Love and Sorrow (Small Town Secrets Book 5)

by Jade C. Jamison

  As Rebecca said, they would take time.

  I went out back to have a cigarette when I got a text from Justin. Can you talk?

  When I first read it, I thought maybe a dose of Justin would do me good—but then I remembered the girl on his arm last night.

  I guess.

  When I answered my phone, he began the conversation like he usually did. “Hey, Rascal.”

  I tried to sound normal. “Justin. Hi. What’s up?”

  “Missed you last night.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

  Trying not to sound jealous or possessive, I forced myself to smile and hoped I sounded like I was teasing. “I saw your arm around that young thing. I somehow doubt you thought about me for a second last night.”

  “Aw, babe, you know that’s not true. I saw you drive away. Didn’t even let me say hi to you or anything.”

  “I was in a hurry.”

  “Looked like it.”

  Enough about me and whatever the fuck was going on in my head. “So what’s going on?”

  “I was calling for two reasons. I wanted to know how Sarah’s doing and how you’re holding up.”

  “As a matter of fact, we had her first session today with the psychologist.”

  “You learn anything?”

  “Not yet. She wants us there two times a week. She’s going to spend more time just getting to know Sarah, making her feel comfortable before asking her more questions.”

  “Does she think it’s serious?”

  “Yeah.” I took a long drag on my cigarette. Now this felt like a game, because I knew he had an ulterior reason for reaching out—but I wanted to play it cool as an October breeze. “So was that all you called for?”

  I could actually hear the smile on Justin’s face as he talked. “I know we decided I’m out of the picture for a while. And I’m cool with that.” Obviously. “But I miss our regular time together.” I scoffed, something he also heard through the phone. “I don’t care what you think, Randi. You’re part of my life, and I miss you.”

  Okay, so that was a bit of a revelation—if it was true. But I kept my mouth shut, taking another drag on my cigarette.

  “But here’s what I was thinking. You and I have never really gone out on a date—we’ve done group things with other people from school, we’ve spent lots of time together alone, but never out, never just you and me unless it’s at your house. You need a night out, Rascal. I’ve never seen you more stressed out than the other night, and I’m pretty sure you’re not taking care of yourself like you should. I just want to get you out of the house for a while.”

  Maybe he was right—and I felt my spirits lifting, but I didn’t want to let myself get my hopes up too high. “So what did you have in mind?”

  “Dinner and dancing tomorrow night—unless you have to work or, um, have other plans.”

  Jesus. He knew I didn’t have other plans. “No. I have tomorrow night off.”

  “So, then, what do you say?”

  It sounded like fun, something I hadn’t had in far too long to remember. “I’ll give you a solid maybe.” My heart was saying YES! “I’ll have to see if my parents can watch the kids tomorrow night.”

  “Ask them if they can keep the kids overnight.”

  Oh, my God. What the hell did he have planned? No way could I resist this. “Why?”

  “Because, woman, I plan to get you wasted. You need a break. You’re gonna have fun and let loose for the first time in who knows how long, and I’ll be your tour guide.”

  “All right. What time?”

  “Seven sound okay?”

  “Sure.”

  “See you then, Rascal.”

  When I hung up my phone, my heart felt light at first. I hadn’t been on a real date since… Holy shit. The last real date I’d been on was with Mike, Devon’s dad. If you could call what we did dating. We’d plan to go to movie and wind up fucking in his truck. A variation on that theme was planning a dinner date and instead grabbing take out, screwing like animals in his apartment before eating. Maybe that was the difference between Mike and Justin. I’d fucked Mike. And while it was usually decent, that was the extent of it. And Kent, Sarah’s dad? Well, I’d loved that man, had felt like I’d blossomed into a woman with him, but his emotions had never caught up to mine. So even though sex with him had been satisfying, it hadn’t gone anywhere.

