Living it Arg

by James Argent

  We could also have a very good laugh with one another and I felt very confident when I was around her. There was one time when Mark had caused a bit of a stir because a semi-naked photo of him had emerged on Twitter. I took a similar shot of myself for a joke, with my private parts showing. I texted it to Gemma and she thought it was a great laugh. It was a childish thing to do but it shows the level of harmless banter that we used to get up to.

  The problem was that as time wore on we found ourselves arguing more and more. There were times when Gemma still seemed convinced that I disliked her for being overweight. I didn’t mind Gemma’s size because I saw it as a natural part of who she is. She’s big, fun and bubbly. But if I made any reference to her size it felt as if she would jump down my throat. I put my foot in it over dinner one night when I compared her to a cross between Vanessa Feltz and Diana Dors. I didn’t mean it as a criticism, but as soon as I opened my mouth I realised that I had said the wrong thing. She was furious.

  ‘I can’t believe you were so cruel,’ she told me after we stopped filming. ‘I wish you would shut up about my weight.’

  Gemma also accused me of being controlling towards her and she claimed that I tried to prevent her from wearing makeup. In fact, all I had done was pay her a compliment by saying that she was naturally pretty and that I thought she didn’t need to wear a lot of it. I prefer girls who wear minimal makeup and I think Gemma looked better when she wore less. I thought I was being nice, but at the end of the day it was up to her.

  It got to the point where Gemma was frequently seen crying on TV about one thing or another that I was supposed to have said or done to her. I think some of the things she said about me were a little unfair because generally I treated her very well, even if she took the odd humorous remark I made the wrong way.

  At one point I tried to patch things up by buying her a pair of kissing fish in a bright-pink tank, which I delivered to her doorstep while wearing a dicky bow and very little else. It raised a bit of a laugh and I hoped that it showed that I cared for her. I got the idea from watching Frank Butcher doing a similar scene with Pat on EastEnders many years earlier.

  In the end our relationship just seemed to run out of steam and I knew from fairly early on that it wasn’t going to last. If we weren’t arguing about something that I’d said about her weight, it would be a row over my spending time with Mark. We struggled along for a month and a half, during which time I began to hear more rumours that Gemma still had a soft spot for Rami. I had a conversation with Mario, who told me Gemma was still seeing him behind my back, which she denied. I was worried that if I ended things Gemma would say it was because of her weight, but the truth was that I just couldn’t see a long-term future for us.

  I decided that what I needed was a break to get away from it all. I was chatting with Diags, and I asked him if he’d like to come with me. He suggested we go to Ibiza, and I offered to treat him. I jumped at the chance, because I thought it would give me some space. While I was out there I bumped into some lads from the Essex crowd who told me they’d recently spotted Gemma with a bloke in a pub in Brentwood. I decided to call Gemma for a heart-to-heart.

  ‘I just don’t think our relationship’s going anywhere,’ I told her. ‘I keep hearing rumours about you and Rami and now I’m told you’ve been seen out with a man in Brentwood.’

  Gemma denied cheating on me, but we’d reached the end of the line. We decided to part, although we agreed that we would remain good friends. The roller-coaster ride was over.

  When all is said and done, I’m pleased to say that we are still great mates today. I still think of Gemma as a very kind and loving person, even though she has another side to her that is fiery and feisty. She showed me a great deal of compassion at a time when I was still very raw over my break-up with Lydia, and for that I will always be grateful to her.

  Gemma is also an incredibly sexy person. We’ve kept in touch with one another and it is no secret that we’ve occasionally spent time together since we broke up. In fact, we still enjoy a lot of fun together and I’ll always have a soft spot for her. Viewers of TOWIE will no doubt have heard about the time we made love in the bushes during a game of tennis. All I will say is that it was very enjoyable. We were playing in a game together while filming when I congratulated her on a fine shot. Gemma responded by giving me a little squeeze in an intimate place. One thing led to another and we went for a walk in some woods next to the tennis court. We found a secluded and private spot and nature took its course. We made love right there and then.

  It brought a whole new meaning to the question, ‘Anyone for tennis?’

  17

  HANGING OUT WITH ONE DIRECTION AND A GIG AT THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL

  I was snuggled under my duvet with a fuzzy head. It was a peaceful Sunday morning and the sunshine was breaking through the curtains in my bedroom. I’d been out drinking with the boys the night before and we’d sunk plenty of Jägerbombs together at Faces. I yawned and slowly rolled over while I relished the opportunity to enjoy a good rest. What with singing and making so many personal appearances I rarely get a day off, so I was looking forward to a sleepy morning in bed whilst nursing my mild hangover.

  A nice little lie-in – just what I need to chill out, I thought.

  I was gently dozing off again when the quiet was shattered by the sound of a call coming in on my mobile phone. I considered ignoring it, but I could see from the caller display that it was Mark Wright.

  ‘Hello Arg,’ he barked, his voice sounding alert and wide-awake. ‘I’ve just been told you’re not doing anything today. I’m down at the ITV studios doing some presenting, why don’t you come and support me? I’d love you to be here.’

