“She’s pissed off because you acted like a jerk is what I gathered from the conversation. Something about you not telling her her father gambled away the family fortune?”
Cade cringed and hung his head. He was an idiot. “There was more to it than that. It was what we were talking about that night, about her dad and the missing money. I wanted to find a solution before I dumped it all on her.”
“So you wanted to decide what she could handle and what she couldn’t about her ranch, her family. And you basically decided she couldn’t deal,” Dean said, sitting back on the sofa.
Sometimes he hated having friends. “I know it looks bad, but that’s not the way I thought of it. I don’t expect either of you to get this, and you’re not aware of all the details anyway. When I moved in here, their housekeeper basically gave me this warning that Sarah was sheltered because of health issues and a family tragedy. I saw her migraine firsthand, and it was bad. I didn’t want to cause her stress.”
Dean shrugged, lifting his feet onto the coffee table as well. He accidentally touched Tyler’s feet, and they started shoving each other. “If you two could stop playing footsies, I’d like to get on with my night,” Cade grumbled.
They immediately moved their feet to opposite ends of the table. “That’s funny, Cade, considering. I’m sure your plan didn’t cause any stress at all to Sarah.”
“Are you guys here to make me feel better or worse?” Cade snapped, grabbing the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table and refilling his glass.
“Right,” Tyler said, shooting Dean a look. “Now we’ll help you.”
“I don’t need your help. I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to pack it up and move back to your place,” he said, leaning back and putting his own feet up on the coffee table and shoving Tyler’s off.
“What? No. You’re going to stay here and fix this,” Tyler said.
He hadn’t wanted to get into his own family history. Sure, they knew bits and pieces, but they would never understand why leaving Sarah’s ranch was his only option until they told him more. “I don’t belong here. I don’t belong with Sarah. We would never be able to make this work because of our backgrounds.”
Dean leaned forward, straight-faced. “What? Your background as an alien who isn’t allowed to stay on Earth?”
Cade held up his hand, scowling. “Okay, enough with the sci-fi, please, Dean.”
“Agreed,” Tyler said, shoving Dean’s feet off the table with his own.
“I’m not… I’ve got nothing. Nothing except the money saved from years of work, which in the ranching world is a trivial amount.”
“So?”
Cade ran his hands through his hair and stood up, marching across the room and looking out the window even though it was dark. The lights were on at the main house, and he wished more than anything that he was there right now with Sarah. But the main house on a ranch had never been his home. That big stone house with the wraparound porch, the flowers, the grandeur…that would never be his home. He would never fit in with that kind of a home. He’d feel like a fake.
He didn’t take handouts, and he wasn’t just going to change. “You can’t say that. Both of you have families, have family ranches, money that goes back generations.”
“My ranch wasn’t even in the black when I came home last year,” Tyler reminded him.
Cade turned around. “Don’t even give me that crap. You owned the land, the house, the business, and you can’t compare a ranch going through hard times to me. I will never be able to get into the ranching business on my own because it’s just not doable. I will always be the hired help.”
“I think that’s a pathetic cop-out,” Dean said.
“Coming from a guy born into the wealthiest family in the state. I’d keep your opinions about that to yourself.”
“Sure. So we’ll just leave you here feeling sorry for yourself and let you ruin your life,” Dean said.
Cade looked at the ground. He’d known they wouldn’t understand. They couldn’t. Just like Sarah wouldn’t be able to understand. They’d all grown up in real families, with parents who’d loved them, imperfect or not. None of them had had to clean up their parent’s shit or be worried about whether or not there was food to eat. None of them knew what it was like to be the weird kid in school who only came on days when he wasn’t needed at home, never making friends, always on the sidelines. “Maybe I’m doing the right thing. Maybe I’m making sure I don’t ruin Sarah’s life.”
Dean shook his head. “Yeah. I don’t think so. What does Sarah think about all this?”
