was set up much like mine, only she had an actual bed on an actual frame, along with a dresser where her TV sat. Crystal even had a tiny table near her kitchenette and two chairs for it. Her place looked quaint, cute almost, while mine just looked barren and empty, like a vagabond had taken up residence there.

  Sitting at her tiny table, I said, “I didn’t mean to wake you.” A lie, but whatever.

  Crystal slouched into the chair opposite me, shooting me a tired look. “Right. You were just knocking loud enough to raise the damn dead for no reason.” She ran her hands through her hair, fixing her bedhead somewhat. “What’s going on? Did something happen?” Finally, she sounded less miffed and more concerned. Like, duh, I wouldn’t come bothering her for no reason this early.

  “You could say that,” I started. “Autumn put up next week’s schedule.”

  She nodded.

  “I was supposed to get more hours, but I didn’t.”

  Her blonde brows came together, and she asked, “Why not? Autumn always starts the new girls out slow, but you’ve caught on—”

  “Roman’s in charge of the Dollhouse now,” I told her, watching as her reaction changed. Pure, undiluted shock covered her features, meaning she didn’t know. “He told Autumn he didn’t want me working on the weekends.”

  The Dollhouse on the weekend was like Disney World for adults. During the week? It was like a gas station in the middle of nowhere, full of weirdos who had nothing better to do during their weeknights than to come ogle some scantily-clad women.

  Crystal’s mouth fell open. “What? Why?”

  I shrugged. “I was hoping you could tell me why.”

  “Girl, I have no idea,” she said. “He never demanded anyone’s schedule be changed before.” She shook her head slightly. “Wait, what do you mean he’s in charge of the Dollhouse now?”

  “He’s buying it. I think it’s pretty much a done deal now, since Autumn did what he told her to.” Autumn never seemed like a pushover to me, but I guess there was a first time for everything. Even a stuck-up bitch could be fearful for her life in the face of a feral animal.

  That’s all Roman was. A feral animal with style.

  She shut her eyes, shaking her head again. “I don’t understand why. I mean, nothing has changed, except…” Crystal’s blue eyes opened, and those azure orbs landed on me, studying me in a new light. “Except you.”

  “I can’t be the first new girl to start working there.”

  “No, but he was interested in you from day one. He wanted to see you again, pulled me aside and demanded to know when you’d be working next,” Crystal explained, coming to the only conclusion she could: “He’s doing it for you, Zoey. It’s all for you.”

  I was a fan of grand, romantic gestures as much as the next girl, but buying my new place of employment, demanding I only work during the week, and acting like he owned my time like that after two whole encounters with the guy? I was sure his dick was nice, but no dick was that nice.

  “Come on,” I said. “Surely he’s done something crazy like this for you?”

  “All he’s ever done is take me into the back and give me a nice tip afterward.” Crystal bit her bottom lip, scrutinizing me in a way I didn’t like, as if she wondered what the hell I had that she didn’t. Or maybe that was all in my head, since it was pounded into my brain that everything between two pretty girls always had
to be some sort of competition.

  Maybe that wasn’t what this was about. Maybe what happened with Willow and Bryan skewed my opinion of other women. Maybe Crystal was just worried about me, and she didn’t want to see me fall into Roman’s greedy, rough hands.

  “I’ve never heard about him changing everything up,” she went on, puckering her lips as she tilted her head. “You really should be careful. It might seem like it’s all sex, but… Roman is not like any other man I’ve met, and Carter? If Roman told him to kill you, I’m sure he’d do it with no hesitation.”

  A laugh escaped me before I could stop it. That laughter died when I remembered what Roman had told me, after I’d asked him what he did. He pretty much flat-out told me he killed people for a living, so that was more plausible than anything else.

  Shit. This really was a mess of epic proportions, wasn’t it? I was only supposed to scrape by, not get myself tangled in a complicated web like this.

