Death's Queen (The Complete Series)

by Janeal Falor

  She invites me to sit on her couch, and then does so herself. “I can see whatever brought you here is weighing heavy on your mind, Your Majesty. Go ahead and tell me about it. I'm ready.”

  “I still don't know where Nash is.” I pause longer than I should.

  “Is that all? I was afraid you were coming here to tell me that you found him, but he was dead.” She gives a shaky smile.

  How do I tell her?

  Her face falls. “He is dead, isn't he?”

  I must be brave. “We haven’t discovered that he is, but I've made a decision, and I had to let you know.” I swallow to clear the pain from my throat. “I can't give into the kidnappers any longer. I can't let them control the country, even if it means losing Nash.”

  Before she lowers her eyes, they're filled with tears. She brushes them away. “I'm glad Belta and Lanay were gone for this news. I don't know how I'll tell them. They look up to him so much, especially since my husband died. He's taken care of us. Fed us. Kept a roof over our heads. Warned us of danger. Given us everything we have. He’s a friend, a brother, a father figure to the girls. He loves us, and we love him. How are we ever going to get over this?”

  “I'm so sorry I have to do this.”

  Her head darts up to look at me then. “No. Don't you apologize. It's not your fault. You are doing what you need to for the sake of this country. Never feel bad about that. Never.”

  It's hard not to. It feels so much like my fault.

  She tilts her head. “How well do you know him? I know he was your Head Advisor, but did you know him as a person?”

  “Not as well as I’d like, but hopefully more than I think.” I hesitate. Maybe now isn't the time, but I can't think of another when I will have this opportunity. I need to get back to the palace. To the people. For just one more moment, I want to be me. “Would you tell me more about him?”

  She studies me. Really searches for something, thought I don't know what. She opens her mouth, then closes it again with a shake over her head. “He was always a kind boy. Rescued birds when they fell out of their nest. Helped stray cats out of trees. When his sisters were harassed once, by a neighborhood boy, he beat the boy up. At the time I scolded him, but really, the kid needed a good thrashing. He was many years older than the girls, and I wanted to give him a good swat myself. Of course, I ended up giving Nash that swat for fighting when he shouldn't.

  “It only made sense when he went into the guard. He fought hard for the side of good. If you excuse my saying so, he had a difficult time with the last queen. He still vowed to protect her but didn't agree with many of the things she did. He didn't know how to act with her. Do you choose your conscience and what ideals it upholds, or do you pick your loyalty to the crown?”

  “Did he talk to you about it often?” I ask, thrilled to be getting so much information about Nash, but wishing that it wasn't happening under these circumstances.

  “As often as he could get away, he would come home, though it's hard to come all the way out here. Usually once a week, on leave day. He would spend time with his friends too, but always spent time with us first. He was even more valiant in coming after his father passed away.”

  I wonder how his father died, but it isn’t the time to ask. Not when she's about to lose her son too.

  “Oh, I could talk about him for hours. A mother doesn't have favorites, but if I did, it'd be him. Maybe because he was my only boy. I don't know. He's always had such a good heart and a kind soul. Made me want to be more like him, instead of the other way around.”

  “If you'll excuse me for interrupting—Your Majesty, ma'am—I'd like to say how fine of a guard and advisor Nash was. What a great person he is,” Afet says.

  I have to hold my emotions in tight, so they don't come roiling out.

  “I'm glad you think so,” Slipa says. “Can I get you some tea? Food? Anything?”

  I shake my head. I should eat something, to be polite, but my throat is too locked up, and my stomach doesn’t feel like eating anything. “Thank you, but no. We should be on our way. I need to tell the people I'm fixing the taxes. For good, this time.”

  She nods. “He'd want that.” Her voice grows smaller. “No matter the cost.”

  She stands, more slowly than she moved before. It's my fault she lost the bounce in her step—my fault her son is going to die—but there's no way I can continue on like I have been. It's not fair to anyone.

  “Thank you for bringing me the news yourself, Your Majesty,” she says.

  “I'm just sorry it wasn't better news.”

  “It's not your fault, dear. If you forgive me for saying so, I'd hug you right now if it weren't against the law.”

  My eyes and nose burn, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't risk her life by letting her hug me. I made it all this way without losing it. Now shouldn't be the time.

  “Thank you.” My voice is small, but my heart feels big. “That means more to me than I can say.”

  “You're a good queen. Your heart is in the right place.”

  Unable to speak, I nod, and we finally leave.

  The guards surround me, making it look like I happen to be in the center of our group. It doesn't make a difference since we see no one else.

  “You did a brave thing,” Afet says. “She needed to hear what you had to say and needed to let out the words she did. Nash would be happy with what you did.”

  “It's not enough, but it was something.”

  “You need to give yourself more credit. What you did back there was big to Slipa.”

  “And she’s all that matters now. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. How long have you known Nash?”

  “Since he was twelve. Like his mother, I always admired and respected him. It's not every day you meet a man like him.”

  “No. No, it's not.”

  I think about that the entire way back to the palace.

