Frisky Business

by Clodagh Murphy

  ‘He’d still have more of a father than he does now,’ Kit said, and Romy felt a tug of temptation. Kit’s idea would give Luke some sort of father figure – not to mention another extended family. And it would be nice not to have to tell her mother the truth …

  ‘I don’t know, Kit … ’ She was touched that he had made the offer, but it was a crazy idea and she didn’t see how it could possibly work. Just trying to think through all the implications was already making her brain ache.

  ‘Well, think about it. And please come to Hannah’s wedding with me anyway – as my date. I need someone to protect me from my nosy relations – not to mention Wedgie.’

  ‘I have no problem going to Hannah’s wedding with you. Besides, I kind of owe you for letting Mum think you’re Luke’s father.’

  ‘You can have that one on me,’ he said, smiling.

  ‘Thanks. Do you want some more coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘No, thanks. I’d better get home,’ he said, standing and

  stretching. ‘Mom will be wondering where I got to.’

  ‘I hope you don’t get grounded for staying out all night.’ He smiled. ‘Thanks for the bed, Romy. It was really good to see you again.’

  ‘Yeah, you too.’

  She saw him to the door and they made arrangements to go and look at Kit’s house the following week.

  Romy leaned against the door after she had closed it behind him. She felt like she had been run over by a train. Her head was spinning from everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours – Kit turning up on her doorstep, his amazing offer to pretend Luke was his – she couldn’t keep up with it all. She didn’t know what to make of Kit’s bizarre offer, but she was touched that he had made it. No doubt when she thought it through she would realise that it couldn’t possibly work. It was already making her brain ache.

  Pushing herself away from the door, she galvanised herself into action. Going into the kitchen, she took Luke from his Moses basket, careful not to wake him, and put him in his car seat, then packed a bag with bottles and nappies.

  ‘Come on,’ she whispered to him. ‘We’re going to see your Auntie Lesley.’

  Chapter Seven

  It was only when she pulled up outside Lesley’s house that Romy remembered that today was a Tuesday and Lesley would probably be working. She looked at her watch – it was only eleven thirty. Maybe she should have called and suggested meeting up for lunch. Still, she was sure Lesley wouldn’t mind the interruption – especially when she heard what Romy had to tell her. Lesley worked from home now, but Romy knew she found it a bit isolating and was always grateful for a distraction. She could have a mid-morning break. Luke was still asleep, so she lifted his car seat out gently and walked up the path.

  ‘Romy! Lesley greeted her with a big smile when she opened the door. ‘Boy, am I glad to see you. Come on in.’ She led Romy down the narrow hall towards the kitchen.

  ‘I hope I’m not interrupting your work,’ Romy said as she followed her.

  ‘Believe me, I was gasping for an interruption. This site I’m working on is doing my head in. The client’s a nightmare – vetoes everything I come up with, and then complains that it’s taking me too long and accuses me of spinning it out so I can charge her more. I can’t wait to get the stupid wagon off my back.’

  ‘Can I just leave Luke in here?’ Romy asked quietly, stopping outside Lesley’s study.

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  As she pushed the door open farther, something on the far wall caught Romy’s eye. ‘Is that—’ She turned to Lesley. ‘Have you set up an incident room in here?’ she asked, pointing to the study.

  ‘No! Don’t be daft,’ Lesley said, trying to pull the door shut, but Romy put Luke down and pushed past her into the room. In the far corner hung a large whiteboard with a picture of Darth Vader in the middle surrounded by lots of magic marker arrows and scribbles, and flanked by other, smaller pictures. Romy marched straight up to the board to examine it. Underneath the picture of Darth, a list read:

  Tall

  Possibly asthmatic

  Likes Star Wars??

  On either side of Darth Vader, under the heading ‘Suspects’ were photos of various of their old friends who had been at Romy’s party the previous evening. Each picture had a red cross through it. There was even a picture of Mr Potato Head, who also appeared to have been eliminated.

  ‘It looks like an incident room to me,’ Romy said, turning to her friend.

