Uncle and Ants

by Marc Jedel

  I ordered a Tsingtao beer while Meghan requested green tea.

  Finally situated as the waitress left, I asked Meghan, “So what did the police say?”

  “Not much. They asked me and my neighbors a few questions and looked around. I didn’t see anything missing. Only a big mess. The oddest part was it almost seemed organized. Like the people who make crop circles invaded my house.” Meghan grunted in exasperation.

  “That’s exactly what happened at Laney’s house yesterday. I didn’t notice anything missing either.”

  We picked up our menus. Meghan took a quick glance before setting it down.

  I’d barely had a chance to look at it and couldn’t decide quite so quickly. Stalling for time while I scanned the menu, I asked, “Do you have any favorites?”

  “Oh, I like everything here.” Meghan swiveled her head from side to side as she checked out the other tables.

  Her rapid decision making had me pulling out all the delay tactics. “Do you want to eat family-style?” Like who doesn’t in a Chinese restaurant?

  “Sure. Why don’t you order whatever you like? I really do like everything here.”

  Sure, no pressure. I studied the menu, trying to discern the right choices to order.

  The waitress brought a ceramic tea kettle, stained yellow around the spout and showing cracks with age, along with two small teacups. She smiled and left.

  Meghan’s mouth turned down into a slight frown. “Didn’t you order a beer?”

  “It’s no big deal. I’ll get it when she comes back. I like tea too.” I buried myself back in the menu options.

  “But still.” She didn’t sound pleased.

  I changed the subject. “I wonder if whoever broke into Laney’s house might have been looking for her briefcase. I have no idea why they’d want it. But it’s at my apartment, not her house or hospital room.”

  “Did you look in it? What did she have — the nuclear launch codes?”

  At her small jest, I glanced up from the menu. She must be feeling calmer now if she was cracking jokes. “There’s not much in there. A mostly empty notebook and some old newspaper clippings from Spokane. I didn’t see anything incriminating or, really, anything anyone would want. She didn’t even have detailed notes on her clients in her notebook.”

  “It’s so strange. I can’t think of a connection between her and me besides my harassment complaint.” Meghan shrugged her shoulders. “I’d only met her last Friday for the first time. It has to be something more than that. Why would they break into my house the day after breaking into hers?”

  “I don’t know. This whole situation has me confused.”

  “Me too. When we talked last Friday, she mentioned she was going to the agency later that afternoon for some event. Do you think something happened there?” Meghan’s forehead and nose wrinkled as she tilted her head in thought.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. All she mentioned in her notes was something about an exec meet-and-greet.”

  “She probably met the CEO.” Meghan had an unusual expression on her face that I couldn’t interpret.

  “Why? Is he an interesting guy?” Her expression puzzled me.

  “He’s a bit odd, but he could be our governor one day.”

  “Aren’t all politicians odd?” I tried to avoid reading or talking about politicians. This wasn’t all that hard to do as an engineer in Silicon Valley.

  Meghan gave me a wry smile with a small chortle of amusement. “You remember that our current governor used to run the State Water Resources Control Board, right?”

  “Oh yeah, of course. With the whole state focused on water, that’s such a visible position. There’s certainly a ton of press coverage for all their decisions.” Although politics don’t interest me, I knew that much.

  This got Meghan started. “When he became governor, he appointed the new head of the Control Board. And now that guy is ready to retire at the end of this year. The governor gets to appoint someone else to run the Control Board. The NorCal Water Agency CEO has to be a leading contender. He beat out the other local district leaders to run the merged agency when the state forced all the smaller water districts to merge into the three big regional agencies.”

  “Boy, talk about moving up fast. From running a county water district to regional water agency CEO to Control Board to governor in a few short years.” How hard could it be to run a water agency? I drink water. I’d bounced from startup to startup without this guy’s luck.

  Meghan didn’t notice, or ignored, the frustration in my comment. “Maybe not guaranteed, but he’d have a good shot at becoming governor and he’s not yet forty.”