  Chapter 36

  Something climbs its way through me, swirling around my insides as we walk toward the throne room. I wish I knew what it is.

  My guards are flanking me, and there are more ahead. Afet and Eldim stay close. How will this affect them? Will my changing the taxes yet again have a backlash on them, not just me? It's hard to say. I haven't a clue how the people are going to react.

  We see no signs of people in the halls. Not even the typical servant or two. So much for someone looking to take my life. Of course, I did send word ahead to have the people meet me in the throne room. Perhaps my assassins are biding their time there.

  When we get to the back door of the throne room, I hesitate to give any orders. What situation am I putting us into? Are these guards going to lose their lives? Am I?

  Better me than someone else.

  Maybe I should have listened to Afet and stayed hidden, but I can't handle doing so when I can appease the people, even if it means losing the man I care about.

  I stumble over nothing and fall straight to the floor. No doubt one of my guards could have caught me, but it would mean their death. I can't touch anyone. You'd think I wouldn't care, after a lifetime of only touches of the wicked kind, but I find myself yearning for something soft and kind, if a bit calloused. Nash.

  Why am I letting my thoughts stray at a time like this?

  Because I'd rather deal with them than what must come.

  “Your Majesty, are you all right?” Eldim's voice comes from above me.

  “Fine.” Just fine.

  I pick myself off the floor.

  I'd rather have stayed there.

  I nod to the door, and the guard closest to it opens it. They hurry through until it's my turn. I slink through the opening, taking in everything around me.

  It's almost too much. The room is filled with people. And the noise… it's fierce and angry.

  I have done my people wrong.

  It's time to fix that.

  My guards surround me on the dais and flow out into the room in front of me as I try not to think of Nash.
r />   Anything but him.

  “My people.” My voice rings out clear and strong against the crowd. They simmer down, though they don't quiet all the way. “I have done something I'm ashamed of. I have raised taxes for those I care about the most—the poor and the needy. I will be honest with you. I have done so because my Head Advisor was kidnapped, and threats were sent that if I didn't tax you more, there would be deadly consequences for him.”

  The noise dies. I swallow, trying to find a way to say what must be said. “I am sorry for doing this to you. I only wanted him to survive. But I know that can't be. I have done you wrong in my attempt to save him. I won't ask for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it. But I will return the laws to the way things should be. The Poruah will have little to no taxes, the Medi class, very few taxes, and those who can afford it most will take the brunt of the taxes. I'm sorry anyone has to pay any at all. We are doing what we can to minimize government spending so we don't have to charge as much.”

  So many words, and none of them the ones that will bring him back.

  The people respond well, though. A cheer rises up. I take a closer look at them than I did before. They are wearing tattered clothes, and dirt smudges their gaunt cheeks.

  The Poruah.

  How many were here before, wanting to take my life, and how many gathered after they heard I would be speaking to them? It doesn't matter. They're here, and they heard. Maybe now the threats on my life will ease. Though I didn’t do this for my safety or that my guards can pay me less attention. If anything, they're more vigilant than ever—faces stern, hands on hilts, eyes taking in everything.

  Their vigilance makes me proud.

  “What if you change your mind again?” someone from the crowd yells.

  “Right,” another calls out.

  “She could do it.”

  “We're never safe with her as queen.”

  An odd sensation is all the warning I get. I duck, only to feel the wind on my skin as an arrow whips by. My neck stings, but not enough to get in the way of my action.

  I fling myself to the side, daggers in hands. I bump into a guard and jerk away from him, hoping I didn’t injure him.

  “This way, Your Majesty,” Eldim calls out.

  The guards have formed a pathway straight out of the room. I follow it.

  I can tell the crowd is restless when I glance back. Some people come after me, some stand still, and others race for the other end of the room, where the exit is. I focus my attention on the path before me.

  “Duck,” Afet yells.

  I throw myself to the ground, ignoring the sting to the front of me where I land. Someone groans in pain. I get to my feet, keeping my head ducked down. A guard in front of me has an arrow coming out of his shoulder.

  An arrow meant for me. I stand still, staring at it.

  “Get out of here,” Eldim hollers.

  I press forward, diving through the doorway. Several guards run in after me, and Afet slams the door closed. I get to my feet, feeling foolish for overreaching for the floor, and make for a jog away from the fray.

  Why are the people trying to kill me now? I'm giving them what they want. Or is it someone sent by Daros?

  “Over here, Your Majesty,” Eldim says.

  I follow him up a flight of stairs, though my thoughts are scattered. Of course they tried to kill me. I can't be consistent; it's going to be a long time before I can get anyone to trust me again.

  I’m a killer of dreams.

  Everyone's dreams.

  Even when I try to do the right thing, I end up doing wrong.

  I try to shut my brain down as we move through the palace. We come to a desolate area. There's no sound except that of our feet padding and our hard breathing as we jog. We slow to a fast walk. I glance in rooms we pass and find sheets draped over the furniture.

  At least someone listened to me and closed up part of the palace.

  After we've gone a ways in, Eldim darts into one of the rooms, I go in, and the rest of the guards follow.

