He had opened up to her, had laid it all out there, and she wanted to offer the comfort he obviously never had. She scrambled, standing, not about to just sit there when he was standing alone. Knowing he might push her away, she wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him. His eyes glittered, and his jaw remained clenched. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,” she said, the bible verse jumping into her mind.
He took a step back. “You think I’m different than I am. That’s why I told you all this, so that you could see where I came from. How different we are.”
“You are exactly who I think you are. Better, maybe, because I had no idea. You don’t wear that hurt on your sleeve, you don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder.” Maybe it was silly because he was a man who looked like he needed no one, and for so long, he hadn’t. Maybe it was silly of her to think he might need her as much as she needed him. “You’ve come a long way. There are so many people who have a start like yours who can never escape that life, and who end up repeating the mistakes their parents made.”
“I haven’t been a saint. I’ve done things I’m not proud of when I was desperate, things I can’t take back, things I’d be ashamed to admit to you.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat, not turning from his hard gaze. She didn’t know if he was trying to scare her off or warn her. Standing on her tiptoes, she placed a light kiss on his lips, hoping to crumble the massive wall that he was trying to build between them. Her heart ached at the slight flinch she caught as she reached one hand up to touch his face. “Yet you made a life for yourself. You have friends who’d have your back any day. You have made more of a life for yourself in this town than I have. You’ve shied away from no one. You are a good man—I know it, and I’m so lucky you walked onto my ranch that day.”
“Sarah,” he said in a tortured, raspy voice. His jaw clenched repeatedly, and his eyes glistened as he gave her an almost imperceptible shake of his head. There was nothing childish or immature about Cade, nothing soft or mushy, but for the briefest second, she caught a glimpse of that hurt, unwanted boy, and she wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him.
“You could tell me anything and it wouldn’t change what I know to be inherently true about you—you’re a good man, a strong man, one with deep emotion. You’re the only man who’s ever really listened to me, who believed that I knew what I wanted, who was willing to take me on a road trip and sit up all night eating junk food in a crappy motel room, and who acted like a complete gentleman.”
One corner of his mouth curled ever so slightly. “I can’t lie and say that my thoughts were entirely gentlemanly.”
“Our thoughts are one thing, our actions another,” she said, taking her own words and letting her hands slide down the hard, hot skin of his chest and rest on his waist.
He threaded his fingers through her hair, grasping her gently, tugging her forward slightly even though she didn’t need any encouragement.
She stared up at him and knew, deep inside, that she was falling in love with him. That seemed impossible to her. A month ago, she didn’t even know he existed. A month ago, she’d been buried inside her parents’ home, living a life she didn’t want. A month ago, she thought she’d be alone forever, that she’d never let anyone in again. And now this man was here, telling her everything she wanted to hear.
Except they could never be anything other than what they were because of his position. So where exactly did that leave them?
Chapter Sixteen
Two weeks later, Sarah left the barn after finishing a ride, feeling like she was finally living the life she wanted. She couldn’t wait to find Cade. She hadn’t felt this free since Josh was alive, and it was all because of Cade.
She had a smile on her face, and instead of walking back to her house, she decided she’d surprise him because she knew he was working in the office today. The last two weeks had been the best of her entire life. Her days were bursting with ranch work, her new friends, and Cade.
The six of them had gotten together once at Tyler and Lainey’s house, and she and Cade had seen each other every day. While Mrs. Casey could tell something was up, she hadn’t interfered or tried to stop her.
The ranch work had come easy to her, like second nature. The men were slowly coming around and treating her like one of them, and things were becoming more relaxed.
Sarah slowed her pace and took a moment to appreciate the skyline and the clouds that rolled through with a speed that suggested a change in weather. They tucked around the mountains, and it was a sight that she’d seen so many times growing up, one that usually resulted in rain. But there was never a bad skyline in Wishing River; there was always beauty to be found in it.
This was the same view she’d had all her life. It was the same ranch, the same sky, she’d shared with her family, but she wasn’t the same person, and it wasn’t the same life. They were gone, and for some reason, she was the one still standing here.
A shiver ran down her spine as a cooler wind blew in and the feeling that her life was going too well, too picture-perfect right now, came with it. She tried to shrug it off as she made her way to the office.
Her footsteps faltered outside the office door as she heard a familiar male voice. She stood still, not wanting to eavesdrop but not wanting to be unprepared. Holding her breath, she listened carefully and shut her eyes as she confirmed who the voice belonged to—her old foreman Mike Ballinger. What was he doing here? Why hadn’t Cade told her he was coming? Maybe he’d just shown up?
She straightened her shoulders and fixed her ponytail, wanting to look as polished and self-assured as she could. She still had a lot of resentment for Mike just up and leaving them, but he probably hadn’t taken her seriously at all, because she’d barely been involved in the ranch before.
Sarah knocked on the door once and walked in. Cade and Mike stood up. She could tell right away that Cade was upset about something. His posture was stiff, and he didn’t have his usual smile for her. His handsome face was drawn, without any warmth in it.
