Every Day I Loved You

by Robin Edwards

  “Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you about their magical powers.” he wiggled his eyebrows.

  “Ok, you are definitely keeping them on. Jesus.” I laughed.

  ****

  January 5th –

  Hey Journal,

  Thought I’d check in but don’t think for a second that I like doing this and don’t think that I’ll start doing this daily. That’ll never happen.

  Liam’s next to me asleep but I’m still awake because I couldn’t sleep for some reason. His mom told me today that he never enlisted into the Peace Corps and finding out was shocking. It was quite a revelation. It was the one thing he always talked about and to find out he never did it, I just have no words.

  I asked Liam today if it had anything to do with me leaving because I was supposed to join with him, not that I was interested in saving the planet. I was willing to do it with him because he was my best friend, but I chose to move on with my life instead. I’d hate to think that he didn’t do what he loved because of me. As close as we were back then, I never wanted him to decide what he wanted to do with the rest of his life depending on whether I was still around or not.

  P.S. I don’t believe him when he says that he didn’t base his decision on me. I know when he’s lying, at least I think I do because he rarely did it.

  -Margaret K.

  SIX

  Six Years Earlier…

  I couldn’t wait until September 4th because it was the first day of my last year in high school, but it was also the day that I finally got to see Liam again for the first time in three months since he spent his entire summer in the UK. During the entire time, he was there, we rarely spoke which sucked completely but I understood it was their time to spend with relatives and he could talk to me anytime he wanted when he got back.

  I was also excited because I strongly believed it was going to be a good year because I had my best friend back, I had been texting this college guy Roger that I met at my part-time job, my parents were starting to give in to the idea of Liam and I either going to Europe or joining the Peace Corps for a couple of years and I wanted to graduate already.

  Everything was supposed to turn out great but that’s not actually what happened. When Liam came back, everything was different between us. He came back on the first day of school changing everything I knew about him. His wardrobe was different, his braces came off, he started wearing contact lenses and most of all he started to care more about his appearance. He insisted that he was still the same guy and that I was imagining things.

  Liam also said that he was keeping up the way he looked only because his grandmother spent so much money on new clothes for him and his brother, Oliver, he felt obligated to wear it because that’s what proper men wore and he didn’t want to disappoint her.

  When people started noticing Liam technically for the first time especially the girls, all it did was ruin everything we had planned. It was even at the point where the football players stopped picking on him, but I was still the object of their immature jokes. All it did was cause arguments between us.

  We’ve never argued before, but he couldn’t understand that this phase he was in made everything so much worse than it already was and we weren’t talking as much as we used to.

  “Hey, Mags,” Liam said startling me out of my thoughts.

  “Oh, hey Liam, how are you?” I glanced his way before continuing to pack up my backpack with the textbooks I needed.

  “I haven’t seen you in a bit,” he remarked.

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve just…been busy, you know how it is.” I explained.

  “Right, you’ve got yourself a job and everything.”

  “Yeah, it keeps me pretty busy.”

  “If you’re not working tonight, do you want to see It Happened One Night at the cinema after school? I’ve got my license now.”

  “Oh wow, great.” I gave a fake smile. There goes another thing that he accomplished this summer, whoooptie doo.

  It was our long-standing Friday night ritual but it hadn’t been lately, “I thought Brooke invited you to that party at Jake’s house.” I asked. Brooke Miller was the co-captain of the varsity cheerleaders and she was number three on our most hated list that we came up with the first month he and I met.

  “That’s tomorrow night but I’m not going unless you go with me. I don’t want to go by myself.”

  “I wasn’t invited, remember.”

  “That’s why you’re coming as my guest.” Liam shut his locker door and zipped up his backpack.

  “No, thank you. Some of us still remember who’s on our shit list.”

  “Mags, she’s not so bad once you get to know her.”

  “That’s really funny coming from you.” I said angrily before I slammed my locker shut.

  “Mags…” Liam sighed as he followed me. “You know that’s rubbish. It’s not like that when you get to know her.”

  “Sure, it’s not.” I walked faster.

  “Mags…come on.” he whined.

  I didn’t turn around and just kept walking, “Go to class, Liam.”

  Things didn’t improve much after that and although Liam and I made up eventually and were getting along again, things still weren’t quite the same. His popularity only increased as time went on and although he kept insisting he was still the same guy and made every effort to be there for me, he was still different. The fact that he kept trying to convince me he was still the same guy, only made it crystal clear he actually wasn’t.

  I could forgive Liam for most things but the one thing I would never forgive him for was if he ruined prom for me. The theme this year was Cherished Memories with “What is it (about you)?” by the Wexley Brothers as the song of the night. Liam hadn’t asked me to the prom but we had this unspoken understanding that we both weren’t going to go. If we did decide to go, we were automatically go with each other.

  I needed to ask him about it anyway because Roger heard from his cousin Corey that prom was coming up and he said he wanted to be my prom date if I was planning on going.