  “This should have us in a good place to wait out the crisis, Your Majesty,” Eldim says.

  After what happened with Stird, I don’t want to trust him, but I’m not sure I have any other choice right now. Not if I’m to be a queen with guards.

  The room is like the others, with giant white sheets covering everything. It looks like there is a couch and several chairs. Unsurprisingly, the cream walls are decorated with paintings of Valcora. I feel like I've seen enough of it through the paintings that I'd recognize places if I were to travel the country. Which maybe I should. Maybe people would like me more outside this city.

  “This should be fine.” I pull a drape off the couch and take a seat, though I feel more like taking someone down. I need to cool off. To think about what happened.

  The people attacked me.

  Not an assassin, the people.

  I've got to do a better job at this queen thing. I don't know what else to do, though. For starters, having Nash back at my side would help. I wince. Daros has probably gotten word I've changed the taxes back and is likely taking care of him for good. How am I going to deal with this?

  I shy away from these forbidden thoughts.

  Maybe it wasn’t the people. Maybe it was Daros again. It has to be.

  I focus on what needs to happen. “We just wait this out?” I ask.

  Eldim and Afet share a look. Afet is the one who braves speaking. “If they simmer down, we'll be fine, but if they don't, we might have to move you out of the city.”

  “It's not like they can take the job away from me.” Then I remember. “They'll just kill me.”

  “We won't let that happen, my lady,” Eldim says.

  I glance around at the soldiers in the room. There's a dozen of them, carefully stationed around the room. Several stand by the doors, and two by each window—though staying out of direct view. These men are willing to give their lives for me. How am I returning the favor? By getting them shot.

  Τhe man that was hit with the arrow. “Where's the injured guard?” I ask.

  “He got left behind.” Eldim says matter-of-factly.

  “How did that happen?” I jump to my feet and head toward the door. “We have to help him.”

  “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Afet says. “If we go back for him, we'll be bringing him more danger than if we leave him there. The other guards will see to him.”

  They're right, although that doesn't make me feel better.

  I pace.

  There's so much going on; my mind is overwhelmed. One thing is certain—I've got to stop making people put their lives on the line because of me.

  Chapter 37

  I worry about so many people, my thoughts flitter from one person to the next. The worst part is that I'm stuck doing nothing while they are in danger. It's not fair.

  It's been hours since we found shelter in this room. Eldim sent a guard to check if things were calmed down or if it was still too dangerous to go out. That was a while ago. Is he ever coming back?

  “We should go,” I say to no one in particular.

  Eldim crosses the room toward me. “Your Majesty, I'm afraid it isn't safe.”

  “I can handle whatever comes.”

  “I know you're skilled, but even the most skilled person can't take on an entire crowd.”

  True. That doesn't mean I want to stay here. “We can't wait forever. We need to know what's going on.”

  “We will. It takes time.”

  I'm sick of waiting. My people are probably rioting. The guard who was shot is probably dead. Stird's parents are probably being tortured in front of him. And Nash… he's probably dead.

  I clutch the armrest of the chair to keep from crying out. Why did I allow my thoughts to wander there? I have to get myself under control.

  The door bursts open, and my guards are on the move. Two of them flash their swords on the person entering.

  It’s the guard sent to find out information.

&
nbsp; “Stand down,” Eldim says.

  They put away their swords, and the guard comes forward to face Eldim, Afet, and me. “Things have calmed down, Your Majesty.”

  “So we can go.” I move forward, but he doesn't. “What's wrong?” I ask.

  “It's not pretty. The people are still upset. I think it'd be wise if we stayed put for the night.”

  Stay put? Not when there's so much that needs to be done. But can I ignore advice I should have been listening to all along? “What about the council? Are they safe? The ladies-in-waiting? And Inkga. I’d like here here with me.”

  “All of them are safe, Your Majesty. You're the only one in danger.”

  That's a relief. “Go get Inkga, and see if you can find Wilric. He should be back with Stird by now. I also need to speak with the other guards who went with Stird as soon as they return. I need to know his parents are safe.”

  “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Eldim says.

  “I'm beginning to hate those words.” I pierce him with a glare.

  He nods but pushes on. “It's just that the more people we have coming and going through here, the more people are likely to find out this is where you are hiding.”

  “I don't care about my own safety over these things I’ve requested of you. They need to be taken care of.”

  “Can you at least wait until morning?” Afet's voice is soft.

  “No. I need them taken care of now. Especially Stird.”

  The guard before me bows. “I'll do what I can to get everyone here discreetly, Your Majesty.”

  He's out of the room before any more protests can go up—one thing to be thankful for. I drum my fingers on my leg and tap my foot. Normally, I wouldn’t allow such movements in front of others, but it doesn’t seem to matter right now.

  “A game of Nako, Your Majesty?” Eldim asks.

  “Is there one in here?”

  “There is.” He pulls out the board from under a white sheet.

  I grin. “This would be perfect.” I've been practicing ever since I lost to Nash in what little free time I have with different guards.