Sinful

by Lexi Buchanan

  Channel surfing, along with being alone, gets old every night, but tonight, it seems unbearable. Knowing that I’ve hurt Savannah is preventing me from settling.

  Finding an old episode of Golden Girls, I drop the remote to the floor and try to concentrate on the scene with Blanche and Rose discussing Blanche’s next conquest.

  “What the fuck are you watching?” Ryder shouts, causing my heart to jump out of my fucking chest.

  “What does it look like? And have you ever heard of knocking?”

  He drops his ass to the sofa. “I knocked.” Frowning, he watches me and I have a feeling that he’s really seeing me, the only way that someone who is close to me can.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Why are you here?” I counter. “Isn’t it a bit late?”

  “Dahlia and Faith are asleep, but I had accounts to finish. I also promised Dahlia that I’d come and check on you.”

  Now he has my attention. “Why?”

  “Because she’s worried about you, and so am I. This thing with Savannah is sudden.”

  I laugh. “There is nothing sudden about Savannah. We’ve been dancing around each other for over a year, so I’d say it’s slow, if anything.”

  “Look,” Ryder sighs, and turns back to watch the Golden Girls, “neither of us want to see you get hurt, and she really does seem like a nice woman, but…fuck…just be careful, okay?”

  At one time, I’d laugh in his face at him giving me advice about women, but not anymore. He means well, they both do. I’m not sure how he’d react if he knew what a dick I’d been to Savannah after our date, though. It was a perfect night until I’d ruined it.

  “What’d you do?” Ryder asks, and I wonder if he can read my mind.

  “Huh?”

  “You didn’t shut me down, you look, I don’t know, weird…plus you’re watching Golden Girls.”

  Shaking my head, I admit, “I haven’t done anything. I’m just trying to give Savannah some space, but ended up hurting her feelings.” I gaze at the TV, not really seeing anything other than the hurt that I put on her beautiful face.

  “You’ve never had a problem giving me advice, so take some of your own and go see her, explain that you’re a dick.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Jace, c’mon. This isn’t like you.” Ryder sits forward, and places his elbows on his knees, letting his hands hang loose.

  “That’s because I’ve never met anyone who affects me the way Savannah does. I’m afraid I’ll screw up in some way and she’ll walk. But I’ve probably screwed up anyway.”

  “You don’t know until you’ve asked.” He glances at his beeping cell. “I’m going to head home.” He smiles, which turns into a frown. “Try not to screw up.”

  “Think I’m going to have to try and find a way to stay in the moment, and to stop thinking about the past. If I don’t, I’m going to be a sorry ass for the rest of my life.”

  “You’re in control now Jace, you’ve always been in control. Don’t let that bitch, who is in your past, stop you from going after what you want now. The love of a good woman makes the heart lighter, and I want that for you, big brother.” Ryder stretches, and stands. “And on those wonderful words of wisdom, I’ll leave you to Blanche’s whoring.” He laughs, thinking he’s funny.

  The fact is, Ryder is funny.

  Watching him go as quickly as he arrived, I’m not too sure as to whether I have or haven’t already screwed up.

  Before I can settle into bed, I reach for my cell, which is always kept close and try calling her—it goes to voice mail.

  I don’t leave her a message but shoot her a text.

  I’m sorry and I’ll see you soon. J x

  She’ll know why I’m sorry without me having to explain.

  Even though my gut was churning back at her house, I should have explained to her why I couldn’t stay. Instead, I’d tried to soften the blow with a kiss and a promise to call, but I know I still hurt her deeply.

  I now hope that she’ll respond to my message, even if it’s only to acknowledge it.

  Savannah

  Sipping coffee, while hiding out in the cozy kitchen of Golden Circle, gives me too much time to think.

  Karen and Deborah have taken the children to the field for another coaching session with Jace. After last night, I feel too raw to face him.

