Married in Seattle

by Debbie Macomber

  “And you weren’t?” Zach’s expression darkened and he buried his hands in his pockets. “You didn’t say one word to me about Brian.”

  Janine was so shocked she sank back onto the bed. Zach still glared at her, challenging her to contradict him. Slowly gathering her composure, she stood, her eyes narrowing as she studied her husband. “Who told you about Brian?”

  “Your grandfather.”

  “How did he know? I never said a word to him about Brian. Not one solitary word.”

  “But obviously he knew.”

  “Obviously.” Janine had never felt more like weeping. “I suppose he told you Brian lied to me and claimed to love me when all the while he was seeing someone else.” Another, more troubling thought entered her mind. “I…bet Gramps told you that to make you feel sorry for me, sorry enough to marry me.”

  “Janine, no.”

  She hid her face in both hands, humiliation burning her cheeks. It was all so much worse than she’d imagined. “You felt sorry for me, didn’t you?”

  Zach paced the length of the bedroom. “I’m not going to lie to you, although I suspect it would be better if I did. Your grandfather didn’t mention that you’d fallen in love with Brian until after the day we took him to the doctor.”

  “He waited until we got to know each other a little,” Janine whispered, staggered by the realization that her grandfather had known about Brian all along.

  “By then I’d discovered I liked you.”

  “The word like is possibly even worse than fond,” she muttered.

  “Just hear me out, would you?”

  “All right,” she sighed, fearing that nothing he said now mattered, anyway. Her pride had suffered another major blow. The one love of his life had been this marvelous patriot, while Janine had fallen for a weak-willed womanizer.

  “It isn’t as bad as it seems,” Zach tried to assure her.

  “I can just imagine what Gramps told you.”

  “All he said was that he was afraid you’d never learn to trust your own judgment again. For quite a while now, he’s watched you avoid any hint of a relationship. It was as though you’d retreated from men and were content just to lick your wounds.”

  “That’s not true! I was seeing Peter Donahue on a regular basis.”

  “Safe dates with safe men. There was never any likelihood that you’d fall in love with Peter, and you knew it. It was the only reason you went out with him.”

  “Is…is what happened with Brian why Gramps decided to play matchmaker?”

  “I suspect that was part of it. Also his concern for your future. But I don’t fully understand his intentions even now. I don’t think it matters, though. He wanted you to be happy and secure. Anton knew I’d never purposely hurt you. And in his eyes, the two of us were perfect for each other.” Zach sat down next to her and reached for her hand, lacing her fingers with his own. “Does it matter? We’re married now.”

  She looked away from him and swallowed hard. “I…may not be blond and gorgeous or brave, but I deserve a husband who’ll love me. You and Gramps both failed to take that into account. I don’t want your pity, Zach.”

  “Good, because I don’t pity you. You’re my wife, and frankly, I’m happy about it. We can have a good life if you’ll put this nonsense behind you.”

  “You’d never have chosen me on your own. I knew what you thought of me from the moment we met. You assumed I was a rich spoiled woman who’d never had anything real to worry about. I bet you thought I’d consider a broken nail a major disaster.”

  “All right, I’ll admit I had the wrong impression, but that was before,” Zach insisted.

  “Before what?”

  “Before I got to know you.”

  Janine’s shoulders heaved with barely suppressed emotion. “As I recall, the reason you were willing to marry me was because I wasn’t so bad. And let’s not forget the financial benefits,” she added sarcastically.

  Zach’s sigh was filled with frustration. “I told you I wasn’t ever going to say the stuff you women like to hear. I don’t know a thing about romance. But I care about you, Janine, I honestly care. Isn’t that enough?”

  “I need more than that,” she said miserably. It was the promise of their future, the promise of learning about love together, that had intrigued her.

  Zach frowned. “You told me even before we were married that you didn’t need romantic words. You were content before I mentioned Marie. Why should my telling you change anything?”

