Death's Queen (The Complete Series)

by Janeal Falor

“For you, or for anyone?” Pina's face is tight.

  Good question. “I'm not sure what he has planned, so it's hard to say. Any other thoughts on how to connect with the people?”

  “I have one.” Jem's voice rings out with authority. She might have made a better queen than me. “Why don't you meet with your subjects in the throne room?” She's not sarcastic, but sounds like she doesn't believe I'll take her up on the offer.

  “Maybe.” It’s worth thinking about at least. It would include less exposure for me. It’s something I should have thought about before, but without proper training and not dealing with the previous queens, it never crossed my mind to do it that way.

  “You could have Jaku set up guards, to search everyone who comes through, and limit how many you see at a time, like you did at the ball.” If I didn't know better, I'd say she almost sounds excited.

  “It's not half bad. What do the rest of you think?” I can't believe I'm taking ideas from Jem. She did do a good job, helping with the ball, though, and now she has a good plan. I shouldn't shun her just because our personalities are incompatible.

  “Would you accept anyone who wished to see you?” Lipla asks.

  I shrug. “As long as they aren't a criminal and don't have a weapon on them, I don't see what it would hurt.”

  She presses her lips together. “Even the Poruah?”

  “Especially them.” I give her a big smile, though it feels forced.

  “I don't think a queen should stoop to mingling with those of the lower class.” She sniffs, head held high.

  “Think about it this way,” Jem says to her, startling me with her frustration turned to someone besides me. “The Poruah are the ones our economy is built on. The majority of our people fall into that class. By helping them, we help our entire nation.”

  I stare at her. I hadn't thought of it like this. I wanted to tend to everyone, but I didn't realize there were so many Poruah. What's more, I didn't realize Jem cared about them. Maybe she is more concerned about the country than I first suspected.

  I doubt Faya and Ranen would have been able to control her like they thought they would.

  “Thank you for putting it so well, Jem,” I say.

  It's her turn to look at me with eyes widened enough that I can tell she's shocked. She says nothing further, just gives me a slight nod.

  “Does anyone have anything to add?” When no one answers, I say, “Good. I have a meeting with the council. Please let me know if something comes up before we meet again. I'll be thinking about what you said today.” I glance at Jem, but she's looking at her hands.

  They stand, give me their goodbyes with their curtseys, and are gone.

  Nash comes in as they leave. “Are you ready for another meeting?” He moves closer to me.

  I stand so we can be as near as possible without actually touching. His warmth is soothing. Makes me forget myself.

  It's dangerous, but in a most delicious way.

  “I am.” I brush my skirt down. I miss wearing pants, like I often do.

  “Before we go, I just wanted to tell you I'm glad everything turned out all right yesterday and you're safe. And I'm sorry we haven't caught Daros yet. I can't imagine how much that must bother you.”

  I clear my throat. “Yes, well… I'm disappointed they didn't find him, but I didn't expect them to. It would have happened if Daros wanted it to.”

  He reaches out to touch me, but pulls away at the last minute.

  “Don't do that,” I say.

  “Don't do what?”

  I give him a look.

  He runs his hands through his hair. “I'm sorry. I know you're all right with touching, but it's against the law. I could be put to death for it if we got caught.”

  It’s extreme for them to kill him just for touching me. It’s not like I can get pregnant from a single touch, but then, maybe they’re trying to prevent escalating to that by being so extreme. “I'm the queen. Can't I control the laws?”

  “Not this one. It's been a law as long as anyone can remember. The unbreakable law. It's there to protect our country, not give into the whims of a queen's desires is what they say. It can't be changed.”

  I scowl. “It should be.”

  “I don't know. As much as I want it to be allowed, for us to be able to touch each other, I don't want our country to fall into chaos again, like it did years ago when they tried changing things.”

  He means the time when our people were almost destroyed by natural disasters, one hundred and fifty years ago. “Do you believe the nation was hit by tempests, earthquakes, and plagues because someone tried to change things?”

  “I don't know, but it's not something I want to take a chance on.”

  I sigh. “You're right. I just…” I hesitate before ghosting my fingertips over his. I want more. I want to actually touch him. To get that hug he gave me the other day. That kiss against my lips.

  “I do too.” His voice is soft.

  I step back, before I do something we'll both regret. “We should get going to the council meeting.”

  “Right. They're probably waiting for you.” He moves away from me.

  “Thank you for being so patient with me.”

  He turns and winks. “That's what Head Advisors are for.”

  Together with my escorts, we go down to the council room. It seems like more and more occasions are spent here. I'm getting rather tired of it. It's about time for another walk in the garden afterward. Too bad I don’t have time.

  Chapter 11

  The council meeting is quick, though not quick enough for my tastes. Will I ever get used to this? Talking about little details of government that others consider important, like what party we need to throw next or who to invite, I could do without. Some things I know are crucial, such as hearing updates on the people and how the guard’s training is going. Even then, I can only listen to so much of it, and I’m afraid I tuned most of it out. I need to get better at this, which might happen with time. I know I can if I set my mind to it.

