Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Episode 11

by Chautona Havig

  At the Solari’s table, Willow stood behind them as the couple’s talked, waiting for an opening. Chad was correct; Solari was furious. Unwilling to open herself to the charge of eavesdropping, she laid her hand on his shoulder and said, “Excuse me.”

  Steve jumped to his feet, surprised and acting somewhat nervous. “Willow. I am surprised to see you so soon. I thought you and your—”

  “Fiancée.”

  Steve’s eyes flew to her hand in surprise. So the bridal shop had been about a wedding. “Fiancée, made it clear that you weren’t interested—”

  “I came to apologize. I—we were rude and ungracious. I want to say that I’d love to dance, but it’s not true. However, if you still want to dance, I accept.”

  The next song caused Willow to wince. Not only would she have to dance with a man she feared, but to a song that hurt her ears. Steve seemed to notice. “How about we wait for the next waltz or even a two-step. I’ll come get you, if I may?”

  With a weak smile and a nod just shy of curt, Willow returned to Chad’s side at their table and sagged against him. “That was awkward.”

  “He said no?”

  “He’s coming back when a dance starts that I can manage.”

  “Moon River” drifted through the room two songs later, and Steve appeared by her side almost instantly. Chad wove his way through the dancers to Lynne, and seconds later, they glided near Willow and Steve from time to time.

  Steve waited until their third trip around the dance floor before he spoke. “Willow, I’d be a fool to pretend I don’t understand your aversion to me. I represent a connection to the one person your mother truly feared—”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “I don’t?”

  “Mother didn’t fear your son, Mr. Solari. She hated your son; she feared you.”

  Affronted, his eyebrows drew together in a scowl in such a quick movement, she almost doubted that she saw it. “She had no reason to fear me. I tried to do all I could to ease the pain of what my son caused. I knew it was inadequate, but I couldn’t take back what was already done.”

  “I don’t know what you said to her that day, but Mother feared for my life if you discovered my existence.” Suddenly an idea occurred to her. “I have to say, with some of the things that have happened to me recently, I can see why she did.”

  “Things? What are you talking about?”

  “Someone, a man named Ben Fischer, killed my dog and chickens, entered my home and meddled with my things. He eventually attacked me and threatened my life.”

  “He what—” Solari began, fury nearly oozing from his pores. “How did you get away—do you need a bodyguard? What can I do to help ensure your safety?”

  She met his gaze and held it waiting for some glimmer of guilt or innocence. Willow saw neither. “They caught him, and he died on the way to the Brunswick station.”

  “Good.”

  Her stunned expression spoke before she did. “How can you say that? We’ll never know why he did what he did. He’ll never have a chance to repent.”

  “He tried to hurt you. I can’t feel sorry that he’s gone. I know in your book that probably makes me a horrible person, but I can’t stand the idea of anything happening to you.”

  “Why?”

  Steve spun her gently away from him and then back into his arms. “You’re not a trained dancer, but you follow a lead very well, Willow.”

  “Thank you. Why?”

  “Sorry, I got sidetracked. The answer isn’t one you want to hear,” he admitted with believable ruefulness.

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “You are my only grandchild. I know that we don’t know each other and your existence is proof of my son’s worst side, but I want a relationship with my only grandchild.” The look he gave her, clearly meant to be tender, nearly caused her to shudder. “I know it is hard to believe, but I already love you and want to take care of you.” He paused and swallowed the emotion in his voice, although even Willow could see that it was somewhat for effect. “It’s part of who I am. I saw you across the room tonight and saw my wife, thirty years ago. You look just like her.”

  “Chad commented earlier that he can see how much you love your wife.”

  “I do love my wife, Willow.” Solari paused by the orchestra leader and made a request before whirling her back onto the floor for the last few steps of the dance. “Will you keep dancing, Willow? I want to talk.”

  “I’ll dance the next, but I’m here with Chad, and it would be rude to leave him for any longer than that.”

