Street Dreams

by K'wan

  “What's up, Sonny?” Rio asked.

  “Shit, these niggaz acting all kinda funny with me, man. So you know I had to come to see the man in charge.” “What can I do for you, Sonny?”

  “Man,” he said, scratching his bumpy face. “A nigga trying to cop a few of them joints.”

  “So, you know where we clicking, yo. Take yo ass on and cop.”

  “A nigga a few dollars short, Rio.”

  “A few dollars short? What the fuck you trying to cop?”

  “Dawg, I need two twenties, but I only got thirty-three dollars.”

  “Nigga, you seven dollars off.”

  “I know it, brother, but I’m good for it. Check cashing was closed by the time I got out, so I’m hit.”

  “Sonny, why you always gotta come at a nigga wit a story?” Rio said irritated.

  “Man, you know I’d never try to put shit on you, Rio. I’ve known you since you was no bigger than this damn bench. Check it though. You let me slide this time and I’ll hook you up wit this brand new hair dryer I came up on.” Sonny pulled a brand-new blow dryer from his bag and held it out for Rio to inspect.

  “Go head wit that shit, Sonny,” Rio said, pushing it away. “Fuck am I gonna do wit that?”

  “Dry yo hair wit it.”

  “I’m good, Sonny.”

  “Rio, don’t do me like that. You know a nigga gonna be sick. I need to get right.”

  “If that's the case why don’t you just buy what you can afford?”

  “Shit, you know how my wife is? Bitch got an oil burner and a half. Check it, if you can’t use it, get it for ya girl.”

  When Sonny mentioned Trinity, Rio realized he hadn’t spoken to her in two days. It had gotten pretty ugly the other night, but Baker had it coming. That ma fucka rubbed Rio the wrong way. The only reason he hadn’t let Cutty blast on him was cause Trinity had been there. Other than that, Baker's ass would’ve been stinking. Cutty loved to bust his gun. That's part of the reason Rio kept him around. Why get his hands dirty if he had someone who was more than happy to do it for him?

  He didn’t like the time lapses between him and Trinity, but that's just how she was. That girl was in dire need of counseling. Rio was no stranger to hard times, but Trinity grew up rough. Ever since her mother died she had to hold her family down. Usually Rio just waited her depression spells out, but this time something didn’t feel right. When his shift was over, he was going to make an unannounced visit to her house. Fuck what her daddy said.

  “A’ight, Sonny,” Rio said. “Give me the damn dryer and go cop.”

  “Thanks, man,” Sonny said, passing the bag off. “You know you my favorite nigga, right?”

  “Sonny, get yo conning ass away from me and go ahead. Don’t smoke it all up before you get home.”

  Sonny went into the building and came out smiling like a shire cat. He knew he really didn’t run game on Rio. The kid had just given him a play. Rio was the kind of cat that if he could help you out, he would. He was a good dude like that. Even though he only had one foot in the game, the hood loved him more than they did Prince.

  Rio watched Sonny disappear into the hood, on his merry way. Suddenly Rio felt cold steel against his ear. He almost shit his pants at the touch of the gun barrel. He’d know that feeling anywhere.

  “Break yo self, nigga,” a familiar voice joked. Rio turned around slowly and found himself face-to-face with a smiling Cutty. Rio was pissed that his friend would play like that, but he didn’t get mad. That's just how Cutty was.

  “You was cold scared,” Cutty said, tucking the gun back in his waistband.

  “Fuck you, Cutty,” Rio snapped. “You play too fucking much.”

  “I’m just trying to keep you on your toes. You’re lucky it was me and not another ma fucka.”

  “Yeah, well, another ma fucka wouldn’t be playing with a hammer in broad daylight.”

  “You still missing my point, Rio. You out here on the grind unarmed like it's sweet. If a nigga comes through here dumping, you hit.”

  “Man, ain’t nobody round here busting nothing.”

  “You still missing the key phrase here, kid. What if?”

  Before Rio could continue the argument, Alexis came out of 865. She was looking real good in her short denim skirt and matching top. Alexis was a bad chick. If she wasn’t such a sack-chaser, she might’ve made some nigga a nice wifey.

