National Exile: A 21st Century Novel about Nobility, Poverty, and Cruelty

by Rusul A. Altaay

  Chapter 7

  Frozen Tears

  Somewhere else in the city, Sidra was walking around in the cold and windy weather. It was freezing outside. She was released from the prison, but no one told her why. When she left, there was no one there to pick her up. She was so lost and confused. After all, she had not seen sunlight for over two weeks. She could not even remember or know her way back to the Burj. She walked like a confused person feeling very cold and hungry. She looked around and saw very few people who were in a similar case as her, if not worst.

  Most people were out in the cold with no shelters trying to find a place between the demolished buildings. Their homes were either destroyed, or they had to leave it behind to survive. The city was cold and felt like a ghost town. Even though it was the middle of the day, it was scary and dark. Sidra could not believe that the two weeks she spent in prison felt like years. Things got way worse than they were before. Lots of buildings were destroyed. Everything around her screamed pain and sadness.

  She was finally able to get a shelter between the wreckage. However, she was so sure that she would freeze to death. She sat down on the ground and put her arms around her legs. She could not feel her fingers. Her stomach would not stop growling. Every time she closed her eyes, she remembered the cell that she had just left. She finally gave up and lay down on the ground. She closed her eyes to what felt like few seconds. She opened her eyes again after she felt the warmth of someone’s hands poking her right cheek. She saw a little boy sitting right beside her. He smiled when he saw her open her eyes. He covered her with his old half torn jacket.

  She looked up and saw a familiar face. She could not remember where, but she was so sure she knew him.

  “I’m Amal. Remember me? We used to live under the bridge. You and your friend helped us clean the place and keep the bad people a way.”

  “Sorry kid, I have no idea what you are talking about. But thanks for the jacket. Besides, I have no friends. What about you? Aren’t you cold?”

  “You may not know who I am, but I know who you are. And no, I do not feel cold. What happened to you? You have bruises and wounds all over you.”

  “Ok, Amal, do you have anything to eat? My stomach is hurting. I did not have anything to eat for days.”

  “I only have one can of cat food left. I will go bring it, and we can share it.”

  She nodded agreeing but still could not get up.

  “Cat food? We got to this point now? Where is the rest of the world? Why are we living like this? Who is responsible for this?” She thought.

  Few minutes later, Amal came back with the cat food can. There was less than half of it left. He apologized and said that he had to give half to the kids he had just met. She smiled and tried to get up. They ended up sharing the half can. They were happy that they had something to eat while many others had nothing.

  “Kid, where are your parents?” Sidra asked.

  He replied casually saying,

  “Oh, there were killed… Just like the rest of the people under the bridge. I survived with few of my other friends.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear this.” She immediately gave him his jacket back as if she just woke up from a bad dream.

  “It’s ok. A lot of the other kids lost their parents as well. I’m not sad anymore because my mom always told me that I would meet her in haven one day.”

  She looked at him and thought,

  “This is not the life those kids should live. Is this what we fought for? Is this what I gave my life for? So kids like Zain would still suffer in the streets till this day?”

  “Amal? Tell me, do you know where a place called the Burj is?” She asked.

  “Yeah, everyone knows that place. It is a tall tower. I think it is three hours walk that way” He answered as he pointed to the direction of the Burj.

  “Thank you. I have to go now. You have no idea how much your cat food was helpful to me. I think you should come with me.”

  “Thanks but no thanks. I have to take care of the other kids in here. We go and find food together. I have to stay here.”

  “Listen to me, there is an orphanage called ‘Seven Skies.’ I know the people there. They can help you and your friends. I can take you there now. Go call the rest of your friends and anyone you know.”

  He happily and obediently said,

  “Really? I’ll go find them right now. We are only five. They are all here except our friend Andi. He has been a sleep for like three days. He never woke up.”

  Sidra ran to where Andi was and found out that he was dead. Because of the cold, his body was reserved as it was. The kids thought that he was just a sleep. They thought that the only way for a human to die was by getting killed. They did not know that cold could kill someone as well. She stood there near his body not knowing what to tell the kids.

