Redemption

by Elizabeth Knox

  Elena's hand touches my shoulder, and I wipe at my eyes. I don’t think these girls will think any less of me in this situation for bawling like a fuckin' baby, but it just isn’t what I want to do anymore. "I am so sorry," Elena whispers, almost inaudibly. If she wasn’t sitting right next to me, I would not know what the hell she said.

  I realize, this is as far as I can go. Sea has told everyone else enough. They know it was a girl. They know I lost her. They don’t need to know how it happened. I don’t need pity. I don’t find any comfort in relaying the damn events that led up to the worst fuckin tragedy of my life, but it does help knowing that my friends are here right when I need them. That’s worth more than any damn piece of gold in the fuckin’ world. I don’t care who you are.

  There is a silence, a sad one, that overtakes the room for a moment. The girls get the idea quick, though, that I am done talking, at least about this. I just need their presence. That’s all.

  Jenna turns to Michelle, who has been admiring her nails and possibly hiding a tear or two. "How do you feel now that Max is gone?" Jenna asks, moving onto another piece of drama yet to be touched on. Max was the VP of Skulls Renegade MC until Kyle replaced him a few days ago. He just up and left, going Nomad on us. Michelle and he had a thing, and it can’t be easy, knowing he had announced he was leaving to taste all the pussies he could, basically. Michelle seems to be holding up well, though.

  Michelle shrugs. "I am used to people leaving me." The statement is simple, but all of us look at each other. I feel eerie at that. Michelle is another one I don’t think I know it all about. Who else had left her in her life?

  I can see that the conversation and gossip are running out, so I know where to take it to. I know how to keep the conversation off me and be in a room that feels more energized to help me through this pain I am feeling; the pain of reliving that loss along with the pain of Ollie’s fuckin' mouth, letting everyone know that pain.

  "Elena, aren’t we supposed to be making your dream wedding come true?" I ask, knowing that it is going to catch everyone’s interest.

  "Yeah, Elena, have you picked a place or a dress or anything yet?" Michelle pipes up, clearly wanting the conversation off her and Max as well. She can come back to it when she’s ready.

  Elena shakes her head, looking both annoyed and a bit excited. I am no fool. That woman is head over fuckin' heels for Reed Michaels, and getting married to him in a little under a month has to be exciting, even if it is also insane. "I don’t know how I am supposed to think about planning a wedding with these new women coming in, and from a new, more ruthless client, no less," Elena admits. I bet she hasn’t done anything. I know she looks bad ass on the outside and that she killed her MC Prez of a shitbag father, but I know enough about her to know she is still going to want that perfect day.

  "That is why we are here to help you, chica, with the damas, and the wedding," Maria says, piping up from her corner of the room.

  I laugh, remembering how Reed had all but threatened us, telling us it was our job to make the wedding happen. "We are going to take some time in the next couple of days to get this wedding thrown together, and it is going to be fuckin' magic. No arguments," I tell Elena, knowing I owe her for always being a buffer between me and Kyle. I can't believe she stepped in front of Ollie knowing Kyle was about to go at him. I don’t know whether I will have to kill her for that later or thank her.

  "Fine, but I really don't see how this wedding is going to work out with 20 plus girls coming in, needing our help," Elena chimes, a little less conviction in her voice than before. We are wearing her down. This is how I get cheered the fuck up.

  "Are you ready for that, Maria?" Elena asks as an afterthought. Damn, I haven’t even thought too hard about it, but Jenna and Maria are going to be the mother hens for these girls, setting 'em up with the MC or sending them off to college, or wherever they need to go for a new and better life. Maria was one of those girls once. That makes her an excellent choice as mentor, but also fragile in the situation.

  Maria nods, stoically. "I can handle it. I know they will be better here than where they are now. It is a happy time," Maria says, making us all smile.

  Chapter 11

  Seamus

  “I had….no fucking idea,” Kyle mutters quietly. Of course, he didn’t have any fucking clue. He’d have to physically be here to know his girlfriend was pregnant and had a damn miscarriage.

  I can’t stop staring angrily at Kyle. I’m still angry with him, even after all this time. He was a coward, a coward who left her when she needed him the most. I will promise and swear to her every day for the rest of my life that I will never abandon her, that I will always be the man who will be here for her through rain and shine. And I mean that shit. I know I’m in deep because of what I just aired out to the club, but fuck. I’m pissed. He doesn’t have any clue of what we really went through together, and therefore, he has no fuckin’ right to be judging either of us for being together.

  “Fuck. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Reed growls at me. I glare, and I can’t help it. All my pent-up anger comes barreling through my bloodstream.

  “Wasn’t my fuckin’ right to be tellin’ you jack shit. She wanted to keep it private, so we kept it fuckin’ private. She went through enough. She didn’t need anyone staring at her any differently. They were already giving her enough attention. You think she wanted people coming up to her sayin’ “Hey girl, sorry you got kidnapped, raped, tortured, AND had a miscarriage”? No, fuck, no. She didn’t need to deal with that shit on top of everything else.” I stand firm in my decision to support her choice to keep her miscarriage private. I’d do anything to make life easier for my Babygirl, so that’s what I did.

