The Meltdown (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 13)

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The Meltdown (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 13) Page 7

by Jeff Kinney


  ONE battery.

  140

  And it turned out I was RIGHT. I knew I was

  gonna have to finish all the chores before Mom

  and Dad got home, but I figured I had plenty

  of time and I deserved to enjoy myself for a

  little while. So I made myself comfortable on their

  bed and turned on the TV.

  Ordinarily I get a little weirded out being in

  Mom and Dad’s bed, but today I decided to make

  an exception. ESPECIALLY when I realized one

  of their blankets was the one we got from Aunt

  Dorothy for Christmas.

  Watching TV in bed was AWESOME, or at least

  for a WHILE. I was comfortable for the FIRST

  two hours, but after that my neck started

  hurting from lying in that position.

  141

  I’ve already decided that when I get a place

  of my own, I’m gonna attach my TV to the

  CEILING so I can look straight UP at it. But

  I’m gonna have someone install the TV who knows

  what they’re DOING, because I don’t need to

  be the next Flat Stanley.

  I must’ve dozed off for a while, because when the

  phone rang it startled me. It was MOM, and

  I figured she was checking in on me to see if I’d

  finished my chores.

  But the reason she was calling was to tell me she

  couldn’t make it home in time to pick up Manny at

  daycare, so she was gonna have Mrs. Drummond

  drop Manny off at the HOUSE.

  142

  That meant I had to BABYSIT, which was

  gonna really mess up the rest of my day.

  When Mrs. Drummond dropped off Manny a half

  hour later, I didn’t know what to DO with

  him. I put Manny in Mom and Dad’s room and

  turned on some cartoons, but he followed me back

  downstairs. So I guess Manny just wanted to be

  with ME.

  I tried to remember what Rodrick used to do

  with me when I was little. But all I could think

  of was the time he gave me lemon juice and told me

  it was SODA.

  143

  Then I remembered a game me and Rodrick used

  to play that was actually FUN. We pretended

  the floor was LAVA, and we had to stay OFF of

  it by using cushions and pillows from the couch.

  Me and Rodrick used to play that game for

  HOURS. I figured if I got Manny started, he

  could keep himself entertained while I wrapped up

  my chores. But when I told Manny how the game

  WORKED, he totally freaked out.

  144

  So now Manny wouldn’t go anywhere near the

  FLOOR. And that made things really inconvenient

  for me.

  But I still had to do my chores, or I’d be in

  trouble when Mom and Dad got home. And I had

  a BIG one in front of me, which was shoveling

  the driveway.

  I knew Manny would have a total meltdown if I

  left him inside with all that lava, so I got him

  dressed in his snow gear, which wasn’t easy.

  I figured Manny could play on the back deck

  while I shoveled the driveway, and he’d be safe

  because the deck is closed in.

  The snow in the driveway was wet and heavy, and

  it was hard to make any progress. After a half

  hour, I decided to take a break and soak my

  hands in some warm water.

  While I was inside, I figured I’d check and see

  how Manny was doing out on the back deck. But

  Manny was GONE. He had built a little staircase

  out of snow to escape.

  146

  Thankfully, he didn’t get FAR. But I realized I

  couldn’t leave him ALONE anymore.

  I took Manny to the front yard with me. It

  was getting late, and Dad gets REALLY mad

  when the driveway’s not cleared when he comes

  home from work.

  So I shoveled as fast as I could, and Manny

  pitched in to help.

  147

  But there was just too much snow, and not

  enough TIME. I was ready to give up when some

  girls from a different neighborhood walked by and

  offered to clear our driveway for ten bucks.

  These kids looked YOUNG, and I didn’t see how

  they could do any better than me and Manny. But

  we could use all the help we could get, so I was

  willing to give them a CHANCE.

  I had five dollars in the drawer next to my bed,

  and I got the other five from the big jar of

  change Manny has in his room. But what I didn’t

  realize when I agreed to the deal with those girls

  was that they had a SNOWBLOWER.

  So they were done clearing the whole driveway

  inside of five minutes.

  I felt like I was getting ripped off, so I told

  them I’d pay them three bucks instead of ten.

  But I guess this wasn’t the FIRST time someone

  tried to stiff them on payment. They moved all

  the snow BACK into the driveway and added the

  snow from the front lawn just to make a point.

  149

  By the time my PARENTS got home, things

  were worse off than when I STARTED.

  After dinner, Mom and Dad lectured me until

  about eight o’clock for not finishing my chores.

  And that’s when Rodrick got out of bed to

  start his day.

  150

  Saturday

  I usually sleep IN on weekends, but this morning

  Mom had OTHER plans for me.

  She said I was going to spend the whole day

  OUTSIDE. I told her I’d go out in the

  snow after I played some video games, but she

  reminded me about Screen-Free Weekends, and I

  knew she wasn’t gonna budge.

  When I was younger, I could spend HOURS

  playing in the snow. But nowadays, after about

  ten minutes, I’m ready to come inside.

  Grown-ups act like being in the snow is the most

  fun you can ever have. But you never see THEM

  out there rolling around in it.

  151

  I can only remember one time Dad played

  with us out in the snow. But THAT ended the

  second Rodrick dumped snow down the back of

  Dad’s NECK.

  Mom’s ALWAYS making us kids go outside,

  because she says we need our vitamin D, which you

  get from the sun. I tell Mom I get PLENTY

  of vitamin D from the sun in my video games, but

  that kind of reasoning never works on her.