  Justin? That man was a lover. He knew how to please a woman and make her feel cared for, desirable, even precious. Mike had made me feel desirable, but more like a steak dinner or a brand-new truck. And while Justin and I had had some wild times in bed as well, the man had tender moments. That insight helped me realize that was how I’d easily tiptoed over that line from friend with benefits to way more.

  But what I needed to remember was I wasn’t the only woman in his life—probably not even the only one who felt this way. And yet my relationship with him was far healthier than when I’d been with Mike.

  And just because I wasn’t the only woman in his life, maybe there was something different about me when compared to the others Justin spent his time with? Otherwise, why did he keep coming back?

  Enough speculation. I obviously had no more insight into Justin’s head than I did my daughter’s.

  Lighting up another cigarette, I dialed the number to my parents’ house and felt surprised when my mother answered almost immediately.

  The first thing she asked was the first thing I should have been ready to tell her. “How did Sarah’s doctor appointment go?”

  I lied. “Fine.” At some point, I’d have to tell my parents at least part of what was happening—but I wasn’t ready to do it right now, especially because I didn’t know what the hell was going on. “I hate to ask you, mom, but I wondered if you and dad could watch the kids tomorrow and keep them overnight.”

  “Hold on a second.” After a moment, she said, “Yes, I think we’d like that. We’re free tomorrow night. I’m sorry about tonight, honey.”

  “No, that’s fine, mom. I get it. You have a life. It’s not your fault I have so much going on.”

  “Do you have to work tomorrow night, too?”

  “Actually, a friend of mine is taking me out.”

  “Oh, that’s nice. What will you be doing?”

  “Dinner and dancing.”

  There was no mistaking the disapproval in my mother’s voice. “A man friend.”

  “Yes. He and I have been friends for a while now. We met in school last year. He knows I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately and offered to take my mind off it for a while.”

  When my mother saw the opening, she dashed toward it. “Have you thought about the offer?”

  Lying again, I said, “Yeah. I still haven’t decided yet.”

  “Well, honey, why don’t you keep thinking about it? You can pick up the kids Sunday afternoon and then we can talk about it seriously.”

  Fuck me. But this was the price I’d have to pay the piper. “Okay. I have to work Sunday night, though, so I won’t be able to stay for too long.”

  “Of course, but you can stay long enough to eat and talk, can’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “What time will you bring the kids by tomorrow?”

  It took me a second to realize that I had a definitive date with Justin tomorrow night, and I suddenly felt warm. With a smile, I said, “Maybe around two?”

  “All right. I’ll make sure one of us is here when you come by.”

  Probably the most sincere I’d been since the beginning of our conversation, I said, “Thanks, mom.”

  “Oh, and don’t worry about packing toothbrushes. We had to buy some last time the kids spent the night, so they’re still here.” Shit. That was my mother’s subtle way of reminding me that I was nowhere near being the perfect mother. But, oh, I knew. The voice in my head telling me that wasn’t hers. It was mine.

  * * *

  That evening, my daughter and I w
alked into Play It Again a few minutes after four.

  Late for my shift.

  When I’d taken Devon to his dad’s house, I’d said to Mike, “Change of plans. Thanks for offering to take Sarah, but she’ll be with me.”

  “Why?”

  He was already bristling, so I was glad Sarah had asked to wait in the car. “She doesn’t want to mess up your boys’ night.”

  “Bullshit, Randi. You’ve poisoned her mind against me.”

  “Oh, God, Mike. Seriously? Why do you always have to make things about you?”

  Devon appeared back in the doorway, having dropped off his things in his bedroom.

  “I have to, Randi, because you always make them about you. Somebody’s gotta look out for number one.”

  Refraining from rolling my eyes, I instead focused on my son. “Give mom a hug before I go, bud?”

  While I leaned over to kiss my son on the cheek and he wrapped his arms around my neck, Mike continued spouting off. “You know I’ll find out what’s goin’ on anyway, Randi.”

