“It is.” Her eyes hold mine. “My family is all I have.”
“I understand,” I tell her.
She tilts her head slightly. “Do you? Being with Alec is more than just what he can give you.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.” Is she insinuating what I think she is?
“Of course you do,” she huffs. “You’re not unintelligent. I also know my son can be distracted easily by a beautiful young woman who dances for a living.” She sneers the word ‘dances’ like it’s a dirty job, or as if I was a stripper. “Being with him requires more than the ability to be flexible.”
Shocked, my eyes widen as I struggle to find the right words to say so I’m not disrespectful.
“Mother,” Leo says harshly from the entryway. “That’s enough. You know Alec wouldn’t like you talking to his woman like that.”
“It’s okay, Leo. Thank you, though,” I say, finally finding my voice. “Mrs. Carfano, I’m not with Alec because he can give me anything other than himself. He knows that. I also know who he is and it doesn’t scare me. And yes, I’m a dancer. It’s my passion. I wouldn’t give it up for anything, and Alec also knows that. He sees me, and I see him.”
She just stares at me, assessing me, and when I flit my eyes to Leo, I see respect shining back at me in his.
“I see,” Mrs. Carfano says, the same look of respect in her eyes as Leo has in his. “Well, if my sons and nephew are so taken with you, I guess I should get to know you better.”
“I’d like that.”
“Good.” She nods, leaving me alone with Leo as she walks back out to the dining room.
I breathe a sigh of relief and sag against the counter.
“You did good, Tessa,” Leo praises. “She was testing you, but you stood your ground, and that’s what she respects.”
Nodding once, I play with the ring I always wear on my middle finger. It was my mother’s, and it brings me comfort to touch it whenever I’m feeling vulnerable. His mom may have been testing me, but she also insinuated that I might have been a dirty stripper who lured her son in with my body so he could buy me things.
“Tessa–” Leo says, but I cut him off.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I just need a minute. Where’s the bathroom?”
“Down the hall and to the right.”
“Thanks.” Turning on my heel, I make a beeline out of the kitchen, but the house is so big, I picked the wrong direction and don’t find the bathroom in any of the doors I pass.
I go to turn back, but hear Alec and Vinny’s hushed voices yelling at one another angrily from the next door down the hall. I approach slowly.
“Are you going to avoid telling her forever? She asked me if something was wrong with you tonight and I had to lie to cover your ass,” Vinny says. “And you had me introduce her to the family? That’s bullshit, Alec. You should’ve been here.”
“Don’t fucking tell me how to handle this.”
“I will, because you’re not handling it. Grow a pair and tell her. Let her decide your fate. Or are you too chickenshit to find out how she’ll react?”
I hear scuffling of feet and rustling of clothes. What are they talking about? What hasn’t Alec told me?
“Stay out of this,” Alec growls, angrier than I’ve ever heard him. “Tessa isn’t your concern.”
When I hear footsteps getting closer to the cracked door I’ve been standing near, I duck into the room across the hall and hide. Looking through the crack in the door, I wait for the two of them to leave and go back to the dining room before sneaking out to find the bathroom. I lock myself inside for five minutes, needing to get my shaking hands under control.
Alec’s been hiding something from me that is clearly going to upset me or Vinny wouldn’t be arguing with him on why he hasn’t told me.
I can’t bring it up here. Not at his mom’s house, and certainly not in the presence of almost his entire family. Washing my hands, I take a deep breath and steel my spine before returning to the table. I feel Alec’s eyes on me as I take the seat next to him, but I ignore him. If I look at him, I know I’ll want to ask him all the questions I have swimming in my head, so I keep my eyes on either my dessert or the other women around the table.
I know he can sense a change in me, but he, too, doesn’t dare bring it up now.
When we say our goodbyes, I get hugs from all the women, but his mother just nods respectfully at me. As do the men around the table who are all so serious. They have an edge to them that would make me quiver if I met them under different circumstances. But I think I’m starting to get used to these Carfano men and their constant stern demeanors.
Alec guides me over to a sleek Aston Martin at the back of the car line taking up the entire driveway. He must have driven separately from his brothers from Manhattan since they get into a Mercedes in front of us.
Opening the passenger door for me, I feel his eyes on me as I slide inside, but he doesn’t say anything. He also doesn’t say anything for most of the ride back to Atlantic City. Neither one of us is willing to breach the subject of his absence and distance this week, I guess.
But when we turn off of the Parkway, I know I have to ask him while we’re still in the car. He can’t avoid me or walk away if he’s driving. Turning down the music, I look over at him. “Alec, I have to ask you something.”
“What is it?” His voice is strained and his hands tighten around the steering wheel.
“What’s been going on with you this week?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me,” I say, a little more harshly than I intended. “You’ve been avoiding me, and I want to know why. I heard you with Vinny earlier. What aren’t you telling me?”
“You were eavesdropping again?” he asks darkly, the air in the small space suddenly feeling thick.
