Death's Queen (The Complete Series)

by Janeal Falor

It's time to be coronated and announce my surprise—I'm lowering taxes. I can't wait to tell them. I'm giddy with excitement. Hopefully this will do some good and put food back on their tables.

  I glance at the line to see who's next and whether I feel comfortable putting them off for my coronation and subsequent announcement where I can make the taxes official.

  What I see has me wanting to grab my poisoned dagger and run.

  My old master.

  Chapter 44

  Every step Daros takes toward me has me more frantic on the inside but calmer on the outside. No matter what he says or does now, I’m the queen.

  No one told my shaking knees that.

  He moves to the guards with his usual confidence. I want to call Afet and Wilric. To make them take him away before he can get to me. He was never supposed to come back to the palace.

  But I can't give in like that. Besides, it may make a bigger scene than if I let him say his piece.

  If he was here to do more, he wouldn't be doing it in a ballroom.

  I think.

  I can't be certain. I open my mouth to have him taken out.

  “You want to see me,” he says, just loud enough that it carries to me. “I have something you need to hear.”

  Despite my better judgment, my hand waves him through, seemingly on its own. What is going on? It's like even after all this time, he still has me under his control.

  After searching him like they’ve done to others, my guards relax and let him forward. Stupid guards. Don't they know my approval doesn't mean they can stand down? I'll have to have words with them.

  If I survive this.

  By the time he makes it to me, my knees feel as if they're going to fall off—they're shaking so hard. I can't help it; I sit back on my throne. But I keep my head high.

  Daros bows, though there's a mockery in the way he lifts his face and the tightening of his eyes. There's nothing I can do to get rid of him without a scene.

  “Your Majesty,” he says. “What a pleasant ball you're throwing this evening.”

  “What are you doing here?” I ask in a low voice.

  “Enjoying the party.” His voice is loud enough to be heard several people over.

  Nash looks him over, his brows furrowed as he stares at Daros. If I give him a signal, he'll be over here in an instant, but I have to fight my battles alone.

  Besides, I don't want Nash to hear whatever Daros is going to say.

  I turn back to my old master. “Is it to your liking, then?” I keep the quiver from my voice quite nicely.

  “This is the best party I've been to.” His grin makes me even more uneasy. What is he up to? “Tell me, Your Majesty, how well do the people know you?”

  With growing trepidation, I say, “Not well enough, which is why I'm hosting this ball.”

  “I also find it the perfect opportunity to have them get to know you better.”

  My guards are looking between him and me. Maybe I should appear more friendly, or he should act less so.

  “They’re already getting to know me better just by being here,” I say. “I don't think anything else is necessary.”

  “Oh, but I disagree.”

  “Don't.” I try to keep my face clear of emotion. Smooth. Calm. But I’m roiling inside. Tossing and turning with fear. Why is he threatening to out me here? Does he really want the whole country to know who I am? They can’t know. They’ll have me killed and then search for a new queen within an instant.

  “Things might be different if you hadn't turned me away when I came to visit you before.”

  “I broke off all ties with you when I left your house. My becoming the queen doesn't change things.” I fiddle with the dagger just inside the seam of my pocket.

  He leans in close, his face an inch from mine. “It changes everything.”

  “Perhaps we should discuss this elsewhere.”

  “This is the ideal place to discuss what you're like.”

  The people closest to us stop and stare.

  “Don't,” I say again, voice loud and firm.

  “You don't want me to?” For once, his voice is quiet. Barely audible. “Do what I tell you to do.”

  My chest constricts. “And what is that?”

  “I will become your new Head Advisor, and you will do exactly what I want. No questions. No running away. Simply following my instructions. If you don’t… Well, then, I'll have to proceed with the unfortunate business of telling them who you are.”

  I clench my jaw. “You wouldn't dare.”

  “As it happens, I would. I have a witness, willing to come forward and back up my words should I not be believed. You are nothing against me.”

  It makes my stomach roil to realize I'm considering what he asks. After a lifetime of following him, how can I refuse?

  Yet, how can I not?

  “You've got five seconds to decide. If you choose wrong, everyone here will know what you are and what you have done.”

  No. That's not enough time. I can't do this. I can't go back under his rule. But I can't have everyone turn on me either.

  “Two seconds,” he says.

  It feels as if someone is choking me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be his puppet again.

  Lost.

  Alone.

  Controlled.

  “Time's up.” He scowls.

  “I will do as you ask.” The words are torn from me, shattering my soul.

  “Good. First thing you will do is dismiss your Head Advisor and name me your new one.” When I don't respond, he says, “Right now.”

  I glance at Nash. How can I go on without him? He's turned into my best friend. I don't know if he considers me the same, but I'm closer to him than I've ever been to anyone.

  I want him in my life.

  I need him.

  “No.” The sound jumps out of me.

  “What did you say?” Daros's voice is menacing as ever.

  “No. I won't do it. You can say what you will about me, but you will never again control me.”

  He smirks.

  “Nash,” I call out.

  Before I can say anything further, Daros turns to the room. “Your queen is a murderer. An assassin, sent to kill the last queen.”