  As I stared at Crystal, an idea began to form in my head. I might be caught in Roman’s web, but I wasn’t trapped. I could still make my own plays, show him that he didn’t own me like he thought he did.

  I might only piss him off, but that was a chance I was willing to take. Knowing how dangerous he was, knowing Carter would do anything he said… it was wrong, but the knowledge made me feel more alive.

  “You want to help me out?” I asked, for the first time in a few hours, feeling oddly calm about all of it now. I couldn’t say why, but hearing Crystal confirm that Roman had never done anything like this before for any other girl made me feel an odd type of content. Like, deep down, whatever was going to happen was inevitable. Might as well enjoy the ride.

  Her shoulders rose and fell with a sigh. “Should I start some coffee?”

  I gave her a nod. “I think that might be best.”

  Crystal got up, headed to her small kitchenette, and turned on her coffee pot. What I had in mind was something a little devious and a whole lot of sexy, and I knew it would enrage the fuck out of Roman if he saw it.

  That’s what I wanted, though. He didn’t want me working weekends? Fine, but I was going to dance.

  The lights were dimmed for me, but even then, I still thought they were too bright. I didn’t know if Roman and Carter would show up tonight, but I figured I’d squeeze in a dance every night until they came. I wore my pink shoes; they weren’t sexy, but they matched my hair and I liked them. They were comfortable. A black, all-cotton square of fabric sat on my hips, covering most of my ass and the private bits in the front. A matching top hugged my chest, my flat stomach and tattoos on display for all to see.

  Of course, no one was in yet. The doors hadn’t opened for the patrons tonight yet. Crystal was working, and she told me to go up on stage and get a feel for it. Practicing with her in her apartment—and in conjunction alone in mine—was not the same as actually being on the stage, swinging around that pole yourself.

  It was something that took work, and a hell of a lot more practice than two days. Because of that, I didn’t plan on focusing on the pole too much. No way would I ever be able to hoist myself up and twirl around it like some of these girls could; that took practice and a lot more muscle than I had.

  The truth was most of these women could probably beat me up with one hand.

  I held onto the pole, spinning around it once, slowly. That—along with using the pole as a backdrop to my dancing—would be my extent of using it. It wouldn’t be the sexiest dance anyone here had ever seen, but everyone had to start out somewhere.

  Crystal stood at the base of the stage down in front, watching me. I kept my question to myself while learning moves from her; somehow, asking her if she was jealous of Roman’s attention didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t want to alienate her, because she was the reason I got this job, after all. At least, not unless I was certain she was envious of me.

  As I moved my hips a bit, basically a toned-down practice of what my real dance would be, I saw Autumn walk up, staring at me with eyes of fury. She folded her arms across her chest as she stood beside Crystal, not even glancing at the busty blonde, her attention all on me. “Get down,” she said.

  “She wants to dance,” Crystal spoke, glancing at her. “I taught her a bit.”

  “I don’t care what she wants to do. I don’t let any new girls dance—”

  I slowed to a stop, clutching the pole as I listened to Crystal and Autumn go at it.

  Crystal shook her head. “That’s not what this is about, is it? It’s about him. Just admit it, it’s okay. Roman doesn’t want her up there, and anything he wants he gets out of you like a bitch in heat.”

  The girls prepping the tables froze, their eyes widening. No one, it seemed, could believe Crystal went there.

  Autumn forced a smile. “As soon as the banks process it, Roman will own the Dollhouse. He’ll own you, and he’ll own me.” She glanced around the dark club, making sure to give every girl a glare, landing on me last and saving the worst one for me. “Right now, his attention is on you, Zoey, so you will do nothing that makes him upset.”

  “I’m dancing,” I stated, letting go of the pole and setting the same hand on my hip, cocking it out with as much attitude as I could muster. “You’re going to let me dance, or I’m going to quit. Do you think Roman would like hearing how you forced me to walk out?”

