Frisky Business

by Clodagh Murphy

  ‘Be quiet,’ she warned to his retreating back. ‘Don’t wake him up.’

  ‘So, I hear you’re employing Kit as some kind of handyman,’ Ethan sniggered when Kit had left the room.

  Oh – that snigger wasn’t good. ‘Not exactly “employing”, but he’s doing odd jobs around the place in lieu of part of the rent.’

  ‘Right. Well, good luck with that.’ Ethan smirked in a way that made Romy decidedly uneasy.

  ‘Why do you say it like that?’

  ‘Because … have you seen his work?’

  ‘No, but are you saying you don’t think he’s up to it?’

  Ethan looked at her sceptically. ‘Are you serious? You didn’t even find out if he could actually do any DIY before you hired him? You always were too easy on him, you know.’

  ‘Well, he told me he fixed things up in his apartments in New York all the time.’

  ‘That’s true,’ Ethan nodded. Then he smiled to himself as if recalling something funny. ‘Were you ever in any of his New York apartments?’

  ‘Well, no, but he has his own tools! He wouldn’t have his own tools if he wasn’t into DIY, would he?’

  ‘Yeah, he has his own tools all right.’ Ethan chuckled. ‘Have you seen his tools?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You should get him to show you his tools some time,’ Ethan said, seeming amused.

  ‘It’s very basic stuff,’ she said, rattled by his attitude. ‘Just fixing things for the tenants, putting up shelves, that kind of thing. I’m not going to be asking him to build an extension or rewire the house.’

  ‘Thank God for that at least!’

  ‘What? You really don’t think he can do basic handyman jobs?’

  Ethan sighed. ‘Let me put it this way. Kit is a good handyman in the same way that Mom’s a great cook.’

  ‘No, I’m sure you’re wrong about that. He put up some shelves for one of my tenants the other day and she’s really pleased with them. She told me he did a great job.’

  Ethan just looked at her, his eyebrows raised meaningfully, waiting for her to catch up.

  ‘Oh,’ she said when she realised what he was saying. Kit’s mother was a terrible cook, but everyone pretended to love her food because they didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

  ‘Yeah.’

  Oh, shit. She resolved to go and have a look at May’s shelves as soon as possible.

  ‘Okay, let’s go,’ Kit said, coming back into the room.

  Romy saw them to the door. ‘Have fun,’ she said, ‘and take care of each other.’

  ‘See you Sunday,’ Kit said, pulling her into his arms and giving her an enthusiastic kiss on the lips.

  Mmm, he was still a really good kisser, Romy thought, winding her arms around his neck and kissing him back. By the time Kit released her, Ethan was already sitting in the car. But he was watching them, and he didn’t look happy.

  Romy waved them off, hugging herself as she stood on the doorstep. Damn Ethan! He had unsettled her, and it wasn’t just the way he had been scowling at her and Kit just now. She thought of Laura’s Thanksgiving dinner and felt queasy at the thought of what Kit might be doing to her beautiful house. Lesley would be coming over shortly, but as soon as she got the chance, she was going to check out May’s shelves.

  ‘No Danny tonight?’ Lesley asked later as they sat on Romy’s sofa drinking wine and eating Romy’s home-made pizza.

  ‘No. He finally let some of his friends persuade him to go out on the razz with them.’

  ‘Well, good. At least one of us is getting out there.’

  ‘You know, I’m starting to think you might be right about Kit,’ Romy said.

  Lesley gasped. ‘You mean – about the whole BDSM thing?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Romy nodded.

  ‘Oh my God, did he come out to you about it?’

  ‘No, but … he’s said a few things that make me wonder.’ ‘Okay, tell me everything,’ Lesley said, leaning forward eagerly. ‘From the top.’

  ‘Well, it’s not that much really. But the other day he was saying that he needs to get more discipline back in his life. He said he had discipline in his life in New York.’

  ‘He actually used that word – “discipline”?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Okay. It’s definitely going into evidence, but it’s not conclusive. Go on.’

  ‘Well, today I asked him straight out what his secret was and why he needed a fake girlfriend. And he said he could tell me but I’d have to sign a confidentiality agreement first. He said he had them with his previous girlfriends.’

