Frisky Business

by Clodagh Murphy

  ‘In the rack in the kitchen,’ Romy told him.

  Kit went to the kitchen and came back with another bottle. ‘You survived Hannah’s hen in one piece I see,’ he said to Romy as he opened it.

  ‘Yes, it was fun. Well, I thought it was. Some of the girls there would have liked to escape too.’

  ‘That pair are a match made in heaven,’ Kit said, shaking his head.

  ‘Luke was a big hit with the girls.’

  ‘That’s my boy.’ Kit grinned. ‘So what did you do – zip-wiring, water-boarding?’

  ‘Well, not water-boarding,’ Romy said, laughing.

  ‘No?’

  ‘Er, no.’

  ‘Water-boarding isn’t an adventure activity,’ Danny said. ‘It’s a form of torture.’

  ‘Same thing, isn’t it?’ Kit said, shrugging.

  Romy was glad she’d over-ordered as Kit wolfed down everything in sight and continued eating long after she and Danny had finished, forking up every last grain of rice and crumb of naan. ‘You must have been starving,’ she commented.

  ‘I was. We had to forage for food,’ he said disgustedly. ‘Not very realistic, if you ask me. I mean if a plane really crashed there’d be bound to be some airplane meals lying around, wouldn’t there? They could have left us some tubes of Pringles at the very least.’ He pushed his plate away with a sigh of satisfaction.

  ‘We were going to watch a DVD before you came,’ Romy said. ‘Do you want to watch it with us?’

  ‘I feel like going out and celebrating,’ Kit said. ‘I’m alive! Let’s go out and get plastered.’

  ‘I can’t,’ Romy said, glancing towards the bedroom.

  ‘Oh yeah, little Whatsisface. Well, we could bring him with us!’

  Romy fixed him with a glare.

  ‘Only joking!’ Kit added hastily when he saw her stony expression.

  ‘Anyway, I’m wiped out,’ she said, yawning and sinking back against the sofa.

  ‘How about you?’ Kit asked Danny. ‘Will you come and drink to my survival with me?’

  ‘Well …’ Danny looked at Romy.

  ‘Go if you want to,’ she said. ‘Really, I’m ready for bed. All that water-boarding takes it out of a girl.’

  ‘Okay, then,’ Danny said to Kit.

  ‘Have fun you two,’ Romy said as they got up to go. ‘And Kit, send Ethan or Tank a text to let them know where you are. I know they don’t have their phones, but at least they’ll see it as soon as they get them back.’

  ‘Will do.’

  ‘So, Romy tells me you’re gay,’ Kit said conversationally to Danny as they walked down the steps.

  Danny gave a small smile. ‘Well, I haven’t got the bumper stickers printed up yet, but, yep, it’s true.’

  ‘God, sorry! Bloody stupid thing to say.’

  Danny laughed. ‘It’s fine.’

  ‘So where are we going?’ Kit said when they got to the gate. Is there a decent pub around here? I know I’m high on life, but I don’t think I’m up to going into town.’

  ‘There’s a good pub in the village. It’s not far.’

  ‘Great! Unless you want to go into town? I mean I don’t mind if you want to go to one of … your places.’

  ‘We are allowed mix with the heteros, you know,’ Danny said, laughing.

  ‘I know, God, I didn’t mean—’

  ‘Hey, relax,’ Danny said. ‘I’m just messing with you. Thanks for the offer, but I really fancy a quiet drink. Had a bit of a wild night last night.’

  ‘Great! Lead the way. I just hope it has dim lighting. I still have bits of countryside stuck to me. I probably smell too – just to warn you.’

  ‘You’re definitely in no state to go to a gay pub, then,’ Danny said. ‘We have much higher standards.’

  ‘True. There’s no way I could go to a gay bar wearing this stupid jacket.’ Though Kit had to admit that right now he was damn glad of the stupid jacket. It was bloody freezing! The icy air bit into his face and made his eyes water, and he began to regret leaving the cosy warmth of Romy’s flat. He’d had enough of the outdoors in the past twenty-four hours to last him a lifetime.

  ‘So, I hear you’ve just broken up with someone,’ he said as they walked.

  ‘Er, yeah.’ Danny glanced across at him warily. ‘Are all your conversations like this?’

