Serafina's Flame

by J. C. Hart

  Iraja finally looked at her and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

  "How long has she been silent?" Aida’s voice was a gentle whisper now, and she slipped her hand down Iraja’s arm until their fingers overlapped and intertwined.

  Iraja hunched her shoulders as though she was exposed to some threat, but she didn’t let go of Aida’s fingers; if anything, she gripped them harder.

  "I don’t know," she whispered. "I don’t know when I stopped hearing her, or why I stopped hearing her, but she’s quiet now and I’m afraid."

  "Oh, Iraja. That must hurt." Aida’s heart ached just thinking about it. She’d not known her goddess long, but to think of the empty space that would be left should Serafina go quiet was almost too much. No wonder this woman was so torn, so hell-bent on revenge to fill the void.

  It made her think of Vana, actually. Both Iraja and Vana blamed Carmel for their problems. Anything to avoid blaming themselves for what was wrong in their lives. It reminded of her of herself, too, and the way she’d tried both to contain her true nature, and lashed out against her mother, in order to get Vana to open up to her again.

  Iraja’s face crumpled and tears slid down her cheeks. She didn’t move to brush them away so Aida lifted a finger and wiped them clear.

  "When Carmel left with Landon and Romane, you thought if you could get her back, maybe your goddess would speak to you again."

  "I’d tried so hard, for so long. Keeping the people in line, getting them to come to worship when the All Mother had stopped speaking back…" Iraja brushed the tears off her face. "I had to do something. I couldn’t let this affront to the All Mother stand."

  "And when you couldn’t find Carmel…"

  Iraja nodded. "I did as the goddess had commanded in the past and I took my revenge, and I was sure she would be proud. Sure she’d speak to me again."

  Aida nodded sadly. She didn’t need to say the words—the All Mother hadn’t spoken. Iraja started to sob again, this time harder, uncontrollable, her voice mangled as she tried to speak. It took a few minutes for Aida to understand her.

  "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I knew after that it was wrong, that I’d become a murderess, that it had all been in vain. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I love her but she doesn’t love me anymore."

  "Shh, Iraja. It’s okay," Aida murmured. Though it wasn’t okay. Not what the priestess had done, and not what the All Mother had done either. Aida was torn between the ache in her chest for Iraja, and a wild fury at the All Mother for abandoning her people.

  What can we do? she asked. Can we get your sister here? Can we hold her to account?

  I can make her come.

  Tell me what to do.

  When you’re ready, lift your hands to Iraja’s face.

  Aida took a breath to center herself. "Do you want to see her again?"

  "You can make that happen?" Iraja’s eyes bloomed wide with wonder, with hope.

  Aida nodded, and before Iraja could say anything more, she placed her hands on the other woman’s face.

  The world shrank and then expanded. Aida could feel her feet give out beneath her as she crumpled into a pile, taking Iraja with her. She was conscious of her body, but had no control of it, no control over anything, really. And all she could see was darkness.

  10

  Light spawned, spreading slowly from between the palms of someone’s hands. Their skin was orange and red, only slightly less vibrant than the colour of the orb they held. When the light hit her face, Aida could see Serafina in all her glory; tall and shrouded in a cloak of deep red which glimmered in the light of the fiery orb she held.

  "Where are we?" she asked. The world was opening up around them, the light spreading to reveal a sheltered forest grove, twisted branches draped in embracing mist. Iraja stood next to Aida, her body shivering as she tried to hunch in on herself.

  "In the place of the gods," Serafina said as though it were obvious. She turned her focus to the priestess. "Iraja, would you like to see your goddess? I heard what you said, and I’m sorry she’s treated you so coldly." Serafina’s words came with a warm gust of air.

  Iraja sniffed, her eyes hopeful. "I miss her so much."