  Solari nodded and clapped with the rest of the dancers as the song ended. “Thank you.”

  As the next dance began, Willow fought to find words that would keep the Solaris far from her door but without insulting them. “Mr. Solari—”

  “Please call me Steve at least.”

  “Steve,” she began hating the sound of it on her tongue. “I know that my mother may have been terribly wrong about you, but her experiences, her impressions are written on my heart. I can’t just erase them overnight.”

  “Are you saying you’re willing to try—” Steve began eagerly. Too eagerly.

  “I am saying that a year ago you had no idea that I existed. You were content with your life in so much as you could be. I, on the other hand, knew of your existence, as did my mother. Neither of us chose to change that then. Can you see why it is hard for me to adjust to your knowledge of it now? I’ve spent twenty-three years of my life trying to hide my existence from a man I believed with all of my heart would kill me if he learned I had ever been born.”

  “But I would never—”

  “But that doesn’t erase twenty-three years of fear and horror. Can’t you understand that!” Her voice rose slightly. “I’m sorry,” she tried again, her voice quieter. “I didn’t mean to draw attention to us.”

  Chad wove his way around the perimeter of the room. He’d seen her slowly becoming agitated and it was time for them to go. They were dancing toward him. As they neared, he heard Solari pleading for understanding.

  “But your fear is based on a lie. I’m not asking you to move in with us or be alone with us at any time. I just hoped that you might try to get to know us—slowly of course.”

  “Mr. Solari, excuse me. I’m sorry to interfere, but it’s after ten o’clock and we have a drive home still.”

  “You can’t leave yet!” he protested hotly.

  “I’m afraid we must. Perhaps you’d consider meeting for lunch sometime in Fairbury.”

  “Willow?”

  “She’s welcome to join us if she chooses,” Chad agreed.

  Solari dropped his hands to his side and stepped away from Willow. “I hope you will join us.” To Chad he offered his business card and asked, “May I bring my wife?”

  “I hope you do. She’s a lovely woman.”

  “Willow gets her features from Lynne.”

  “I noticed that while I was dancing,” Chad agreed as he slipped an arm around Willow’s waist and took a step backward. “Thank you for understanding.”

  He led her out of the ballroom, to the cloakroom for her ruana and his coat and then outside. “I’ve never been so glad to get out of a room in my life.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have danced. I just thought—”

  “You may have saved some serious ugliness, so I should thank you.”

  Midway to Fairbury, Willow finally spoke. “Steve Solari knew Ben.”

  “He said that!”

  “No. But when I mentioned that Ben threatened me, he got angry and spoke about him as if he knew him. I don’t think Ben was ever supposed to actually hurt me.”

  “What do you mean, ‘spoke as if he knew him.’“

  “Well,” she tried to explain, “he looked shocked and angry at the same time, but it wasn’t surprised shock. It was more personal. Then he got flustered like he’d said or done something he didn’t want me to see.”

  Several miles passed before she spoke again.
“Chad?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you want me to go to this thing with Mr. Solari?”

  “Honestly? No. I am hoping to see how he responds if you don’t show up, but I said you could and if you want to, I won’t discourage you.”

  “Good. ‘Cause I’m not going either way.”

  Laughter slowly filled the cab of the pickup. “What if I really wanted you to go?”

  “I’d feel bad that I had to disappoint you, but I’m not going.”

  “And if I insisted?” Chad did not intend to do anything of the sort, but the rhetorical question was too tempting to ignore.

  “I’d remind you that you promised me you’d never lead me where I didn’t want to go.”

  “Aww, Willow. I won’t either.” A thought suddenly occurred that made his heart sink. He reached across the truck and took her hand. “Well, actually, I have to amend that.”

  “What? Why? ” She tried to jerk her hand away, but his held it fast.

  “I won’t lead you where you don’t want to go—not unless you want to go in some path that is terribly wrong and the one I want to lead you in is the one out.”