  Was I wrong to expect him to spend the night, or at least come inside with me for a late night coffee, and to kiss and cuddle on the sofa? I don’t feel as though it was, but he acted so out of character. All this time we’ve wanted the other and, after finally coming together in the true sense of the word, he acted strange, as though he couldn’t wait to get away.

  If he wanted or needed space after we’d made love—I refuse to call it sex—then he should know by now that all he needed to do was tell me. Instead, he made me feel as though he’d used me, and now had no room for me in his life. I’m struggling to accept this because it goes against everything I believe Jace to be.

  We’d had mind-blowing sex, and then he’d given me a chaste kiss before he’d practically run for his truck. I’d watched him from the window, and he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.

  But he did call like he said he would, but I’d let it go to voicemail. Perhaps if I’d acknowledged his text message, he might have tried calling me again. Maybe he thinks that I don’t want him anymore, which is so far from the truth it isn’t funny.

  Part of myself feels as though I’m being childish by acting this way, but the other half is desperately upset over his treatment of me after what we’d had, what I thought, was an amazing evening together. I was obviously wrong.

  “Now I know there is more to your ‘yes, I’m fine’ comment when you arrived,” Karen says, breaking into my thoughts. She sits at the table opposite me as she catches my eye. “I’ve been standing in front of you for a few minutes, and you had no idea until I spoke.”

  I blink in surprise, and find I have to swallow back tears.

  “Does this have anything to do with the six-foot-something, handsome man who coaches softball?”

  I slowly nod.

  “Because he looks just as miserable as you do.”

  Now that perks me up. “He does?”

  Karen chuckles. “Now, why on earth would the fact that he’s miserable have you smiling?”

  I slump back in my chair, and sigh. “We went on a date last night and, when he walked me to my front porch, things didn’t go too well. Jace deserves to be miserable for hurting me.”

  “Now you sound like my daughter when she doesn’t get her own way.” Karen raises a brow.

  Chuckling, I drain my cup of coffee and move to the sink to wash it.

  “I guess I feel a bit better knowing that he’s suffering as well, which doesn’t sound very kind, does it?”

  “You don’t have a bad bone in your body, Savannah, but I’m curious as to what you’re going to do about Jace.”

  Leaning back against the sink, I close my eyes and sigh in pleasure when his smiling face appears in my head. I know what I’m going to do. “I’m going to invite him to Tammy’s surprise party and go from there.” I chew my lip.

  “That’s a good idea. Tammy will love to have Jace there. You should have seen her today. He had to coach the kids with Tammy wrapped up in his arms.” Karen laughs at the memory. “At one point, he put her on his back so he could help with the kids, but,” she smiles fondly, “that little girl loves him.”

  I should have gone today instead of hiding out here, and then I could have witnessed how he is with Tammy. She doesn’t trust easily, so that says a lot about his character if Tammy is so taken with him.

  Putting aside my opinion that he should be the one to call, I pull my cell from my back pocket and send Jace a text.

  I’m having a surprise party for Tammy, tomorrow at Golden Circle, if you’d like to be there. S

  A text message isn’t calling and, I guess with the invite, I’m letting him know that he
’s welcome, and that I want to see him again.

  “You look better now, and have more color. You looked so pale when I walked in.” Karen stands, and starts moving toward the door. “I have work to do in the office. Make sure you stop by before you leave.”

  “I will,” I acknowledge as she disappears.

  My cell pings with a message.

  I’d love to, and will really try to make it. Already promised to help Ryder out. J x

  My heart sinks. He added the kiss, which I couldn’t bring myself to add on my message to him. But is helping his brother an excuse not to attend, or something to give him time to think about whether or not he wants to be there?

  Ugh!

  I’m going to give myself another headache if I don’t stop wondering, but can’t seem to prevent my day from going down the drain.

  I don’t even bother to reply and instead gather up my things to go home and wait for the two court-appointed interviewers to arrive.

  Thanks to my uncle, who is owed a few favors, the courts have managed to process my application for the legal guardianship of Tammy much faster than expected. That is why I’m being interviewed in my home later today.