  She estimated the kid to be no older than three years old. He was covered very well. His friends covered him to worm him as they thought he was a sleep. In that moment, she felt like screaming. Her tears were almost frozen as they came out of her eyes. She cried and cried and could not hold herself together. The other kids started crying with her even though they had no idea what was upsetting her. She was not crying for the little boy only.

  She was mad and pissed at the life she and everyone around her had to live. She always thought that their country would go back to normal, and no one would have to live the hard and painful childhood she had to live. That was the reason she killed that old man, who killed Zain, all those years ago. She took the gun from him and shot him with the same gun he killed Zain with. She had no idea who Zain was. She just knew that he was a little boy who wanted to help his family.

  She finally told the kids that their friend had passed away, and that they should bury him. They started digging a hole in the ground after they covered him with a white piece of cloth that they found. It was more painful looking at the kids saying goodbyes to their friend, than it was burring a three year old under the snow.

  Sidra was able to get the remaining four kids to the orphanage. There were a lot of kids there and not much to offer. However, the few workers at the orphanage promised her that they would take care of them. Amal begged Sidra to stay with them because she needed the help as much as they did. She told him that she would be back and that things would get better. She had no idea what was waiting for her. She hugged them and said her goodbyes.

  She started her walk to the Burj. She wanted to do something about this war once and for all. It was getting really dark, so she spent the night in some old building. She decided to finish her walk as soon as the sun rises in the morning. The next morning seemed like a beautiful day. The sun was shining and even some of the snow was melting. She woke up more hungry than when she went to sleep. However, she had to keep walking. There was not a single car passing by at all. When she finally arrived to the Burj, she was very tired and could not feel but betrayed by her friends, especially Rain. They left her there and never came back for her. Or so she thought.

  She opened the main door to the Burj and looked around. There was no one there. All of a sudden, she heard Mai’s voice,

  “Sidra? Is that you?” Mai said as she ran towards her trying to hug her.

  “Stop, please. My body is killing me. I just need to rest.” She replied.

  Yazan and the rest heard her voice and could not believe that she had finally made it back.

  “You look awful. Please let us help.” Yazan said.

  “You look terrible. Where have you been? We looked everywhere for you. Couldn’t you have called?” Rain said as he tried to get closer to examine her.

  “Stay where you are. I do not need your help.” She said as she stretched her left arm trying to keep him away.

  “We were sick worried about you.” Rain said as he backed out.

  “Oh, please… The only thing you were worried about is the project I’m working on. All you did when you visited is ask about what I was working on.
Then, you just left, and I never heard from you again. I begged you to help me.”

  At that moment, she just could not hold her tears, “You have no idea what I went though.”

  “That’s not true. He searched everywhere until he finally called his dad and asked for a favor.” Waseem explained.

  She replied while wiping her tears,

  “What does his father have to do with any of this? Never mind. I do not want to argue or say anything. I’m very tired and hungry. I don’t want to deal with any of you right now.”

  “We can talk later. I will take you to your room. You can take a shower while I make some food for you. It looks like you have not eaten in a very long time.” Emma told her.

  “I had cat food with a little kid. His name is Amal. He was more help to me that any of you ever were.”

  “Emma, please take her to rest now. She is in no condition to talk. She can barely stand. Sidra, I understand that you don’t want Rain to treat your wounds. I’ll call for another doctor.” Yazan said.

  Sidra did not say anything. She did not even allow Emma to help her. She just went upstairs and locked herself in her room.

  Meanwhile, everyone stayed downstairs trying to process what happened.

  “Cat food? What exactly did she go through? Do you guys think she was tortured?” Yazan asked.

  “I have never seen her like this before. Her arm is bleeding. Also, she has bruises all over. I find it hard to believe that she thought we gave up on her. I did not know what to say. I could not even explain to her anything. I didn’t mean to leave her rotting in there like she thinks. Knowing that she was in such a place just killed me.” Rain explained.

  “I think you should tell her that the man she killed was your grandfather. Even she should understand your position with your dad.” Rayan said.

  “Either way, she looks in a really bad shape. We still don’t know why they released her. No law is being forced in this country at all. We technically live in a war zone. There will be no trial. They could have just killed her right there. Hopefully, they will leave her alone from now on.” Yazan added.