  She mulled that idea for a few minutes and then asked. “What if you think something is right and good for me, and I just want to keep something the same as it is?”

  “Unless sameness is a sin, I’m not doing it.” He squeezed her hand. “I promised, Willow. If this is about children or intimacy in marriage, I made a promise, and I’m going to keep it. I have my room. You have yours. How that works out down the road is up to you. I’m not going back on my word.”

  As he turned into her driveway, Willow asked one more question. “So what happens if I change my mind, but you don’t change yours?”

  “About what?”

  “Um— children or sleeping arrangements, or whatever.”

  Chad hurried to open her door for her and hustled her inside the house. Her ruana, warm as it was, didn’t cover the rest of her enough to protect her from the icy air. He built a fire, before grabbing the thick quilt that lay over the back of the couch and tucking it in around both of them tightly.

  “It’s so cold!”

  “You’re not usually gone so long that the fire goes out at night.”

  “Makes me feel like a failure in the Proverbs thirty-one department. My ‘lamp’ went out at night.”

  “That,” Chad protested, “Is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  The room warmed slowly and their teeth eventually ceased their staccato dance. They talked about the evening, and Chad admitted that aside from the Solari invasion, he’d had more fun than he’d expected. “I suspect that has something to do with the company.”

  “I had a wonderful time. I like dancing, but I don’t like this stuff on my face and pins in my hair,” she complained, pulling a small mountain of pins from the coils of hair around her head. The tumbling curls bounced around her shoulders. “I can’t believe my hair still has curl. It never holds a curl. Mother and I tried everything, but these things your sister used seem to have worked.”

  “That and the stuff she uses before she puts them in, and the layers of hairspray she—”

  “No hairspray. I put my foot down on that. It was awful just in the front. Feel that!”

  Chad tried to run his fingers through the front of her hair but they refused to budge without a tug. “Ick.”

  “See, the back isn’t like that.” She turned the back of her head for his inspection and sighed deeply as his hand massaged her head. “That feels wonderful.”

  “Cheri always had someone rubbing her head after it was up. She said it felt like sore muscles.”

  “Mmm hmm…” Willow agreed.

  “You’re going to fall asleep on me. I’d better go home.”

  “But then you’d have to stop rubbing my head.”

  He nudged her gently. “Goodnight, Willow. I’ll go start a fire upstairs for you.”

  “I’ll sleep right here.”

  “Get up.” He insisted pulling the blanket with him as he rose from the couch.

  “Oooh you’re mean!”

  “You’ll thank me in the morning.

  Halfway home, Chad remembered Willow’s question and smiled. She couldn’t be asleep yet. She answered his call on the second ring. “What now? I was almost asleep and already dreaming of dancing and beautiful dresses.”

  “You asked me a question that I didn’t answer.”

  “Oh.” She wasn’t sure she wanted an answer anymore. For the past five minutes, she’d been thankful for the interruption that seemed to have made him forget the question.

  “Willow, you need to know something.”

  “Do I really?”

  He chuckled. “I’m not going to say anything horrifying. Breathe. You need to know that our marriage is going to be different from most marriages, not because I’m not interested but because I know you’re not ready for one. I could have waited until you were, but I didn’t want to. I’d rather wait while I am married than wait to be married.”

  “What does that mean? You lost me.”

  Chad swallowed hard and rephrased in the simplest way he knew how. “Willow, I’m a man. I’m not going to turn down an invitation.”

  Chapter Eighty

  Willow stood in the doorway of Chad’s little bathroom, watching as he tied his tie. “That looks very uncomfortable.”

  Chad stared at his reflection, before jerking it off again. “It is. I don’t know what I’m trying to prove.”

  “Prove?”

  “A man like Solari knows I’m not a tie kind of guy.” He draped it over the towel rack and washed his hands again. “Well, how do I look?”