  ‘Oh my God! May had a confidentiality agreement with her master.’

  ‘I know. And then later, I said I had an idea about what his secret was, and he was a bit freaked and asked me was it obvious. When I said no, he said I’d probably read the signals easier than most people.’

  Lesley frowned. ‘Why would he think that?’

  ‘I’m not sure, but he was in the kitchen the other day and those books May gave me were lying around. I shoved them in a cupboard as soon as I realised and I thought I got away with it. But he’d been on his own in there for a while. He might have seen them.’

  ‘That must be it! He saw those books, so he thinks you’re into it and can recognise one of your own kind.’

  ‘Maybe. But if he thinks I’m part of that whole scene, why doesn’t he just come out and tell me?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe there’s some kind of secret handshake or something. So, anything else?’

  ‘No.’ There was also the blindfold, but she didn’t want to bring that up. It would be case closed, as far as Lesley was concerned. Still, she couldn’t help thinking how naturally it had occurred to him to use one. ‘I just wish I knew one way or the other.’

  ‘You need a way to smoke him out.’

  ‘But how?’

  ‘Hmm,’ Lesley said, stroking her chin thoughtfully. ‘I know! He’s away at the moment, right?’

  ‘Yeah, he’s gone to Tank’s stag weekend. He left earlier.’

  ‘And you have a key to his flat?’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘We should go down there and have a poke around.’

  ‘And look for what?’

  ‘Sex toys, leather gear … we might even be able to get into his computer,’ Lesley said, her eyes lighting up.

  ‘No! I can’t go snooping around his flat.’

  ‘Okay, then, I’ll go,’ Lesley said, jumping off the sofa. ‘Give me the key,’ she said, holding out her hand.

  ‘Lesley, no!’

  ‘He won’t know I’ve been there, I promise. I’ll do a really clean sweep. Do you have any plastic gloves?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘The ones you get with hair dye would do fine.’

  ‘Seriously, Lesley, you can’t! It’s an invasion of privacy.’

  ‘Okay,’ Lesley sighed, her shoulders slumping. ‘We’ll have to think of something else.’

  ‘Well, I’m going to Hannah’s wedding with him next weekend and we’ll be sharing a room. Maybe I could do something then.’

  ‘That’s perfect! We can set a honey-trap.’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Why don’t you bring something with you – one of those floggers or something – and leave it lying around where he can see it. Then he’ll think you’re up for it and it’s safe to tell you.’

  ‘I don’t have any of that stuff. And I don’t want to buy it specially just to trap Kit.’

  ‘I’m sure May would have something she could lend you.’

  ‘Probably. But what if he’s not into this kinky stuff? Then he’ll think I am and it’ll be weird.’

  ‘Bring something really obscure, that most people wouldn’t recognise. There was some pretty weird-looking equipment on those websites.’

  ‘That’s a good idea. I’ll ask May.’

  ‘Oh, but what if it turns out he is into it and he wants to hang you out of the ceiling?’ Lesley gasped.

  ‘
I’ll just say no. Besides, I doubt he’d bring all his equipment with him on the off-chance I’m going to let him hang me from the ceiling. Anyway, all the books say suspension is really tricky – and possibly dangerous. I don’t think it’s the kind of thing you’d set up in a hotel room.’

  ‘True. But if he is kinky, it would be mean to lead him on and leave him hanging.’

  ‘So what do you suggest I do?’

  ‘Why don’t you bring something you think you could handle if he wanted to use it on you? You can explain to him that you’re just a beginner and you’re not ready for the advanced stuff.’

  ‘God, I don’t know,’ Romy fretted.

  ‘Do you still want to have a relationship with him, if it turns out he’s into this, or is it a total deal-breaker?’

  ‘He’s still Luke’s father,’ Romy said uncertainly. ‘I suppose I’d still want to give it a go.’

  ‘Well, you could let him spank you. That wouldn’t be too weird, would it?’

  ‘No … as long as I never had to see him again as long as I live.’

  ‘How about bondage, then? You could let him tie you up and use a vibrator on you or something.’