  “What up, shorty?” Rio said, smiling. Alexis just looked at him and sucked her teeth. “Oh, it's like that now, Alexis?”

  “Rio,” she said, stopping short. “I ain’t got no rap for you.”

  “Alexis, I know you ain’t still salty over what happened in the club?” he asked, sounding very confused.

  “The club? No-the-fuck-this-nigga-didn’t. Rio, fuck what happened in the club. Ya girl is laid up in the hospital and you out here fucking wit these low-life niggaz?”

  “Hospital,” Rio asked, getting off the bench. “Fuck is you talking about?”

  “You serious?”

  “Alexis, this ain’t even the time for you to be playing. What you talking bout?”

  “Rio,” she said, covering her mouth. “I’m so sorry. You really don’t know.”

  “Know what?” he asked nervously. “Alex, quit with the riddles. What's going on?”

  “Trinity tried to kill herself the other night.”

  At that moment it felt like God had reached down and caved Rio's chest in. He collapsed on the bench in a heap. He had just been with Trinity and now this?

  “Alexis,” he said, grabbing her arm. “How? What happened?”

  “I don’t know, Rio. They said she took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. They pumped most of them out of her stomach, but she's still in pretty bad shape.”

  Rio's body began to shake. He tried to formulate a coherent thought, but his brain wouldn’t work. He couldn’t lose Trinity. Not now, not ever. He couldn’t take it. Before he realized what he was doing, he had Alexis by the arm and was dragging her to a taxi. Fuck the block. His place was with Trinity.

  The cab stopped in front of St. Luke's Hospital on 114th and Amsterdam. Rio tossed a wad of bills through the little window space and hopped out, still holding on to Alexis's hand. He was moving so fast that she almost fell twice. The security guard tried to question Rio about where he was going, but he just kept moving. All he could think of was Trinity.

  They finally made their way to the floor where Trinity was being kept. Rio looked around at all the people in the waiting room and noticed they all had one thing in common. Each wore his/her own mask of despair. God have mercy on him if he was too late.

  Alexis led him down the long corridor to Trinity's room. Rio just stared at the door, trying to get his emotions in check. He had no idea what to expect in the room so he tried to prepare himself for anything. When Rio finally pushed the door open, he felt his heart explode in his chest.

  Trinity was laid out in the single bed with all kinds of IVs running in and out of her arm. From the bruises on her face and arms he cold tell someone had worked her over. Young Billy sat at her bedside reading the Bible. When he noticed Rio in the doorway, he stood up and led him back into the hallway. Billy's face was a combination of worry and anger.

  “What happened?” Rio asked in a cracking voice.

  “She tried to off herself, man.” Billy said, tearing up.

  “Oh, man,” Rio sobbed. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t gotten into it wit ya pops, this shit wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Rio,” Billy said, touching his shoulder, “this ain’t got nothing to do with you. You’re the one bright spot in my sister's life.”

  “If it wasn’t that, what made her do it?”

  “Guess you got a right to know. Alex,” Billy said, wiping his swollen eyes, “could you sit with her while I talk to Rio?” Alex nodded and went into the room.

  Billy started off down the hall with Rio on his heels. Billy was only thirteen, but he carried himself like a little adult
. The kid had been through some shit but he still carried himself like a trooper. Rio had a lot of love for the li’l nigga.

  “So, what happened, Billy?” Rio asked.

  “This shit is fucked up,” Billy said, crying again. “So fucked up, man. I couldn’t do nothing for her, Rio.” “Billy, just tell me what happened!”

  “She got raped, yo.”

  “What! Fuck you mean raped?”

  “He raped her, man. My sister ain’t never did nothing to nobody. From my drunk-ass daddy, to my crack-smoking brother, Rich, she held it down. She always took care of us. That nigga ain’t have no right to do what he did.”

  “It's on,” Rio said, trying to control his growing rage. “On my life, I’m gonna kill the nigga who did this, Billy.”

  “Yeah, you kill that ma fucka, Rio. Kill him and make us orphans. I’ll probably have a better life in the system.”