  She saw that Zach was losing his patience with her. She stared down at the thick carpet. “I really wish I could explain, but it does make a difference. I’m sorry, Zach, I really am.”

  A lifetime seemed to pass before he spoke again. “So am I,” he whispered before turning away. A moment later the front door opened and almost immediately closed again. Zach had left.

  “What did you expect?” she wailed, covering her face with both hands. “Did you think he was going to fall at your knees and declare his undying love?” The picture of the proud and mighty Zach Thomas playing the role of besotted husband was actually comical. If he’d done that for any woman, it would’ve been the brave and beautiful Marie. Not Janine.

  After that disastrous morning, their relationship grew more strained than ever. Zach went to work early every day and returned late, usually past dinnertime. Janine never questioned where he was or who he was with, although she had to bite her tongue to keep from asking.

  Zach proved to be a model housemate, if not a husband—cordial, courteous and remote. For her part, she threw herself into her volunteer work at the Friendship Club, spending hours each week with the children. She did her best to hide her unhappiness from her grandfather, although that was difficult.

  “You look pale,” he told her when she joined him for lunch one afternoon, several days after her return from Ocean Shores. “Are you losing weight?”

  “I wish,” she said, attempting to make a joke of it. They sat in the dining room, with Mrs. McCormick wandering in and out, casting Janine concerned glances. Janine resisted the urge to leap up and do aerobic exercises to demonstrate that she was in perfect health.

  “You can’t afford to get much thinner,” Gramps said, eyeing her solemnly. He placed a dinner roll on the side of her plate and plunked the butter dish down in front of her.

  “I’m not losing weight,” she told him, spreading butter on the roll in order to please him.

  “I took that sea gull you gave me into the office,” Gramps said as he continued to study her. “Zach asked me where I got it. When I told him, he didn’t say anything, but I could tell he wasn’t pleased. Do you want it back?”

  “No, of course not.” Janine dropped her gaze. She’d never intended for Gramps to take Chester into the office. On impulse, she’d given him the ceramic bird, reluctant to have it around the condominium to remind her of those first glorious days with Zach.

  “I wish I knew what was wrong with you two,” Gramps blurted out in an uncharacteristic display of frustration. He tossed his napkin onto his dinner plate. “You should be happy! Instead, the pair of you look like you’re recovering from a bad bout of flu. Zach’s working so many hours it’s a wonder he doesn’t fall over from sheer exhaustion.”

  Janine carefully tore her roll into pieces. She toyed with the idea of bringing up the subject of Brian, but in the end, she didn’t.

  “So you say you’re fine, and there’s nothing wrong between you and Zach,” Gramps said sarcastically. “Funny, that’s exactly what he said when I asked him. Except he also told me to mind my own business—not quite in those words, but I got the message. The thing is, he looks as pathetic as you do. I can’t understand it—you’re perfect for each other!”

  Gramps reached into his pocket for a cigar. “I’ll be seeing Zach this afternoon and I intend to give that boy a piece of my mind. By all rights, you should be a happy bride.” He tapped one end of the cigar against the table.

  “We’ll be fine,
Gramps. Please stay out of it.”

  For a long moment, he said nothing; he only stared at the cigar between his fingers. “You’re sure you don’t want me to talk some sense into the boy?” he finally asked.

  The mental picture of him trying to do so brought a quivering smile to her lips. “I’m sure,” she said, then glanced at her watch. Pam would be waiting for her. “But since you’re seeing Zach, would you please let him know I’ll probably be late for dinner? He…should go ahead and eat without me.”

  “Do you do this often?” His question was an accusation.

  “No,” she replied, shaking her head. “This is the first time. Pam needs my help with a school project and I don’t know when we’ll be finished.”

  Gramps glowered as he lit his cigar, puffing mightily before he spoke. “I’ll tell him.”