“Sarah, good to see you,” Mike said.
“Hi, Mike. I’m surprised to see you here after the way you left things,” she said, crossing her arms.
Mike hung his head for a second. “I regret the way I left. I didn’t handle the stress of everything that was happening well. I’m sorry. I’m glad Cade called me here, and I’m glad to help and explain myself.”
A jolt of alarm hit her as she looked at Cade. He’d called him? Cade hadn’t mentioned anything to her. Cade’s jaw was clenched, but he didn’t say a thing. She wasn’t going to assume why he would do that. There had to be an explanation, but she still wasn’t happy about the surprise. “I see,” she managed to say, feeling stupid for not knowing what was happening on her own ranch but not wanting Mike to know that.
“Well, thanks for coming by, Mike. I think we’re done,” Cade said in a clipped voice as he held out his hand.
Mike shook it and picked up his hat. “Sarah, good luck to you,” he said with a nod before putting his hat back on and leaving.
Sarah turned to Cade once the door was shut, trying to quell her nerves and keep her voice neutral. “What was that all about?”
He didn’t answer her immediately, just began gathering papers on the desk. His jaw was clenched, and he looked nothing like the man she’d come to know in the last couple of months. “I needed to ask him some questions.”
She crossed the small office, trying to figure out why none of this was making sense and why Cade was being so standoffish. “Oh, like some ranching stuff?”
He gave her a terse nod.
“I would have liked to know that you’d invited over the guy who stiffed me. I would have liked to be prepared when I saw him.”
“You’re right,” he said, running a hand through his hair but still not making eye contact with her.
“Why are you acting weird?” She touched his arm. His muscles flexed beneath her hand, and his body was almost rigid.
“I need to talk to you about a few things that I’ve been looking into. Do you want to sit down?”
Her stomach dropped at his tone and the fact that he’d never mentioned that he was looking into anything. “No. I’m fine standing right here. This is feeling pretty formal for the two of us.”
He still didn’t warm up to her. “I called Mike here because I noticed some weird things when I was looking through the books and bank statements.”
She frowned. “Why didn’t you ask me first? Why would you trust him? I told you he quit without notice and left me hanging.”
He nodded slowly, finally bringing his gaze to meet hers. “I know. I realized, though, that he might have discovered the same thing I did. I also knew that he knew your father, that he might be able to confirm my suspicions and give me some insight. I spoke with the bookkeeper, who also confirmed everything, but I wanted to hear if Mike had anything to add.”
A wave of nausea swam through her as he listed everyone he’d discussed this with—except her. “You thought he could give you more insight into my father than I could? I don’t get what you’re implying. Confirmed what?”
“That when your father almost lost everything ten years ago, he nearly lost this ranch. He tried to dig himself out of massive debt and leveraged everything. He was this close to going bankrupt,” he said, leaning against the desk and holding up two fingers to indicate how close.
Sarah clutched the back of the chair but kept her features neutral. “Then how are we still operational? How did he save this place?”
“He sold off ten acres of land, laid off half a dozen ranch hands, and stopped gambling.”
She crossed her arms, trying to process everything he was saying, but even more that he hadn’t told her a thing about his suspicions until now. “Then why did Mike leave?”
“Because you haven’t been operating in the black for a while. Instead of trying to figure things out, he took off. He said he was too old for this kind of stress. But I can fix this. It isn’t a disaster.”
She could barely grasp what he was saying, her mind racing. “When did you begin to suspect this?”
He glanced away for a moment. “A while.”
“How long?”
“Weeks.”
“Before the Highwayman?”
His jaw clenched, and he gave a stiff nod.
Her chest suddenly felt heavy, and she had a hard time taking a deep breath. “So all that time, these weeks, our conversations…you never thought to tell me? You brought an old foreman out here to talk to him? The bookkeeper…you didn’t think I should be included in that meeting?”
“I didn’t want you to be worried for no reason. I wanted to make sure before I told you,” he said, his voice thick.
Alarm bells were going off. “So you get to decide when and why I should be worried?”
He frowned. “No, it’s not like that.”
She crossed her arms, trying to keep her temper in check and give him the benefit of the doubt. “Then explain it. I offered to meet with the bookkeeper. How many times did I tell you I wanted to look at the books with you? We see each other every single day. We spent a weekend together where I told you everything about my family, but you never said a thing about your suspicions. Tell me why you wouldn’t include the owner of this ranch on these details.”
He shrugged, shoving his hands in the front pocket of his jeans. “I don’t know.”
“I know,” she said, trying to speak past the ache in her heart, the heaviness in her chest. “Because you didn’t think I could handle it.”
He glanced down at the desk, and that was more than enough confirmation for her. “Sarah…”
She stepped forward, bracing her palms on the desk, her chest aching with the knowledge that he thought she was so weak. It was humiliating and hurtful. “I told you everything. Everything about my family. You know I was treated like this delicate flower who couldn’t handle the stresses of life. You know I was dismissed and shut out of the ranching life. You know all of that. You know how much it hurt me. Yet you sat there and listened to me and…and what? You were secretly agreeing with my parents’ decisions? With Edna’s?”
