Healed by Their Unexpected Family

by Karin Baine

  ‘The baby’s crowning. I can see the head. You’re doing great, Kayla. Our baby’s nearly here.’

  Our baby. That nugget barely registered amid her fugue, but it was an important reminder all the same. This was Jamie’s child too. No matter how unconventional the conception.

  There was such a buzz in the room as they anticipated the moment they were all here for, Kayla dug deep for another burst of energy to push through the pain.

  ‘Kayla, I need you to hold off on pushing for a while. Cherry, can you come and give me a hand?’

  ‘Jamie? What’s wrong?’ She struggled to sit up. The atmosphere changed as Cherry and Jamie exchanged concerned glances. It was a surge of nausea that rose in her this time through fear she’d made a mistake by having the baby at home after all.

  ‘The umbilical cord is caught around the baby’s neck. I just need you to slow this down until I can untangle it.’

  She’d probably seen and dealt with more occurrences of this than Jamie but that didn’t stop her from visualising her baby suffocating.

  ‘Panting breaths now, Kayla. There’s no need to panic. Jamie’s got this.’

  The short, panting breaths Cherry coached her through helped stave off that urge to push, giving Jamie time to work so baby’s oxygen supply wasn’t cut off to the brain. This was his baby too and he wouldn’t let anything happen to it when he’d fought so hard to be here with her.

  ‘That’s it, Kayla. The cord’s free now. When the next contraction comes, baby will be here.’ It was the pride with which Jamie delivered the news that gave her the confidence that everything was going to be all right after all.

  * * *

  Jamie couldn’t quite believe he was here doing this. Delivering his own baby. None of this was what he’d expected to happen when he’d signed on to help his brother have a baby with his husband. Yet he wouldn’t want to be anywhere other than here right now, helping Kayla as she gave birth to their son.

  ‘It’s a boy.’ His cry echoed hers as he caught the slippery bundle in his hands and all the emotion surrounding the moment and the lead up to it came pouring out. He’d lost his brother, but Tom had left Jamie with this precious gift.

  ‘Is he okay?’ The panic in Kayla’s voice was understandable. His blood had frozen in his veins when he’d seen that cord threatening the life of this baby before it had even begun.

  He passed the baby to Cherry, so she could hand him to his mother for that all-important skin-to-skin contact.

  ‘He’s beautiful. Congratulations, Mummy and Daddy.’

  Jamie was exhausted and all he’d done was catch this determined mite. It was Kayla who’d done all the hard work. Yet her eyes were bright against her flushed pink skin as she murmured a loving hello to her firstborn. He’d never seen anything so beautiful.

  ‘You did a fantastic job, Kayla.’ The gentle kiss he placed on her cheek seemed only natural as he leaned across to coo over the baby with her.

  ‘You too,’ she said, giving him a shy smile before quickly looking away again.

  Hopefully this was the beginning of the thaw between them that was needed so they could move forward as parents.

  The repeated thumping on the door broke through the intimate family portrait as the outside begged to be let in.

  ‘That could be the paramedics. I’ll get it.’ Cherry went to open the door and left them alone with their baby for the first time.

  ‘I think he’s got your lungs,’ Jamie teased as baby Garrett voiced his displeasure at great volume.

  ‘Hmm, well, he’s definitely got his daddy’s temper.’ She teased him right back, comparing him to the red-faced, bawling tot cradled in her arms.

  He didn’t care when the casual use of the D word had hit him harder than her intended insult. Jamie was a daddy, now and for the rest of his life. Parenting was something he swore he’d never do again. It was a privileged position he had now only because his brother had lost his life.

  His desire to live the rest of his life without responsibility for another life was no longer an option. The question now was to what extent he’d continue to play a part in his son’s upbringing.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ‘DAD, WOULD YOU like to cut the cord?’

  It was one thing being a stand-in parent for his little brother, or a biological father who’d been ready to walk away from any responsibility. To hear someone give him that title and make him face the reality of deciding to raise this child was a whole new ball game. Jamie didn’t know the first thing about looking after a baby other than what he’d read in medical books. He looked to Kayla for guidance before he answered the paramedic. It was down to her to make that call.

  ‘I think you’ve earned that right, don’t you?’ She was glowing with happiness as she swaddled the baby in the colourful crocheted blanket he’d seen in the wooden chest along with the towels. He wasn’t sure he had earned the right. Where Kayla looked natural as a mother, doubts and uncertainty suddenly clouded his judgement about his new position as a parent. With the playboy reputation Kayla had awarded him because of his inability to commit, he wasn’t sure he’d make a good role model.

  The judgement on his character did seem a little unfair. From the outside it might appear as though he was a love ’em and leave ’em kind of guy. However, his attitude towards relationships wasn’t entirely as heartless as it might appear. He and Tom had suffered because of their parents’ obvious mistake in having children. Their father had been selfish and not a man who should ever have considered having a family. It hadn’t changed him. He hadn’t suddenly stopped being an adrenaline junkie who preferred his own company in the outdoors because he had two young boys at home. Jamie had always been afraid of inheriting that selfish attitude and blighting some other youngster’s childhood.