  As it turned out, Janine spent longer with Pam than she’d expected. The homework assignment wasn’t difficult, but Pam begged Janine to stay with her. Pam’s father was working late and the girl seemed to need Janine more than ever. They made dinner together, then ate in the kitchen while Pam chatted about her friends and life in general.

  It was almost nine by the time Janine pulled into the parking garage. The first thing she noticed was Zach’s car. The atmosphere had been so falsely courteous between them that she dreaded each encounter, however brief. Since that first morning, Zach hadn’t made any effort to talk about her role in his life. Janine wasn’t looking for a long flowery declaration of love. Just a word or two more profound than fond or like to let her know she was important to him.

  Drawing a deep breath, she headed for the condominium.

  She’d just unlocked the door when Zach stormed into the room like a Minnesota blizzard. “Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

  Janine was so shocked by his fierce anger that she said nothing.

  “I demand to know exactly where you were!”

  She removed her sweater, hanging it carefully in the entry closet, along with her purse. Zach scowled at her silence, fists clenched at his sides. “Do you have any idea of the time? Did it even cross your mind that I might’ve been concerned about you? Your cell phone was off and you didn’t return any calls.”

  “I’m sorry.” Janine turned to face him. “But you knew where I was,” she said calmly.

  “All Anton said was that you’d be late. Not where you were going or who you were with. So naturally I was worried.”

  “I’m sorry. Next time I’ll tell you myself.” Janine yawned; the day had been exhausting. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go to bed now. Unless there’s anything else you’d like to know?”

  He glared at her, then shook his head. Wheeling around abruptly, he walked away.

  Hours later, Janine was awakened by a gruff sobbing sound coming from the other room. It took her a moment to realize it was Zach. Was he having a nightmare?

  Folding back the covers, she got out of bed and hurried into his room. The cries of anguish grew louder. In the light from the hallway, she could see him thrashing about, the bedding in disarray.

  “Zach,” she cried, rushing to his side. She sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hands gently on his shoulders. “Wake up. You’re having a dream. Just a dream. It’s okay….”

  Zach’s eyes slowly opened. “Janine.” He ground out her name as though in torment and reached for her, hauling her into his arms with such force that he left her breathless. “Janine,” he said, his voice so husky she could barely understand him. “I thought I’d lost you.”

  Ten

  “Zach, I’m fine,” Janine whispered. Emotion clogged her throat at the hungry way his eyes roamed her face. He seemed to have difficulty believing, even now, that she was unhurt.

  “It was so real,” he continued, his chest heaving. He hid his face as if to block out the vivid images the dream had induced. Making room in the large bed, he pulled her down beside him. His hands stroked her hair as he released several jagged breaths. “We were at the ocean,” he told her, “and although I’d warned you against it, you decided to swim. A huge wave knocked you off your feet and you were drowning. Heaven help me, I tried, but I couldn’t get to you fast enough.” He shut his eyes briefly. “You kept calling out to me and I couldn’t find you. I just couldn’t get to you fast enough.”

  “Zach,” she whispered, her mouth so close to his that their breath mingled, “I’m right here. It was only a dream. It wasn’t real.”

  He nodded, but his eyes still seemed troubled, refusing to leave her face. Then ever so slowly, as though he expected her to object, he moved his mouth even closer to hers. “I couldn’t bear to lose you. I’d rather die myself.”

  Helpless to deny him anything, Janine turned her face to receive his kiss.

  His hands tangled in her thick dark hair, effectively holding her captive, while his mouth seized hers in a kiss that sent her senses swirling. Nothing mattered except his touch. Overcome for a moment by the fierce tenderness she felt in him, Janine eagerly fed his need.

  “Janine, oh, my dear sweet Janine. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

  “I’m here…I’m here.” Melting against him, she molded her body to the unyielding contours of his, offering her lips and her heart to his loving possession. Again and again, he kissed her. Janine slid her hands up his chest and twined them around his neck. This was what she’d longed for from the first, the knowledge that he needed her, and she gloried in the sensation.

