“That’s Mr. Moore,” James, Jr. cried. “The third keeper.”
“I think he has broken his leg. I have to get him over to the doctor’s office. James, take Lillian to the lighthouse,” Heath ordered. “I will get out there as soon as Mr. Moore is stabilized.”
James, Jr. took my bag and hurried me along. “Looks as if we are in for another storm.”
The skies were crystal clear, the air still, and the sea tranquil. “I don’t think so,” I objected. James, Jr. shrugged his shoulders and assisted me into the rowboat.
“What are you doing in the village without your pa?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. “Has everything been all right on the island? Is Ayden well?”
He nodded stiffly and rowed on, navigating his way around the small icebergs, avoiding my eyes, ignoring my questions. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end with a familiar feeling of foreboding.
As if stepping onto Jasper Island was the cue to open the gates to a ferocious storm, the wind let loose a giant gust and the sea turned instantly angry. Enormous swells began to rise and pound against the island. Waves crashed up over the rocks as the wind howled through the night air.
James, Jr. practically vanished and I was left to fend for myself on the way up the embankment and to the house. I wanted to change out of my wet clothes and put on something pretty for Ayden. For days on end I had imagined the moment we would see one another again. I envisioned our reunion, running into his welcoming arms, and smothering his handsome face with dozens of kisses. Then I would make him look into my eyes and see our future. We’re going to have a baby, Ayden, I would sing. And I hope it’s a boy. I want him to look just like you and grow to be the wonderful, handsome man you are. Ayden’s smile would beam, and then he would lift me and swing me around, telling me that he was the happiest man alive. You have made me so happy, Lillian, he would whisper breathlessly and place a long, passionate kiss on my yearning lips. That night, Ayden would carry me into our bed, love me all night long, and whisper that he was nothing without me. You are the light of my life, my eternal flame. . . I can’t live without you. I have missed you so.
I was inclined to stop at the Coopers’ quarters and announce my return, but was too anxious to see Ayden. I couldn’t wait to have him hold me again. I knew when I was in his arms that no longer would my unbridled love for Heath remain. It would be washed away for good and left at the bottom of the sea where it belonged.
The house was dark and damp, no fire in the hearth. I took a few minutes to get a small fire going, then I headed up to my room. I lit the lamp nearest to the door and was stunned to see the room in complete disarray. Clothes and linens were thrown everywhere. Some were mine, some Heath’s. At first I was bewildered, and then I remembered Otto. He must have moved into Heath’s quarters and someone had hastily thrown Heath’s belongings into my room, assuming he would be staying here. It seemed odd that no one had taken the time to place the clothes in the closet. Hazel must have been too busy and unaware.
I walked carefully through the mess and found a pretty blue dress - one of Momma’s favorite dresses - and excitedly brought it into Ayden’s room, which was now our room as a married couple. I lit the lamp and undressed, thinking of how Ayden and I were going to sleep in each other’s arms after the storm passed. He was up there in the tower waiting for me, perhaps pacing the floor in eager anticipation.
The storm grew violent as time went by. Thunder and lightning accompanied the wind and rain, and nearly shook the house off its foundation. The boom startled me, giving me chills, but it wasn’t from the thunder. It was Ayden, who stormed through the door.
I had an immediate, frightening flashback to when Norman Griffin burst through the courtroom doors with a gun pointed straight at me. I clutched my nearly stopped heart and slowly released my breath, and said in a tight, trembling voice, “Ayden, you frightened me.”
Ayden stepped in and I ran to him with open arms, expecting him to sweep me up and shower me with love and affection, to welcome me home and beg me to never leave him again. However, as I came near, he held out his arm to keep me at a distance. I caught a strong whiff of alcohol from his breath, and that’s when I peered closely at him. His right eye was black and blue, his lip cut, swollen, and covered in dried blood. My heart skipped a beat as pure anger bolted through his eyes and onto me as hot and threatening as lightning.