  ‘Don’t be silly! What gave you that idea?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Romy said, looking at the board, ‘maybe it’s the suspects list with pictures of all the guys who were at the party last night.’

  ‘Oh, that’s just a bit of doodling I did when I was bored.’

  ‘Where did you get these by the way?’ Romy asked, fingering

  one of the photos.

  ‘I downloaded them from Facebook.’

  ‘That’s a very good one of Neil.’

  ‘I know, isn’t it? It’s from his holidays in Greece last year. That’s why he looks so tanned.’

  Romy realised they were getting away from the subject. ‘Lesley, I told you I didn’t want an incident room.’

  ‘But it’s only small. Look – it’s tiny,’ she said, waving at the board. ‘It’s more of an incident nook, if anything.’

  ‘An incident nook?’ Romy couldn’t help smiling. ‘Every home should have one.’

  ‘God, they should! I bet a lot of women could save themselves a fortune in private detectives if they got one of these. It’s just a matter of following the clues.’

  ‘You know, you totally missed your calling. You should have been a detective.’

  ‘I know,’ Lesley sighed wistfully.

  Romy looked back at the board. ‘Apart from ruling out everyone who was at the party last night, and Mr Potato Head, it doesn’t look like you’ve got very far.’

  ‘No, I’ve hit a bit of a dead end. I know Mr Potato Head was never really in the frame, but I thought I’d put him up

  there anyway for the sake of completeness. No stone unturned and all that.’

  ‘Oh well, just file it under unsolved, I guess.’

  ‘No! I’m not giving up. The investigation is only just starting to build up a head of steam. I’ve loads more ideas. Look,’ she pulled a thick sheaf of A4 pages stapled together off the top of her desk and laid it down in front of Romy. ‘This is what I’m working on at the moment.’

  Romy flicked through the document, which seemed to be pages and pages of printouts of status updates from Facebook. ‘What is it?’

  ‘I downloaded mug shots of all David’s friends on Facebook. Then I went back to last October on his page and printed out any photos he had of the party, see?’ She flicked to the back of the bundle and pointed to a page of photographs. ‘Then I looked at anyone who was tagged in the photos and cross-referenced them with their profile pictures. See, this Dracula, for instance, is tagged as one Stephen Lawlor,’ she said, flipping the pages and pointing to a picture of a spectacularly unattractive pasty-faced man with thinning ginger hair. ‘So I was able to rule him out.’

  ‘Right. Well, I’ve never seen him before, but I’m glad he’s been ruled out all the same.’

  ‘I know. Brutal, isn’t he? I also looked through comments about the party and was able to rule out a few more who mentioned what they went as.’

  ‘Wow. I’m impressed.’

  ‘Like you said, I missed my calling.’

  ‘You did. You’re really good at this. You could actually end up finding him.’ Romy was still ambivalent as to how she felt about that.

  ‘So you’ll let me keep it?’

  ‘Keep what?’

  ‘The incident r— nook. Please? You don’t have to be involved. I’ll only tell you if I come up with something.’ ‘Well, it’s in your house. I can hardly stop you.’

  ‘I know. But if it really freaks you out, I’ll dismantle it. Just say the word.’r />
  ‘No, it’s fine. Far be it from me to deprive you of hours of pleasure. But do you ever get any work done?’

  Lesley looked guilty. ‘I have been skiving off a lot lately. It’s an even bigger distraction than Twitter or Facebook.’

  ‘Blimey!’ Lesley was completely addicted to Twitter since she had started working from home. ‘Anyway, I didn’t come here to argue with you about your incident r— er, nook. I’ve got loads to tell you.’

  ‘Ooh, great! Come on, then. You can leave Luke in here.’

  Romy carried Luke’s car seat into the office and hooked up the baby monitor before following Lesley into the kitchen. ‘Coffee?’ Lesley offered.

  ‘Yes, please. Though, God, what I really need is a drink.’ ‘This sounds interesting.’

  ‘Interesting doesn’t even begin to describe it,’ Romy said, taking a seat at the kitchen table. ‘You’ll never guess who turned up last night.’

  ‘Who?’ Lesley asked as she spooned coffee into the filter.

  ‘Kit.’

