by T M Kelly
She threw her hand to her chest and made a sound. “This hurts, Jen. It really hurts.”
I patted her shoulder “Next time.”
“Oh, fuck that next time shit.” She pushed my body away. “Kidding, but make sure he kicks your ass today.”
“Oh, okay,” I said and sat down in a chair. “No, I understand.”
Ray called while I was in a grappling position. I was supposed to answer the phone on the second ring. His rules. This time, I answered on the fourth ring while running toward the locker room.
“I may stay here tonight.”
“Oh, do you need me to bring you anything?”
“No, I brought an overnight bag just in case.”
“Okay.” I was moving my hand over the big sunflower imprint on the fabric of the overstuffed chair in the locker room. I noticed two women walk into the space. One of them laughed loudly, glanced my way, and quickly covered her mouth.
“What was that noise?”
“The show on TV. Sorry, I didn’t realize it was that loud.”
“You know I hate you watching TV, Jenny.”
“I’ll turn it off now.”
“Good girl.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll see you after work tomorrow.”
“I’ll have dinner ready.”
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you.” I hit end and flopped my body back against the chair. Something had to change, and soon. I didn’t know how much more I could take.
Just then Charlie walked in. “Jenny.” She sat down beside me. “Malik pushing you too hard?”
“No, he’s fine.”
“That he is.” She giggled and stood back up. “What are you doing tonight? You should join us at Noir Nightclub.”
I closed my eyes and thought about how to answer. Going home was probably the right answer. I could feel Anora on my right shoulder saying Come home, Jenny. Then a version of me in an all-black outfit was on my left shoulder yelling, Go out. I didn’t know what to say. Then something came over me and I hopped up from the chair. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Charlie was applying mascara. She dropped her hand and turned to face me. “Did you seriously just say okay?”
“Yeah, I did.”
She walked over and grabbed my hands. “Holy shit balls.”
“I don’t have anything to wear, though.”
“I’ll take care of that.” She left the room and I sat back down to call Anora.
She picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Jenny. You okay?”
“I’m fine. Do you need your car tonight?”
“No, not till tomorrow morning for a doctor’s appointment at nine. Why?”
“Ray is working late tonight, so he is going to stay at the hotel.”
“When the cat is away the mouse will play.”
“Something like that.”
“Be careful, sweetie.”
I appreciated her friendship. I was lucky to have her as a neighbor.
Right as I hit end on the phone call, Charlie walked back into the locker room. “Okay, here you go.” She was holding clothes in between her hands. “I stole Lily’s clothes from her bag.”
“What?” I stood up and grabbed them from her.
“She did not. I offered them.” Lily stepped up beside us.
“Jenny, this is ‘Little Punisher’ or you can call her Lily.”
“It’s good to meet you.” Her nickname had me curious. “Why ‘Little Punisher’?”
“My father was the great Johnny ‘The Punisher’ Adams.”
“Oh, wow.” I rested against the edge of the chair. “Are you sure it’s okay to wear your clothes?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m training for a fight so no fun for me for the next two months.”
“Lily is dating the oldest Moore brother, Julian. I think you met him the other day?” Charlie walked back to the mirror to finish applying her makeup. “Oh, I think Malik is joining us tonight, too.”
I let my body fall back into the chair. “I’m going to be in so much trouble.” Charlie and Lily both burst out laughing. “Maybe it’s safer if I just go home.”
“No,” Lily quickly said and reached for my hand. “I mean, you should go.”
“Even if it’s only for one drink.” Charlie squatted down in front of me.
I let out a groan that echoed throughout the locker room. “Fine, but only one drink.”
I rested my forearms on the counter at the bar and glanced around. Noir Nightclub was different and definitely not for me. “Do you want another?” The bartender had to yell the music was so loud.
My head was starting to throb to the beat of the bass. I rubbed my fingers over my temples. “No, thank you.” I took the last few sips of the Tom Collins and pushed it away.
“Leaving already?” Malik leaned on the bar beside me.
“Yeah, I think so.” I turned my body to face him. “I don’t think this is my scene.”
“Not into dancing?”
“I’m not into loud music.”
He chuckled. “That’s why you bring these.” Then he pulled out two ear plugs. “I may be getting too old.”
“Wow, you come prepared.” I couldn’t help laughing at the two bright orange ear plugs resting in the palm of his hand. “Why come at all then?” He turned away and took a sip of his beer. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” He placed his hand on my forearm. “I’m not sure how to answer you.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just, there’s been something on my mind for the last few weeks.”
Right as he started to answer my question, I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket. “I’m sorry.” I wasn’t prepared for what flashed across the screen. “Listen, I have to go.” I pushed off the bar and headed for the exit.
“Are you okay?”
Malik was trying to talk to me as I ran toward Anora’s car. I slid in the driver’s seat and rolled down my window. “Sorry to leave so quickly. There’s something I need to take care of. See you soon.”
“Jenny, what is it?” Malik said as I drove out of the parking spot.