“Ayden, darling, what happened? Why do you look at me with such hatred? I’m sorry I was gone so long. I wrote you letters explaining the trial delays. I wanted to return to you as soon as I could. I thought about you day and night, Ayden. And while I was gone, I learned some wonderful news,” I said and reached for his hand. “Ayden, you and I
are . . .”
Ayden snatched his hand away and without warning, swung it back across my face with all his might, sending me hurling down to the floor. “It was supposed to be me that you loved!” Ayden flared.
I lifted myself up to my knees and reached out to him. “What are you talking about? You know I love you!”
“I don’t want to hear it anymore!” he shouted covering his ears and shaking his head violently.
Panic began to grip me as my mind scrambled to understand what he was talking about, and why he was so angry with me.
“What have I done? I have been truthful and faithful to you and only you!”
“You belong to me, you belong to me,” he mumbled repeatedly through his tears.
I stood slowly and approached him apprehensively, fearing another attack. Ayden was distraught as I’d never seen him before. And it only clicked in my mind when he mumbled under his drunken breath, “Heath . . . you always loved Heath. I was so stupid to believe otherwise.”
His fiery eyes rapidly widened and he snatched my arm, squeezing so tight I cried out in pain.
“You know what you have done? DO YOU?”
“Ayden, please stop. Won’t you believe me? I married you, I want to spend my life with you,” I sobbed.
“Everything is a mess, and it’s all your fault!”
He abruptly released me, and I fearfully backed away. There was pure hatred in Ayden’s eyes for me. No longer did his gaze shower me with love and affection. He was no one I recognized. And what had caused this rage I didn’t understand. After all, I had been faithful to him! There was no way he could have known about my secret love for Heath. Only Heath knew, or so I foolishly thought.
Before Ayden ran out into the deadly storm, he turned to me one last time and, to my horror, agonizingly revealed what I had unintentionally done to destroy him.
“I read your letter. Your love letter to Heath.”
* * *
Chapter Thirty
Swallowed in the sea
All throughout the morning and into the day, pieces of Ayden’s broken rowboat washed up with the tide and scattered along the rocky shore like common driftwood. I’d shouted over the thunder, pleading for him to come back, but he had ignored my frantic cries and rowed liked a madman over giant, perilous sea swells, through the pounding surf and the blinding rain. In everything that nightmares are made of, I helplessly watched in terror as Ayden’s boat was quickly swallowed by a wave. He was drowning, not even attempting to fight for his life. He wasn’t trying to swim or keep his head above the whitecaps. I desperately ran through the freezing, icy water to try and save him, but the surf held me at bay, violently throwing me back to the shore, signifying it was Ayden the sea wanted to take down to his watery grave and not me.
Heath found me sitting alone on a rock, emotionally stunned and numb from the bitter cold day, staring blankly out at the unforgiving sea that had claimed Ayden‘s life. All of my dreams were far below the dark murky waters, along with the man who suffered and died because he was the victim of my selfishness. However, Heath didn’t see it that way, and was determined to make me believe it wasn’t my fault that Ayden was dead.
Heath caringly covered me with his coat and brought me close, then with a soft handkerc
hief wiped away the endless tears that cascaded down my cold face.
“They have called off the search. Ayden is gone,” Heath began in a somber voice. “I spoke with James this morning. Lillian, look at me,” Heath insisted. When I didn’t, he leaned his face into mine, blocking my view. “Yesterday, when we met James, Jr. in the village, he was returning from the train station. Strange how we didn’t see them when we arrived. He had just left Hazel and Sylvia.”
I didn’t understand where he was going with this. Heath noticed my confused frown and then smiled, kissed the top of my hair, and hugged me tight. “Hazel was taking Sylvia to Richmond. That’s where Hazel’s mother lives.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I sobbed onto his chest.
“Listen carefully to what I’m saying, for I don’t ever want to think about it again. James and Ayden got into a huge brawl a day before we returned. From what he said, Sylvia revealed to him that she was pregnant.”