  Few days had passed, and Sidra never left her room. They were all worried about her. She did not say a single word ever since she walked in. She refused to see anyone. Mai brought her food and took care of her, but she ate very little and kept on refusing the help. After a while she started feeling better. She started feeling like she had gained some of her energy back. She still felt betrayed by her friends who left her and never bothered to help. She felt like she was being judged for killing an old man. She finally decided to tell them the whole story.

  On a sunny morning, she got down to the main lobby where almost every one hanged out. She was wearing black sweatpants that looked few sizes larger, and a black long-sleeved turtleneck top. She did not calm her long-dark hair. She just left it freely on her shoulders. She put her hands in her pockets as she looked around. She saw Rain sitting down reading a book. He wanted to talk to her, but she tried avoiding him.

  “Wait… We really need to talk.” Rain said.

  “Talk about what? Why I killed a man in the first place? He deserved it… He had it coming… If we go back in time, I would have done it again, happily.” Sidra replied.

  In that moment, Waseem and Rayan came down from their rooms and joined the conversion.

  “You should not have said that. After all, you did kill a retired army commander. A commander in the administration you work for.” Waseem stated.

  “I think it is about time we hear your side of the story. What happened all of those years ago? Why do you think he deserved it?” Rayan asked a good question.

  She just stood there with her hands still in her pockets looking at the floor. It took her few seconds to finally reply.

  “Do you really want to know? Fine…”

  She looked up, got her hands out of her pockets, and continued.

  “During the past war, my mother was a researcher for the military. My father and I were just told that her base was blown up, and that there were no survivors. I was devastated. We had a miserable life as it is. Thinking that I lost my mother was just not fair at all. That day…”

  She stopped for a second as the images from that day came all rushing like a movie. Everything was playing in her head as if it had happened yesterday and not eight years ago.

  “That day, my father and I went out to get some bread. We used to live in an averaged neighborhood. We were not rich, but we were not poor either. In our walk, we went through some rich man’s house. There was a lady holding her kid and begging an old man to forgive him. It sounded like the kid had stolen something. He asked them to just go away, and that he never wanted to see their faces ever again. As they were walking away, he took his gun and… shot the kid.”

  Sidra stooped there and looked at the floor again. They were all listening. They did not want to interrupt her. Or even asked what happened next. Her eyes just started tearing up. She looked up again and continued.

  “He shot the kid. He shot him right in front of his mother. The mother started shouting in the street as she saw the blood all over her son’s body… I stood there watching the whole thing. I just felt like I could not hold it inside anymore. I ran towards that man and took his gun. He was very surprised to see a teenager jumping at him like I did. I did not give him the chance to fight back. I looked at him and said, ‘You were the last thing that kid ever saw. And I will be the last thing you will ever see.’ I still remember the look on his old face.”

  At that moment, the tears from Sidra’s eyes would not stop.

  “I just… shot him… with a cold heart. I took a human life. I’m so sorry.”

  She sat on the floor crying and continued,

  “There is not a day that passes by when I don’t think about what I did. The burden of taken a life haunted me ever since. Because of me…I was the reason they… killed my father right in front of my own eyes”

  Everyone stood there not knowing what to say as she was telling her story. No one should have gone through that at all. The pain she felt as she was explaining what happened… It was very clear to everyone. They did not know the right thing to say. So, they just kept quiet.

  “That’s enough for one day. We don’t blame you for anything. Emma, please take her to her room. She needs to rest.” Rain said.

  Emma took Sidra back to her room. She was in a very bad shape. Rain and the others stayed and continued their conversations.

  “Rain? Did your grandfather really do that?” Rayan asked.

  “Yes, he did. But, of course, that was not the story that I have heard. This is why I wanted you guys to hear from her, not me. My grandpa was a greedy old man. Before he was killed, he had just retired from being a commander of a major unit in the army. That is why they made a big deal out of his death.” Rain said.

  “Sidra’s release was an order that they did not like. It is possible they might come again and harm her.” Rayan said.

  “Let’s hope not.” Rain said and left the Burj for fresh air.