by Katy Kaylee
“Who?”
“Liv. You two spent a lot of time together and now you don’t. Now you’re back in the confines of this place, working on that car which will never be finished.”
“Actually, it only needs its body kit and a paint-job.”
Alice glanced at me with wide and surprised eyes and her jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you were serious.”
“About the Camaro, yeah.”
“No, I meant promising Liv that you’d take her for a ride in it,” Alice said with a pout.
“Oh, I almost forgot about that,” I said with a frown.
“Yeah, right,” Alice rolled her eyes.
“Is that what you think? Is that why you think I finished it so quickly?”
“Why else?”
“I needed to keep myself busy for the last week, or I would have called her every five minutes,” I admitted.
“Is she still not taking your calls?” Alice asked and I shook my head. “Zac, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” I shrugged. “Were you telling me the truth when you said that she doesn't mean anything to you?”
“Why does it matter?” I asked.
“Because it matters how you feel,” Alice said.
“No, it doesn’t. I blew it with Liv.”
“You still haven’t answered my question,” Alice asked and crossed her arms. “Does she mean nothing to you, Zac?”
“No, she means everything to me, Alice,” I said and glanced at my sister’s expression. “For a long time I was miserable, and I wasn't even living. I was just existing, passing through the world, and life. Then I saw her in that cocktail lounge wearing that red dress with the lace by the neckline. Little did I know that night would change my life forever.”
Alice’s eyes softened and she approached me. “Zac...”
“I fell in love with her every time I was with her, every time she smiled at me, and every time I got to hold her close to me. Every time she would look at me, and when she laughed. I didn't think that I would ever feel this way about anyone again, but it just happened. I never meant for it to happen, it just did. She calmed the storm inside me, Alice. I never thought that that would be possible. Not after everything that happened. I told her about dad and mom and Teagan, and she was so supportive.”
“You talked to her about Mom?”
I nodded and glanced at her. “I did. I even told her about the night I left.”
“She told me what happened earlier that night. What led up to the point where I saw you and Dad,” Alice said and lowered her gaze.
“She did?”
“She did,” Alice said and glanced at me. “I didn’t know, and I’m so sorry, Zac. I’ve been telling Liv to stay away from you for so long, and telling you to stay away away from her for even longer, when you and her are so perfect for each other.”
“I don’t think that is true, Alice.”
“Why not?”
“Because right now, Liv hates me. She hates me and-”
“She doesn't hate you, you idiot. She was in love with you,” Alice said.
“She was what?” I gasped.
“She was in love with you, but after she heard that you didn't feel anything for her, she was hurt. That’s why she doesn't want to talk to you, you nincompoop.”
I narrowed my eyes at her and shook my head. “That’s ridiculous. How can Liv be in love with me?”
“How can she not?” Alice shrugged.
I glanced at her suspiciously and pursed my lips. “It doesn't matter though.”
Alice threw her hands up in the air and scoffed. “Another reason why you’re so perfect for each other. You both are telling me exactly the same thing. You’re stubborn, she’s stubborn. For god’s sake, can you just stop. It’s bad enough that she insisted that I arranged a date for her with that guy I know, but now I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”
“So she’s going on the date?” I asked quietly.
Alice cringed and said, “Yes. She wanted me to call him. She probably just needs a distraction.”
“To each their own, I guess,” I sighed. “When’s the date?”
“Tonight,” she answered.
I scoffed and turned away. “Well, I hope that she has fun with this guy.”
“Zac, I’ll call her-”
“No. This is better this way,” I said as I glanced at her over my shoulder before heading to the back garage.
It may have seemed as though I had given up, not wanting to fight for Liv, but I didn't want to just show up there out of the blue and demand that she love me again. She was free to make her own choices, date other people. We were never involved or anything like that. We never set out that we were exclusive or even dating for that matter. She didn't belong to me, and I didn't belong to her. I had no right to tell her what to do, or who to date. Despite not knowing who the guy was she was going on a date with, I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands. If that wasn't a sign that I was in way over my head and completely in love with Liv, then I didn't know what was.
Although I wanted so desperately to walk back to Alice and ask her where Liv was meeting this guy, I didn't. It wasn't my place, and I didn't want to embarrass Liv, or put her in a situation like that. I wanted her to choose me out of her own accord, and not because she was put under pressure in a crippling moment of embarrassment.
That was unfair to her, and to myself as well.
Although I was praying that Liv and I would somehow find our way back to each other, I knew that it was out of my hands right now, and in hers. I had to wait for her to realize that I was what she wanted. Until then, I just had to live with it.
So I just left.
Olivia
This was not going to work, I thought as I scanned through my dresses in my closet. I had nothing that I wanted to wear for this date. Sure I had loads of dresses, but not one of them felt right for the occasion. As I scanned through my closet rails once more, I stopped suddenly as the red dress stared back at me and I pursed my lips. All the memories, starting with the night I had worn that red dress, came flooding back and it struck me in my core. The nights we spent together, the laughs we shared, the tender moments, but most of all, the memories of us being together.
They were just memories now, nothing more.