  Lesley froze, the coffee spoon suspended in midair. ‘Kit

  Masterson?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Oh my God! When did this happen?’

  ‘Not long after you left.’ Romy gave Lesley a brief rundown of what had happened the previous night.

  ‘So what’s the story? Has he come back here to live?’ ‘Yeah, apparently. He lost his job in New York, his apartment – everything. He’s back living with his parents.’

  ‘God, poor him,’ Lesley said, handing Romy a mug of coffee and sitting down opposite her. ‘What was it like seeing him again? Did you feel any stirrings of the old magic?’

  ‘No, not really,’ Romy said, shaking her head. ‘But it was … nice, you know?’ She smiled. ‘It was lovely to see him again. I felt stirrings of the old friendship.’

  ‘Well, you never know. It’ll be nice for you to have him around again anyway.’

  Romy groaned, resting her head on the table momentarily. ‘It makes things very complicated,’ she said, lifting her head again.

  ‘How so?’

  Romy took a deep breath. ‘Mum thinks he’s Luke’s father. I sort of told her he is.’

  ‘What? Why on earth would you – wait, is he?’

  ‘No. Of course not.’

  ‘Then why—’

  ‘Mum was very good, not asking me anything about Luke’s father. But then one day she said something and I realised she thought maybe I’d been attacked or something and that was why I didn’t want to talk about it. She’d been worrying about it all that time and said nothing.’

  ‘God!’

  ‘I know. I felt terrible. So I told her it was fine and it was all

  consensual and everything. But I was worried she still wasn’t convinced, so I threw in some details to put her mind at rest.’ ‘And the details you gave her led to Kit?’

  ‘Yes. I knew they would. I told her it was a friend, someone I used to know who now lived abroad, and I said I’d bumped into him at David Kinsella’s party. Kit fit the bill, and she knew he was home that weekend.’

  ‘He was?’

  ‘Yeah, she’d heard they were having a big party for his father’s sixtieth birthday and Kit was back for it. No names were ever mentioned, but we both understood it was Kit we were talking about.’

  ‘Shit! What are you going to do when she finds out he’s back?’

  ‘Oh, that’s already taken care of, ’ Romy said. ‘She met him this morning when she came to drop off Luke.’

  ‘You mean he was still there? He spent the night?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Fair play to you!’ Lesley raised her coffee mug in salute. ‘That was fast work.’

  ‘It wasn’t like that. He slept on the couch.’

  ‘Hey, I’m not judging you.’

  ‘Seriously – we just stayed up till all hours talking, and then it was so late, there was no point in him going home.’

  ‘Okay, now I am judging you. You stayed up all night talking? What are you, sixteen?’

  ‘Well, we had a lot of catching up to do.’ Romy smiled fondly at the memory of the previous night. It had almost been like being sixteen again. They hadn’t seen each other for so long, it was like they were discovering each other all over again. There was that excitement of meeting a kindred spirit, a soul mate – because, despite the very different courses their lives had taken, they were still on the same wavelength, and it was like they had never been apart. It had taken a long time to catch up on all their news, but it had taken no time at all to catch up on the connection they used to have. It was easy and familiar and comfortable, like pulling on a favourite old jumper. They were instantly friends again, and she realised that was what she had missed most about Kit – his friendship. They had been great allies.

  ‘So, what happened with your mother?’ Lesley asked. ‘Did she go ballistic when she saw Kit?’

  ‘No, she was really nice to him – a welcome-to-the-family sort of thing.’

  ‘Jaysus! What did Kit make of that? Did he freak out? Did he know he was supposed to be Luke’s father?’

  ‘No. But Mum was acting so weird, of course he wondered what was going on. She made him hold Luke. You should have seen his face!’ She laughed. ‘I thought he was going to piss himself with the fright. And then she was going on about the two of them needing to bond, and how Luke was the spitting image of Kit. It’s amazing what the power of suggestion can do,’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘He must have thought he was on one of those secret camera shows or something. So after that performance I had to tell him.’

  ‘And how did he take it?’