  ‘Yeah, that mightn’t be too bad.’ She thought about the blindfold – that had been sexy. She wouldn’t mind doing that again.

  ‘That’s the spirit! Before you know it, you’ll be letting him hoist you up to the ceiling in one of those harness contraptions.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ Romy said doubtfully.

  ‘Well, keep an open mind. And maybe you’ll be able to compromise – find something that’s not too icky for you but would still keep him happy.’

  Romy grimaced. ‘I really don’t think I could ever get into this stuff. Imagine having to call your boyfriend “Sir”.’

  ‘Or “Master”.’

  ‘Eew!’ Romy squealed.

  ‘And if someone gave me a pat on the head for being a good girl, I’d plant him! But what if it was the other way around – you calling the shots, him being the slave?’

  Romy shook her head. ‘I still don’t think I could do it.’

  ‘Well, maybe he could get cured,’ Lesley said hopefully. ‘He could try hypnotherapy!’

  ‘I don’t think it’s really something you get cured of.’

  ‘I don’t see why not. I know lots of people who managed to quit smoking by being hypnotised. I don’t see why it couldn’t help fight the urge to truss up your girlfriend just as well. I mean I know it’s not PC to say it, but let’s face it – it’s not normal, is it?’

  ‘Even if it could work, he’d have to want to quit. If he does this stuff, it’s because he likes it.’

  ‘People like smoking. They still want to quit.’

  ‘Hmm.’ Romy wasn’t convinced. ‘Anyway, chances are he isn’t into S&M at all,’ she said briskly. ‘But I wonder what his secret life is, if not this?’

  ‘Well, there is another possibility,’ Lesley said tentatively.

  ‘Oh? What’s that?’

  ‘He could be gay.’

  ‘He’s not gay.’

  ‘How can you be so sure?’

  ‘Hello! He used to be my boyfriend, remember? I think I’d know if he was gay.’

  ‘Look at the evidence. It would explain the butt plug. And he thinks you have good gaydar because of Danny. That’s why he thought you were able to guess his secret. It all fits. And who needs a fake girlfriend more than a gay man who’s not out? He wants you to be his beard. I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.’

  ‘Maybe because I spent two years joined to him at the mouth,’ Romy said dryly.

  ‘Ah, but not joined to him at your rude bits. That’s the giveaway. Besides, that was a hundred years ago. He could have changed.’

  ‘Are you forgetting that he’s Luke’s father?’

  ‘Oh, yeah.’ Lesley’s face fell. ‘But you said he was a bit freaked out about the whole thing. Maybe he doesn’t normally shag women.’

  Romy gasped as Kit’s words came back to her. He’d had sex before, but ‘not like that’. ‘Oh! I think you could be right.’

  ‘Well, this is your perfect opportunity to find out for sure. We can make it a two-pronged honey trap. If he doesn’t bite with the BDSM stuff, you could try seducing him – the plain old vanilla way. At least you don’t need any special equipment for that – well, nothing you haven’t already got.’

  ‘I don’t know …’

  ‘Come on, Romy. You’re considering getting into a relationship with the guy. You need to know if he’s gay. I mean if you think the kinky sex is a deal-breaker, how would you feel about no sex at all?’

  ‘Oh!’ Romy chewed her lip. She had to admit Lesley had a point. ‘Right. I’ll see if May has something I can borrow in the morning. There’s something I need to see her about anyway.’

  The following morning, before setting off for Hannah’s hen party, Romy called on May on the pretext of returning her books, but really because she wanted to inspect the shelves Kit had put up.

  ‘Hello, Romy,’ the old lady greeted her as she ushered her in.

  ‘Hi, May. I just thought I’d return your books,’ Romy said, sailing past her into the flat.

  ‘Oh, thank you. But there was no need to return them so soon. Keep them for as long as you like. Would you like a cup of coffee?’

  ‘That’d be lovely, thanks. Why don’t I put these books on the shelf for you, and then we can discuss them over coffee? I have a few, um, questions.’

  ‘Oh, excellent!’ May’s eyes lit up. ‘You can just give them to me, dear.’

  Romy handed the books over reluctantly, and May led her through to the kitchen. ‘Oh, by the way, Kit left his tools here after he put up those shelves. Perhaps you’d take them for him? I’ve knocked a few times but I never seem to get him in.’