I paused for a long moment, staring at the dress, but then skipped over it, as if discarding the past month like it was nothing. It may have been to Zac, but it wasn't to me. I just had to be strong and move on with my life, because he clearly did. He didn't call me anymore, and although it was quite disheartening, it was for the best.
Eventually settling on a beige one shoulder wrap dress with a side slit and a pair of gold heels, I studied myself in the mirror. I expected to see an insecure heartbroken little girl, who had nothing to look forward to any more, but instead I saw a confident young woman whose strength shone out from the inside. I wasn't that girl anymore, and I wasn't sure whether it was the dress, or the prospect of moving on with my life on my terms which made me feel like this.
I nodded to myself, took my clutch from my bed and left my apartment.
The restaurant was close, so I didn't need to spend too much time in the taxi mulling over everything in my mind.
Alice had sent me a picture of what this guy – his name was Tom – and I had looked at it so often during these past few days that I had his face memorized. He was very attractive, surprisingly so, and just hoped that he thought the same about me. Alice had told me that he thought I was pretty and he really looked forward to this date.
The taxi stopped in front of a large building with white trim and I handed him a few bills.
“Thank you so much,” I said to him, and climbed out of the taxi.
The driver gave me a grateful wave and sped of into the road, joining all the other cars which made its way along the long avenue. I turned on my heel and glanced at the restaurant, and a smile formed on my lips. With determination and a little flame of excitement inside me, I walk
ed to the entrance and stepped inside.
The inside of the restaurant was open and airy, with chandeliers on the ceiling and a romantic setting. Diners were sitting at their tables, talking amongst themselves, glasses clinking occasionally. The atmosphere was relaxed and any shred of nervousness I may have had was completely non-existent.
I glanced around and a beautiful young woman dressed in a white mini dress approached me.
“Good evening, Miss. Do you have a reservation?” she asked me.
“Yes, I do. I am meeting someone. Tom Wilson.”
The hostess stepped to a podium, containing what was a reservation book and she smiled. “Mr. Wilson arrived a few minutes ago. Allow me to escort you to your table.”
“Thank you,” I said with a smile and followed her through the restaurant.
The table was located in the back and as soon as I saw Tom, I knew it was him, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. I was not in the mood for any surprises tonight.
He stood from the table and smiled brightly, and I realized that he was much better looking in person. His dark brown hair was perfectly styled and his blue eyes were complimented by the black shirt he wore. The smell of his cologne seductively stroked my insides and I smiled at him.
His face lit u when he saw me up close and he said, “Olivia, hey.”
He seemed nervous, which I didn't understand, because he was hot. Maybe being attractive wasn't something that would automatically make someone confident.
“Tom, hello, I said to him.
The hostess left our side and Tom stared at me.
“Shall we sit?” I asked with a chuckle and Tom nodded.
“Yes, of course. I’m sorry,” he said and we sat down.
“I have to say, I’m not usually this nervous and awkward. It’s just that you’re so much prettier than the photos Alice showed me, and I feel a little intimidated,” he admitted.
I chuckled and shook my head. “Please, don’t be. If I am being honest, I can say exactly the same thing to you.”
Tom lowered his gaze and I noticed a little flush in his cheeks. “Thank you.”
“So how do you know Alice?” I asked.
“Oh, I’ve known her for a while now. She used to work as a receptionist at-”
“Lordes and Wayle,” I interjected.
“Yes. I worked there as well. I was their sales liaison.”
“Wow, that’s a great company to be involved in,” I said to him, and his frown demanded an explanation. “Alice told me all about the company.”
“Oh, right. Yes, it was a great company.”
“Was?”
“I’m not there any more. I was offered a job as a Sales Manager at Poltech Industries and I took it. It was a step in the right direction, and with their training I had the opportunity to become a technician for them.”
“That’s amazing. Congratulations,” I said to him. “And you enjoy the traveling?”
Again, he frowned.
“Oh, Alice told me you were in Indonesia for a month.”
“Right. It was an experience. A little too humid for my liking. I’m from Nebraska, so I’m still getting used to the California weather, even after being here for nearly ten years,” he said.
“It does take some getting used to,” I said encouragingly. “I’ve never been to Nebraska.”
We engaged in a lot of dialogue about ourselves and Tom turned out to be a really great guy. I wasn't disappointed by Alice’s choice, and it looked promising. I felt very optimistic half way through the main course.
Tom listened tentatively as I told him stories about my childhood, and I appreciated that.
“I think I was about twelve when Alice and I decided to take her father’s car for a drive. We were so bored and just took his keys from the kitchen.”
“How big of a disaster was it?” he chuckled.
“Huge. Maybe one of the biggest mistakes of our entire lives, I’d say,” I laughed. “We crashed the car about a block away into a solid concrete wall.”
Tom’s eyebrows raised and he cringed. “I bet you were grounded until you were eighteen.”
I opened my mouth to carry on, but the memories filled my head so fast that it left me breathless.
After the car hit the brick wall, Alice told me to go get help and the only person I knew would understand was Zac. He was sixteen then, and already had his driver’s license.