My head jolted up and I stared at Heath. This was obviously painful for him. His blue eyes were dark and disturbed, his jaw tight from the burden of the account. “She told her father she was pregnant with Ayden’s child, and when James confronted Ayden, he didn’t deny it. Out of shame for the family, they decided to send Sylvia away to have the baby. Don’t you see? Ayden did this to himself; none of it is your fault! Ayden gave into temptation. James told me he started drinking. I don’t understand why he made such a terrible mistake, but he did. And now he has paid the ultimate price.”
I was crying uncontrollably. Not from what Heath revealed, but because it truly was my fault, just as Ayden said. “I am completely to blame,” I moaned, and flew off the rock. Heath chased after me as I ran along the shore - running from him, from Ayden’s haunting memory, and from myself.
“Lillian!” Heath called until he caught up and forcefully made me stop. “Why are you taking the blame?”
“Ayden went to her because he knew how I felt about you. It was his way to get back at me for loving you!”
“How could he know? We were in New York, far away.”
“There was a letter. I wrote a letter I never intended anyone to read. Somehow, Ayden found it. It was a love confession to you,” I admitted looking up at him, intensely studying his expression, waiting to see it turn from bewilderment to revulsion. But Heath’s eyes softened, and he went to console me, but I pushed him away. “So you see it is my fault Ayden rowed himself out into the storm. He couldn’t live with my heart belonging to you, or face the reality of fathering a child with a girl I know he didn’t love. He went to her no doubt in a drunken stupor, just like my Daddy did with the prostitute.”
“Listen to me,” Heath fired. “It was not your fault. I’m sure Ayden was hurt after reading such a letter, but he was a grown man. He knew what he was doing. He slept with Sylvia as revenge, to hurt you, to cause you the same kind of pain you unknowingly inflicted upon him. Ayden was bitter and jealous, and his death was his own fault, not yours. You have to believe that!”
“Go away, Heath, just go away,” I sniffled. “You have your own life now. You should return to Sarah. Get away from this place and me. Marry her; devote yourself to her.”
Heath started to speak, but I wouldn’t listen. Instead, I shouted, picked up a pile of snow-covered sand, and hurled it at him. “Go away! Leave me alone!”
“You stop pushing me away! I am not leaving this island. I am not leaving you. The Coopers are being transferred. They are leaving Jasper Island. I will take over as primary keeper and you and I will live here. I want you to marry me. I will be the baby’s father,” he cried.
“No. It’s too late for you and me. You’re engaged to Sarah.”
“I ended the relationship with her for good. Sarah is out of my life, and to be honest, I never really let her back in.”
I snickered cynically and again lashed out at him. “So why did you sleep with her? I saw you two in bed together. Don’t lie to me. I know you love her!”
“So that’s why you pushed me away,” he muttered almost to himself. Then he snapped his eyes onto me. “I was feeling sorry for myself; I had too much wine at dinner. I was a stupid man and took her to bed, all the while convincing myself it was you I loved that night. When I woke and realized it was Sarah, I could barely contain my unhappiness. Sarah woke to find me standing by the door to your rooms, wearing my broken heart on my sleeve. ‘Be with her’, she shouted. ‘It’s Lillian you love!’ That’s when it ended for good. The next day I bought you a ring and went to ask you to leave Ayden for me. You wouldn’t let me in, you yelled for me to go away. Now I know why,” he said, and he took my hand, eased my fingers back, and then placed a beautiful diamond ring in my palm. “No matter what we do, we can’t bring Ayden back. My only brother is gone, and a part of me won't forgive myself for loving his wife and wanting him far away from you. I will live with that forever, but I have no regrets. You have to think like that as well. You have a baby to think of who will need a father. You need a husband so you can stay here on the island you call home. It’s not selfish to be happy. Take me, say yes, and allow me to love you, Lillian, please! I beg you with all my heart and soul. Please be mine.”
“I can’t. I can’t allow myself to love you now. Not with Ayden killing himself because of me.” I handed him back the ring, but he refused to take it.