  Kit sighed. ‘Sorry, I’m an idiot. Honestly – Romy will tell you. Just tell me to mind my own business.’

  ‘No, it’s okay. But I think maybe we should walk a bit faster. If this is your idea of small talk, I’m going to need a drink quick.’

  The pub was warm and sufficiently dark to satisfy Kit, and they found a free sofa in a cosy corner by an open fire. Kit had been surprised that Danny had agreed to come out with him. He’d got the impression he didn’t like him very much, and Danny’s behaviour now as they sat over a couple of beers was doing nothing to make him think he was wrong. He was so quiet, and it was all Kit could do to drag a few words out of him. Why the hell had he come if he was just going to sit there being so cool and detached, observing Kit from behind his inscrutable façade like he was some kind of science project? The adrenaline high that had got Kit here in the first place had gone, and he felt fed up. God, they should have stayed at Romy’s! He was starting to sweat, and it was nothing to do with the roaring fire. He was doing all the talking, either talking about himself or trying to draw Danny out with questions to which he got monosyllabic answers. He still knew next to nothing about Danny, other than that he was a landscape gardener and loved his job.

  ‘So, you’re an uncle now!’ he said heartily, trying another tack.

  ‘Yeah,’ Danny said with a fond smile. ‘And a godfather.’

  ‘Oh, you’re Whatsisface’s godfather? That’s great!’

  ‘Luke.’

  ‘Luke, exactly.’ Brilliant! He could probably expect to find a horse’s head in his bed any day now, just because he couldn’t remember the kid’s name. He cast around desperately for another topic of conversation. ‘I was sorry to hear about your father,’ he said.

  Danny just nodded in acknowledgement. ‘It hit Romy really hard. I mean it did us all, but she was …’ he didn’t finish the thought. ‘Having Luke seemed to help her get over it.’

  More than two sentences – that was progress! ‘She seems to be a great mother.’

  Danny drained his glass and stood, and Kit knocked his back too, grateful that this awkward evening was coming to an end. It had been a stupid idea and he just wanted to go home.

  ‘Same again?’ Danny asked, and Kit looked up at him in astonishment. Dear God! Surely he doesn’t think we’re having a good time?

  ‘Well, it’s getting late … we should probably go.’ Then it occurred to him that Danny felt he should buy a drink because Kit had got the first lot. ‘You can get me one another time,’ he said.

  ‘Just one more,’ Danny persisted, with such an appealing look that Kit couldn’t say no, even as his heart sank at the prospect of prolonging this agony. Though why Danny would want to sit here any longer with someone he didn’t like and couldn’t be bothered to talk to was beyond him.

  He watched Danny up at the bar, smiling shyly as the barmaid flirted with him. Poor thing, he thought, she didn’t realise she was wasting her time.

  Danny returned with the drinks and they both sipped their beers in silence. ‘You must find it a big change moving back here after living in New York,’ Danny said eventually.

  ‘You can say that again,’ Kit said with a wry smile. ‘Not what I would have chosen. Still, it’s not all bad. I was lucky to bump into Romy again.’

  ‘Yeah. She’s a good person to know.’

  Was that a dig? Kit wondered. He wasn’t sure. He decided to confront it anyway. ‘Look, I know you think I’m taking advantage of her, but I’m really not. At least I don’t mean to.’

  ‘I’m sure you’re not.’ Danny smiled. ‘Romy kind of invites it – she can’t help herself. Anyway, it makes her happy. She
likes to help people out, fix things … it’s just the way she is.’

  As he spoke about his sister, warming to his theme, it struck Kit that Danny wasn’t aloof or unfriendly, he was just shy. He looked so like Romy, he thought as he watched him, his face warmed by the alcohol and the flickering firelight. The same thick dark hair, the same big brown eyes framed by long sooty lashes, the same sallow skin. No wonder the barmaid had been trying to chat him up. He was very cute. ‘Have you ever been to New York?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, I went there last year for the first time with Paul – my ex.’ A shadow passed across Danny’s face momentarily, but he quickly replaced it with a smile. ‘It’s a fantastic city! I’d love to go back.’

  ‘Pity I didn’t know you then. I could have shown you around. So how long were you with Paul?’

  ‘A couple of years. I met him at the Chelsea Flower Show. I had a show garden there. It won silver.’