“I was looking for the bathroom and turned the wrong way. But that’s not the point. You’re keeping something from me, something big, and I need to know what it is. I can’t keep pretending everything is fine. These past few days have been…” I trail off, not wanting to tell him just how much I’ve missed him, and how I thought every time he came to me in the night it might be the last.
I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster with him and right now we’re at the top of a hill. Either we have the momentum to get over the peak and free fall down this ride together, or we get pushed backwards and have to start all over again.
“Have been what?” he urges.
“Just tell me,” I whisper, the fight leaving me.
He takes a moment, and just when I think he’s going to be silent for the rest of the drive, he says, “I had Stefano, my cousin you just met, look into your brother’s death.” My heart immediately starts to race. That’s not what I was expecting him to say, and I have to remind myself to breathe.
Rubbing his jaw, Alec white knuckle grips the steering wheel. “It was my fault,” he says in a detached voice.
I don’t think I hear him correctly, but when it sinks in, my ears start to ring as my blood rushes, making me dizzy. “What did you just say?” I whisper, my words barely audible.
“It’s my fault. I told my uncle to order the hit on your brother.”
My heart twists in my chest. I don’t understand what he’s saying. How would my brother and Alec even have crossed paths?
“Why?” I choke out, wrapping my arms around my waist, making myself as small as possible.
“I had my reasons,” he says coldly, and my blood burns.
“What reasons?” I demand. “Why would you even know who he is?” Alec stays silent, and I yell, “Tell me!”
“He was pushing drugs through all the casinos in town before coming to The Aces. He didn’t listen to reason when we asked him to stop, so I made the call.”
Drugs?
“Stop lying,” I croak, the backs of my eyes stinging. “James didn’t deal drugs. He worked construction and as a pit boss in a couple casinos.”
“I’m not
lying, Tessa. I would never lie to you, and I especially wouldn’t lie about this when it means I’m telling you I’m the reason your brother is dead.”
“Alec.” I choke on his name, and it suddenly feels like acid rolling off my tongue.
“I couldn’t have that shit in my casino or the others around town. It would bring too much heat on us. If it wasn’t me, one of the gangs in town would’ve caught up to him. He was taking business away from them by delivering the product right inside the casinos instead of the streets.”
“Shut up. Just shut up,” I beg, shaking my head. This can’t be real.
“I did what I had to do at the time.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I scream, my throat raw. I don’t want to hear it – any of it. “Take me home. We’re done.”
“No.”
“No?” I say through a harsh, humorless laugh. “You don’t get to decide these things. You killed my brother.” Tears start to spill from my eyes and I swipe at them furiously. “I’m alone because of you.”
“I didn’t kill him,” he says through clenched teeth. “And you’re not alone anymore.”
“You might as well have. And I am alone. Because of you. You took away the only family I had left. And why? Because of your fucking business,” I spit, hating, for the first time, that he’s not normal.
Alec doesn’t say anything in response, he just puts his foot down a little harder on the gas.
I know why he’s been avoiding me now. Why he’s only come to me at night and fucked me until I fell asleep again. Because he knew it would be his last chance. At least I was partially right to his motives.
Alec doesn’t take me back to my apartment, but instead pulls right into The Aces parking garage.
“I’m not staying here with you.”
“Yes, you are. Get out of the car.”
I know he’s not going to take me home, but there is a stairwell just around the bend about forty feet away that will eventually lead me to the casino where I can get lost in the crowd of people. Thinking over the quick moves I have to make before he has the chance to catch me, I climb out of the car and make a break for it.
I’m not thinking of anything besides getting as far away as I can right now.
But all too soon, I hear Alec cursing behind me and his footsteps getting louder as he catches up to me. The wedges on my feet aren’t helping my cause.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he growls, grabbing me by the arm and swinging me around to face him. “You can’t just run away from me.” Alec steps closer so we’re practically touching, our chests coming within a few millimeters of the other with each labored breath.
Gripping my chin with his other hand, he lifts my face to his. I defiantly meet his dark, hardened eyes that are flaring with anger.
“You don’t get to run away from me. You’re mine. I don’t give up what’s mine.”
“I’m not yours. Not anymore.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’ll always be mine. You just need time to see that.”
“No, I–” I’m cut off from my retort when the air in my lungs is pushed out in a single breath. Alec hoists me over his shoulder and marches me over to the elevator.
Pounding at his back with my fists, he holds my legs steady to keep me from kicking him.
When the doors close, he lets me fall to me feet, but then pins me against the wall with his larger frame so I still can’t escape him. I can feel every inch of him against every inch of me, and while I want to punch him in his overly handsome face and make him pay for what he did to my brother, my body still lights up for him.
It has a life of its own whenever I’m near Alec, and for a moment, I almost let myself give in.
But then the doors slide open to his short hallway, breaking the spell.
“You have nowhere to run, Tessa,” he says, stepping back.
I know he’s right. I have nowhere to run to. At least, tonight I have nowhere to run. But come tomorrow, or the next day, I’ll find a way to leave this fortress.