  I groaned. My bed was nice and warm and my head felt like it needed more time to recover before I could even think about getting up, but I felt slightly guilty because I knew that Mark was hosting Take Me Out: The Gossip, the sister-show to Take Me Out on ITV, and that it was a big deal for him.

  ‘Oh, I dunno, mate,’ I replied. ‘I’ll try and get up there but I will see how it goes. I’ll give you a call.’

  I hung up, feeling slightly sheepish. The truth was that I was too tired and I had no intention of going, I just didn’t want to hurt Mark’s feelings. We try to be there to support each other, but my duvet was too comfortable to abandon. I went back into a dreamy sleep, but half an hour later the phone rang again.

  It was Neil, my manager.

  ‘You alright, Arg?’ he trilled. ‘Mark wants to know if you’re gonna come down then?’

  I was fast running out of excuses, so I decided to tell the truth.

  ‘You know what, mate – I’m a bit too tired, I don’t get many days off and I am just going to chill out today.’

  ‘Oh, no worries,’ replied Neil. ‘It’s just that One Direction are filming for Surprise Surprise today and they’re in the dressing room downstairs.’

  One Direction? Neil knew full well that they’re one of my favourite bands.

  ‘You’re telling me that One Direction are in the ITV building right now?’

  ‘That’s right, and they’re about to perform.’

  ‘Really?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes, really.’

  This was too good an opportunity to miss.

  ‘Alright, Neil. I’ll call you back!’

  With that, I hung up, jumped into the shower and threw on some clothes. I’ve been a huge fan of One Direction ever since they burst onto the scene on The X Factor. Within about half an hour I was in a minicab on the way to the ITV building in Central London. Once we’d pulled up, I paid my driver and went into the foyer.

  Suddenly, I saw Zayn Malik and Niall Horan from the band. They caught my eye and I was chuffed because they must have recognised me from being on TOWIE.

  ‘Arg, what are you up to? Why don’t you come and meet the lads?’ said Niall.

  I didn’t need to be asked twice. I went with them to their dressing room where Liam Payne invited me to take
a seat. The band were all munching on chicken from Nando’s and they were happy to share their food and drink with me. The boys were really warm and friendly, and I had a little chat with Harry Styles and we posed for some photos together. Later Harry sent me a tweet, saying ‘Nice to finally meet you, mate’. It was a reference to the fact we’d previously spoken on the phone, because we’d briefly shared the same tour manager. I had a great time, and in fact spending some quality time with the boys turned out to be great preparation for the next twist in the show, which saw me taking part in a One Direction tribute act!

  The producers called me in to explain there was a great new project underway that would hopefully grip the nation and send our ratings soaring through the roof. I learned that some of the cast members were hoping to perform a charity show – and the producers were keen to film it.

  ‘We’re going to do a special episode of The Only Way Is Essex that’ll be broadcast fully live – and it will cover everything that happens,’ they explained.

  Having done lots of theatre work in the past I was very excited. I imagined a fun-packed variety show that the cast could perform at a theatre. I was to be the compere of the show, which would be like a fun version of Britain’s Got Talent, with members of the TOWIE team performing various acts in front of an audience. The cameras would be there to capture every moment, including all the real-life drama backstage – and it would all be broadcast exactly as it happened. It was an ambitious project and it had the potential to make great television. Not only would the fans be entertained by the stage show, but they’d also get to see everything that happened behind the scenes. The fact that it was live would add an element of danger and excitement: anything could happen on the night.

  Part of the reason that TOWIE is such a huge success is that the producers try to make it bigger and better with every series, so they are always keen to keep up to speed with anything new that the cast are doing. One minute you can be staying in a boot camp on starvation rations. The next thing you know you could be enjoying a huge banquet in five-star luxury. The producers are always coming up with new ideas and we’d filmed special episodes in Marbella and also for Christmas, which had been huge hits. A live episode would add a whole new dimension. Both EastEnders and Coronation Street had previously broadcast live specials that had been a big success. At TOWIE we are the UK’s real-life soap, so why not do a live episode, too?

  ‘You’ve got lots of experience of being on stage so why don’t we turn the evening into Arg’s charity night,’ one of the boys suggested. ‘We could mime a number by One Direction.’ I also thought it would be a laugh to do some tap dancing.

  I was delighted to have such a big role. As well as being the compere, I would get to join in with plenty of the fun on stage. Lots of other cast members were due to perform: Kirk Norcross was planning to sing a big-band number; Debbie and Carol Wright planned to do a comedy ventriloquist act; Jess Wright was going to sing; and Diags and Chloe Sims were to do a Barbie Girl routine together.

  The first thing that I wanted to do was throw myself into learning how to tap-dance, which I found really hard. I wanted to perform the routine for ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ that was made famous by Gene Kelly, so I knew I’d need to be on top form to pull it off. I had five or six private lessons with Lorraine Porter of the Kenneth More Theatre, but I soon discovered that tap-dancing isn’t something that you can just learn to do overnight. You have to be able to time every step in perfect arrangement to the beat, and you need to be light-footed and very fit. I didn’t really measure up because I’d recently put on weight again and I was back up to around 18 stone. Nor did I look the part, having just had my hair cropped very short. My haircut reminded me of the skinhead I had when I first met Lydia.