6
When my phone had buzzed, it was Anora telling me Ray had just pulled into the driveway. I was scared to go home, but if I stayed away it would be worse. Her message stated to meet her on a side street so she could get in the driver’s seat. I had a feeling her plan would backfire, but I was willing to play along.
I parked the car two blocks from my house. “How long has he been home?”
“When did I text you? Twenty minutes ago?”
“Fuck.” I slammed my hand against the steering wheel.
“Don’t go home,” Anora said and reached for my hand.
I laughed at the thought. “Anora, you do know who you’re talking about, right?”
“What about the guy at that gym? Maybe he can help you.”
I stepped out of the car, needing the space. It was dark out and the street light was several feet away. I knew no one could see me so I started to pace in a circle on the sidewalk by the car. Then I stopped suddenly and realized I was being ridiculous. If I just told Ray the truth he would understand. Well my truth which was really a lie. He just needed to hear I was out with Anora and we lost track of time.
“Can you take me home?”
“Jenny, are you sure?”
I turned toward Anora. “Yes, I’m sure.” She put the car in drive and drove to her house. It took me a moment to get the courage to open the door and get out. “I’m going to let him know we went out. Okay?”
“Yeah, if you’re sure, Jenny?”
“I’m sure. He’s my husband.”
“Do you love him?”
My head whipped back to face her. “What kind of question is that?”
“An easy one if it was true. Can you answer me, Jenny?”
“Yes. Yes, I love him.”
“Jenny,” I heard Ray yell from our porch.
“I have to go.”
Anor
a reached for my arm. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I’m not doing anything.” I pulled away and walked toward my house.
“Where have you been?” Ray said as I walked up the steps.
“Anora and I went out for a little while.” I could feel my heart pounding against my chest. There was a fifty-fifty chance the next thing I said would have me flying across the room. I knew to tread lightly with my words.
“You do realize it’s ten-thirty, right?”
I stepped up beside him. “Yeah, I’m sorry. We lost track of time.”
He placed his head beside my ear and hissed, “Get inside. We need to talk.” I stumbled through the door, unsure what would happen next. “You never told me you were going out when we talked earlier.”
“Anora asked me a few hours later.” Ray was standing right in front of me now. His hands were at his side. My eyes were locked on his every move.
“You know I don’t like that bitch?”
I lifted my head to face him finally. “Anora’s a good person.”
“She’s a bitch,” he yelled, directly into my face. I realized I fell into his trap. He was just baiting me and trying to make me react. “I don’t want you to talk to her ever again.” I must’ve made a face because he pushed my body back. “You’re supposed to be home when I’m at work.” My calves were pressed up against the side of the couch. “You’re only permitted to go out when I say it’s okay. You got that?” He shoved at my chest so hard it almost knocked the wind out of me and caused my body to fall back against the couch cushions.
The way he pushed me caused pain to shoot through my chest and made me question my decision to come back home. “Y-Yes.”
“I tried to play nice before. Apparently you didn’t get the message the first time.”
“No, I did.” He raised his hand. I knew what was coming next. The self-defense moves I had been working on kicked in, and I raised my leg to push him away. The movement prevented his hand from reaching my body.
“What the fuck was that shit?” He jumped on top of my body and pinned my arms down. “Who do you think you are? Don’t you dare try to ever hit me again.” He raised his hand up so high I knew the impact was going to leave a mark. I closed my eyes, preparing for the assault.
“I was just out to dinner. I don’t understand.”
“Don’t talk back to me.” His hand slammed against the side of my face. I tried to hide the pain. He moved closer to me. There was a hint of booze on his breath as he yelled. Now it all made sense. He was drunk and probably came home early, expecting I would be ready to have sex. It had happened before.
“What do you want, Ray?”
“I want you to shut up,” he screamed. “You never listen.” He placed his hands around my throat. “If you would just listen.” His grasp became tighter.
“Ray, I’m having difficulty breathing.”
“The guys at work talk about their wives doing everything they say. Why can’t you be like them?” He tightened a little more. “I tried to play nice for too long.”
“Ray, I—”
“Shut up. I’m tired of listening to you lie to me.”
I looked up at the ceiling. Everything in my line of sight was going in and out of focus. Thoughts of my life and how it brought me to this moment flashed before my eyes. I could remember the first moment I met Ray. He was helping move furniture for my friend. He had on this tight T-shirt and jeans that fit him in all the right places. I tried to take myself back to a time when we were happy.
“Don’t you go to sleep. I’m not done talking to you.”
I couldn’t respond; his hold was too tight now. My body felt light, like I was floating. I wondered if this is what it felt like to die. Then Malik popped into my mind. The thought made me realize I wasn’t ready to go just yet. I suddenly remembered a conversation I’d had with Charlie during one of the first self-defense classes. She told me to fake out your opponent. Make them believe you’re down. I closed my eyes. The thought of pretending to be dead made me sick. His voice sounded hollow as he continued to yell. He threw punches against my face and chest. I didn’t budge. I kept my eyes closed.