  The waitress’ return interrupted us. “Have you decided yet? What can I get you?”

  I forgot all about the beer as the pressure to decide hit me. I took one last look at the menu in case a new special had spontaneously appeared. Unsure what Meghan might like best, I decided to play it safe. “We’re going to share. Could we get the beef with broccoli, kung pao chicken, white rice and wonton soup to start?”

  Meghan said nothing, but she looked satisfied. Phew. Survived the food ordering test. Thank goodness Meghan wasn’t as picky an eater as my nieces.

  After the waitress left, Meghan asked, “By the way, what was with your comment about no Mexican, Korean or spaghetti for dinner? Did you have some weird combo platter last night?”

  I started describing this week’s dinner experiences with Skye and Megan.

  Meghan almost spat out her sip of tea when I told her about the confusion of kimchee for salsa. “How did you let them talk you into putting spaghetti into taco shells?”

  My face screwed up into a grimace. “Either their mother lets them eat that or they’re conning me. I’m not sure which, but the more time I spend with them, the more I’m leaning toward the con job.”

  Meghan raised an eyebrow. “Why did you eat it too?”

  I chuckled at my own stupidity and shrugged. “I don’t know. It didn’t look so bad at first.” I paused for effect. “I was wrong.”

  The restaurant had started to fill up, but the tables were spaced out across the room. I liked that we could talk without other diners practically sitting in our lap like too many of the wannabe trendy restaurants in the area. When did being able to hear your date stop being hip?

  Growing up, my father had always told me to get your date to talk more than you did. I switched gears. “What’s the big project that you’re working on at the water agency?”

  “They hired me to finish an environmental impact analysis for a project with a cool new technology to turn Central Valley farming runoff water, contaminated by fertilizers and other agricultural byproducts, into clean drinking water.”

  “Isn’t ocean water used for desalination? Can they really remove all the, um, pollutants?”

  She smirked. “You do know that all our groundwater contains the, um, pollutants that get extracted by a treatment plant before it goes into our water lines?”

  “Delightful.” Flirting a little, I made sure she saw me take a large sip of water.

  Meghan smiled. She had a nice smile. She continued, “This new plant in the Central Valley farming region could distill out the dangerous chemicals. They’d sell the recovered chemicals back to the farmers to use again while providing clean water to the community. With so much sun in the middle of the state, solar power is cheaper there than powering reverse osmosis like they do at the ocean desalination plants. Best of all for the environment, there’s no wastewater to put back into the ocean and damage sea life.”

  “Wow. Sounds like the holy grail. Cheap, clean water where it’s needed, and no environmental impact. What’s the catch?” I appreciated her passion for her work. Designing a new product, or cool feature, felt the same way to me.

  Returning to the table, the waitress set down a soup tureen. She served us each a bowl of egg drop soup, smiled and turned to leave again. The wonton soup that I’d ordered must have run off with my beer.

&n
bsp; Meghan’s frown returned as a scowl. I started to tell her that I like egg drop soup too, but she surprised me and the waitress. In a loud, commanding voice, she started speaking in rapid Mandarin. I only recognized her first phrase, “Nǐ hǎo,” or Hello. The rest was a blur of sound and it didn’t sound pleased.

  The waitress bowed and started to reply when a Chinese woman wearing a chef’s white apron burst out from the kitchen. I gasped. How could this happen again? Sitting up straighter in my chair, I braced for the conflict. I didn’t glance at Meghan as I focused on the chef, on the lookout for a wooden spoon. Angry chefs approaching me had become all too common.

  The chef, who looked about our age, reached the table in three strides. “Hey!” She spoke in a loud voice that drew the attention of the tables around us.

  Really, egg drop soup was fine.

  Meghan stood and faced the chef. “Li Na!” It sounded like a call to arms.

  “Meghan!”

  The women hugged.

  And with that, the confrontation came to an abrupt, yet peaceful resolution.