  “You two were the only ones who knew?” Reed asks, his anger flushes out of his voice, replaced with something a lot more human.

  All I can do is nod. I’m not repeating myself all damn night about what happened. I fucked up, mentioning it in the first place. The brothers are all looking at me with respect, or what I believe is respect. I’ve been riding with them for years, since the day I came back from being overseas. They know I’d never undercut another man’s girl for myself, but dammit if it didn’t look like I did.

  “I never planned on falling for her, you know. She had just been through somethin’ that people couldn’t even muster up in their deepest, darkest nightmares, and she was alone. Sure, she had everyone here at the club in her corner, but given what she’d just been through, I understood why she wanted to distance herself from everyone. She wanted to feel normal again, but normal wasn’t something she felt for a long, long time. I made sure she knew that she wasn’t alone. Even when she didn’t want me there, I showed up. I made certain that she knew she had someone.”

  I watch Kyle’s reaction as I speak, and he doesn’t argue with me now. Instead, he listens “I couldn’t let her hurt alone. Her physical wounds healed in no time, but her emotional ones are what scarred her. She’s not a weak woman, we all know this.” I look around to the brothers who all nod in agreement with me. “But being there, going through what she did, broke a piece of her. It tore her to shreds. She still has nightmares about what happened, and it’s over two years later. What I’m saying is, I never planned on this. I planned to be there as a friend, for when she finally realized that she needed someone to talk to, to cry with, to scream or hit or kick or do whatever it was that she needed to do. I wanted to be there for her, because you couldn’t be. And I’ll be fuckin’ real Kyle, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for not being there for her. I hate you because of what you did, but at the same time if you didn’t just leave I wouldn’t have her. I don’t know whether to slam my fist into your face until blood is gushing out, or if I should thank you for hurting her so I could help her heal. What I’m saying is that I’m in love with Daisy, she is the most precious thing in my life, and I think I just fucked it all up because my anger got the best of me. I’d better go deal with that shit.”

 
I leave the main area and walk slowly back down the hallway, trying to figure out what I’m going to say to her. There’s nothing that I can possibly say that would rectify this entire situation. Absolutely. Nothing.

  I tap lightly on the wooden door, waiting….and waiting.

  “Babygirl, please open up,” I beg her. I could punch myself for how weak I sound right now.

  “Go away,” Daisy mutters on the other side. I can hear the emotion in her voice; she’s been crying.

  “Baby, Daisy, please…”

  The door opens wide and I’m met with my woman, my short, sassy woman. Her hair is now dry in loose waves around her face, her eyes filled with intense heat, “Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me. Oliver,” she says calmly before she slams the door and locks it in my face.

  She’s never used my full name before.

  I’ve completely fucked this up.

  Chapter 12

  Daisy

  I don’t know what in the hell I was thinkin’ this morning when Jenna suggested we go for a run. I thought it would be good, maybe I’d run out all my stress or negative energy, or whatever the happy people say.

  I’m not very happy.

  I woke up at 4 in the fucking morning to go on a “run” with Jenna, Elena, and Jenna’s two oversized German Shepherds that look more like direwolves from Game of Thrones.

  I thump my feet against the turf that the local high school just put down this past fall. Jenna loops around me yet again, making me look like all I do is sit on my ass and eat Twinkies in front of the TV. “C’mon Dais! Stop being a damned slow poke.” She sticks her tongue out at me before she backpedals, flips around, and sprints to the other end of the football field.

  “God dammit,” I huff, my voice exasperated. I don’t even know how many times we’ve run the length of this field, but my lungs are burning. I start to slow down, allowing my heart rate to gradually come down, instead of stopping all at once. When I reach the end of the field, I slide right down to my ass and lay down, staring up at the still dark sky.

  “Never pegged you as a quitter,” Elena laughs, dropping down next to me. “I had to do this at Quantico. We ran and ran, and then were told to run more. I hate running.” She laughs at the last bit, mimicking the same position I’m in. I glance up to see Jenna and her two dogs, Spartacus and Maximus, running on the turf. She’s about ten feet in front of them, and they follow closely behind. Always within a short distance of their mom.

  “Have you talked to Seamus?” Elena asks out of the blue.

  I haven’t, it’s been almost a week, and I haven’t uttered a single word to him. I’ve been staying in my room, trying to avoid him at all costs. I’ve even had Maria and Jenna cover my shifts at the bar so he can’t just pop on over while I’m working. It’s stupid, I’m gonna talk to him eventually. It’s just – I’m not ready to yet.

  I love that man with all my damn heart, but he hurt me tremendously. He aired out something that was supposed to be kept private between the two of us. Yeah, it was in frustration and to get Kyle off his back – but he still shouldn’t have done it.

  “Nope.”

  “Nope. That’s all your gonna say?”

  I look over to her and nod. There’s not much else to say, is there?

  “You have to talk to him eventually,” Elena tells me, and in the back of my mind, I agree with her. Eventually isn’t today.

  “She has to talk to who?” Jenna asks, plopping down across from us. Both of her dogs lay down in between us. Max scoots closer to me, and I scratch him behind his ears.