Alec holds the elevator door open for me as I come to the conclusion he already knows. I walk past him, and he follows, staying close. When he opens the front door for me, I immediately head straight for the guest room. He may have the strength to keep me here, but I’m not sleeping in the same bed as him.
Slamming the door behind me, I turn the lock on the handle, and everything that just happened in the past half hour comes rushing at me full-force.
I sink to the floor. I can’t feel my legs anymore. I can’t feel anything anymore.
Tears fall down my face in rivers of shame and disdain while my heart squeezes in my chest to the point where I think it’ll burst.
I’ve never felt this…this…burning pain where it feels like my chest is on fire – spreading slowly through my body to where everything goes from numb to intense pain.
Sitting with my back against the door, I wrap my arms around my knees and let myself go. I let out everything, grieving for everything we could have been.
I fell for Alec hard and fast, and he just broke my heart in the same way.
He has so many secrets hidden beneath layers of lies and more secrets.
I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid for falling for him and thinking that we could even be something.
But Alec Carfano isn’t a man you just fall in love with. It’s more than that. He was a wildfire that took over every aspect of my being and my life until every thought, every feeling, and everything was him.
It’s a fire that’s still burning inside of me, only now that burning is restricted to my chest and my heart that seems like it may give out on me any second now.
Chapter 27
Tessa
It’s been a week, and I still feel like my heart has been punched out and replaced with an empty hole.
I haven’t been able to leave this room or bed. I called out of all my dance classes, show rehearsals, and even the Friday show itself, which surprised and disappointed Dan. But he knew I wouldn’t do so without reason.
I need to leave this penthouse, though. I need to get back to my life.
Alec hasn’t come to me. Not once this week. After he told me he’s the one who put the hit out on James and locked me in his home, I expected him to try and…I don’t know what…but something.
I’ve only left my room when I knew he had left for work, and even then, Tito was sitting in the living room, making sure I didn’t try to escape. I don’t even have the energy to escape, truthfully. I’ve only had enough energy to shower and walk to the kitchen for food and water when I’ve needed it.
Everything I’ve known is a lie, and I don’t know how to process it all.
I thought James was the best man I knew. But now I learn he was a drug dealer, and that’s the reason he was shot in the street like a dog. Because someone thought of him as one. Alec and his family thought of him as one.
I know I didn’t see him much the last few years of his life with how busy he was, but I never thought…I never thought he’d stoop to that level to make money.
I remember one time I hadn’t seen him for a few days, and when I finally did, it had looked like he had bruises on his face. But before I could get a good look, he locked himself in his room claiming he had an accident at the construction site and didn’t want to talk about it, and I had to leave for dance class so I didn’t press him further.
I spent six years trying to understand that day and trying to get the images out of my head of James lying on the cement covered in blood as I attempted to stop the bleeding. The few people milling about just looked on like nothing was happening. Like it was an everyday occurrence to see a man gunned down in front of them.
Oh, God, it was all because of me. James did all of that for me. He never would have had anything to do with drugs if it weren’t because he felt it was his last resort.
Fresh tears start to fall down my face for what feels like the millionth time this week.
I just
want to leave. I need air. I need space. But I’m living under a microscope with Tito always just down the hall.
It makes me angry. Angry that Alec cares enough to have me monitored like I’m some possession he can control, but not enough to try and talk to me. I don’t even know why I want him to try to, but I do, and I hate myself for it.
I miss him.
I hate him and I miss him. I’m so fucking crazy. Alec has me all twisted up, and my head, heart, and body are all waging a war against one another.
I’m in love with the man responsible for my brother’s death.
I’m in so deep with him that even though I know it’s sick to want him after finding out the truth, I do. I can’t help it. It’s not even a choice for me.
Alec and I…we’re more than anything life can try and use to separate us, and I hate myself even more for thinking that. Which is why I haven’t left this room. I’m too afraid of what I’ll do or say to him if I go to him. But he’s obviously not missing me the way I am him if he can stay away like he has.
A burning sensation spreads across my chest. I thought he was as deep in this as I was.
I thought maybe…
I thought maybe he was as in love with me as I am him.
When he shot Enzo, I saw a side of Alec that I never had before. He was only letting me see what he thought I could handle before that point. But now I know the depth of his true nature, and as much as my head is telling me to just get in my car and go somewhere, anywhere far away, my heart is telling me that I’ll never be able to outrun what I truly want.
I have so many emotions running through me that I need to get them out the only way I know how – dancing. I hadn’t wanted to all week, but I know the only way I’ll be able to sort through things is by doing the one thing that brings me absolute clarity.
Chapter 28
Alec
I scan The Aces VIP back room and shoot back the rest of my whiskey. Bringing my Cuban cigar to my lips, I take a few puffs, letting the smoke and liquor dull my senses.
Casino King: A Dark Mafia Romance (Carfano Crime Family Book 1) Page 20