  The halls of the palace are clear of anyone except Nash, my escorts, and me. The steady sound of our footsteps echo, bringing some life with them. It would be nice if we could pass a window where I might look out over the guard, but that’s on the other side anyway.

  As we head deeper in the building toward the dungeon to take care of something I should have a long time ago, I think about replacing my lost council member, Borkus. Head of Design isn't a position I feel I need to fill, but the council is asking for it. If only he hadn’t been disloyal.

  I sigh.

  “Everything all right?” Nash asks.

  I grin at him. “Dandy.”

  Unless you count what I'm about to do. Interviewing prisoners is not my favorite thing. It reminds me too much of what Daros did to me. I have to, though. Have to see if they're ready to give me any answers. None have been forthcoming to my guard, but maybe a personal touch is needed.

  I trudge down the steps, not caring if my dress drags behind me. Despite where we are, the place is kept clean and well-lit by many torches, casting flickering lights across the brick walls. Not a spec of dirt on the floors or cobwebs on the walls.

  The jailers get to their feet and bow. One of them, a woman with a rich voice and sharp features says, “Your Majesty, the prisoners are ready for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  Nash leads the way to Borkus's cell. When we get there, Wilric hits the bars with the hilt of his sword. “Borkus, you have a visitor.”

  Borkus rolls over on his bed, turning his back to us. There's not much in his room—a bucket in the corner and a bed that's probably softer than he deserves.

  I've been in worse places.

  “Tell me why you wanted Jem on the throne,” I say.

  There's no response.

  “The queen asked you a question.” Nash is tense by my side, his hands on his hips.

  Borkus rolls over and lowers his feet to the floor. He doesn't look up. “If you want a
nswers, you should be asking Ranen. He was the one behind this.”

  This is more of an answer than I've ever gotten. I wonder if being locked up is getting to him.

  “Why did you go along with it?” I ask.

  “Because Ranen promised me I could assist with the government’s fashion. That I would be the leader of fashion. That he'd help increase my popularity with the Kurah, so they would come to me for their needs.” His voice is weary.

  A lot more reasons I thought, some better than others. “And you thought that was worth my life?”

  He slouches his shoulders more than they already were.

  I wait, but he says nothing further.

  I nod for Nash to take me to Ranen. He's several cells over, far enough it would be hard for him to hear what Borkus said so the two of them can't conspire. He's also nowhere near those he hired to bring me to my death. I'm not sure what to do with them all. I don't want to kill them, but I hate leaving them here, when at any moment they could escape like Daros. Though there are less ways to do so now that we’ve upped security, but the thoughts still creep in.

  I'm grateful Daros didn't take any of them with him.

  Thinking of Daros while down here is the wrong thing to do. I shiver.

  Nash pulls off his coat and hands it to me.

  “Thank you.” I'm careful to not touch his hand as I take it and wrap it around my shoulders.

  I wasn't cold, but his coat is warm with him. The exact comfort I need.

  When we reach Ranen's cell, he's standing against the bars like he was waiting for us. I've interviewed him before, but at random times, though you lose track of time in situations like this.

  I always did.

  “Look who's come for a visit.” Without his tasseled hat, Ranen is bald. He's thinner than he used to be too, though not because we don't feed him. His dark gaze takes in everything about me, lingering on Nash's coat.

  “I want to know why you thought you could control Jem if she was on the throne.” I sound firm. In control. Good.

  “Are you missing someone? Another prisoner perhaps?” he asks.

  A chill sweeps through me, but I keep my voice steady. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

  “Oh, come on now. People talk, even down here, no matter how hard you try to prevent it.” He sounds as haughty as always.

  It takes a lot of willpower not to clench my jaw, pinch my fingers together, or show him any other sign of being upset. “Tell me about Jem.”

  “You won't get what you want from me. Not now, not ever.”

  There are many things I could threaten him with. Take away his food. His bed. His water. Torture him within a breath of his life.

  I won't.

  I'm stronger than that.

  But—oh—how I want to. “Why did you think you could control Jem?” I want to know if I can trust her or not, but I should have known I wouldn't get an answer from him.

  Ranen narrows his dark eyes at me. Suddenly, he pushes against the bars with such force that I jump back. He laughs like he isn't the one trapped in this dungeon.

  I give him one final glance before turning back toward the entrance. I won't bother with him again for a while. I'll have to judge Jem for myself.

  When we get to my sitting room, I invite Nash in. It's almost dinner time, and I have a meal planned with the council and some of the upper class that's sure to be a doozy.

  “Did you need something?” Nash asks.

  I take his coat off and hand it back to him, though I have the desire to keep it and sleep in it. Wear it whenever I need his comfort but can't have it. But there's no way I can.

  “I don't know what I need.” My answer surprises me.

  “I wish I could help you. Give you whatever it is you do need.” He sounds so sincere. It makes my eyes prickle.

  “You give me more than anyone else. You give me everything.” It's not something I should say.