  Relieved that I wouldn’t experience a repeat of last night, I unclenched my jaw.

  Meghan stepped back from her hug. “I thought you worked at your new restaurant on Fridays?”

  The chef, Li Na, shook her head. “Usually. But I have a new chef here and I wanted to train him. Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

  “I didn’t see you and I didn’t recognize her.” Meghan gestured toward the shocked waitress still half-bowing near the table. The waitress didn’t encounter many customers with green eyes and pale complexions who spoke better Mandarin than she did.

  “This is my cousin, Sue. She started here as a waitress this week.” Li Na faced her niece. “This is Auntie Meghan,” she said as if that explained everything.

  Li Na then looked at me, looked at the table, and raised her eyebrows at Meghan. She clapped her hands three times loudly and shouted something in Mandarin toward the kitchen.

  Her clapping had a magical effect. As if she were Dorothy clicking her heels and we were getting whisked away, our table was transformed. In rapid succession, three men came out from the kitchen. They removed the tureen, placemats, forks and tea. They cleared the table in a flash. The next moment, a nice, white linen cloth covered the table, along with napkins folded into swans and beautiful ebony chopsticks. A beautiful china kettle with an intricate, stylized design replaced the stained and chipped tea kettle.

  Li Na gave me a firm handshake and dipped into a small bow. “Welcome to my restaurant. I am Li Na. And you are?”

  I may have stammered something resembling my name.

  “Welcome, Marty. I am very glad you are here with my sister Meghan. Never mind what you ordered, I will make you something very special for you both.”

  “Uh, thanks.”

  “What do you like? Chicken, vegetables, noodles, seafood?”

  “Uh, sure.”

  “Spicy or mild?”

  “Medium?” I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I didn’t expect to see the egg drop soup again. One day I’d have a normal dinner. Just not this week.

  “Great. I’ve got it. I’ll bring you something wonderful. Sit down and enjoy.” Li Na winked at Meghan, turned, and disappeared. No flash of light accompanied this feat. The three men followed her into the kitchen like an honor guard and our waitress, Sue, slowly backed away, never quite straightening from her half-bow.

  Meghan’s face reddened as she noticed the whole room staring at us. She sank back into her chair without speaking. I understood. Surely sitting down would make everyone stop staring and they’d fail to notice that our table now looked like we’d been transported from the middle of a normal Chinese restaurant in suburban California into a five-star restaurant.

  My turn to smirk. “Eat here often?”

  She burst out laughing. The other tables stared again. Or possibly they hadn’t stopped. I hadn’t checked.

  Meghan waved her hands in apology. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for a whole scene. I got annoyed that the waitress kept bringing us the wrong things.”

  “It’s completely understandable. Whenever I complain to a waitress, I also get upgraded to a special dining experience.”

  She giggled. “I honestly didn’t think Li Na was working here today. After what happened earlier, I just wanted some comfort food in my favorite restaurant.”

  I felt the same way. “How do you know Li Na? Is she really your sister?”

  “Not my real sister. I met her when I lived in her parents’ house for a year abroad in China during college. Li Na had recently graduated from college. We spent most evenings and weekends together. We became like sisters. About ten years ago, she immigrated to the U.S. as a chef. Now she owns two restaurants.”

  “Impressive. Okay, so I guess ordering standard American Chinese dishes didn’t amaze you.”

  “It was sort of cute. I could tell how hard you were trying. And I really do like everything here. But, yeah, I do tend to eat a bit more exotically in Chinese restaurants than the average American.”

  I sat back and took a sip of the green tea from the fancy, unstained, china tureen. It was excellent. While we waited for our surprise dinner to arrive, I said, “I think you were telling me about your project before all this.” I waved my arms to encompass the transformed table.

  “Yes, well.” She caught her breath. “They’re bullying me to approve the impact assessment so the project can stay on schedule. I think that’s why my predecessor quit or was fired.”