  ‘Well done,’ Kit interjected.

  ‘Thanks. Anyway, I met him there and he was from Dublin, so we got talking, and we went out for dinner together. Then when we got home, he hired me to do his garden.’

  ‘But he didn’t just want you to mow his lawn,’ Kit drawled.

  ‘Something like that.’

  Danny loosened up with the second drink, and the conversation began to flow. His whole face lit up when he told Kit about the garden he had designed and made for Paul, his enthusiasm for his work evident. ‘Sorry, this must be really boring for you,’ he said finally. ‘You’re probably not a garden person.’

  ‘No, it’s interesting – though I haven’t a clue about gardens myself. Couldn’t tell a tulip from a turnip. So what happened with Paul?’

  Danny shrugged, a hurt look clouding his face. ‘He said there wasn’t anyone else, but I’m pretty sure there was.’

  ‘Just a general feeling, or do you suspect someone in particular?’

  ‘Someone in particular. What really kills me is they’d never have met if it hadn’t been for me. I’d dragged Paul to this gig—’

  ‘What was the gig?’ Kit interrupted. He knew that wasn’t the right question, but he couldn’t help being interested.

  ‘The Rocket Monkeys.’

  ‘Oh my God! I can’t believe you even know who they are! You must be one of a handful of people in the world who know them.’

  ‘Well, it’s thanks to you that I do,’ Danny admitted, blushing. ‘I used to listen to those mixed tapes you were always making for Romy.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad someone appreciated them. So anyway, you were at this gig …’

  ‘Yeah. Paul wasn’t into them at all and only came under protest.’

  ‘Philistine!’

  ‘I know. Anyway, we met this guy there – James. I knew him slightly. He was a friend of a friend of a friend. But Paul had never met him before. I just knew there was something as soon as they met. Paul started acting weird, making out like he was a major Rocket Monkeys fan, like he was trying to impress this guy. And he kept disappearing to the loo and coming back looking all flustered and smelling of booze. Anyway after that night he started acting shifty – working late, cancelling plans at the last minute … the usual.’

  ‘Well, you’re better off without him,’ Kit said airily. ‘Anyone who doesn’t like The Rocket Monkeys … so what did you think of their latest album?’

  ‘Best thing they’ve ever done.’

  ‘Is the right answer!’ Kit slapped the table enthusiastically. ‘Wasn’t it fantastic?’

  ‘Yep. Though nothing can beat their gigs. I suppose you’ve seen them live lots of times?’

  ‘A few, yeah. I caught them in New York last year on the American leg of this tour. So who else do you like?’

  ‘Well, I don’t know if you remember a band called Dirt Bikes for the Elderly?’

  ‘That’s funny, Romy and I were just talking about them the other day.’

  ‘Really? Well, they’ve re-formed and they’re coming here in January. I have a spare ticket, if you’re interested. I was going to bring Paul, but—’

  ‘I’d love to see them!’

  ‘Do you want another drink?’ Danny asked, jumping up abruptly.

  ‘Oh, I think it’s my turn, isn’t it?’

  ‘Well, it’s just if you want one, we’d better get it now. It’s last orders.’

  ‘Is it?’ Kit looked around the pub, which was almost empty, and glanced at his watch. It was almost eleven thirty. ‘How on earth did that happen?’

  Later, after he had waved Danny off in a taxi and was winding his way homewards somewhat unsteadily, Kit felt a warm glow that wasn’t entirely alcohol induced. He was so glad he’d had the initiative to escape from Tank’s stag weekend. Otherwise, he would have missed the best night he’d had since moving back to Dublin and he wouldn’t have missed tonight for the world, let alone for another night on a godforsaken mountainside with Wedgie offering to start a campfire by lighting his farts.

  The next day Ethan dropped by Romy’s flat to return Kit’s rucksack.

  ‘He’s not in downstairs,’ he said to Romy, ‘so I thought he might be here.’

  Ethan had two days’ worth of stubble on his face and big bags under his eyes. He looked weary and utterly delicious.

  ‘No, but you can leave it with me. I’ll give it to him. The rucksack’s mine anyway, and I doubt he’ll ever have use for this stuff again.’ She took the bag from him and dropped it inside the door. ‘I can’t believe he took off like that without telling anyone. You must have been going crazy.’