Cade leaned against the wall. “Obviously she’s pissed. But that’s because she doesn’t get where I’m coming from. She won’t. Which is why we won’t work.”
“You’re messing things up bad, Cade. Did you tell her about your family?” Tyler asked, his expression hard.
Though he’d kept the details about his life before he came to Wishing River to a minimum, he knew Tyler and Dean had managed to piece together enough. “Yeah. I told her. She knows. She knows enough. I don’t need people feeling sorry for me. That’s what would happen. She feels sorry for things…people…animals. You know. I don’t want to be grouped into that. The last thing I’d want is the woman I’m in a relationship with to feel sorry for me. That’s a real turn-on.”
Tyler leaned back on the sofa, spreading his arms across the back cushions. “You’re looking at this all wrong as usual. As the only one of us who’s married and managed to remain married for a year—”
“Maybe because Lainey’s been living on another continent,” Dean said with a smug grin. Cade almost laughed.
Tyler shot him a look before continuing. “You’re going to have to get used to talking about your past, your feelings, and all the shit that goes along with it. Sarah will expect that, and it will also allow her to figure out why on certain occasions you act like an ass. You need to tell her more, apologize, and find a solution, otherwise she’ll just see you as this jerk who does dumb things for no good reason.”
He tried to filter out the stupid shit in Tyler’s advice and focus on the relevant information. He jammed his hands into his front pockets. “I don’t know that I can do that.”
“Has she shared stuff with you?”
He gave a nod, his gut automatically clenching whenever he thought about that night, her story, and then the migraine.
“A real relationship can’t be one-sided. Lainey makes me talk about all kinds of shit that I never even thought about. And it feels good to have someone to talk to about that. To have someone you trust with all your thoughts who won’t judge you. Don’t screw this up because you’re afraid you’re not good enough for her. Wise words someone told me once,” Tyler said, reminding Cade of the advice he’d given Tyler not that long ago.
“I believe you might have also said it didn’t matter if I was good enough for Lainey. So maybe you don’t have to be good enough for Sarah, either. Maybe she just wants you, man.”
The hard knock on the door had them all staring at one another. Tyler and Dean were his only friends in the world. The only other person would be Sarah, but she’d never knock like that.
“Did you order pizza?” he asked. They shook their heads. With a rough sigh, he went to answer the door. Tyler’s father, Martin, was standing there, cane in one hand, frown on his weathered face.
“I thought the three of you might be here,” he said as he scanned the room.
Cade opened the door wider and reached out to make sure he could cross the threshold steadily. Of course Martin brushed him off, determined to assert his independence. To his credit, the man had made an almost miraculous recovery. Cade was pretty sure that once he’d repaired his relationship with his son, he’d had a reason to get better again.
Martin shook his head at the three of them. “I’m surprised you’re not hiding cigarettes,” he
said, walking with a limp into the family room.
Tyler laughed. “We’re not sixteen. We also don’t smoke, Dad,” Tyler said, referring to the time Martin had caught them smoking when they were sixteen on the Donnelly property. It had been Cade’s fault, of course.
Martin sat down and pointed his cane at him. “Now, tell me how you managed to mess things up with that sweet Turner girl, Cade.”
Cade groaned and sat on the couch. He never could figure out how news traveled so fast in this town. “Martin,” he said, not wanting to get into this all over again but not wanting to dismiss him, either. He was surprised he was here. And touched. Martin was the closest he’d ever come to having a father.
“Cade has problems expressing his feelings, Dad.” Tyler smiled at Cade.
Martin gave a snort and then pointed to the whiskey. “Pour me a glass of that and I’ll give you some advice.”
“As your doctor, Martin, I’m going to have to say no to the whiskey,” Dean said with a chuckle.
Martin frowned. “I think I liked you boys better when you were getting in trouble as teenagers. What’s a little whiskey going to do?”
“I’m sure a small glass wouldn’t hurt. Does anyone really know if Dean graduated med school?” Tyler asked, laughing, and Cade actually joined in.