  A gasp echoes through the crowd. Some look disbelieving, but many turn accusing gazes on me.

  Despite my fear, I stand, holding my head high.

  The people back farther away in a surge. Even the guards.

  “You weren’t meant to govern,” Daros tells me. “It's time you let someone else take over who knows how to do the job properly.” Someone he can control, he means.

  “You can never rule this country. That's my job,” I say.

  He comes at me. Who knows his intentions? Either he wants to knock some sense in me to get me under his thumb or he wants to kill me. But I won't let him.

  I strike first, throwing a dagger at him before he can reach me. It enters his shoulder, but still he comes at me, even with no weapon in hand. It takes more than a scratch to stop him, even if that was my poisoned dagger. He's immune to the venom. It would take more than I have to drop him. I'm not going to defeat him.

  As he comes closer, I pull out a second dagger with a slash and thrust, cutting him again. He knocks my hand aside, pulls the blade out of his shoulder, and goes for my gut. I block him with my other hand. Blood seeps from his wound, but it’s not enough to stop him.

  My guards stare at the fight like they don't know if they should join in or not. Even Afet and Wilric are looking at me aghast. I can’t see Nash anywhere. Maybe he abandoned me the moment he heard.

  I pull out my knife and dodge back to my throne. Something hits it as I dive behind it. I push out fast the same side I came, catching him by surprise. There are several screams from those gathered. Boots stomp closer. Afet and Wilric finally come around, but they won't reach me in time.

  Soon, this will all be over.

  I fight hard. With all my power. And yet, his little effo
rt feels like more. He's tougher than I am. I can see it in his eyes. He taught me everything I know, but he didn't teach me everything he knows.

  My daggers are useless, my poison useless. All I have is the knowledge he gave me. There has to be more. More I can use to get out of this.

  I have to be quick. Faster than him. Faster than me.

  It doesn't matter.

  I can't win.

  I'm going to die. But not without taking him with me.

  I give it everything, pouring myself into the fight like I've never done before. The first queen's presence is near, hoping for my victory and life. Whether it’s because I just drank the Mortum Tura or because of the danger to my life or perhaps some other reason, I don’t know.

  But it's not to be. Heedless of my safety, I slash at him. He drops, avoiding my dagger. He swings a blade at my legs, but I manage to kick it out of his hands, for once being faster than him. I have the high ground for the only time I can ever remember. Where this power flowing through me is coming from doesn’t matter. It only matters that I finally have power to defeat him.

  I hover over him. My win is imminent, but it's harsh. Cold. Whatever I do to him, there is a certain part of me he’ll always have a hold over. No matter what happens, that part of me won’t ever recover. It will be wounded by him even if I win.

  “An assassin was never meant to be queen,” Daros says.

  “And yet, a queen I am.”

  I move to stab him in the heart. Just before I sink my knife to the hilt, I stop myself. I promised not to kill for any reason.

  It's a promise I can't break, even now.

  I put the blade to his throat. “Never again will you have power over me.”

  Chapter 45

  The party is over, to say the least.

  People go home, taking their shock with them. I’m not certain how many of them believe Daros's words, but I do know this has left them with a bad impression of me.

  I stalk over to where several guards have Daros restrained, his wound bound. I don't want to face him. I want to turn and run in the opposite direction. But there are some things I have to know. Fleeing is not an option.

  “Why did you have me kill the previous queen?” I demand of him.

  He sneers.

  I want to whip out a blade and place it against his throat, but I'm stronger than that. “Tell me.”

  “The same reason I’ve always had you kill people. She was in my way, insisting on things I didn't want. You think I can afford all my nice things while being under heavy taxes?”

  I stare at him. I didn't expect a response. “All this was about taxes?”

  “Among other things.” He smirks.

  It’s odd that he’s bound and restrained by my guards, yet so smug. “Who were you going to put on the throne?” I ask.

  His smile fades. “Not you.”

  That much is obvious. “Who, then?”

  He clamps his mouth closed, in the way that means he's done talking. I've seen it too many times before. At least I got a little bit of an answer out of him. I wish I could give him whatever made Faya run her mouth, but it's not to be.

  “Take Daros away,” I tell the guards, but I don't notice their reactions in my daze.

  Usually, I have a lot of energy after a fight. Not tonight. I'm drained. Even my thoughts are muddled.

  I wind up back in my sitting room, with Nash at my side. After everything, he's the last person I want to see.

  “Is it true?” he asks. “Are you really an assassin?”

  “It's true.” What is he going to think of me now?

  His chest rises with a slow, deep breath. The quiet stretches between us. Finally he says, “Why didn't you tell me?”

  Why didn't I? I had opportunities. I should have spoken up. I care about him as more than just a friend, after all.

  More than that, I trust him. Really trust him.

  So much so that I'm willing to tell him the truth. “Because I'm embarrassed by my past. I wish I never was an assassin, but it's what I was raised to do. It was all I knew. Daros brought me up. He taught me everything I know. It's hard to think of anything outside of what he drilled into me.”

  “Tell me one thing. Did you truly kill the Queen Deedra?”

  Those eyes come to me again, haunting and clear, right before I stabbed her. I blink to rid my eyes of their sudden moisture. When I speak, my voice is small. “I did.”