  152

  When I went outside today, Manny was

  already in the front yard making snowmen, or

  WHATEVER you’d call those things.

  We never finished raking the lawn in the fall,

  so Manny used the leaves we didn’t pick up to

  decorate his snow friends.

  153

  Manny had used up most of the snow in the yard,

  so there wasn’t a whole lot I could even DO

  outside. I decided to head up to Rowley’s, which

  meant I had to pass by FREGLEY’S house.

  And sure enough, he was out in his front yard.

  The reason I went to Rowley’s was because his family

  just got heated floors. So on cold days, I try to

  spend as much time at his house as POSSIBLE
.

  154

  But Mom must’ve KNOWN I was gonna go to

  Rowley’s, because she called his parents and he was

  outside when I got there.

  As long as we both had to be outdoors, I figured

  we should make the most of it. Since I’d already

  done all the hard work of getting up the hill, I

  told Rowley we should get in a little sledding.

  The plow usually comes through by late morning,

  so we can only get in a few good runs before the

  street is cleared. But the regular plow guy was

  on VACATION, and the kids at the top of the

  hill told the SUBSTITUTE driver that Surrey

  Street was two miles down the road. So that

  bought us some extra time.

  155

  I don’t actually think it’s a good idea to mess

  around with substitutes, because it ALWAYS comes

  back to bite you. Last year we had a long-term

  sub in Algebra, and on his first day, me and

  my classmates all switched seats with each other

  because we knew the sub would be relying on the

  seating chart.

  156

  I’ve gotta say, it was pretty hilarious having him

  call us by the wrong names every day. But when

  the kid pretending to be ME started acting like a

  total JERK, it wasn’t so funny anymore.

  And when our REAL teacher got back, the sub

  gave her a write-up on the FAKE Greg Heffley,

  which landed ME in detention for two weeks.

  157

  Rowley only has one sled, but there’s just enough

  room on it for two people. We squeezed on board

  and pointed it down the hill, but with all that

  weight, we couldn’t really get any momentum.

  When we got close to the bottom of the hill, we

  came to a dead stop. But that was probably a

  GOOD thing, because the kids who made it all the

  way down got nailed by the Lower Surrey Street

  kids when they crossed into their territory.

  158

  Things could’ve gotten a lot uglier, but then the

  substitute snowplow driver figured out where Surrey

  Street was, and that was the end of THAT.

  By then I figured we had been outside long enough,

  and we tried to go inside. But Mom had locked the

  door, and I could tell she wasn’t messing around.

  159

  Since we couldn’t SLED anymore, we needed to

  figure out something ELSE to do. So me and

  Rowley went to the empty lot a few doors up from

  my house to decide what to do NEXT.

  I figured as long as we had to be outside, we

  might as well stay WARM. At school, we watched

  a movie about people in the Arctic who build

  IGLOOS to survive in the cold weather, and I

  thought maybe we could give it a try.

  We made some snow bricks and stacked them the

  way the people in the movie did. It was hard at

  first, but then we started getting the HANG of

  it. The main thing was getting the shape of the

  dome just right so it didn’t COLLAPSE.

  160

  We were really careful, and everything held

  together. But when we put in the last brick at

  the top, we realized we forgot to build a DOOR.

  Rowley started hyperventilating, and I knew if

  I didn’t DO something, he was gonna suck up

  all the oxygen in there. So I busted through the

  top and took a big gulp of fresh air.

  Some neighborhood kids had been watching us

  build our igloo, and with my head sticking up, I

  must’ve looked like an easy target.

  161

  After those idiots ran out of snowballs, they

  climbed on top of the igloo. But it wasn’t meant

  to support any extra weight, and within a few

  seconds the whole thing came crashing down.

  Me and Rowley were lucky to crawl out of there

  ALIVE. Once we pulled ourselves out of our ruined

  igloo, I decided that we’d had enough fun for one

  day. So we went back to the house, and this time

  Mom let us IN.

  162

  I told Mom what happened at the empty lot,

  and how she needed to go out there and yell at

  those stupid kids for us.

  But Mom said that learning to deal with “conflict”

  is part of growing up, and that me and Rowley

  were gonna have to deal with this on our OWN.

  I didn’t like the sound of THAT. I thought the

  whole POINT of having parents is that you’ve

  got someone to solve your problems FOR you.

  Dad was listening from the other room, and he

  had a TOTALLY different take. He said that

  the neighborhood kids had just declared WAR on

  me and Rowley, and if we didn’t fight BACK,

  they’d think it was OK to attack us whenever

  they WANTED.

  163

  Dad said that when HE was growing up, his

  neighborhood turned into a BATTLEFIELD every

  time it snowed. Kids built giant snow forts and

  had epic snowball fights, and everyone was part of

  a different “clan.”

  Dad said each clan had its own FLAG, and when

  you captured somebody else’s fort, you planted a

  flag to mark your territory.

  Well, Rowley thought WE should form a clan,

  and he really liked this FLAG idea. I thought

  it seemed kind of DUMB, but as long as making

  a flag gave us an excuse to be INDOORS for a

  while, I was all for it.

  164

  We found an old pillowcase in the laundry room,

  and got some markers out of the junk drawer

  in the kitchen. We started by trying to come up

  with a NAME for our clan.

  Rowley said he wanted us to be “Hufflepuff,” but

  I said if we were gonna do this, I wanted our

 

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