  ‘That’s the really weird thing. He was really cool about it – not bothered at all. He actually seemed quite pleased after he’d let it sink in.’

  ‘Pleased?’

  ‘Yeah, and this is what I really wanted to talk to you about. He said I could go on pretending he’s the father if I want.’ ‘Really! Well, that was very nice of him.’

  ‘It was. Though he said it would have advantages for him if his mother thought he was … in a relationship.’

  ‘Do you think he wants to be “in a relationship” with you?’

  ‘I don’t know. He did ask me to go to his sister’s wedding with him. But I got the feeling he’s more interested in having an alibi, so his mother doesn’t pry into his private life.’

  ‘An international man of mystery, eh? Romy, do you have any photos of Kit?’

  ‘I suppose I have some old photos around somewhere. Why would you – is this for your incident nook?’

  Lesley looked sheepish. ‘Well …’

  ‘No. No way,’ Romy said flatly. ‘It couldn’t have been him.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I’d have recognised him, wouldn’t I?’

  ‘Would you? In a Darth Vader helmet? After all this time?’ Romy thought back to the previous night. She hadn’t

  recognised him in that Yoda mask. ‘No, it’s not possible.’ ‘Romy, look at the facts. He’s tall,’ she began, counting

  her points out on her fingers, ‘he was in town on the night in

  question, your mother thinks Luke is the spitting image of him, you’ve always thought Luke looks like someone familiar and … you like each other,’ she said, finishing with her thumb.

  ‘That’s all just … circumstantial.’ God, she was starting to talk like Lesley now.

  ‘I agree we need more to go on. But I would definitely have

  to include him as a suspect.’

  ‘You watch way too much TV.’

  ‘Well, now it’s finally going to pay off,’ Lesley said cheerfully.

  ‘Do you know if he was at David’s party?’

  ‘No, I didn’t ask him. But he wouldn’t have been. He never got in touch with any of us when he was home, did he?’

  ‘Well, maybe he did this time. You have to ask him.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll ask him. But even if he was there, there were hundreds
of people at David’s party. My mother just sees a resemblance with Luke because she thinks he’s the father – like I said, the power of suggestion. And yes, he’s tall – but so are lots of people.’

  ‘Well, I’m treating him as the prime suspect until we get evidence to the contrary.’

  Romy sighed. ‘Suit yourself. Anyway, I came here to talk about Kit, not Vader.’

  ‘Maybe they’re one and the same.’

  ‘They’re not.’

  ‘But have you ever seen the two of them in a room together?’ Lesley said quickly, collapsing in giggles at her own joke.

  Romy rolled her eyes exasperatedly at her.

  ‘Just saying,’ Lesley said, holding her hands up defensively. ‘It’s something to think about.’

  ‘Thank you, Sherlock. Anyway, what I really wanted to talk to you about was this idea of Kit pretending he’s Luke’s father. What do you think I should do?’

  ‘God, I don’t know. What do you want to do?’

  ‘I haven’t a clue!’ Romy wailed, clutching her head. ‘I mean, it would simplify things in the short term – I’d get out of having to tell Mum I’m a candidate for The Jeremy Kyle Show. But in the long term … I can’t see how it would work. There’s Luke to consider – I’d have to tell him the truth at some stage. And it would mean involving Kit’s family as well. Plus, I hate lying to Mum.’

  ‘Well, maybe you should tell her the truth. Your mum’s

  cool. I’m sure she’d be fine about it.’

  ‘I know she would – only now I’m afraid she’d be upset

  that I didn’t tell her in the first place. It’s like I didn’t trust her or something. God, what a mess! Why did I ever tell that stupid lie? Whoever said that thing about the tangled web wasn’t kidding.’

  ‘It sounds like Kit has a few secrets of his own. I mean, who needs a decoy girlfriend?’

  ‘Hmm,’ Romy murmured thoughtfully. ‘He does seem to be very secretive about his private life.’

  ‘I’d like to get to the bottom of that. What’s he hiding? You don’t want to get involved with him again and find out too late that he’s turned into a total weirdo.’

  ‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind finding out more about that myself. I’m sure it’s not anything dodgy, but still …’