  “Sea. She hasn’t talked to him since last week,” Elena fills her in. I already feel Jenna’s gaze on me.

  “I don’t blame you at all for not talking to him, not one bit. But you need to, talk to him, I mean. You two didn’t go through all of that together to end up where you both are now. Avoiding and not speaking to one another. I get it, you know, I understand why you don’t want to talk to him. He literally gave a PSA out to the club about the secret baby we didn’t know you had and then miscarried. I’d be pissed too, hell, I’d be more than pissed.” No one speaks. I don’t really have anything to say. this is deep for 4AM, and I’m not a morning person.

  “I can’t imagine what you went through, really. Being there for that long, we never really talked about it, you know. We were always friends but you never really…. vented about anything to me. I didn’t understand that, not for a long time. One day I was in the kitchen eating at the island, you were making brownies, or something for the guys. It was right after you finally started wearing normal clothes again and somehow you fucked the recipe up. Seamus was there, pointed out your error, and you smacked him. It was something so small, so miniscule but I saw the glimmer in both of your eyes after you did that, you just smiled and he shook his head. You two were in love, and that’s when I knew that you had someone – that you were venting to someone. I was worried for a really long time, Dais. I know how much not telling anyone can tear you up inside.”

  “I went through something…. traumatic at when I was young. Something similar, yet so different to what you went through. It doesn’t even compare, but both events were…. horrible acts…. I’m just glad you didn’t keep it all bottled up.”

  Jenna gives me a small half smirk at the end of her chat. It all hits me at once, while I may have known Jenna for years, I don’t know that much about her. She’s been with the club for around ten years, but she’s never been in a relationship with any of the guys from the club.

  Honestly, she’s a club whore.

  She wears hella provocative clothing, she has giant fake tits that would make any man drool, she loves to put on that uber sexual deep red lipstick, and boy does it contrast with her jet-black hair. She’s even got tattoos all around her body. She’s the total biker babe. If I was a dude, I’d probably want to fuck her too.

  She’d fit right in with the club whores, but I’d never call her that. She meets every requirement that we’d have for a club whore. She just feels like one of the Ol’ladies, even though she’s not tied down at all. I guess Michelle feels like an Ol’Lady too, and even Maria, now. That’s our group, Me, Elena, Jenna, Michelle and Mar.

  They’re the closest friends I have here. The club is family, and so are the women who are in it.

  “Did Kyle ever tell you why he left?” Elena asks me. I look over to her and nod.

  “Yeah. He said he was goin’ after all the men that hurt me. Said he killed ‘em all. It’s not like it makes anything better. He shouldn’t have even been doin’ that, he should’ve been here with me.”

  “Well, damn,” Jenna says, and that about sums it up.

  ***

  We ran a total of one more mile before Jenna would let us pack in her car and roll back to the clubhouse. It felt like the longest mile of my damn life, but boy was I happy to sit my ass in those plush leather seats that she has. Jenna and Elena headed straight towards their bedrooms, and I would too, but first, I wanted some grub. My stomach started growling when I first woke up; they’re both lucky I didn’t get hangry.

  I walk into the kitchen and flip the light switch to my right. When I glance back up, I jump about four feet high and shrieked, my heartrate was pumping through my body, and I could hear it in my head. “Why the hell are you eating in the dark!” I snap at Ollie, breathing in deep breaths, trying to calm myself. He doesn’t say a word, he just busts out laughing.

  “If I had a gun, I would’ve shot you!” I yell angrily, not realizing how my statement will turn our chat from lighthearted to serious in one second.

  “I don’t blame you. I deserve it.” I want to argue with him. He deserves a lot, but being shot isn’t one of them. “I’m sorry, Babygirl, I fucked up pretty big, and I know that. I never meant to tell anyone about Harley, and I hope you believe that. I let my anger get the best of me in that moment and I, … shit, I broke my damn promise to you.” He rubs his hand back through his red hair, staring at me as he does it.

  “I’m
very aware of how you get when you’re angry,” I tell him, walking a few steps closer to where he’s seated at the island. He gives me a smile. The giant oaf knows how he gets when he’s angry too.

  “I’m still mad at you,” I whisper, staring into his blue orbs. If I don’t whisper, I’ll start crying, and I really don’t wanna do that shit right now. I am so fuckin’ sick of crying. I cave, though, and walk into his arms. He envelopes me, and I feel more at ease than I have in the past week. I’m back where I’m supposed to be, back home in his arms. Ollie holds me tight against him, pressing soft kisses against my temple, cheeks, neck, and finally, my lips.

  This kiss isn’t like anything we’ve ever shared before. He’s apologizing with his mouth over mine, the way his tongue tenderly searches for mine, how he holds me against his body, how we fit like two puzzle pieces. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too,” I mumble against his lips. I look up and find him staring intently into mine. He pulls away from our kiss, still staring into my eyes. “I don’t care how mad you are. You’ll be in our fucking bed tonight.”

  I want to smack him, call him an asshole and scream at him until my face turns blue. Then, there’s a part of me that wants him to fuck me into oblivion, cuz he knows how to take control, and I love that.