  “Can we please not do this?” I hated how he always made a big deal out of everything, seeming to have already forgotten that he’d asked months ago to cut this particular weekend short for some stupid thing he was doing with his buddies. A hunting trip maybe? I couldn’t remember now.

  The good news was that I was no longer a shrinking, timid rabbit with Mike—even when his voice and face got scary. Being away from him had helped me remember how to stand up for myself. Maybe Justin had helped with that.

  The problem now, though, was that after all that bullshit, I was now late for work.

  Plus I had a child in tow.

  As I breezed through the front door, I tried to act nonchalant about it. “Hi, Kathy,” I called toward the counter as Sarah and I headed toward the back of the store. “Be back in just a minute.”

  After I led Sarah to the break room, I promised to bring dinner back to her later—but I could also bring some games or DVDs back. In the meantime, she’d have to make herself content with what she’d brought in her backpack. I clocked in and then kissed her on the top of her head before leaving, closing the door behind me.

  Then I rushed back to the front, tucking in my white t-shirt with the logo Play It Again emblazoned on it. Even now, we had a uniform of that shirt, khaki pants, and white sneakers. Several years ago, some guy in Colorado had bought the tiny movie rental chain, located in towns rather than the large urban centers running along the Front Range, because the previous owners had seen the writing on the wall. DVDs and even physical video games were on the way out in the digital age, but the owner, nostalgic and perhaps seeing room to squeeze a little more cash out of things before they bellied up, bought the stores for pretty cheap, I’d been told. The store used to be movies and games, rentals and sales, along with snacks and shit like that. Now we sold books, comic books, hipster knickknacks, and even posters, and in his Grand Junction store, he was testing the market for a little in-store coffee shop.

  Because he couldn’t let go. And even our porn room didn’t do as well as it used to, because people could find stuff online all the time for cheaper. It was also far more discreet.

  But I wasn’t going to complain, because I had a job with benefits and better pay than most retail stores in dinky Winchester. Besides, it wasn’t like I was planning to make a career out of it.

  As I approached the counter, Kathy asked, “What’s going on?”

  “Long story.” And I wasn’t going to dillydally, considering I had already pushed my luck, so I opened the safe under the counter to retrieve money for my cash drawer and started counting it. I was relieved Kathy hadn’t addressed my tardiness. While I often pushed my luck, arriving at work right on the dot, I was rarely late. “I’ll tell you when I’m done counting.”

  Even with the decline of physical movies, Friday nights at Play It Again were busy, probably because Winchester was a backwoods town. We took longer than the rest of Colorado to change. Because Kathy had one customer after another, I knew explanations would be difficult. After I finished counting my drawer and signing onto my register, I said, “Sarah had her appointment today.”

  “How’d that go?” Handing a customer her movies, Kathy said, “Happy movie night.”

  “I don’t know. The psychologist seems to think something really serious is going on.”

  “Is that why you brought her with you tonight?”

  “That’s the main reason.”

  Kathy, as always, was quick on the uptake. Turning back to the counter, she asked, “So what are the other reasons?”

  “I warned you it’s a long story. My parents couldn’t babysit the kids tonight, and my regular babysitter couldn’t, either. So I called my ex and asked if he could watch her tonight since Devon was going to be there anyway.” A customer approached my register. “Find everything okay?” I started checking the movies while continuing my conversation with Kathy. “But when I told Sarah, she totally freaked out, absolutely refusing to stay with Mike. She’s too young to leave at home, though—especially with whatever’s going on.” I smiled at my customer, telling him the total amount due.

  Kathy also continued the transaction with her customers. “That’s fine, Randi. I’m sure she’ll behave. Just don’t make it a habit.”

  “Of course not.” Feeling a little uncomfortable that my personal life was being aired in front of strangers, I gave my customer his movies with what was likely an awkward smile before reminding him of the due date.

  Kathy finished with her customers as well. “I’m shutting my drawer down. John will be in at five.”