  "I’ll let you in on a little secret, Iraja." Serafina moved towards the priestess and placed a hand on the other woman’s arm. "The All Mother is still with you. Even if she stopped speaking." She tilted the priestess’s chin up and stared in her eyes. "And she is a stubborn woman, just like you. Like all good women, really. Fierce and brave, strong and imperfect. Soft, and yearning for love. Easily hurt, at times. And too prideful to admit when she is wrong. But if you call for her now, she will come."

  "I just need to call?" Iraja’s brow furrowed.

  "She is on this plane, she can feel your presence. Let her hear you." Serafina smiled, and the light seemed to spread.

  "All Mother? Asaka, I need you!" Iraja’s voice broke on those last words, and Serafina embraced her. Aida stood to the side, unsure of her role in this.

  She’s coming, Carmel whispered inside Aida’s mind. Can you feel her?

  And she could. A chill descended in the grove and the mist parted. Aida could suddenly see another woman, the hue of her skin blue and cool, the tense lines of her face doing nothing to hide her beauty.

  "Step away from my priestess," Asaka said, her voice low and hard, so icy it seemed to slice through the air at Serafina.

  "Nice to see you too, sister." Serafina gave a tight smile though she didn’t move away from Iraja. "Glad you could join us."

  "Why have you brought her here?" Asaka demanded. She stalked further into the light and then held out a hand imperiously. "Iraja, come."

  Iraja glanced at Aida, then Serafina, uncertainty crossing her features. She took a step forward, then stopped and folded her arms across her chest.

  "Why did you stop talking to me?" Iraja looked at Asaka with pleading eyes. "You hurt me so badly. You hurt the others too. We’ve been lost without you."

  "You are strong and wise, and you have taken good care of the people," Asaka said dismissively. "You don’t need me."

  "Answer the woman," Serafina said softly. "Answer her, or I will take her in, and no one will love you anymore."

  "No one would trade me for you. You’re weak, pathetic, and I made you that way." Asaka sneered. "My people worship me because I am strong, because I command them to. I don’t need to be loved."

  Aida held out a hand for Iraja. The other woman looked at her outstretched fingers but didn’t take them. "Wouldn’t you rather the warmth of Serafina? A goddess who loves you and who wants to be loved in return?"

  "But she’s not my goddess. The All Mother is. And despite everything I love her."

  Aida could see the yearning in Iraja. "And where has that gotten you? You’ve had people killed in your name, not hers, because you were so desperate to gain her approval. Is that why you became her priestess?"

  Iraja’s face crumpled.

  "Carmel is inside me, and she forgives you. She knows how much it hurts to feel as though your goddess has abandoned you. The only difference is that my people abandoned Serafina. She never left us, she always cared, but we turned our backs. Your goddess has turned hers. You don’t deserve that."

  Iraja looked up at Asaka, her expression heartbroken. "Don’t you care for us?"

  Asaka didn’t reply, but her face twitched as though it couldn’t decide what emotion to show. Then she clenched her jaw. "It isn’t that I don’t care. I do care. I just…"

  "She just struggles to deal with that. She thinks that to show her vulnerable side is to invite others to hurt her," Serafina spoke quietly, but her words were clear and they gently filled the space between the women.

  Aida held her breath, unsure how the other goddess might react.

  Asaka curled her fingers into fists, the tension in her body snapped through the air, and then she let out a great, heaving sigh. "That doesn’t mean I don’t love, that I don’t care or hurt or bleed."
The All Mother’s eyes locked with Serafina’s. "I know what I did was wrong, it was never your fault, but it was easier to take it out on you than to deal with the way I was feeling. I thought maybe I’d weakened you too much… I’m glad I didn’t. Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

  "Do you think you can let them in?" Serafina tilted her head and considered Iraja. "There was a time when you did. And then you closed those walls. I think if you can find it in yourself to be open with them…"

  "I want to try." Asaka closed the distance between her and Serafina. Their hands intertwined, all tension gone. "Can you help me?"

  Serafina smiled, her gaze full of love. "If you’ll let me, we could do this together. I love you, sister."

  A tremor of fear ran through Aida. This was meant to be about their people, Nivaen and Asakan alike, but the two goddesses seemed so caught up in their forgiveness that they might forget.