  Oh, he’d raised Tom as best he could, but he was his brother and he’d had no choice. There was nothing to say he’d make a good father. Especially when his behaviour since Tom had moved out hadn’t been conducive to family life. He wasn’t as naïve as to think a child could suddenly change him from a carefree bachelor into a doting dad. It wasn’t as though he’d been contemplating settling down into family life with a significant other. This was purely down to tragic circumstances beyond his control.

  Although, he was thankful he’d been here during the birth for all manner of reasons. Not only because he’d provided the medical support at a time of potential danger but because it might have changed Kayla’s opinion about him. He wanted her to see him as someone she could go on this journey with, not merely as an obstacle in her path. If he was going to do this, he would need her help to guide him on the journey.

  ‘I’m so glad you guys turned up,’ he joked with the male paramedic who passed him the scissors, entrusting him to cut the cord between mother and baby. Now he was out in the world it was down to Jamie and Kayla to protect him. A thought that did nothing to quell those rising fears about his suitability as a father to this child.

  ‘Looks as though you did pretty well without us.’ There was a slap on the back to accompany the compliment, but it was Kayla, not Jamie, who was the real star. She’d stuck to her guns and because of her tenacity neither she nor the baby were experiencing any after-effects from the pain relief routinely offered in hospital. He couldn’t say he could have held out so long without begging for drugs to alleviate the obvious pain of childbirth.

  The high-stakes delivery had made him sweat enough to need a shower, though he’d kept his worry from Kayla. She’d needed him to be strong and confident about what he was doing, even if it hadn’t been the whole truth at the time. Panicking her could have jeopardised the baby’s life when his oxygen had already been restricted. He knew how differently things could’ve turned out if he hadn’t been able to untangle that cord.

  ‘We’re just going to give mother and son a check-over before we go.’ The paramedic gave him a
heads-up that they needed some space to work but Jamie was only too glad to hand over the duty of care to someone else.

  ‘Sure. I think I’ll step outside for some air while you’re doing that.’ Jamie left them to do their checks and walked out through the front door, which was still lying open.

  Kayla had Cherry with her for moral support, so he hoped she wouldn’t notice his absence. Up until everything had gone pear-shaped she might have welcomed it. He’d rather not have had to step in and take the place of her midwife, but he hoped it would change her mind about the kind of man she thought he was.

  He set foot onto the pavement out front and the cool air woke him up to reality. A stumble over his own feet sent him reaching for support. He backed up against the wall, the world spinning around him.

  He slid down until his backside was resting on the ground, his legs flat out before him. Some of that gas and air Kayla had been keen to do without would be the ticket for him right about now. It was easy to see why men were eager for a stiff drink after their baby was born. Especially if they’d had to deliver it themselves.

  A few deep breaths later and the fear of passing out began to leave him. It wasn’t so much the actual birth that had taken a toll but the emotional impact of the situation. He was a dad. He had a son. Kayla was going to be okay. There were so many good things to celebrate, yet everything was tinged with sadness that Tom and Liam weren’t here to be part of it.

  Jamie didn’t realise he’d been crying until the tears dripped off the end of his chin and splashed onto the ground.

  * * *

  ‘He’s perfect.’ Kayla couldn’t stop staring at her son. For the first time in her life she felt as though she’d really accomplished something. She’d made this perfect little human being. Not on her own, of course—Jamie had played a vital part both before, and during, the birth. There was a lot to thank him for. He’d provided excellent medical backup when she’d needed it and been a great accompaniment to Cherry with moral support. He was obviously more than a pretty face and a smart mouth after all.

  At this moment, the baby was her whole world. He was her only family and the last link she had to Liam. She only wished he could have been here to meet him.

  ‘Is it too early to discuss a name yet?’ Cherry helped the baby to latch on for that first important breastfeed to give him the best start in life.

  ‘I think I’ll talk to Jamie first.’ It was the least she could do to involve him in that decision, even if she would claim the final say on the matter. Naming the child was the first of the big decisions she’d have to make. Something he’d have to live with for ever. It wasn’t a responsibility she took lightly when everything she did as a parent now could have repercussions later. Her parents’ every action had impacted negatively on her and she didn’t want the same for him.

  Tom and Liam had agreed on waiting until the baby was born to name him.

  ‘Until we see what he looks like,’ Liam had insisted. They hadn’t even wanted to know the sex beforehand, wishing to be surprised.

  Now there was a part of her that wished they had been able to enjoy the excitement of knowing they’d have a son. If they had chosen a name she would have been able to honour those wishes now. As it was she didn’t even know what surname he should have.

  Although they’d joined their surnames when they’d married, O’Connell-Garrett might be too much of a mouthful to inflict on a child. There was also a fear that by giving him Jamie’s surname he’d think he had more rights now than being simply the sperm donor. It was a minefield.

  ‘We’re going to head off now. You’re both doing great but, remember, any problems at all and get down to the hospital.’ The paramedics packed up their gear and, though she’d declined their suggestion of a check-up at the hospital, Kayla was glad they’d been here to deliver the placenta and give the baby the all-clear.