  I didn’t give him an answer because as much as I would love to go with Roger, I’d rather go with Liam. Despite the tension we’ve had between us this year, I’d still have more fun with him and that’s what prom was about. It was about long-standing memories during significant moments in your life and high school was one of those defining moments.

  “Hey, have you seen Liam this morning? I usually meet up with him at our locker but he never showed up.” I asked Cherie, a girl in my 6th period Calculus.

  “Yeah, I think I saw him by the water fountain around the corner.”

  “Thanks, I’ll see you in class.”

  I rushed down the corner, anxious to ask Liam if he considered going to the prom and if so, would he want to go with me or if he expected that as much as I currently did but it took all of three seconds for my hopes to be crushed.

  There Liam stood in what looked like a flirty conversation with Brooke. I inched my way closer so I wouldn’t be seen eavesdropping, I wanted to know what they were talking about.

  “So, the word is that you don’t have a date yet.” she twirled her hair.

  “No, not really but I don’t think I’m going.”

  “Well, lucky for you I am available for you to take so you can still go. Not that I couldn’t get a date or anything, plenty of guys have asked me to go but I said no to each and every one of them. Do you know why?” she asked.

  Damn her.

  “I haven’t the slightest clue.”

  “It’s because you’re taking me, silly.” Brooke giggled.

  “You want to go to prom with me?”

  “Yes, so I’m wearing a blue dress which means you will have to coordinate with me. Don’t forget to get me a corsage and the gang is going to pitch in for a limo so we can ride with them. The limo is going to pick you up around eight on Saturday. P.S. There may be a special treat in it for you.” she said as she walked away.

  “But…”
>
  “Eight on the dot, Liam,” she called over her shoulder.

  What in the hell just happened? Was Liam going with Brooke Miller? She was one of ten people he and I vowed to hate together, forever. I really was losing him.

  I took off running down the hallway and shoved the admin building doors open causing them to slam against the wall. I ran down the sidewalk heading for the bus stop at the corner, tears stung my eyes as they continued to slide down my cheeks. Sobs wracked my body, my vision blurred and I didn’t care who saw me. I just wanted to get out of there.

  The city bus appeared several blocks away and I was careful to wipe away my tears, put on my sunglasses and calm myself down before it arrived. All I could think about when I finally sat down as the bus pulled away from the curb was that I wholeheartedly and unforgivably was crushed by Liam Collins, my former best friend.

  ****

  Present Day – January 12th

  “So, that’s how Liam and I drifted apart. After I found out that he was going to the prom with Brooke Miller, I told Roger I’d go to the prom with him if he was still wanted to take me.”

  “Could you tell me a little more about that?” Dr. Naubert asked at our next session the following week.

  “I don’t know why I agreed to go with Roger. I mean at the time I liked the guy well enough but I don’t know if I really liked him at that point. It took some time but I think I was just happy an older guy was interested in me. Don’t get me wrong, Doc, I still miss Roger. All I’m saying is that I had to get to know him over time and once I did, then I started to fall for him. At the time though, I only agreed to go with him because Liam was already going with Brooke when we both were supposed to ditch the prom altogether.”

  “Why do you think Liam agreed to go to the prom with Brooke if you two had an arrangement not to go as you stated.”

  “He turned into a jerk that’s why! Liam was supposed to be different and not like the rest of them. He wasn’t supposed to hurt me. All he was supposed to do was continue to be my best friend.”

  “How did he hurt you? Could you clarify that for me please?”

  “He wasn’t supposed to think Brooke was a decent person. We made a list of ten people we hated the most at our school and we made a promise to each other that we would continue hating them forever. It was a silly thing to come up with but the point is, he broke the promise he made to me. He went to the dark side.”

  “What is the dark side?” Dr. Naubert asked.

  “Sorry, movie reference. He hurt me because of…he…” I sighed.

  “Yes? It helps to say it out loud regardless of how it’ll sound.”

  “He…I was hurt because I lost the one person I cared about the most. I hated the fact that he was all different. Sure, he was cuter after his makeover but I didn’t care about any of that. I just wanted to be best friends again but he was way too busy for me and I just didn’t know him anymore.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “I pretty much avoided Liam as much as I could but sometimes I couldn’t help it cause we had Advanced Chemistry together and he was my lab partner so I tried to act normal whenever I managed to bump into him but it wasn’t until three weeks or so after prom when we were preparing for award banquets and graduation that he told me that he lost his V card either at prom or sometime thereafter.”

  “V Card?” he asked.

  Did this guy not know anything?

  “It means he had sex for the first time, Doc.” I rolled my eyes.

  “What happened after that?”

  “I don’t know. The day he told me I was at my locker in between periods, I was still trying to avoid him as much as possible because I figured ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Anyway, I was at my locker trying to shove my books inside of my backpack when he comes rushing over to me with this glowing smug look on his face and when I asked him what was wrong with him that’s when he told me.”