“I am going to be keeper, which will allow you and the baby to stay here. Otto can help me, since I was never good at working the light.”
“You never wanted to mind the light,” I muttered, keeping my head bowed in shame.
“I do now,” Heath replied. “I do now, and that’s all that matters.”
Hazel returned to the station by week’s end to gather up the rest of the family. I had stayed reclusive, avoiding the children, James, Otto Moore, and most of all, Heath.
“You can’t continue to stay locked away,” Hazel said on the morning they were leaving.
I had been reading Momma’s journal again, allowing myself to journey back to when Momma and Daddy first fell in love. Though Momma endured unmentionable hardships, she somehow found love and happiness in the end through her beloved Garrett.
“The Daltons are arriving in a few days; you need to pull yourself together, Lillian.”
“I will deal with it when they get here,” I sighed and continued reading. Hazel ripped the book from my hands.
“Heath tells me you’re expecting. Now that Ayden is gone, who will raise that baby?”
“I will, alone!” I snapped.
“Why are you torturing yourself? What’s done is done. Being miserable isn’t going to bring Ayden back.”
“Maybe not, but it’s what I deserve.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get up and go to Heath. He is up in the tower night after night learning to be a keeper, doing it all for you. Is this how you show your appreciation, by shutting him out?”
“I didn’t ask him to do it!” I yelled.
“I guess there’s no use wasting my breath. I just want you to know something before I go,” she said and handed back my book. “I tried to prevent what happened, but it all unfolded when I was sick in bed after I’d lost another baby. Got an infection, and they went and took out all my woman parts. I saw the storm coming, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Sylvia has the devil in her, that’s for certain. So you stop taking the blame for Ayden’s death, because it was the devil that took Ayden. He did it to himself by losing himself to the wiles of my Sylvia.”
I was barely able to look at Edward and Opal when I stood by Heath and greeted them as they set foot onto the island. Elizabeth had stayed behind at the school, recovering from the measles. I was glad in a way, for then I would have less guilt to deal with. I planned to reveal the truth that evening after supper. I was going to make my confession and admit blame for their son’s death, and then welcome their antipathy toward me, yet that didn’t happen the way I had anticipated. Through their grief-stricken faces, they smiled
and encouraged me to accept Heath’s proposal. Heath had apparently explained everything already.
“Your love for one another was created long before you met. That‘s what true love is. That‘s what your father and mother were fortunate to have, that‘s what I have with Edward,” Opal said with such compassion. “Ayden was caught somewhere in the middle. It is all tragic and I will mourn the loss of my son with every day and night that passes, but I want most of all for you and Heath to find what you have been looking for, and that’s each other,” she implored.
Heath stepped into the parlor then stood at full attention. He’d been waiting to enter while I carefully weighed my decision. They all looked to me for the answers, yet I didn’t know how to give them what they wanted, and what I wanted as well, without being permeated with unrelenting guilt. My mind was trapped in a thick fog as I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring Heath presented to me as a lifelong promise to love and cherish me, to be my husband, and to give me all that Ayden ultimately had failed to do.
I stared at the beautiful oval-shaped diamond ring in a trance-like state, until Heath knelt before me. I slowly lifted my woeful, tired, cried-out eyes to him, and began the arduous process of letting go. All the heavy burdens and guilt started to unravel in the depths of his blue, blue eyes, effortlessly swept away by Heath’s genuine, unconditional, endless love.
On the eve of Ayden’s memorial service, I was finally resigned without question to what destiny had to offer. No longer did I challenge the unexplainable, or curse the relentless misfortunes that chased after me like a cold, winter wind. I agreed, with all the love I held in my heart for any one man, to marry Heath.
While I was eager to put the past behind me, end my mourning, and become Heath’s wife, Heath insisted on courting me.
“That is silly,” I told him. “I don’t want to stand before you as a bride who is bigger than a house. I am just starting to show now and still slim enough to fit into a beautiful bridal gown.”
Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy Page 90