  At least having a coworker would give me time for a real dinner and/ or smoke break. Most of the time, I had to grab them when I could—which was fine. There would always be lulls in the action. But having another person also meant I wouldn’t have to vacuum the store. I was grateful for that. Plus having John here meant I’d be able to check on Sarah off and on. “I really hate to ask, but could I leave an hour early on Tuesday? Sarah’s next appointment is at three-thirty that day.”

  Kathy didn’t refrain from grimacing. “Is this going to be an ongoing thing?”

  “Yes. But I’m going to try to get a set schedule with the psychologist that’ll work around my hours here.”

  “All right.”

  I started helping another customer but had to get in everything with Kathy before she left. “I may need to start working Saturday nights again and make both my days off during the week. I’ll need to check with my babysitter, but if I have two days off during the week and if I can get Sarah’s appointments for those days, then you wouldn’t need to work around me at all.” If, of course, that was okay with my boss. Even as I said it, it felt like a noose was snugging up around my neck. Until now, my schedule had been tight but perfect. While with work, school, and the kids I never really had a day off, at least I’d had part of my weekends with them. I also had Wednesdays off, so I used that day to catch up on housecleaning and homework. Now, I wasn’t sure how I’d manage—but Sarah was more important and, really, all that mattered. I’d figure out how to make it work.

  Unfortunately, my mother’s offer was starting to sound sweeter by the second.

  Honestly, though, it wouldn’t have been so bad if Kathy’s “we’re all family here” line was more than hollow words. Just as I’d always known, though, the employees at Play It Again were family until something happened; then it was every man for himself.

  But at least Kathy seemed placated by my willingness to make my job a priority. After she finished counting her drawer, she went to the office to finish up her daily paperwork, leaving a few minutes after John arrived at five. Then I ran a couple of kids’ movies back to Sarah and ordered two pizzas to be delivered. If I fed John as well, I knew he’d be far more willing to let me run back and forth. The night wound up being smooth and uneventful, though, and Sarah was asleep with her head on the table sometime after midnight when I came to fetch her at the end of my shift
. Less than half an hour later, we were at home and in bed.

  But, as was becoming usual, I had a hell of a time getting to sleep, no matter how fatigued my body felt.

  Chapter Eight

  I sprang out of bed early the next morning, tired but grateful I had time to drink several cups of coffee. After reviewing the notes for my test, I walked Sarah across the street to Noreen’s, went to classes, and then, when I got back home, I packed a small bag for Sarah and Devon. Although my daughter made a half-hearted attempt to help, I did the bulk of it. While I was throwing clothes into the bag, I asked her, “Are you okay staying with grandma and grandpa tonight?”

  “I guess.”

  I was happy with the answer. It was far better than a refusal.

  Rushing, I threw everything into the car and drove to Mike’s. His greeting was no surprise. “You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago, Randi.”

  “Sorry. I got here as fast as I could.”

  “Yeah, I heard that before.”

  I refrained from rolling my eyes and instead said, “Give your dad a hug, Dev. Your dad’s got important places to be.”

  The glare I got from my ex was worth it.

  Soon, we were in the car again, and I did the one thing I always got pissed at Mike for doing: going through a McDonald’s drive-thru before heading out of town to my parents’ house.

  “Yay! Twice in one weekend!” Devon exclaimed.

  Exactly.

  As I handed the food back to the kids, I glanced at the clock on the dash, realizing we would arrive later at my parents’ house, too—but my chances for not getting another lecture were lower, because my mom and dad would just be glad to see the kids.

  On occasion, I peeked at the kids through the rearview mirror. As expected, my son was in seventh heaven, playing with the toy that came with the meal, smiling with every bite of his cheeseburger. His sister, a study in contrasts, picked at the box of fries, finally bringing one to her mouth and eyeing it as though it were a bug instead of what once used to be one of her favorite foods. At least she was eating a bite. I’d have to make sure to mention to Rebecca next week about Sarah’s decreased appetite. In retrospect, I realized I’d forgotten to tell her a lot of things.