“No,” he said roughly. “It’s not that I think you’re weak. I just didn’t want you to be stressed for no reason if I was wrong.”
“Wrong answer!” she yelled, throwing her arms in the air and walking toward him. Betrayal sliced through her in a way that she’d never experienced. She hadn’t expected this from him. “Cade, you can’t decide what I’m allowed to be stressed about. You can’t filter news for me. I…I can’t believe you would do this to me. Of all people. I laid it all out there. You know everything. You helped me. I thought you believed in me; I thought you believed I was strong enough to do all of this.”
“I do, sweetheart—”
“Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me,” she said, holding up a trembling hand as he took a step toward her. She hated how he was trying to justify this and hated even more that she was wishing that he actually could.
“That morning at the motel, when you had that migraine…I’ve never seen someone so sick. It killed me to sit there and watch you like that, Sarah. I didn’t want to be the cause of that.”
“So you wanted to prevent a migraine? By doing this? This kind of stress is great.”
He grimaced. “Obviously I wasn’t going to tell you like this.”
“What, were you going to spoon-feed me the message over candlelight and wine?”
Something flashed in his eyes, and he gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head.
She gasped. “Oh, you weren’t going to tell me at all, were you? That was the plan. You were going to somehow fix everything and never get me involved.”
He didn’t say anything, but for the first time since she met him, she saw his cheeks go red.
She wouldn’t back down from this, from getting the truth out of him. “Admit it.”
“Fine. I wanted to fix this for you and not have you deal with any more pain from your family. I didn’t want you to know just how bad it got with your dad.”
She shook her head and turned away from him, feelings of betrayal and hurt and humiliation coursing through her all at the same time, making it impossible to breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples. He couldn’t be doing this to her, too. Not Cade. He’d been her champion. The one encouraging her this whole time. But he was like the rest of them. He thought she was too weak to handle the realities of life.
“Sarah,” he said in a tortured voice that any other day would have made her forgive him, but not today, not with this.
“So you’re the big man, just like my dad. You tell me what I can and can’t handle and I’ll just sit here, trying not to get too stressed about life. I thought I’d proven myself. I worked alongside all of you guys, I went on the cattle drive, I learned my way around here. But I’m still not enough. Maybe I’ll just go and do some cleaning in the kitchen and then paint my nails—”
“That’s not fair. I never once treated you like that,” he said roughly.
An image flashed across her mind, a memory, and she stared at him, wondering how she couldn’t have seen any of this before now. Was she really this naive? Really so trusting? Maybe Mrs. Casey had been right about her. “You wanted to call the shots in this relationship, and you have been this entire time, but I was too infatuated by you to realize it. I actually let you lead the way and I was acting like this little schoolgirl.”
His brows snapped together. “What are you talking about?”
“Everything. You even decided we weren’t going to sleep together because I couldn’t make my own decisions!”
He thrust his hands in his hair. “Are you kidding me right no
w?”
She nodded, on the verge of a total meltdown. “You have slept with I don’t know how many women—maybe that’s something else I’m too sheltered for you to tell me—and that’s perfectly fine. But you refused to sleep with me because you think that’s the wrong decision for me. You lied to me.”
Cade ran a hand over his jaw. “It’s not like that.”
“Hiding information from me and only telling me things if you can come up with a solution isn’t your job. We are talking about things my father did—my father. My old foreman. This is my ranch. I asked you from day one to keep me informed. It’s not up to you to decide what information I can and can’t handle.”
“It’s not that I thought you couldn’t handle it.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t have a black-and-white answer for you. When I first started having my suspicions about the debt, I thought I’d just do some digging on my own. I never expected to find that your dad was responsible for this. I had no idea gambling it all away was even a possibility. By that point, I was in too deep, and I knew how hard you’d take it. You told me about how your family fell apart. I didn’t…I couldn’t throw even more on you.”
She rubbed her temples, trying to ease the throbbing pain that was starting in her head. “Why wouldn’t you have come to me and we could have looked into it together?”
“That was early on. I was still trying to prove my worth around here,” he said.
“Worth! You were priceless around here right from day one. The point I’m making is that you didn’t think I could handle it. You thought I was too weak to deal with what my father had done.”
He didn’t say anything, but his jaw was clenched tight, and she saw the affirmation in his eyes. “It’s not as easy as that.”
“So then tell me.”
“When I first came here, Edna told me you had some…health issues and that maybe you needed some extra care.”
“That’s bull. You know me now. I’ve told you everything, so that means you agreed with her. If you didn’t, you would have told me then and there, that night I opened up to you about my parents, my brother. That would have been the perfect time. Or that night we were working together and you were going through the books with me—how about then?”
Cowboy For Hire Page 20