  ‘Nah, I wasn’t really worried,’ Ethan said, leaning against the door jamb. ‘I knew he’d be okay. Kit always lands on his feet.’

  Kit was lucky his brother was so laid back, Romy thought. If he’d pulled a stunt like that on her, she’d have been frantic.

  ‘Do you want to come in?’

  He hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. ‘Better not. I still have to drop one of the other guys off. And Mom will be worrying. She wasn’t happy about this adventure weekend at all. She won’t relax until we’re all home.’

  ‘God, yeah, I can imagine! I know how I’d feel if it was Luke out there fending for himself on some mountain.’ She shuddered. It didn’t bear thinking about!

  ‘Well, you don’t have to worry about that for a few years yet,’ Ethan said, smiling.

  ‘No, thank goodness. So was it fun?’

  He shrugged. ‘Well, Kit ran off, another guy went into anaphylactic shock after eating a berry, Wedgie ended up in hospital and another guy is suffering from hypothermia. But apart from that – yeah, it was great!’ he said, widening his eyes enthusiastically.

  Romy laughed. ‘What happened to Wedgie? Did he break something? Was it Tank?’

  ‘No, nothing like that. He had to go to the burns unit after he tried to start a campfire in an, er, unusual way.’

  ‘Oh! Well, I hope he’s okay for the wedding.’

  ‘I’m sure he’ll be fine. Though he might not be able to sit down. Don’t ask.’

  ‘I don’t think I want to know.’

  ‘Well, I’ll see you next Saturday, if not before.’ ‘Okay, see you Saturday.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  ‘I hope you don’t mind sharing a room,’ Kit said for the umpteenth time as they drove down the long tree-lined avenue to the hotel where Hannah’s wedding was being held.

  ‘No, not at all,’ Romy said with a reassuring smile.

  If only he knew! She had no problem with that whatsoever. In fact, it was crucial for her to put her and Lesley’s plan into action. The pinwheel was nestling in her suitcase along with the spreader bar, but she was increasingly confident that Kit wouldn’t have a clue what they were. Once that test was out of the way, she would move on to phase two of the honey-trap – the vanilla seduction. She had packed her best underwear specially. And who knew where that would lead? No, I have absolutely no problem with sharing a room. She looked across at Kit, resisting the urge to do an evil laugh.

/>   ‘It’s a gorgeous setting for a wedding,’ she said as she stepped out onto the gravel in front of the hotel and surveyed her surroundings. There were acres of sweeping grounds, dotted with mature trees and benches. The lawn sloped gently downwards from the hotel to a small stream, a little wooden bridge across the water leading to the tiny chapel where Hannah and Tank would be married later that day. The wedding wasn’t for another four hours, but they had driven down early to give themselves plenty of time to check in and get changed.

  There was a queue at reception, mostly of guests for the wedding, and there were so many burly rugby types that Romy felt like she was in the middle of a scrum. Kit introduced her to the man behind them while they waited, a stocky ruddy-faced man called Peter.

  ‘It’s a terrible pity you ran off like that,’ Peter said to Kit in an almost impenetrable Limerick accent, his bellowing voice echoing around the entrance hall. ‘You missed the best stag do ever. ’Twas mental altogether! You should have stuck around – things really kicked off after you left.’

  ‘I’d already had enough excitement to last me a lifetime.’

  ‘But you missed all the fun. Poor Jack nearly died of anorexic shock from a poison berry, and Ethan had to give him an adrenaline shot. He could have literally died!’ From his thrilled tone, this was clearly the highlight of the weekend for him. ‘Thank God we had Ethan with us. He’s a handy fella, isn’t he? I believe he’s been away in the jungle.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Kit said. ‘He’s basically Tarzan with a stethoscope.’

  ‘And then Wedgie set his arse on fire. It was brilliant!’ Peter’s face got even redder as he laughed at the memory of Wedgie’s pyrotechnic display. ‘Fair play to Wedgie for organising it all.’

  ‘I don’t know why he doesn’t go into party planning full time,’ Kit mumbled to Romy, who suppressed a giggle. ‘At least you made it out alive,’ he said to Peter.

  ‘Aye, we all did, thank God. Though we had a good few casualties, in fairness.’

  ‘Is Wedgie okay now?’ Romy asked him. ‘Was he able to come today?’