  ‘Sure. He’s away for the weekend. I’ll give them to him when he gets back.’

  ‘Here we are.’ May rooted in a corner of the kitchen and then presented Romy with a tool box. It looked normal enough.

  While May busied herself making coffee, Romy sat at the little table and opened the box. There was nothing unusual in the top tray, full of screws, nails and rawl plugs, but her heart sank when she lifted it out and saw what was inside – a hammer, scissors, screwdrivers, spirit level, even a little saw, all with pretty floral handles. They were the sort of tools you would buy in an upmarket department store rather than a DIY emporium or hardware shop – the sort of tools that were marketed as Christmas gift ideas for women. Still, she told herself as she pulled out the hammer and weighed it in her hand, a hammer was a hammer. It seemed heavy enough, and just because it had a decorative handle didn’t make it any less functional. Her attempts to reassure herself were only marginally successful, however. She would still feel uneasy until she saw those shelves for herself.

  ‘So you had some questions?’ May said, placing a cafetière of coffee on the table along with two china cups and sitting opposite Romy.

  ‘Oh, yes.’ Romy racked her brain for something she could ask May. She already knew way more than she wanted to about her tenant’s sexual exploits. ‘Well, it’s not so much a question,’ she said finally, ‘but I was wondering if you’d have something I could borrow. I was thinking of trying one of those, um … pinwheel things.’ She and Lesley had explored the sex shop websites the previous night and decided that was a suitably obscure looking toy. Like a cross between a spoon and a mini pizza cutter, it also had the advantage of being small and easy to throw in a bag.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ May said, with a delighted smile. ‘I’m sure I’d have one of those in my box of tricks. We can have a look later. Was that all?’

  ‘Would that be quite recognisable to anyone who was involved in BDSM?’ she asked. ‘I mean would it be something quite commonly used?’

  ‘Oh, yes, anyone in the lifestyle should know what that was – and what to do with it.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘You can have a lot of fun with that,’ May s
aid with a twinkle in her eye. ‘If there’s anything else you’d like to try, just let me know.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Romy sipped her coffee. ‘You obviously enjoyed this … lifestyle,’ she said.

  ‘I loved it. It answered a very deep need in me at the time. I found it very liberating.’

  ‘Liberating? Really?’ Romy thought of the images of May bound and restrained. It looked anything but liberating.

  ‘The irony isn’t lost on me,’ May said, with a smile.

  ‘So why did you give it up?’

  ‘My dom died,’ she said sadly.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry.’

  ‘Thank you, dear,’ she said. ‘I could have found another, of course. But we had a real relationship and I found I didn’t want to submit to anyone else after him. Many dom/sub partnerships don’t have any romantic or emotional side to them at all – they’re more like business relationships. But we loved each other, and when he died, well, I didn’t want to replace him.’

  ‘How old were you when he died?’

  ‘I was about thirty-five.’

  ‘So you never went back to being a sub?’

  ‘No. I felt I’d already explored that aspect of sexuality to the full anyway. I would have found it too limiting to continue. Not that it was restricting while I was with Marcus, because we had more. But to go back and start again with someone else …’ She shook her head.

  ‘So what did you do then?’

  She smiled wryly. ‘I ran away and joined the circus – literally.’

  ‘Really?’ Romy breathed.

  ‘Yes. I joined a circus in Barcelona and travelled all over Spain with them for a year.’

  ‘As a trapeze artist?’ Romy asked, thinking of the photos of May suspended from the ceiling on ropes. Her time as a sub must have qualified her for some pretty complicated acrobatics.

  ‘Oh no, dear! Nothing so exciting. As a wardrobe mistress. I sewed the costumes. Very dull, I’m afraid.’

  It sounded anything but dull. And at least her job description still included the word ‘mistress’, Romy thought.

  ‘It was an exciting time, though,’ May said, smiling fondly as she reminisced. And I met the most marvellous people. There was a Jamaican acrobat …’ She trailed off, draining her coffee. ‘Well,’ she said briskly, ‘shall we go and look for that pinwheel?’