  It feels as though I’m not the one who is going through all this to be able to give a sweet child a home, as though I’m looking down and watching someone else—surreal.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jace

  For what is probably the millionth time, I glance at my watch and curse silently, knowing that I’m missing Tammy’s party. If my plans had been with anyone else, I would have put them off or at least disappeared for a couple of hours to be with Savannah and Tammy. Instead, I’m sweating my balls off in the heat while Ryder has me painting his new house with him.

  He picked the keys up yesterday and wants the place freshly painted so he can move his family in. He works damn quickly. They were only looking at realtor brochures a few weeks ago, and now they’re homeowners. Actually, there are still a few weeks before they close, but the current owners had given Ryder access to the house so it can be finished on moving day.

  I don’t blame them for jumping quickly at this property because it wouldn’t have been on the market long. They need a new kitchen and bathroom, which Ryder already has lined up, and is why we’re working on the rooms that only needed cleaning and painting.

  The porch is a wraparound and, at the moment the garden is open, but with some work and fencing, it will be an amazing playground for Faith, and any brothers or sisters that might appear in the future.

  Stopping to guzzle some water down my parched throat, I glance at my watch again, and sigh knowing that me missing the party isn’t helping to redeem myself with Savannah.

  “What’s with the clock watching?” Ryder nods toward my watch.

  “It’s nothing.” I turn back and continue with the roller on the wall.

  The room that we’re doing now is going to be Faith’s bedroom, which is why my hands are currently covered in Pink Sparkle paint.

  “Are you expecting someone?”

  “Nope.”

  “Should you be somewhere?”

  I hesitate before answering, “Nope.”

  We continue painting in silence, but I can feel Ryder sending me occasional looks. Eventually, I cave, “Savannah invited me to Tammy’s birthday party. It’s probably finished now.”

  It hasn’t finished.

  I feel the stillness in the room as I turn and face my brother.

  “You mean the little girl she wants guardianship of?”

  I nod, and toss the roller back into the tray. Running my hands through my hair and over my face in exhaustion, I step to the window and looking out, I don’t really see anything.

  “Then why aren’t you there?”

  I look at him incredulously. “Are you serious? I promised to help you empty this place.”

  “You could have called and told me.”

  “Look, if Reece and the others had been free to help as well, then I would have gone, but there’s no way I was going to leave you to handle all this on your own.”

  Perching on the windowsill, I glance at Ryder and watch him studying me with that penetrating glare he has going on. I’ve told him many a time that he’d be good as a cop, especially during interrogation.

  “I would have handled it, and yeah, it would have taken a few hours longer, but dammit, Savannah is important to you. And I sure as hell know that Tammy is since you haven’t shut up about her since you arrived.”

  “She’s just a little girl…fuck. I need to be there. I’m so—”

  “Don’t you dare apologize…You might want to swing by Kix and wash up before you go, though.”

  “Yeah,” I search for the keys to my truck, “that’s a good idea.”

  * * * * *

  As clean as I can be after hours of home renovations, I find myself standing in front of Golden Circle…hesitating before I finally knock, and then wait for someone to answer.

  On the way over here, I’ve gone through so many emotions that I don’t know what the hell to say. If we’d had an argument, then it would be a lot easier to pick the right words to settle the storm I’d created, but this is all new to me. I’ve never had to chase before, which is probably why the nerves are shooting sparks in my gut.

  As the door opens, I get a peek at her shiny hair, which is loose, before I see her beautiful face…and the surprise she’s unable to hide.

  “Jace, I thought you had something else to do?” she asks, blocking the entrance.

  I swallow my tongue at the delicious picture she’s making. Her pink sundress really shouldn’t be worn in the sun because every inch of her is on display with the sun shining through from the back of the home. “I gave you the brush off line the other night. I sure as hell didn’t mean to. It just popped out before my mouth could connect to my brain. I’m sorry.” I take a step toward her, and inwardly sigh in relief when she moves to let me in.