  One of my main problems was fitness. Despite running the London Marathon earlier in the year I was huffing and puffing and exhausted at the end of every lesson. Trying to sing, dance and tap all at once proved to be quite a feat, but I did my best and I managed to put together the routine even though it was a bit of a nightmare.

  ‘You’ve taken to it pretty well,’ the instructor told me, despite everything.

  I also got together to rehearse with the boys from the cast who were joining me to dance and mime to the One Direction number, ‘Live While We’re Young’. Joey was taking on the role of Harry Styles, Mario was Zayn Malik, Diags was Niall Horan and Tom Pearce was playing Louis Tomlinson. I was taking on the role of Liam Payne. We all met up at a dance studio out in the sticks somewhere and we went through our routine with a professional choreographer. We were joined by a load of female dancers who were all really fit, which gave us a bit of a buzz.

  Back on TOWIE, we felt confident that our One Direction impersonation would go down well during the charity show, which was to raise funds for Breast Cancer Care. It was a very energetic dance routine that left us quite out of breath at the end of it. Meanwhile, there was a huge amount of hype about the live episode because the press decided to take a large interest in it.

  The broadcast began with a comic routine in which I was looking for my trousers before going on stage. Nanny Pat had them and in true TOWIE spirit she gave them to me in the nick of time, but from that moment onwards not much went right for us. That’s the thing about TOWIE – it’s reality TV, we’re about real life with real people. We’re not actors, and the point is to avoid situations that are fake or set-up. But that means that, no matter how hard the cast and the production team work, things go wrong sometimes, and when it’s live, there’s nothing you can do about it but your best!

  I opened the show on stage with a main speech, after which I was due to perform ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ by Frank Sinatra. My speech overran, so my performance of the song had to be cut short from the live feed. I then dashed off to join a scene with Joey and Mario during which we were supposed to be shown getting ready for our One Direction performance, but when I turned up the cameras weren’t there.

  ‘You’ve missed it, Arg,’ I was told.

  My tap-dancing routine had to be cut to a tiny sequence of me walking around a chair, which must have left people wondering what on earth I was doing, and whether I had just lost the plot entirely.

  The public soon started to unleash a hail of criticism on Twitter. Looking back, I suppose it was quite funny, but at the time I took all the criticism to heart. People were saying things on Twitter like, ‘You are all shit. You can’t perform.’ I was particularly gutted because I felt I was to blame in some way. I was the main man in the charity show and I felt responsible.

  F***ing hell! I thought. We’re really in the shit here. Of course, it all turned out to be OK though. People love TOWIE and one unlucky night wasn’t going to change that. Thankfully, we were able to follow up with a great Christmas Special in which Mark Wright came back to make a one-off guest appearance. It gave me a real boost to be back on screen with him and we filmed loads of scenes together. The viewers loved it too and the show quickly regained its magic.

  I’m very proud of TOWIE and I think everyone who works on it deserved the BAFTA that we won. We learn new things with each series we film, we give each show our full commitment, and when we are at our finest we are one of the best things on television.

  TOWIE has always been a great way of opening doors in my singing career – and opportunities don’t come much bigger than a chance to perform at the Royal Albert Hall. One of my proudest moments came in spring 2013, when I was invited to make a solo performance there. It’s a wonderful, historic venue that I first fell in love with as a child. I was in the school choir and we used to get invited to the Royal Albert Hall once a year with all the other schools from my area to take part in a big concert. I can remember packing up my recorder and going up to London, where I was one of thousands of children who were all taking part in the event. The atmosphere would always be amazing. It’s a truly iconic building that is steeped in grandeur. As well as playing the recorder, I also sang with my schoolmates, but I was really just one
voice among many hundreds. There was one child, however, who was selected to sing on stage on his own, and I can remember watching him in awe.

  Oh, my God! I thought. How lucky is he to be singing solo at the Royal Albert Hall! I’d love to be able to do that one day.

  So you can imagine how excited I was when, years later, I was invited to do the same. I received a phone call from a theatrical production company called Mardi Gras, which is owned by the father of a friend of mine called Jayde Jeffries. They explained that they were hosting an event there for drama schools from all over the country.

  ‘The children have seen you singing on television and we would love you to come and perform for them at the Royal Albert Hall,’ they said.

  It was like a dream come true. I was over the moon, but I must admit that my nerves soon began to set in. Would I be good enough to do it? I’d obviously had plenty of experience as a singer, but this would be the first time I’d taken centre stage at such a huge venue. Could I pull it off? In my adult life up until now I’d mostly sung big-band songs by the likes of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, but this was a chance to get my teeth into a theatrical number. Ever since childhood, I’d cherished a DVD that had been recorded to celebrate the tenth anniversary of Les Misérables. One of the people on the DVD was Michael Ball, who I’d met at an ITV summer party. I used to play it all the time, so decided that I’d use this opportunity to perform a song from the show called ‘Stars’, because I knew it so well. I got hold of a backing track and I spent hours practising it until I felt confident enough to do the song proper justice.