  "And what about what we want?" Aida stepped towards them. She could feel the heat radiating off Serafina, and the All Mother’s coolness licked at her back, growing colder from the interruption. "It’s all very well for you two. Make up, be loving sisters again, but we need to know that you are still there for us when we need you.

  "We need this fight to be over, for our villages and towns to be at peace, for our children to know that they are safe and secure, loved by their families and their deities."

  "You want promises?" Serafina asked.

  "I want many, but most strongly of all, I want to know that whatever happens between the two of you, you will never invoke revenge on any of your people. We will not be called to fight in a sibling quarrel. If you try, we will abandon you."

  "Those are brave words for a little girl," the All Mother said. Her voice was rigid, and when Aida turned to her, her features were set in a frown.

  "I’m not just a little girl. I’m an old woman, mother of a village, protector of the small ones, I am hostess of the goddess Serafina, and I will be heard." She set her shoulders back, un-cowed by the All Mother.

  "Oh, little one, this is the fire I always knew you had." Serafina wrapped her arms around Aida and embraced her in the warmest hug imaginable. Aida felt like she might melt from it, like there were parts of her sliding away. She let herself sink into it, but then turned to face her goddess.

  "I’m not done with my demands." She felt a moment of grief, but steeled herself. "I want you to take Carmel up. As much as I appreciate everything she’s done, I want my mind back. I will be your vessel when you need it, and I’ll heed your call, and welcome your words, but I want to be alone in my body. I want to be myself again."

  "I can’t make you normal. The change runs too deep." Serafina shook her head slowly, her brow furrowing.

  "I don’t need to be normal. I know I’m not the same, I’ve been touched by you and I don’t want that to change." She bit her lip, suddenly feeling every bit the child again. "I just want to be mostly me, without the talking heads all the time. Carmel should be allowed to move on. She’s imparted so much wisdom, given me life, now give her freedom to be with her son, and to commune with her family through the flames."

  Serafina took Aida’s hands and squeezed them. "Consider it done."

  No hard feelings, child, Carmel said. Aida could feel her wink. Thank you for giving me peace. Keep an eye on my sister for me would you?

  Consider it done. Thank you for giving me life. Aida bowed her head, then took a step back from the goddesses. "Do what you want, but you must stay connected with your priestesses, give them guidance and show them love. Iraja needs you. Your people need you." This last she directed to Asaka, who looked somewhere between admonished and amused.

  "Your newest beacon is a feisty one. I admire that." She nodded to herself. "I will uphold my end of this bargain because it’s the right thing to do, not because you say so. Do you hear?"

  "I don’t care why you do it, all I care is that you follow through." Aida turned and beckoned to Iraja. "Come and speak with your goddess. I need a word with mine." The other woman rushed to Asaka, who surprised Aida by opening her arms and folding Iraja into an embrace.

  "You’ve done great work here," Serafina said as she walked with Aida.

  "Your work," Aida added.

  "No." Serafina shook her head. "Your work. Without you, peace would not have come about, without you, our peoples would not be assured a secure future. There will be other threats from other sources but for now this time of recovery, of reconnection, is all your doing." Serafina pressed scorching lips to Aida’s forehead, her kiss searing.

  When she moved away Aida reached a hand up. She could feel the mark of Serafina’s lips scorched into her skin.

  "My blessing will always be with you, and everyone will know you are my beacon." Serafina nodded, pleased with herself. "Now, if you’re ready, I’ll send you back."

  Iraja came to her side then, slipped her hand into Aida’s. The world went black and they crumpled.

  11

  Their limbs were still twisted together when they came to. Aida woke first and gently untangled herself before shaking Iraja awake. The other woman’s eyes were cloudy and then they cleared and it was like her sight had returned.

  "I should be angry at you for stopping me, or grateful for bringing my goddess back, but mad that you’ve changed everything. I don’t truly know what to think or feel." Iraja held her head in her hands and wept.