  “Orphans? Billy, what are you telling me?” Rio asked, grabbing Billy by the shirt.

  “He did this, Rio,” Billy said, crying harder. “Our father raped Trinity. He's been doing it for years, but I’ve been too scared to say anything. I’m sorry, Rio. I should’ve told somebody. It's my fault.”

  Rio suddenly found himself overcome by a wave of dizziness. He loosed the youngster and fell back against the wall. He played the conversation back over in his head, hoping that he had heard wrong. He knew Baker was a dirty ma fucka, but he never imagined he would do something like this. He should’ve let Cutty pop him and now he would pay the price for his weakness.

  Rio left Billy crying in the hall and wandered back to the room. Trinity was sitting up, talking to Alexis when he got there. When she saw him, she turned away and tried to hide her face. Rio walked over to the bed and took her hand. When he looked into her eyes, all her pain became his. He cried just as hard as she did. “I’m sorry, Rio,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Trinity,” he said, stroking her hair. “You ain’t do nothing wrong. None of this is your fault. If anything, I’m to blame. I should’ve been a better protector. How could he, well… you know?”

  “Oh,” Trinity said embarrassed. “So Billy told you, huh?”

  “Yeah, but don’t be mad at him. He was just trying to look out for you.”

  “I wanted to tell somebody, Rio. But how would people have looked at me?”

  “Trinity, I could give a fuck how people look at you. It's how I see you that's important.”

  “And how do you see me now, Rio?” she asked with tear-filled eyes. “You probably think I’m some kinda freak.”

  “Never, T. No matter what, you’re still my heart,” he said seriously.

  “You don’t have to try and be nice about it, Rio. I’m a big girl. If you don’t wanna see me anymore, it's cool?”

  “Picture that,” he smiled. “How could I live without you?”

  “Just stop it, Rio. I’m damaged goods. I could never make a man happy. It's like my father said. ‘I’m a filthy whore.’”

  “You stop that talk, Trinity. I don’t wanna hear it! It's his fault, T. That drunk ma fucka is gonna answer for this!”

  “Rio, please. Hurting him isn’t gonna solve anything. All you’re gonna do is get ya self in trouble.”

  “It don’t matter, Trinity. You’re my life. Be it man, woman, or anything living. If it harms you, then I will harm it,” he said with a chill to his voice.

  “Rio you don’t have to prove anything. I just want you to be here for me. Promise me you won’t follow up on this.”

  “I can’t make that promise, T. I failed you once and it won’t happen again. On everything, I’m gonna make this right.”

  Rio kissed her forehead and walked out. Trinity called after him but he ignored her. Thoughts of revenge clouded his mind and his judgment. For a long time the beast in him had lain in the cut, waiting for someone or something to wake it. Baker had done just that. The poetic young man was gone, leaving only the monster Rio had tried so hard to keep at bay.

  Rio's visit had really upset Trinity. It took a while, but the nurses were finally able to calm her down. They gave her something to help her sleep and escorted her guest out. Trinity lay there looking up at the ceiling and thinking. She didn’t want Rio to get himself locked up over her, but it was nice to know that he cared. As if there was any doubt.

  Rio was the best thing that ever happened to her. He loved her as no one had before and he showed it every day. Trinity knew that Rio hated hustling, but he did it to take care of his loved ones. She wasn’t fond of his career choice, but she didn’t knock him for it. His hustle wasn’t just for him, it was for them. Rio promised to deliver her from the ghetto and she believed him, so she would stand behind him. Rio hustling wasn’t the wisest choice, but it was a way out. As the medication began to kick in, Trinity wondered if Rio killing her father would be such a bad thing.

  8

  “YOU AGANGSTA NOW”

  Rio decided walking home would help him to clear his thoughts, so he set out down Amsterdam Avenue. He walked through the streets in a dreamlike state. Trinity was Baker's daughter, but that didn’t give him the right to do that to her. When Rio worked in the Big Brother program at the M.E.M. center, he had met many victims of incest. He wasn’t feeling it then and he sure as hell wasn’t feeling it now that it was affecting him directly. All he could think about was revenge.