  I glance up at him through my lashes, grateful we're alone. That I can smell the scent of him—metal and earth. See into his hazel and blue eyes. He's captivating and watching me as closely as I'm looking at him.

  “I don't give you nearly enough.” His voice is a whisper across my skin. “Tell me what's bothering you. Open up to me. Let me help.”

  Can I? It's not something I like to do; people betray you when you open up to them. But this is Nash. He's proven himself to me time and time again. I don't think he'll betray me. But that's the problem.

  Think.

  It's such a little word, but one that makes me hesitate. I can face fighting men twice my size, but I can't stand putting myself out there. This is silly. I can be brave enough. It's Nash.

  When the words come, they’re small. “I'm scared.”

  His arms are around me, pulling me close. I rest my head against his shoulder and place a hand on his chest. His comfort envelops me. Makes me want to be with him more. Makes me want to give him everything I can.

  “Tell me about it.” His voice is soft but firm. Reassuring.

  “It's Daros. He's after me—I know it. I worry for me, for you…for everyone around me. I don't know what he's going to do next. What's going to happen to me or those I care about. It feels dangerous. Precarious.”

  “I won't let anything bad happen to anyone.”

  I want to believe him. Ache to. Only— “No one can stop Daros when he puts his mind to something.”

  “You did once before. We can stop him again.”

  It's what the First Queen said, but can it be true? I don't know. It's hard to believe. Hard to follow.

  He cups the back of my head. I close my eyes and ease into it. It's soothing. Calming.

  But I have those fears biting away at me.

  We pull apart enough that we can look into each other’s eyes.

  He says nothing more. He doesn't have to. It's in his eyes.

  On his lips.

  I lean in.

  He moves closer.

  I close my eyes.

  His lips brush against mine. Soft at first—a feather against my skin—and then harder. Firmer. Stronger. Everything I want in him. In his kiss.

  As the pressure on my lips increases, I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. He threads his fingers through my hair, pushing me to him. I savor the taste of him. To enjoy the way he feels against me.

  We should have kissed long ago.

  There was no point waiting after our first kiss or of becoming cold with each other. We belong together. It is a fact I believe in more than anything else. This is true and right. The way his lips move beneath mine is like a shining beacon of hope into my soul.

  We belong together.

  We are together.

  The kiss is perfect. Even better than the first one. It's soft and kind, yet hard and demanding. Everything I wanted without realizing I wanted it.

  I don't know how much time passes before the kiss ends, but it doesn't feel like enough. We break away, and I'm breathless. By the way he's gasping for air, he feels the same. I don't know what got into us, but I want it to happen more often.

  Except that it's against the law.

  I'm not allowed to have relations.

  It could get him killed.

  I jerk away, unwilling to lose him just because of my desire. It's not what I want for him. For us. I want so much more than to see him ripped away from me.

  But that kiss… Oh, that kiss…

  * * *

  I need it again.

  By the heat burning in his eyes, Nash needs it too.

  His gaze molds across my lips, caressing my skin. I press my lips together, as if that will somehow fix what I can't have.

  “We shouldn't have done that.” Nash's words tear my heart into little pieces that are whisked away into the wind. “But I'm glad we did.”

  I close the distance between us, the guilt about touching him warring with my need for him and the desire to be comforted—to be healed by him.

  “No one ever made me feel
like this before.” The words are out before I can stop them.

  “I know what you mean.”

  “You do?”

  He brushes a hair out of my eye and caresses my cheek with his thumb. “I do. I wouldn't change it for anything.”

  He caresses my cheek with his thumb. I lean into the touch, not wanting him to ever stop, but things will get in the way. “We have to be careful. I don't want anyone to hurt you.”

  “I know.” He sighs as he moves away.

  We're inches apart. Not far, yet we might as well be on opposite sides of the greatest chasm in the world.

  “Your Head Advisor shouldn't act like this with you. No one should, according to the law, but especially me.” My heart sinks at his words. “Yet I can't seem to help myself.”

  “You know this is good between us. We just have to be cautious, so no one finds out.” But what about the First Queen? She's sure to know. What will she think of me? And what about my stained soul? Will it rub off on him? Affect him?

  He takes a step back and rubs his shoulder. “We shouldn't do that anymore. But know that, if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here. I will always be here.”

  My heart warms at the thought, even as it cringes.

  Despite not being able to touch him—to kiss him—I am not alone.

  Chapter 12

  As the First Queen comes into view, I can't help the stab of guilt that goes through me.

  “Do you want to discuss it?” she asks.

  “Not really.” Except there is one thing. “Why was that rule made, that no one can have relations with the queen?”

  “I made it for the reasons you suspect.”

  “You were the one to put it into effect?”

  “I did.”

  The two words hurt worse than I thought they would.

  “I know it's not what you want, but it is dangerous for the queen to have relations.”

  “Didn’t you say I should go for what I want?”

  “You should, but only under the right circumstances, and I’m not sure these are the ones.”

  My heart sinks. “Are the stories true? Does the world turn to chaos when things change?”