  I was actually pulling this from my ass, not knowing what she’d say or even if Roman would be angry I walked out and quit. Go big or go home, you know? All in or all out, nothing in between.

  Autumn glared at me, her dark gaze narrowed. It was a tense, long moment before she muttered, “Fine, but any repercussions for this will be on your head, not mine.” As she spun on her three-inch heels and stormed away, I could’ve sworn I heard her mutter something about how we were all stupid girls.

  Jamie walked over, shaking her head. “Damn. I’ve never seen someone put her in her place before. That was something else.”

  Almost begrudgingly, Crystal said, “She could be right, though.” Those blue eyes turned to me. “Roman might get pissed at this, especially if he wants you to be his personal girl.”

  His personal girl. Was that what this was about?

  Oh, well. It was too late now. I was going to dance, and I was going to dance my ass off until Roman walked in and saw me on this stage, shaking it in front of everyone. Defiance had never been my specialty, but for Roman I made an exception; he made me feel the indescribable need to rebel.

  Something which I’d never admit to anyone, a secret deep within my soul… I wanted to rebel, and then I wanted Roman to put me in my place, show me who’s boss.

  That was wrong, wasn’t it? I wasn’t even sure what kind of kink that was, but I can say with certainty that Bryan had always been so vanilla. Yeah, vanilla with me while screwing my little sister behind my back. As vanilla as a cheater could possibly be.

  The only reason I got off the stage was to help finish setting everything up before the front doors were unlocked and opened for the clients. I saw a few middle-aged men funnel in—more than were here on Tuesday, but still nowhere near the number of people who came on Friday or Saturday night.

  No Roman, though. Not yet.

  My nerves were anxious, my stomach in knots. I’d never done anything like what I was prepared to do, but I guess there was a first time for everything. A first time for rebellion, for running away and trying to find myself a new life; a first time in falling for the danger and the dark. For a man like Roman.

  I wanted to show that man I wouldn’t just sit back and do whatever the hell he wanted me to, that I refused to allow him to literally control aspects of my life when I hardly knew him. Roman thought I’d take it like a good girl, but I guess that was the problem. All my life, I’d masqueraded as a good girl, doing what I was told when I was told, constantly proving myself to my parents, doing whatever I could to avoid their disappointment.

  And look at where it got me: here, in the Dollhouse, basically alone.<
br />
  No, fuck being good. I wanted to be bad, so naughty it would hurt.

  Another woman swung herself around on the stage, undulating her hips with the beat when Roman and Carter walked in. Roman wore a sleek black suit, and he was in the process of adjusting his cufflinks when he strolled in, looking as intense and sexy as ever, his dark hair and stare like a magnet to me. Beside him, Carter was just as handsome, the tall, well-built muscles between the two.

  Any straight woman would melt under the stares of those two. Any woman would want to be on the receiving end of their carnal lust, even if it wouldn’t last. And, hell, I knew whatever strange fascination he had with me wouldn’t last long, but nothing worthwhile in life ever did. All the good things, all the passion and the heat, ended faster than you ever wanted it to.

  It was officially time for me to embrace it.

  This was my life, and I would never be the good girl my parents had groomed me to be. The old Zoey Marbella was dead.

  I stood near the backroom, where Roman and Carter usually disappeared to. It didn’t take them long to find me, making a beeline to me. Straight to business, I bet. I acted as if I wasn’t waiting for them, taking my time in meeting their stares.

  Roman made no moves to hide how he watched me, and neither did Carter. Carter’s green eyes twinkled in the dim lighting, traveling from my feet, all the way up to my chest, and finally resting on my face. Wearing what I was wearing, I was just another object of desire; I wasn’t stupid enough to think I meant anything to them.

  “I’d say fancy meeting you here,” I spoke above the music, “but apparently you know my schedule, and you won’t let me work weekends.” I folded my arms over my chest, hoping I radiated an attitude that told both Roman and Carter I wasn’t having it, that I wasn’t happy with the intrusion into my life.