  “How did that make you feel?”

  “Horrible. I cried for days after hearing about it.”

  “Why?”

  “I was heartbroken for a lot of reasons. I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t around Liam. I didn’t care that he was my only real friend because he was everything a friend should have been. He was kind, honest, positive, caring and hilarious.” I sighed.

  “But he let you down didn’t he?”

  “When he told me he had been with Brooke the night of the prom at some afterparty or sometime after that, it broke me. A small part of me wanted to keep Liam to myself because I cared more about him than anyone else in the world and he made me feel good and when he told me what happened, I realized he wasn’t my best friend anymore. I was going to have to face the world on my own. That was when I decided I needed to move on and give Roger a chance.”

  “Did you love Liam?”

  “Of course I had a crush on him but I couldn’t keep trying to hold onto something that didn’t exist anymore so I braved the change and took a chance on the guy who actually wanted to be with me.”

  “How do you feel about Liam now?” Dr. Naubert asked.

  “Why do you keep asking about Liam? Wasn’t the whole point of my appointments with you is to resolve the problems I had with Roger?” I said defensively.

  “If you want resolution you have to understand all contributing factors. Our past and our relationship with others all influence how we are in a romantic relationship. If you want to get to the heart of the matter with Roger, you need to solve the issues you have with Liam among others.”

  “What issues? Liam and I are fine now.”

  “I asked how you felt about him now.” Dr. Naubert was a pushy one. This appointment was never going to end unless I answered him.

  “I’m always going to care about him, despite everything. He’s always going to hold a big place in my heart, Dr. Naubert but I just want Roger and my old life back and that’s all I ever wanted.”

  SEVEN

  January 13th –

  Hey Journal,

  I finally met up with Dr. Naubert again and before I left at the end of the session he made it a point to tell me what a wonderful job I did yesterday. Ugh. Gag. Blah.

  It was a slightly uncomfortable meeting yesterday because I thought we were finally going to talk about Roger and how much he’s an asshole and get some relationship “fix-it” techniques but that’s not what happened.

  Dr. Naubert was obsessed with going over my relationship with Liam and getting to the root of our friendship. A part of me didn’t want to talk about it because it’s still a sensitive subject but I did what I could. He even asked me about how we grew apart, how we reunited and how I felt about him throughout high school and how I felt about him right now. I didn’t really answer because it almost felt like little kids trying to find out if their crush likes them and it was awfully sad to not be concerned otherwise.

  -Margaret K.

  I walked into Drip, the coffee house around the corner from the old cinema. I walked in the entrance hesitantly, the loud bell above announcing my presence. Drip came off more elegant than your average coffee place was supposed to be but I loved the smell of it in the morning.

  I arrived earlier than planned and decided to order a drink while I waited for Cherie, one of my old classmates to arrive. I ran into her while in the toothpaste aisle at the grocery store and we reminisced briefly about old times and now here we were, about to spend time with one another to compare notes about what’s been happening in our lives.

  Something about meeting with an old classmate made me nervous, not that Cherie was intimidating or a mean girl in high school but I never liked dwelling on the past, I was more of a focus on the future kind of person but I couldn’t help feeling the way I did.

  “Hey girl, I’m completely sorry I’m late.” Cherie rushed in, giving me a peck on the cheek. That was different.

  I chuckled, “No need to apologize, Cherie.”

  “I tried to get here earlier because you know I always
try to be on time but my boss never approved or denied my request to leave early so I did anyway.”

  “Oh. Well, don’t get in trouble on my account but I just got here also.”

  “Whew, that makes me feel better. Wow, this place is cute. I can’t believe it’s been here this entire time and I’ve never been inside.” Cherie looked around, taking in the characteristics of the place.

  “I love this place, it used to be home for me.”

  “Really? That’s cute.”

  “Yeah, working here was my first job. I worked here during the summer before my senior year.”

  “I wish I had been here before. I never really come to this side of town but it’s definitely cute and quaint. I could see why you love it so much. So, Margaret, how are you doing? When did you get back into town?”

  “I’ve been here for a couple of weeks now but I’ve been home mostly. I haven’t been out adventuring too much.” I answered.

  “Well, you should get out more, take in the sites again. A lot has changed in the city, would give you a chance to see what they were. I’m glad I ran into you today especially with the freshman reunion coming up soon. I’m always excited when I run into one of my old high school classmates and I find out what they’ve been up to. Sometimes it’s a shocker when I find out they are doing something I totally didn’t expect.”

  “Yeah, it is fun, isn’t it?” I agreed.

  “I must say it is so nice to see you again, Margaret. It’s been what, several years?”

  “It’ll be six I think.”

  “Wow, it’s been that long?”

  “Yep, that long. You should have been on the reunion committee, you’d have been great with it.” I said.

  “I wish but no. Of course, it went to you know who.” Cherie rolled her eyes.

  Yep, Brooke and her little cronies always had to be in charge of everything.