  “Is there a problem with approving the project?”

  She gave a small shrug. “It’s no big deal. They need to move the project to a different part of their land before any decent analyst would approve it.”

  “Why?”

  “By chance, they picked a site directly on top of a habitat for an endangered species. They didn’t do enough testing before they started the infrastructure preparation. They thought the environmental impact analysis would be routine and then they discovered they had a problem.”

  “Will the assessment kill the project? That would get someone mad,” I said.

  “What’s nutty is they only need to move the project about a quarter mile away. They own that land too and the preparation that’s already finished would mostly still work. It would be a pretty minor hit to their budget.”

  “Then, what’s the big deal?”

  “I think it’s because moving would delay the project by a few months,” said Meghan.

  “Ok … I mean we need the water, but this isn’t the first time a project got delayed.”

  “For our CEO, this is a terrible time for a delay in a major project. Even for a few months. It would make him look bad and the governor might pick one of the other regional water agency leaders to run the state board. And that would interfere with the CEO’s political plans.”

  Our waitress, delivered our dinners, placing the plates on the table with special care. I have no idea what I ate. It was delicious, whatever it was. We enjoyed the food for a while without speaking. Neither of us looked around to check out our neighbors’ reactions to our special meal. I only hoped I could get it again when I came back. I’d have to learn the secret Mandarin password to access the special menu.

  I finally came up for air. “What’s the endangered species?”

  “It’s a specific type of ants often called Texas Crazy Ants.”

  This time, I burst out laughing. People around us stared again.

  Meghan looked puzzled. “Ants usually aren’t funny.”

  “More damn ants.” Still chuckling, I told her about Skye’s science fair project and her escapades yesterday.

  By the time I finished, Meghan was laughing too. “Hard to believe she’s just in seventh grade. I’ll have to meet her one day.”

  I liked that idea. Another one came to me. “What’s your degree in?”

  “I got a Ph.D. in Environmental Science from UC Santa Cruz.”

  “Go S
lugs,” I said, referring to UCSC’s bizarre banana slug mascot. Only in California. “So, you’re Dr. Emerson, right?”

  “Yes, but I only use my title for work or see it on a formal invitation. Why?”

  “Well, I hate to ask. Would you mind signing an excused absence form for the girls? I need to get a doctor to sign them or they’d be considered unexcused.”

  Meghan snorted. “Seriously?”

  I shook my head. “Yeah, the school secretary was pretty adamant and rather intimidating. I don’t want to get the girls into trouble in a new school. Or me.”

  Meghan’s eyes twinkled. “You look worried. You know I’m not that kind of doctor?”

  I set down my chopsticks. Just the thought of Mrs. Quarles made me lose my appetite. “I am worried. You haven’t met Mrs. Quarles, the school secretary. She almost wouldn’t let me take the girls out of school early today.”

  “That’s silly. You’re an adult and their guardian.” She sounded incredulous.

  “She was scary.”

  Shaking her head in humorous disbelief, Meghan signed the small slips that I produced from my wallet.

  I resisted the urge to high five someone. No detention for me! After all, Mrs. Quarles hadn’t required that the doctor must practice medicine. My brief sense of triumph faded as I realized how silly I must sound that I struggled with a school secretary. Quick thinking kept me from digging myself into a bigger hole as I avoided telling Meghan about Mrs. Quarles’ displeasure with the girls’ breakfast this morning.

  A fancy sweet dish appeared on our table. It had a name that I couldn’t pronounce again after Sue told it to us. We shared it for dessert, along with more tea.

  Meghan took a bite of the dessert. “It’s hard to imagine that we’d have a governor who goes by Billy Bob.”

  “Billy Bob? Who’s that?”

  Meghan looked at me in surprise. “He’s the CEO I’ve been talking about. He’s the head of the NorCal Water Agency. William Robert Allen. They call him Billy Bob at work. Well, I guess you have to know him to call him that to his face, but that’s his nickname.”