  Her smile didn’t quite meet her eyes, and she knew it. “Like fish bait. He’s going to be so mad when you show up without me.”

  “It’ll show his true colors, and we can stop the song and dance.” Chad wrapped his arms around her, murmuring into her hair, “It’s going to be ok—really.”

  “I shouldn’t have asked to come. You’ll get home so late…”

  “I’ll probably just bring my uniform and change at your house.” He gave her one last squeeze before he said, “It was kind of nice to hang out here for a bit. I prefer your place, but this was—”

  She frowned as he cut himself off abruptly. “What is it?”

  “I just realized what I really liked about it.”

  “And that is?” Stepping around her, Chad went to his room and grabbed his shoes. Willow followed, confused. “What?”

  Seated on his bed, he leaned forward, his head cradled in his hands, and whispered, “You wanted to be here with me.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  His eyes rose to meet hers. “Nothing. It’s just—great.”

  “You’re weird.”

  Five minutes after Chad strolled out the door to go to the restaurant, he burst into the apartment. Willow jumped up, demanding to know what was wrong, but he didn’t answer. He grabbed his uniform and disappeared into the bathroom, barely shutting the door behind him.

  “Chad! I’m serious. What is wrong?”

  “Accident—Joe’s hurt. I have to work now. You’ll have to stay here until I get off or get a break if I do. Sorry.”

  “Can I do anything—and don’t be sorry. How ridiculous.” Accident… he hadn’t said what kind. “How bad is it? Was it a car like yours?”

  “Yeah—teenagers, alcohol, and cops on the beat don’t mix well.”

  “Oh no!”

  As he dashed into his room and pulled his gun belt from a lockbox, Chad rambled. “I’m so glad Ryder wasn’t in the car. Did you know some people still think he was behind everything—including Ben’s death? What kind—” He appeared in the doorway, glancing around as if trying to find something. “What am I forgetting?”

  “Who cares? Just call if you need something. I’ll bring it.”

  “Ok, goodnight.”

  Willow stood in the middle of the living room,
holding her cheek. The kiss had been instinctive, something she’d seen his father do whenever he left the house. She had no doubt that he hadn’t even been aware that he did it. Her eyes closed as she tried to decide what she thought of it. A slow smile grew. Nice—almost like when Mother was amused by her and kissed her in passing.

  Time passed slowly. Willow leaned closer to the lamp, examining the heel of her sock. Turned wrong. Frustrated, she frogged half of it, winding the yarn back onto the ball. As she slid the stitches back onto the needle, Willow realized what Chad forgot—Mr. Solari.

  The clock in his bedroom read seven-ten. Would he have left yet? Would he wait, assuming work kept Chad late? She pulled out her phone to ask if he had called, and stuffed it back in her skirt pocket. No. He was busy.

  Resigned, she grabbed her coat and pulled it on. She’d have to do without a scarf. At the door, she hesitated—no key. She could either ask the neighbor again or leave it unlocked. She opted for unlocked. Who would try to break into an officer’s house—in Fairbury? A new thought occurred to her and she pulled out her phone.

  “Ryder? Can you do me a favor? Come sit in Chad’s living room until I get back. I’m leaving now. Just come.”

  She was at the end of the block before her phone rang. “What’s wrong?” Ryder asked for Chad’s address and she snickered. “I never imagined that you didn’t know!” With him enlightened as to his destination, she half-jogged through the streets of Fairbury, glancing at the lights and hullaballoo at the corner.

  A license plate in the parking lot told her he was still there. Surely, there weren’t two people with “Solari” license plates. In the lobby, she glanced throughout the room and thought she saw him in the corner. The hostess asked if she was meeting someone, but Willow shook her head. Throat dry, she turned to leave. One last glance back and she sighed. Pulling out her phone, she dialed Chad as she left the restaurant but disconnected before he answered. Instead, she sent a quick text. He could be busy.