“Fine. Half a glass, followed by a glass of water,” Dean said, shooting a glare Tyler’s way.
Martin waved a hand. “That’s fine; let’s not panic. This cowboy has been drinking this stuff for years. It might actually be more harmful to my health to eliminate it completely,” he said, giving Dean a pointed stare as he picked up his half-filled glass.
Dean shook his head and lifted his own glass as a salute. “Most stubborn family I know,” he said.
Martin chuckled. “Back to you, Cade. I know you’re a proud man, and it’s humbling to admit to a woman that you got nothing to offer her, especially a woman who comes from a successful ranching family.”
Was this for real? How the hell did Martin know all that? “Who told you that’s what the problem is?”
Martin put down his empty glass. “I know you, boy. And I know cowboys. I know the pride that runs through your veins, and I’m here to talk some sense into you.”
Cade swallowed past the lump in his throat. “That’s pretty old-school thinking, but I can’t help feeling that way. I was hired. I work for her.”
“But you’re not just the hired help who can be tossed out. You are invaluable, just as you were at our ranch, and you are good at what you do—take some damn pride in that, son. And love doesn’t care about those things. Love doesn’t care about where you came from or how much money you have. If that girl loves you, then you don’t let her go. I’d give anything to have one more day with Tyler’s mother, but I can’t. So don’t waste this time being stubborn, being apart from her. None of us know how long we have here.”
Cade leaned forward, his forearms on his thighs, feeling Martin’s words deep in his gut. He knew how in love the man had been with his wife.
Luckily, the whiskey had loosened his tongue, and even though he hated an audience, he loved Sarah more. If Martin could tell him something that would convince him that maybe this could work, he’d take the awkwardness. “It’s not that simple. I feel like I’ll never be enough. I don’t want the guys around here to talk about her. It would kill me to think that people are thinking I’m just trying to get with the rich woman.”
Martin shrugged. “I can’t say that some won’t think that way, but who cares? You can’t let other people’s opinions ruin your life.”
“It’s not me I’m concerned about; it’s Sarah. She’s the one who’s gotta run the ranch.”
“Or maybe you’re concerned that when you really tell her everything, she won’t love you.”
The room grew silent, and Cade knew in his gut that what Martin was saying was true. He didn’t feel like he was good enough for her. There were some days he found himself putting in longer hours to prove his worth, to prove why he needed to stay here.
“I don’t expect you to admit any of that to us, but think on it yourself. As for the rest, she’s an adult. You can’t decide for her what she can and can’t handle. In my experience, people who are going to talk are going to talk. No matter what you do. Those are the people who have nothing better to do than look down their noses at other people in order to make themselves feel better. You going to make your life decisions based on what the rest of the world might think of you? Or you going to live the life you want, with the woman you want? Do you love her?”
“Of course I do,” he said without hesitating. He knew he loved her. The night she told him she loved him, he’d known he felt the same. But he’d also known he couldn’t admit it to her.
“Have you told her?”
He shook his head.
Tyler and Dean both made frustrated noises like they were relationship experts.
“Well, start with that,” Martin said.
“It’s not that simple, Martin. Our last argument was bad. I said and did some shit I regret, and it’s beyond just an apology. How the hell do I fix that?”
Martin slapped his knee. “I can’t go fixing all your problems. You boys need to learn how to figure out all your own love lives. I’m not going to be around forever giving you advice. Take a break from the whiskey, grab a shower, and get a good night’s sleep. Then wake up like a new man and you’ll find your answer. Cade, you gotta examine what’s in your heart, and then you’ve got to show it to Sarah if it’s her.”
They all fell silent, and Cade soaked up Martin’s advice. He made it sound so simple. He’d never known the man to discuss hearts and feelings, but his advice was pretty spot-on.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
Tyler helped Martin off the sofa. “Now, don’t drink too much,” he told them. “Tyler, your wife won’t want to go to bed with a drunk, so mind yourself.”