  “Um, you do know you’re covered in pink glitter, right?” She smiles, and reaches up to brush some from the scruff covering my jaw before she hesitates.

  Taking her hand, I kiss her fingers. “I was helping Ryder clear out their new home and paint.” I smile. “He wanted to paint Faith’s room first, hence the glitter.” I keep her fingers in my hand as I shut the door behind me, but neither of us move from our spot by the door. “I was burying my head in the sand about hurting you with my callous words after an amazing evening.” I cup her face. “I was an asshole.” I kiss her forehead. “In the end, I realized that I couldn’t miss Tammy’s party, and as soon as that thought was in my head, I realized that I couldn’t let you down again.”

  “Okay,” she whispers, her hands resting on my shirt as she looks up at me. “Those words hurt me Jace. You made me feel cheap, as though you only wanted a quick fuck.”

  “It was a hell of a lot more than that.” Every time Savannah opens her mouth and something like ‘fuck’ comes out, I always want to laugh because it’s so unexpected from her sinful mouth.

  “You’re off the hook for now.” She starts to smile but I wipe it from her face when I claim her lips in a hungry kiss as I crush her against my chest.

  With Savannah in my arms, my world rights itself. Mindful of the children I can hear playing in the backyard, I slow the kiss down until they are feather-light kisses. Brushing my lips against hers one final time, I say, “We better save the rest for when we’re alone.”

  She pulls back, and immediately reaches to touch her flaming cheeks.

  I smile in male satisfaction knowing that I put the flushed look on her face.

  Clearing her throat, Savannah moves toward the kitchen and indicates with her head for me to follow…and follow her I do. I’d go anywhere she led. Not only that, but following her gives me an amazing view of her swishing bottom as she walks, and her tanned, smooth calves that lead up to heaven—best keep my mind off heaven right now, though.

  Within seconds of my foot hitting the kitchen, I hear,
“Jace,” screamed at a level I had no idea was possible, and then Tammy appears and hurls herself into my arms.

  I lift her up and settle her against my chest as her arms go around my neck in a strangling grip. I’m still surprised at her reaction. I know she clings to me during the softball practices, but she’s never so—loud. When she speaks, it’s usually a whisper and you have to strain to hear her words.

  Savannah smiles, and rubs Tammy’s back. “We’ve discovered that we shouldn’t give her Pepsi as a treat.”

  Chuckling, I kiss the top of Tammy’s golden head and meet Savannah’s gaze of longing. I reach out and caress one side of her face, and cupping the back of her neck, bring her in to join Tammy and me.

  I sigh in pleasure when I feel Savannah’s hand caressing my back. As she lifts her beautiful face toward me, I see that she’s blinking back tears.

  “Now that’s a picture.” Ned leans against the doorframe, and crosses his arms with a big grin on his face.

  Kissing both of my girls on their cheek, I release Savannah and place Tammy back on her feet. She runs back outside, past a still grinning Ned.

  “I’ll give you two a minute while I retrieve Tammy’s present from the truck.”

  Ned chuckles. “Never thought you’d run from me.”

  “Never dated your niece before.”

  His amusement follows me outside to my truck.

  Savannah

  Turning to face my uncle, I know he’s going to have something to say to me about Jace. I’m just hoping it’s something positive since it’s Jace—his friend.

  “I’ve never seen him like he is with you.”

  I meet my uncle’s eyes.

  “I’m serious, Savannah. That guy hasn’t been able to keep his mind off you since I first asked him the favor of helping you and your class last year.”

  I snort, not really believing him, but there is a small flutter of happiness in my chest telling me that he’s not exaggerating.

  “Savannah, honey.” Uncle Ned takes hold of my forearms and makes me face him. “He smiles now…my plan worked.”

  He quickly moves away from me. “What plan?” I narrow my eyes, wondering what he’s talking about, although I do have a sneaky suspicion that he means that he’d planned on setting me up with Jace all along.