  Aida crouched beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, letting her cry for as long as she needed. She didn’t feel that confused or upset herself. All she felt was alone. Carmel was gone and the goddess, if she was there, was unnoticeable. All was calm and quiet inside her head, and when she reached out in the expanse of her mind all she found was peace.

  She gripped Iraja firmer, using her as balance.

  "It’s okay, we’re going to be okay." The assurance was just as much for herself.

  "I don’t know what to think or feel any more. I had people killed because I was angry, what does that make me?"

  "It makes you human, Iraja." Aida pursed her lips, an idea forming. "Close your eyes and reach out to your goddess. Call her to you."

  "But—"

  "No, no buts. Just do it." Aida took her arm away, leaving Iraja alone. She didn’t want to feel the other goddess—any goddess right now—and she had a feeling this was something Iraja needed to do for herself. She watched as the woman closed her eyes, forehead furrowing in concentration. It was just moments later that her features relaxed and a look of pure bliss crossed Iraja’s face.

  Aida felt a pang of jealousy. She’d felt that wave of bliss right at the beginning, but it had been harder later, with them so closely connected all the time. Maybe in the future she would feel that way again, but for now she enjoyed the peace.

  Finally Iraja opened her eyes, a beautiful smile graced her lips. "All is well." She gave a little nod. "I need to return to the city and bring the goddess back to our people."

  "I’m pleased you found what you were looking for, even if you set off on the wrong path to begin with." Aida rose, brushing the dust and grass from her clothes, with that action she tried to brush off her residual anger at what Iraja had done. In the same situation who knew what Aida would be capable of?

  Iraja stepped forward to embrace her. "Can you forgive me?" she whispered into Aida’s ear.

  "I can, but I don’t know that the rest of my people will be so lenient." Aida withdrew, giving Iraja a small smile. "Go now and know I hold no ill feelings towards you. But it would be safer if you kept your people far from mine until the tales of this die down and we can show our people that peace is the better way."

  "I will tell stories of your compassion, your bravery in the face of danger. Of your kindness and love of life." Iraja turned and walked from the clearing.

  Aida was truly alone then. Just her and the woods, and the animal life her mother loved so much.

  It was time to go home.

  12

  She slipped into the ma
keshift village just as the sun set. Smoke spiralled above the tents, and Aida wondered how long it would be before this place felt like home. Here at the foot of Serafina’s mountain seemed like the safest place to be, but with the new peace, maybe they could consider going back to where they used to live. Re-establishing their village, rebuilding their homes.

  It wasn’t up to her though, and she was happy with that decision. She was too young to be dealing with that kind of responsibility; unless of course the goddess really needed her.

  Aida walked along the line of tents, careful not to trip on any of the ropes which held them up, until she came to her mother’s. Her chest felt heavy, weighed down with worry about how things would be now, about the distance she’d felt between her and Vana before she left. Would her mother understand? Was it even realistic to expect her to? She took a deep breath and walked to the front of the tent, pushing the flap open and stepping in.

  "Aida!" Her mother was on her in a moment, arms wrapping around her tightly. Hot tears fell and Aida crumpled against her mother’s chest like she was a toddler. Vana clung to her, clutching her tight and kissing her hair as though she thought she’d never see Aida again.

  "I’m okay, mother. I’m home."

  "I was worried," Vana said. "I knew you were with Serafina, but I worried. I didn’t like how we left things. Everything got twisted and turned and I didn’t know what to think. And then you were gone, and I missed you." Her mother stopped talking though it seemed like she had so much more to say.

  "It’s all okay now. I’m home and we’re safe."

  "Did you kill that woman?" Vana pulled back and gazed into Aida’s eyes.

  She shook her head. "No, we made peace. She’ll never set foot on our lands again, and her people will never bother us." Aida bit her lip, and then added, "If she does, Serafina will call me, and we will deal with her."

  Vana seemed satisfied with this, and Aida thought it wasn’t such a big deal, this lie. Because Iraja wouldn’t return, and so the lie would never need to be tested.