Tyler let out a choked laugh. “Thanks, Dad. I wasn’t planning on getting toasted.”
“Good to know. Can’t hurt to have a reminder. I love that daughter-in-law of mine,” Martin said, opening the door.
“I know,” Tyler said, ushering his dad out. “So,” Tyler said once the older man was gone. “Did we get through to you?”
Cade put down his half-full glass of whiskey, resolving to get cleaned up, sobered up, and go after the life he really wanted, with the only woman he wanted. “Yeah. So how am I actually going to convince Sarah to give me a second chance?”
…
Cade knocked on the Turners’ front door and held his breath. He felt like he was sixteen years old and ready for his first job interview.
He already knew Sarah wouldn’t be here, because he’d watched her ride off onto the trails, but he was counting on talking to Edna. This morning, he’d woken up with a hangover the size of Joshua Ranch, and it had taken a cold shower, Tylenol, and black coffee to get his ass in gear. But he was motivated. He had a plan. After he made a phone call, he was relieved to have his plan in place. Now he needed to execute the first portion of it.
A minute later, the door opened, and Edna gave him her scariest frown to date. She stared at him without saying hello, and he was glad he’d put on one of his best shirts and newest jeans for the occasion. Her eyebrows were pinched together so severely, they looked as though they’d been sewn there. Deep lines framed her thin lips, and he braced himself for a scathing lecture.
He cleared his throat. “Good morning, Mrs. Casey.”
She stood even straighter, and Cade wouldn’t be surprised if she eventually reached his height. “You had better tell me you’re here to fix this catastrophe you have created with your looks and your charm, young man.”
He forced a smile as she held open the door and sort of invited him in. “That’s what I came to talk to you about.”
“Well, I would
not be opposed to having you sit on the couch while I listen to your explanation,” she said, gesturing to one of the matching dark leather couches.
The room was filled with sunlight, the high, peaked ceilings like something out of a magazine. The traditional furniture was centered on the floor-to-ceiling fieldstone fireplace. He swallowed back the nerves that threatened, the feelings that told him he didn’t belong in a place like this. It didn’t matter. Sarah didn’t care about that.
Cade’s gaze landed on the shiny piano across the room and the polished silver frame with a picture of Sarah and her brother, and his chest felt heavy. He wasn’t going to let her down. He wasn’t going to be one of the people who left. He was going to give her the life she deserved, and he was going to be the man she deserved.
Once Mrs. Casey was seated in one of the armchairs, he sat down on the couch opposite her. “How is Sarah?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, do you mean today? Or do you mean the day that you broke her heart and I found her on the front steps, unable to see or get into the house because she’d been stricken by a migraine, brought on by heartache, no doubt.”
Hell. He dug his nails into his palms. He’d been worried Sarah would get one of those migraines, but the thought of her, helpless like that on the porch, made his gut churn. He never should have let things go that far. “It wasn’t my intention to hurt her. I thought I was doing the right thing. I believed that I wasn’t the right man for her, that she deserved…more than I can offer. But I was wrong. I want to make things right between us.”
“I don’t see how that will be possible. She hasn’t told me the details, just that I was right and that you weren’t the man for her.”
His stomach dropped. At this point, if this had been anyone else, he would have gotten up and left. Mrs. Casey’s words, the words he’d grown up hearing, would have followed him out the damn door and he wouldn’t have looked back. Hell, he would have agreed. But he’d come too far, and he loved Sarah too much not to try.
“I’m here to ask for your help. I know you may not like me very much, and I’m sure after what Sarah’s told you, you like me even less. But there were details I kept from her that I discovered about her father’s gambling and I wanted to solve the problem. I didn’t want her stressed about something in the past. I saw her sick, and I never wanted to be the person to inflict that kind of pain on her.” He paused, taking a deep breath, not looking away.
Cowboy For Hire Page 22
