by Katy Kaylee
His grin grew wider and unhooked the back of my bra with one hand, discarding it on the floor. He kissed my neck, cupping my breasts with his warm hands. I felt my panties being drenched by the desire which pulsated through me, and even though I wanted to feel his thrusts inside me, his touch was the one thing I could never tire from. There was something about the way his skin felt against mine that sent me spiraling out of control, yet made me feel completely safe. It was hard to explain, especially at that moment with his hard cock pressing against me, his warm breath against my neck.
My hands searched for his jeans and he shifted away slightly in order for me undo them. He took them off, but before he could pin me down on the couch again, I sat up and patted the spot beside me. He sat down beside me, and I slid down onto the ground. I knelt down in front of him, slid his underwear off, and pouted my lips at him. He took a deep breath before I kissed the tip of his cock.
He let out a soft groan as I slid him into my mouth. He tasted good and by now my panties were completely drenched. I picked up the pace and felt hm harden inside my mouth. I swirled my tongue around, which caused him to groan even louder, and I knew I was doing something right. I gently held the base of his shaft as he started to move his hips up and down, fucking my mouth. I loved the way he managed to take control of the situation even when I was the one who was giving him pleasure. His hands reached for my breasts, playing with my taut nipples and I moaned against his shaft.
“Come here,” he whispered in a hoarse voice as I glanced at him.
I slowly slid his cock out of my mouth, and licked the tip before I stood up. He reached for my panties and slid them off. Before he did anything else, he fished something out of his jean’s pocket. I watched as he opened the condom wrapper, slid the sheet of latex over his cock, before grabbing my hips and directing me towards his lap.
I sat on him, his cock skimming my swollen clit before easily sliding inside me. The feeling was overwhelming and I felt as though I would explode at any moment.
He kissed my breasts again, moving on to suck on my nipples as my hips started to move quite naturally in a figure-eight motion.
“Oh my god,” he whispered against my breast before grabbing my hips, and thrusting deep inside from below me.
I moaned loudly as he put his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His lips were on mine, muffling my moans, but it was hard to contain the build-up of desire inside me. I had to let it out.
I felt myself tighten against his cock and he pushed me over the edge.
Once.
Twice.
His hands grabbed my ass before he laid me back down on the couch. Grabbing my legs, he lifted them up, crossed my ankles and rested my legs against his chest. His cock slid in and out me at a completely different angle, sending new shockwaves of pleasure through my body.
“Oh my god,” I panted as his fingers found their way to my clit, stroking it with every powerful thrust he gave, perfectly in sync.
I came again.
Once.
Twice.
I never knew that I could have ever been as wet as I was at that moment, hearing the sound of his cock sliding in and out of my pussy.
Did I just say pussy? Wow, that was a first. Maybe I was beginning to turn into a sexy vixen after all. Now, I wouldn't exactly say it out loud, but progress was progress after all.
I also didn't think that I would ever feel anything as good as what I felt at that moment, but I was wrong. He opened my legs, placing one on each side of him and planted his hand firmly over my clit. The pressure alone was enough to send me into a moaning panting orgasmic state, and it did.
“Oh my god,” I moaned, arching my back as the waves of pleasure crashed over me.
Zac leaned forward, closing the gap between our bodies, our skin touching, and he kissed me while picking up his pace one last time. I had come to know the look on his face when he was ready to come and sure enough, as the pressure built up again, he moaned in a deep and sexy baritone way against my ear, quickly dragging me over the edge with him.
It was strange how one of the worst days of my life could turn into the best days of my life, simply by having him here with me. He climbed off me, but laid down on the couch behind me and wrapped me up in his arms. We laid there for a while, our ragged breaths in sync with one another’s, listening to the sounds of the late afternoon which came from outside the windows.
Outside, Los Angeles sounded in turmoil, as car horns blared frantically as impatient drivers furiously tried to get home from work, but inside everything was peaceful. Zac and I lay quietly in one another’s arms, but the bliss was short-lived. The troubled thoughts filled my minds once again, and I couldn't help but shiver inwardly. I had so many questions to ask him, but none of which I would actually be able to ask him. It was none of my business, but somehow it felt as though it was.
We didn't just have sex this evening; it was something more than that. I want to ask him about it, whether he felt something more for me, but I was too afraid to do that.
I was afraid of hearing what I didn't want to hear, because I was terrified of not having him in my life anymore. I hd come to depend on him, not only in a sexual way. I wanted him in my life permanently, especially like this.
I wondered whether this had been the right way, inviting him over to talk. Technically I didn't invite him though, I just told him that we needed tot talk, I never mentioned a place, but that was all in the past. Had it been a mistake from the start?
Maybe it was, but I just can’t deny how right it feels to be with him, beside him.
Was I being naive again?
Zac had been brutally hurt by his ex-girlfriend, and I didn't want him to be scared to be with me. I had no intention of hurting him, and I knew that I could be good to him, or at least I hoped I could be. I glanced over at him without moving my face and saw his eyes were closed.