  With a groan, he reluctantly pulled his mouth from hers. He held her firmly to his chest, his breathing harsh and rapid. Peace combined with a delirious sense of happiness, and Janine released a deep sigh. Pressing her ear to his chest, she listened, content, to the heavy pounding of his heart.

  “Did I frighten you?” he asked after a minute.

  “No,” she whispered.

  He resumed stroking her hair as she nestled more securely in his arms. Zach had made her feel wondrous, exciting things every time he kissed her, but the way he held and touched her now went far beyond those kisses. She’d experienced a bonding with Zach, a true joining of spirits that had been missing until now. He had told her he’d cherish her, but she hadn’t believed it until this moment. Tears clouded her eyes and she struggled to restrain them.

  For a long while neither of them spoke. But Janine didn’t need words. Her eyes were closed as she savored this precious time.

  When Zach did speak, his voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. “I had a sister who drowned. Her name was Beth Ann. I’d promised I’d always be there for her—but I failed her. I couldn’t bear to lose you, too.”

  Janine tightened her hold, knowing how difficult it must be for him to speak of his sister.

  “I never forgave myself.” His body tensed and his fingers dug roughly into her shoulder. “Losing Beth Ann still haunts me. She wouldn’t have drowned if I’d been with her. She—”

  Lifting her head slightly, Janine’s misty gaze met his. “It wasn’t your fault. How could it have been?”

  “But I was responsible for her,” he returned harshly.

  Janine suspected that Zach had rarely, if ever, shared his sorrow or his guilt over his sister’s death with anyone. A low groan worked its way through him and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. “For years, I’ve drummed out the memories of Beth Ann’s death. The nightmare was so real, only this time it wasn’t her—it was you.”

  “But I’m safe and sound. See?” She pressed her hands to both sides of his face, smiling down on him.

  He sighed and smiled back, a little uncertainly. “I’m all right now. I shouldn’t have burdened you with this.”

  “It wasn’t a burden.”

  His arms tightened around her, and he inhaled deeply as if absorbing her scent. “Stay with me?”

  She nodded, grateful that he needed her.

  Within minutes, Janine felt herself drifting into drowsiness. From Zach’s relaxed, even breathing, she knew he was already asleep.

  When
Janine next stirred, she was lying on her side, and Zach was cuddling her spoon fashion, his arm about her waist. At some point during the night, she’d slipped under the covers, but she had no recollection of doing so. A small satisfied smile touched the edges of her mouth. She rolled carefully onto her back so as not to disturb Zach, and wondered what she should do. When Zach woke and found her in bed with him, she was afraid he might regret what had happened, regret asking her to stay. He might feel embarrassed that he’d told her about his sister’s death and the guilt he still felt.

  Closing her eyes, Janine debated with herself. If she left his bed and returned to her own room, he might think she was rejecting him, shocked by his heart-wrenching account of Beth Ann’s death.

  “Janine?” He whispered her name, his voice husky with sleep.

  Her eyes flew open. “I…we fell asleep. What time is it?”

  “Early. The alarm won’t go off for another couple of hours.”

  She nodded, hoping to disguise any hint of disappointment in her voice. He didn’t want her with him, she was sure of it. He was embarrassed to find her still in his bed. “I’ll leave now if you want.”

  “No.”

  The single word was filled with such longing that Janine thought she’d misunderstood him. She tipped her head back to meet his gaze. The light from the hall allowed her to see the passion smoldering in his dark eyes. Turning onto her side, Janine lovingly traced the lines of his face.

  “I’m sorry about the way I behaved over…Marie,” she whispered. “I was jealous and I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t help myself.”

  The corners of his eyes crinkled with his smile. “I’ll forgive you if you’re willing to overlook the way I behaved when you got home last night.”

  She answered him with a light kiss, and he hugged her to him. Janine surrendered to the sheer pleasure of being in Zach’s arms, savoring the rush of warm sensations that sprang to life inside her.