I tried to stay awake, but my body had other plans.
“Jenny.” I heard my name beside my ear. “Jenny, wake up.” It was a male voice. “She’s not responding.” I wanted to answer the person, but something was preventing me from talking.
“Don’t lift her up. She may have broken bones.” Now it was a woman talking. It didn’t sound like Anora.
“We can’t leave her like this. That asshole is going to wake up any minute.” When the guy said “asshole,” I recognized the sound of his voice. Was it Malik? It couldn’t be. He didn’t know where I lived.
“Here, use this coat and wrap it around her neck for support when we lift her up.” So that had to be Charlie. But how?
“Hello,” another woman whispered. The sound came from behind me. That was Anora. I knew her voice anywhere. “Oh, God. I knew I was wrong to leave her tonight.” I felt a hand against my cheek. “This is the worst.”
“How many times have you let this happen before?” the guy said and was placing something on my neck.
“Stop,” I said and noticed my voice was raspy. “Leave me alone.” It took all my strength to pry my eyes open. Malik was knelt down beside me. Charlie was leaning over his shoulder. “Where’s Anora?”
“I’m here, sweetie.” She grabbed my hand.
“Where’s Ray, Anora?”
She pointed in a chair. “He’s passed out cold.”
“Why are you both here?” I struggled to come to a sitting position. “How did you find where I lived?”
“You put your neighbor’s address on the sheet you filled out,” Charlie said and brushed a strand of hair away from my face. “Plus, Anora gave us a heads up.”
“You shouldn’t be here. He’ll be upset if you’re here when he wakes up.”
“Jenny, you need to leave.”
“No, I deserved this. I shouldn’t have gone out tonight. Please go.”
Malik touched my hand. “We can help you.”
I pulled away from his touch. “I think you’ve done enough. Please go.”
“Maybe Jenny’s right. You both should go.” Anora directed them toward the door.
I watched as they reluctantly stepped out onto the porch landing. “If you need anything, you have our number,” Charlie said and turned to leave.
I expected Malik to say something, but he shook his head and walked away.
Ray stirred in the chair. He would be out for several more hours.
7
“Hey, baby,” Ray said and kissed both of my eyes.
I stretched and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Hi.” Last night before I’d gone to bed, Anora helped me clean up the cuts on my face. I knew my eyes were going to be black and blue, which meant I wouldn’t be leaving the house any time soon. “Did you sleep well?”
“Did I do this?” He brushed his fingers down the side of my face. There was this look on his face. I knew he felt bad.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” Of course I was lying; I was in a tremendous amount of pain. “Are you hungry?” There was a possibility I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. I didn’t want to set him off again, so I moved beyond the pain and planned to put one foot in front of the other. I wiped away the tear in the corner of my eye. I could do this. I had to do this.
“Let me make you breakfast,” Ray said, surprising me. “How hard can it be to make eggs and bacon?”
His words caused me to laugh, which made me cough from the pain that shot through my chest. “You can make a mean omelet.”
“That’s right.” He touched his finger to my nose. “We’ll have omelets. You just stay right here.”
I had the covers off but placed them back over my legs. “Not moving an inch.” He flashed the biggest smile as he left the room. I waited until I heard him moving around in the kitchen, and then I reached for my c
ell phone.
Anora found an app we were able to use. Ray wouldn’t be able to follow our conversation there.
Me: Hi.
Anora: Are you okay?
Me: I think so.
Anora: What can I do?
Me: Nothing. He’s making me breakfast now.
Anora: I’m worried about you.
Me: I promise I’m okay.
I was lying to my friend. Hell, I was lying to myself.
There was a loud crash. Then Ray yelled, “Everything’s okay. Just stay there.”
I opened the camera app on my phone and flipped the screen. The moment my face filled the space, I felt like screaming. My eyes were double their size and a lovely shade of purple. There were three butterfly bandages where stitches probably should be. I thought it was easier to hide the truth.
Then Malik and Charlie popped into my mind. For so long I was able to keep my life a secret because I was too afraid to admit what really happened. Then last night flashed in my mind. I had honestly thought I was going to die. The feeling of being unable to breathe was the scariest thing I had ever experienced. I wasn’t ready to die yet, but was I ready to share my life with someone other than Anora?
“Okay, you better have an appetite because I definitely made too much,” Ray said as he stepped into the room, holding a tray.
I threw on my perfect smile and let out a small chuckle. “I’m starving.”
“Well then, you’re in for a treat.” He set the tray down on my lap. “Now, this better not become a thing. I would much rather you serve me in the morning.”
“I’ll make sure you have your favorite tomorrow morning.”
“That’s my girl,” he said and kissed me lightly. “Now eat up. I have plans for you.”
He wanted to have sex? That’s what plans usually meant. I could hardly move. How was I supposed to perform to his standards? A part of me wanted to be brave and ask if we could wait until later. Then fear crept up. I couldn’t take another hit. My body was too weak.
“This is delicious,” I said around a mouthful.