Was he asleep, or just pretending to be so that he didn't need to talk like we were supposed to be doing in the first place?
I felt me shoulders tense up as I was reminded of all the things which I had cried about the past three days. The expression on his face before he left Alice’s apartment when he was being called to escort another woman. The things Alice had said to me that no woman was good enough to be with him. Little did she know that Zac was an escort, despite claiming that he never slept with any of his clients. Except me.
Was that all I was to him?
No, don't be ridiculous, I scolded myself, but I couldn't help but wonder. Although I had known him for such a long time, I still didn't know much about Zac. Maybe I should just ask him.
If he’ll answer me.
Zac
My eyes were closed and my body relaxed, but I felt Liv tense up beside me. I had just had the best sex of my life and I was both satisfied and exhausted, but I wouldn't be able to relax fully knowing that something was bothering Liv.
“What’s bothering you, Liv?” I asked quietly, still keeping my eyes closed.
“Nothing is wrong,” she answered, which made me open my eyes and I glanced at her.
“Don’t lie to me, Liv. I can see there’s something wrong,” I said and sat up.
She glanced at me, biting her lower lip and sighed. “We still haven’t talked.”
“So, let’s talk then,” I said and looked at her intently.
“But we’re naked,” she protested.
“And?”
“And I think we should rather talk after we get dressed, or there won’t be any talking going on here.”
I chuckled and looked at her. “Is that what you’re afraid of?”
“I don't know what you mean,” she shrugged and stood up, gathering her clothes. A smile formed on my lips as I watched her gather her clothes and put them on. The curves of her body was so beautiful and I could spend the rest of my life looking at her.
Yeah, the rest of my life.
“Do you remember when you told me that I don’t have to be a tough
guy around you, and that I could just be myself with you and tell you what was on my mind?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said as she threw my clothes at me.
“Well, you don't have to act like it either.”
“I don’t act tough,” she shrugged.
I cocked my head at her and raised an apprehensive eyebrow at her.
“Don't look at me like that.”
“So stop changing pretending you have no idea what I’m talking about and tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I can’t tell you, because it doesn't make any sense to me why I am bothered by everything.”
“What do you mean?”
She threw her hands in the air and said, “I shouldn't have said anything.”
“Tell me.”
“When I was with Alice the other night, after you left, she and I talked. She was a little delirious from her medication, but she told me about your mom, and how close you were with her,” Liv said.
My shoulders slump slightly and it felt as though I had been punched in the gut. I had never talked about my mom with anyone, and I wasn't sure whether I wanted to talk about her to Liv, but as I glanced at Liv, she wore a strange expression on her face. She approached the couch and sat down beside me, her brown eyes were warm and comforting. Somehow I wasn't afraid of telling her anything any longer and I cleared my throat.
“My mom was an amazing woman, you knew that, everyone knew that. She understood me, and she was the only one who knew me better than I knew myself. We talked so much, about everything. I could never talk to my dad in that way.”
“You miss her.”
I nodded and said, “More than you will ever know, Liv. I miss her laugh and her voice. Her green eyes, her blonde hair. The way her warm hands would hold mine. The way she’d wipe my tears, cheer for me on the side of the football field, and make me special breakfasts before practice on a Saturday. Her advice about being a better person,” I said and lowered my gaze in shame. “I guess I wasn't much of a good person after she died.”
“You were grieving,” she said softly and placed her hand over mine. “It’s not easy to lose someone who meant that much to you.”
I glanced at Liv and took a deep breath. “I was pretty terrible, and obnoxious.”
“Just a little,” she shrugged. “Not that I noticed, but I guess that was because you could do no wrong in my eyes then.”
“And why was that?”
“You were Alice’s perfect older brother.”
“I was far from perfect then, and I am far from it now,” I muttered.
“It’s not about being perfect, Zac. It’s about being happy.”
I glanced at her and narrowed my eyes at her. “When did you get so smart?”
“I’ve always bee smart, people just didn't notice” she mumbled.
“I’m sorry.”
“About what?”
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. “I wasn't always nice to you. I considered you my sister’s annoying best friend, but you’re so much more than that.”
“I am?”
“Come on, Liv. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re beautiful, and smart and awkward, but that’s what’s so great about you. Plus you’re not afraid to be yourself.”
“That’s not true. I hide a lot of myself so that I don’t attract attention from people.”
“Why on Earth would you do that?” I asked.
“Because most people I meet are assholes,” she answered.
“Yes, they are,” I chuckled.
There was a brief moment of silence and she looked as if she wanted to say something.
“What is it, Liv?” I asked.
“I want to ask you something, but you have to promise not to get mad.”
“Okay, I promise.”
She raised an eyebrow at me and I smiled at her. “Why did you really become an escort?”
“I wanted to escape my life, and being an escort gave me the chance to be someone else,” I answered honestly.
“Isn't that leading a double life?” she asked.