  ‘Thank you so much for coming out. You’ll excuse me if I don’t see you to the door.’ She was a little tender and her legs were wobbly, making walking anywhere a chore she wasn’t ready to undertake yet. For tonight she expected to set up camp in her pillow fort.

  ‘We’ll probably see you again in a few years’ time.’

  It took a moment for her to get the joke but the thought of going through this a second time was the last thing on her mind.

  ‘No chance.’ She hadn’t intended this to happen first time around. At least, not with her as the primary parent.

  ‘That’s what they all say.’ The female paramedic all but pushed her jovial colleague out of the door and rolled her eyes in apology at Kayla.

  With the outsiders gone, and only Cherry and the new arrival keeping her company, the house was slowly getting back to feeling like home. Even if there was a new, demanding male who was going to monopolise her time and thoughts for the rest of her life.

  ‘Where’s Jamie?’ Surely, he hadn’t run out on them already? He’d been an integral part of the birth and she expected him to be here. She needed someone who understood the loss she’d suffered and the mixed emotions she was experiencing now their baby was here. Jamie was the only one who could relate, and she was desperate to know if he was feeling the same confusion and fear about suddenly becoming a parent.

  ‘I’m sure he’ll be back. Now, I’m not confident baby’s getting anything. We might need to shift position a bit.’ As Cherry plumped the cushions around her and tried to find a better position, the baby stopped sucking and let out a yell, clearly displeased he wasn’t getting enough milk. His face was screwed up into a red ball of fury. His shrill wails tugged at the very core of her brand-new mothering instinct and she immediately wanted to pacify him. He was in such a temper his gummy mouth was too busy bawling to attempt a second time.

  ‘Who’s making all that noise in here?’ The sight of Jamie walking in lifted her heart and her spirits.

  ‘I can’t get him to latch on properly.’ The smallest act she couldn’t do for her child somehow felt like a failure. What if she couldn’t do this any better than her own mother and father and screwed his life up too as a result? The guilt would suffocate her if she thought she’d inflict the same pain on another human being as her parents had done to her and Liam both physically and mentally.

  ‘You know yourself it can take time. Don’t worry, Kayla. He’s not going to starve.’ When she was doing Cherry’s job she told mothers the same thing, but it was such a blow not to be able to mother him properly straight away. Breastfeeding was a natural thing and it shouldn’t have been a problem for her. Not when she coached other women on how to do it successfully.

  ‘Tell him that.’ No amount of cooing or cradling would settle him. Every cry was a dagger in her womb.

  ‘May I?’ Jamie stepped over to take the baby whilst she covered herself up again.

  ‘Go for it.’ He couldn’t do a worse job as a father than she was currently doing as a mother.

  He very gently reached out to take the screaming infant and tucked him into the crook of his arm. It was then Kayla saw the telltale red-rimmed eyes. He’d been crying. Perhaps he’d just realised what he’d got himself into as well. Although, it was a shock to discover there was anything serious going on beyond his sarcasm and the constant teasing. She hadn’t even seen him cry at the memorial service for their brothers when she’d hardly been able to stand, she’d been so overcome with the loss and grief.

  Jamie had taken care of planning that day, greeted the mourners and organised the caterers as though on autopilot. She’d doubted he could’ve loved his brother as much as she’d loved hers when he’d been able to carry on as though his life hadn’t just crumbled around him.

  Seeing him now, she wondered if he hadn’t simply been strong for her sake. He’d gone outside to cry tonight where she couldn’t see him. She’d never know if the tears had been through pride, grief or relief at the circumstances in which their son had entered the world. It wa
s a sign there were layers to Jamie beyond the cocky façade. Unless he was simply feeling sorry for himself, having realised exactly what he’d committed himself to.

  ‘You have to give your mummy a break. It’s been a long day, and this is all new to us.’

  If there was anything more adorable than a big man cooing at a tiny baby in his arms, she’d yet to see it.

  As if he were stunned by the phenomenon himself, the young master’s yells subsided to a whine. Typical. He was going to be a daddy’s boy to a man whose obligation was supposed to have ended when he’d deposited his seed into a plastic cup.

  All the raving Tom had done about his brother raising him might have been justified. If Jamie was a natural father, what did that make her? Where did it leave her? Perhaps there were things she could learn from him after all.

  ‘Is there anything you’d like me to help you with, Kayla?’ Cherry peered at her with concerned eyes.

  If Jamie hadn’t been here she might have broken down and admitted her fears about not being able to breastfeed. Since he seemed to have mastered his part already, she was reluctant to do so. She was the one with the hands-on experience with babies. Now she was worried all that practical knowledge and learning meant nothing when she hadn’t had a great parenting role model from the start. It wasn’t in her genes.

  ‘I might need some help getting settled for the night.’ Post-birth doulas were often used as practical support as well as a shoulder to cry on when needed but things such as housekeeping no longer seemed important in the wider picture.

  ‘What about sleeping arrangements?’

  ‘I...um... I—we haven’t discussed that. Jamie had just arrived when I went into labour.’ Since his concern had been centred around the labour and subsequent birth, the subject of his moving in hadn’t risen again.