I ran home as fast as I could and found him in their backyard. I yelled at him to come help us, and he followed me back to the car without question, or yelling at us for what he had done.
When it came down to explaining what had happened, he had taken the fall for us. His father was furious, rightfully so, but it was then that their relationship started to crumble, even though it was always fragile to begin with. That was the beginning of the end.
“Olivia? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I sad and swallowed hard. “Alice’s brother took the fall for us.”
“Wow, that’s surprising.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“From what Alice had told me, he wasn't the sort of guy who cared about anyone but himself,” Tom answered.
I bit my bottom lip and lowered my gaze. “I guess, but what he did that day would stick with me for the rest of my life.”
“People aren't always as they seem, I suppose,” Tom shrugged. “Even the most wayward people sometimes have the kindest hearts.”
I glanced at Tom and nodded, lowering my gaze after a moment.
A lot of people had said that at the end of your life, or in your darkest times, your life would flash before your eyes.
Although I was not close to death, not literally anyways, Zac’s face flashed before my eyes. His smile, the way he laughed. The way his arms would wrap around me, and how he made me feel safe and comfortable, even in the most strangest situations. I was still in love with Zac, even though I shouldn't be, and I could no longer deny it.
I glanced at Tom and sighed. It didn't matter how much I tried to have fun with Tom, or how charming and cute and funny he was. He wasn't Zac, and Zac was all I wanted. Even if he didn't want me.
I knew that I would come across as a total bitch because of what I was about to do, but I had no choice. I couldn't carry on pretending that my feelings for Zac didn't matter, because they did. Suppressing those feelings only made everything worse.
“Tom, I am having a really great time with you,” I said and frowned.
“But...”
“I’m sorry. I can’t just sit here and pretend that everything is okay. I like you, I really do. You’re the first person I have actually liked in a long time, but I can’t do this any more,” I said to him.
“You’re leaving, aren't you?”
“Yes, but it has nothing to do with you. I could have waited until the end of the date when you walked me to my door, or my taxi, and tried to kiss me, or get me to agree to another date, but that would have just been unfair. You don’t deserve to be strung along like this. Trust me when I say, you are one of the nicer guys I have met in my life.”
“I understand. You’re in love with someone else, aren't you?” Tom asked.
I took a deep breath and nodded, feeling liberated that I can finally say it out loud. “Yes, I am.”
Tom’s face was riddled with disappointment, but there was also a sense of understanding in his blue eyes. “He’s a lucky guy, Olivia. You’re an amazing woman.”
“Thank you, Tom. You’re a great guy too. I hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”
I smiled at him, stood from the chair and grabbed my clutch. I made my way out of the restaurant and rushed to the side of the road. There were absolutely no taxis around and I retrieved my phone from my clutch. I ordered a taxi from my phone and only had to wait a few minutes.
As the taxi drove to his apartment, I felt terrible for leaving Tom in the restaurant, but I had to go to Zac. I had to tell him that I loved him and h
e was the only guy I wanted. He had taught me so many things, not just sexual. E taught me how to be confident and comfortable in my own skin, to not care what people thought about me, and that I was beautiful, curves and all. He made my life better by being in it. I just wanted him to know how I felt, despite having had a lot of opportunities to do so.
When the taxi stopped in front of his apartment building, I climbed out of the car and glanced up. The lights in his living are were on and it made me feel a little optimistic. At least he was at home, and I didn't have to stand outside his apartment and wait for him.
I took the elevator up to his floor and mentally prepared myself for what I was going to say, although I didn't really need to. My words had been preparing themselves for so long that they didn't need to be rehearsed, they simply needed to be heard.
I walked down the corridor and stooped in front of his door. I took a breath, slowly exhaling through my mouth and knocked on the door.
The door opened a few moments later and I glanced up at Zac.
“Liv, hey.”
He looked a little shocked to see me, but I guess it was normal. I had been avoiding him for the last few weeks, so it would definitely be a shock to him. Plus I was dressed up like for a date, and my not usual attire of jeans and t-shirts.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Uhm, well. This isn't exactly the best time. Can it wait?” he asked, reluctantly.
“Actually it can’t,” I said to him and pushed my way past him. “I’ve mulling things over in my mind for the past few weeks and I just can’t seem to get you off my mind.”
I turned to him, and he shifted his weight uncomfortably.
“I know that you don’t feel anything for me, and that I mean nothing to you but-”
“Liv, I don’t think that this is the best time.”
“Look, I get it that I just showed up at your door unannounced, and I am sorry about that, but I couldn't spend another moment denying myself what I really want. That’s you, Zac. I’ve wanted you from the very beginning and I was just too afraid to tell you that. Whether it was the fear of being rejected, or the notion that I knew that I wasn't pretty enough for you, or popular enough for you, it doesn't matter anymore, because I know that what I feel for you cannot be changed. I love you, and it’s you that I want. Not some guy Alice set me up with, or anyone else for that matter,” I blurted out and approached him slowly. “It’s you who I want, and if you don’t want me, then I guess I will have to accept that, but I refuse to be held back by my fear any more. I wanted to tell you this, because I don’t want to spend another fifteen years wishing I had the guts to say all these things.”