“It was better than the one I was existing through. I wasn't living anymore, I was just passing through my life, waiting for a call, an escape,” I said and took a breath. “After my break-up with my ex, my life kind of lost its meaning and I lost my way, again. I was struggling a lot, and I needed the money. Those women tipped me really well and it kept me going after my ex drained all my savings for her personal use. I was stupid enough to fall for it. Love most definitely was blind, only it wasn't love at all in her case.”
“I don’t even know if love really exists, to be honest.”
“Maybe, I don’t know. Life it too complicated for true love to exist. There are too many variables to keep into consideration,” I shrugged.
She glanced at me with a frown and I asked, “What?”
“You’re much smarter than people give you credit for.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I muttered.
“You should,” she said with a wink. “And you’re worth so much more than you think, regardless of what people think of you, especially your dad.”
I shot a glance at her, and I knew that she and Alice had been talking about my relationship with my father, or the lack thereof.
“Your dad-”
“What did Alice say to you?” I snapped, a little uncalled for sure, but the mere thought of my father made me beside myself with anger.
“She just told me about the night you left.”
“Which was?” I asked and stood from the couch.
I was acting like a complete tool again, but I was angry. Alice had the tendency to only tell her side of the story when it came to that night, which made me look like an insensitive asshole with a short temper and anger management issues.
“She just told me that you and your dad had a fight and you grabbed him by the throat,” she said and stood up as well.
“Do you believe her?”
“She’s my best friend, Zac.”
I turned to her feeling my blood boil in my veins. I approached her, but to my utter horror, Liv backed away from me, as if she was afraid of me. I took a few breaths and as she was backed up against the wall, I walked closer.
“Zac...” She sounded terrified.
“You think that I would do something like that?”
“I don’t know,” she stuttered.
“Do you think that I am capable of such violence?” I asked and slammed my hands against the walls, making Liv jump. Her eyes were wide and filled with terror, which I hated myself for. “Why don’t you ask Alice what happened earlier that day?”
I stepped away from her, disappointed not only in her that she thought I was such a violent guy, but also disappointed in myself for allowing my temper to get the best of me. I pulled on my jeans and my shirt and stormed out of her apartment. She called after me, but I didn't look back. I couldn't bear the sight of her looking at me.
I had to get away from her.
I had to get away from myself.
I rushed out of the building as fast as I could, and back to my car. I climbed inside and drove. I didn't care which direction I drove in, I just needed to clear my head.
Talking about my mom, Teagan and my dad to Liv was a definite first for me, and it left me feeling hurt and overwhelmed.
As if I wasn't overwhelmed enough. I was terrified of the feelings that were bubbling up inside me when I was with Liv, and especially when I wasn't with her. It was never supposed to be like this. We made an arrangement that we’d only have sex, but clearly I couldn't keep my emotions in tact. I didn't even know that I could feel anything for another woman anymore, which was why it was so overwhelming to me.
The city lights blurred past me as I drove faster and faster. I wasn't sure where I was going, but that didn't even matter.
I thought about what Liv was feeling, and the guilt hit me like a tidal wave, crashing all over me. This wasn't fair to her. She didn't deserve
someone as damaged as me. She deserved to be happy and not worry about someone like me all the time.
My jaw clenched as I knew that I had been wrong, but I couldn't go back now. I was too raw, cut too deeply by my own pain. My sharded heart was piercing my insides and causing me to bleed out my emotions. It still hurt, even though I thought I was over it. How does one get over something like that? Losing my mother, my father’s looks of disapproval and disdain as he looked at me. I had the same eyes and hair as my mother, and my father couldn't handle it. I reminded him too much of her, and it killed him. It made him bitter and he took it out on me.
Sure, I chose the wrong things when I was younger – the wrong friends, the wrong situations to have found myself in, but I was hurting too. I was left alone by the one person I had thought would have always had my back. I was lost in a place where I no longer felt I belonged. By doing questionable things with questionable people was the first time I felt as though I wasn't slipping through the cracks, or so it felt. They made me feel like I belonged there, but it was also the beginning of the end for me.
After a terrible car accident, which somehow I managed to walk away from unscathed, where two of my supposed friends died, made me realize that this was not the life I wanted to live anymore. It would be the end of me, and I changed my ways. People didn't believe that about me, but I didn't care anymore. I was living my life for me, not for anyone else.
I had not felt hostile or angry in a very long time, ever since the car accident for that matter. I had channeled my anger into my work, and it had worked.
Until tonight.
The thought that Alice had been telling only one side of the story, distorting the whole picture of me and making me come off as some kind of rage-induced maniac who assaulted my father, make me angry.
The rage filled up inside me, beyond control, and I had taken it out on Liv. The look of terror of Liv’s face had been etched in my mind and there was no worse feeling in the worked than knowing that the woman you were falling in love with was terrified of you.
My jaw clenched and my shoulders slumped, as I shook my head at myself. I loved her, but I wasn't worthy of her. My actions had just proved that I wasn't. She deserved someone better. Someone who wasn't me.