  He looks far off, to something I can't see.

  I wish I knew what he was thinking—if he's going to reject me, now that he knows the truth. Is he going to leave me? Refuse to be my Head Advisor? Refuse anything to do with me?

  No one can take away being queen from me; that much has been proven by the past. But it doesn't mean the people can't hate me. Revile me. Push me away. Try harder for my death.

  Is that what he wants now?

  I have to say something. I have to try to keep him with me, even if my efforts are doomed to fail. “I didn't want to. I didn't know I had a choice. It wasn't until afterward that I realized I could stand up to Daros. The feelings I had when I…” How do I say killed the queen? When I snuck in her bedroom and stabbed her in the heart, right between the ribs. My stomach roils. “During the last job made me realize how wrong it was. How horrid of a thing. I’d felt guilt before, but never as strongly as with the last queen. I knew I was affecting an entire nation and it was something I shouldn’t have any control over.

  “I knew when I took her life that it was wrong. The way she looked at me…” I shudder. “The look in her eyes haunts me. As soon as I killed her, I knew I made a mistake. Knew something had to be done about it. I stood up to Daros. Ran away. Most of all, I promised never to kill again. It was by far the most frightening thing I've ever done, but I stick by it.

  “Then, while I was on the streets, I thought about everything I’d done. Everything I was. The more I thought, the less I felt like living. I’d killed innocent people—done what Daros told me to do, no matter that it was because he tortured me if I didn't. I was ashamed of myself. I regretted everything I came to stand for. I wanted to end my life. That's why I took the Mortum Tura—to end my life in a way that I would be remembered in dying, even if I didn’t have a name. I never expected to become queen.”

  That's it. If he leaves me, I’ll know I tried.

  He faces me, expression flat for a brief moment, before he takes my hand. “You can tell me anything. Please don't feel like you have to hide something from me just because you're embarrassed.”

  My heart skips a beat. “Do you mean that?”

  “I do.”

  “Then there's something else I should tell you.”

  “What is it?”

  “I care about you.”

  He pulls me close. He smells of metal and earth. “I care about you too. And as more than my queen.”

  The next thing I know, we're kissing. His lips on mine. Mine on his. It's like a magic I've never known before. Warmth swirls around me, making me want him closer. I wrap my arms around him and press him near.

  For the first time I can remember, my heart swells with passion. I want to be there for him. To help him however I can. I want to keep him safe.

  As the kiss deepens, so do my feelings. It's like allowing myself to finally feel something lets me open up. I need him. And from the way he's kissing me back, he needs me too. There's an energy here I haven't felt before.

  His lips are hungry, his fingers eager for me. I'm just as eager for the taste of him. The feel of him. Everything I ever wanted is right here. Right now. I won’t ever have enough of this.

  Telling him was cleansing. He makes me feel like being a better person. Like wanting to do right by him and my people.

  When we pull apart, I'm breathless.

  I lean my head on his shoulder and breathe him in. Unbidden thoughts of how this is against the law consume me, but I shove them away. There will be time to think of such things later. For now, I want to enjoy his company.
r />   “I think it's time we give you a name,” he says. “You more than deserve one.”

  I hum, happy to be near him, but also at the thought of getting a name. Being called something. Having something that belongs to me and no one else.

  “What do you think it should be?” I ask.

  “That's for you to decide.”

  “I get to pick myself?” The thought isn't one I've had before. I've always been girl or now Your Majesty, My Lady, and Your Highness. It's all too much and seems nothing like me.

  What is me?

  Nothing frilly. Not soft or sweet. Fun, but with an edge.

  “What do you think of the name Ryn?” I ask.

  “I think it suits you.”

  “Ryn. My name is Ryn.”

  Acknowledgments

  This book has been in my heart for so long, I’m grateful to finally have it out there, and it wouldn’t have happened without some special people.

  I had an amazing set of beta readers this go around. Kallista Foote gave tons of good feedback on how to expand and develop the story. Jessie Wolf had a good eye for things plus great comments and insights. Danielle Lori caught lots of typos (which I’m forever making) and gave me thoughts on the books that helped. Samantha Armstorng gave very thorough notes helping me expand and solidify the story. Alexis Jones also helped me see where I needed to expand, giving good thoughts, and helping me feel good about the book. Thank you so much to all of you. This book would be much sadder without you!

  For my many errors I had lots of assistance, though if any remain I take full responsibility. Sotia Lazu, thank you for everything. You fixed up my mess of a first draft, helped me figure out what was wrong, and more importantly, how to fix it. Then, you gave it a thorough sweep through when it was ready for a copy edit. This book would not exist without you. Best editor ever!

  Erin Kasper took the time to let me know the grammar errors she found in the first chapter without even being asked. This was helpful and very sweet! Alex Richardson also took the time to point out the grammar errors she found so I could fix them. Your rock!

  Yesenia Vargas is my awesome proofreader, plus she pointed out the last few touches that needed to be made. Thanks, Yesenia! Cynthia Shepp did something incredible. She helped with my blurb. I’m horrible at writing these things, but she did a fantastic job of pulling it together.