  His first stop was the liquor store on 105th. He copped himself a fifth of Hennessy and cracked it before he got out of the store. Rio walked down Columbus guzzling from the bottle, with total disregard for the public drinking laws. The law didn’t do shit to help Trinity, so why should he give a fuck about it?

  As Rio was crossing the street, Shamel came from behind the center. He called to his friend, but Rio kept stepping. Shamel sensed something wasn’t right and jogged to catch up with him.

  “Yo,” he shouted. “Hold on, kid!”

  Rio stopped and turned around. He looked at Shamel as if he hadn’t noticed him before. “What up, God?” Rio asked.

  “Shit, you. You ain’t hear me calling you?” “I got a lot on my brain right now, Shamel.”

  “Tell me about it. You looking like you lost ya best friend. Everything cool with you and Trinity?” “Nah, she in the hospital, kid.” “Hospital? She a’ight?” “She tried to kill herself the other night.” “Fuck she go and do some dumb shit like that for?” “She got raped.”

  “Oh,” Shamel said, a little embarrassed. “My bad, Rio. Police catch the nigga?”

  “Fuck the police!” Rio shouted, taking another swig.

  “Easy, my nigga. You know you can’t hold ya liquor.”

  “Fuck the dumb shit, Shamel. I’m gonna kill me a nigga.”

  “Rio, now you talking out ya ass. You know damn well you ain’t no killer. Chill wit the crazy talk.”

  “Shamel, I ain’t never been more serious about anything in my life. I’m gonna body this nigga.”

  “Rio, murder is not something to take lightly. Talking bout it ain’t the same as doing it. When you see the life draining from a nigga that shit stays wit you, man.”

  “You see,” Rio said, taking a long swig, “that's niggaz problem now. Everybody thinks it's something sweet about me cause I’m a book-smart nigga. After tonight, niggaz is gonna respect me. That's my word.”

  “A’ight, killer. If you determined to roll on the nigga that did this, cool. But I’m rolling wit you. Who is the cat?” “Her father.”

  By the time Rio got home his bottle was almost empty and he was pissy drunk. He walked into the apartment and found his mother and Willie on the couch watching television. He nodded in their direction, but didn’t speak. He was just gonna go to his room and think. But of course, Willie had to open his mouth.

  “Kingpin,” Willie said. “What it is?”

  “Chilling,” Rio said flatly.

  “Yeah, yeah. Just coming in from a hard day's work, huh?”

  “Yo, stop playing wit me, Willie,” Rio said through clen
ched teeth.

  “Aw, somebody's in a fucked-up mood,” Willie teased. “What happened, that fine young girl of yours find another nigga to milk?”

  “Let me say something to you, Willie,” Rio said, standing in front of the television. “Fucking with me is one thing, but don’t let me ever hear you talking about Trinity. Don’t say her name or even make a reference to her. Do we understand each other?”

  “Ain’t this some shit,” Willie said, standing up. “Li’l nigga get some liquor in him and he grow a spine?” he said in a mocking tone.

  “Y’all cut it out,” Sally cut in.

  “Nah, baby,” Willie protested. “I think this li’l nigga trying me. You trying me, boy?”

  “Go head, Willie.” Rio stood there opening and closing his fist. He tried to calm himself, but the liquor was whispering in his ear. He could feel the beast daring him. Rio turned to walk away and Willie grabbed his arm. The beast leapt into action.

  Rio grabbed Willie's arm and hurled him across the living room. Willie fell through the dining room table, sending glass flying everywhere. He tried to stagger to his feet, but Rio tore into him, kicking and punching. By the time Sally was able to pull him off, Willie was a mess of glass and blood.

  “What have you done?” Sally screamed. “Oh, Willie,” she said helping him up. “Are you hurt bad? Rio, you just like yo damn daddy! Y’all always putting your hands on somebody!”

  “But, Ma, I — “

  “But my ass. You ain’t have no right doing this to Willie,” she snapped.

  Rio just looked at the two in disgust. That crack-smoking ma fucka came at him, but he was the bad guy? This was some bullshit. Rio took one last swig from his bottle and smashed it against the wall.

  “There y’all go,” he snapped. “If you hurry, you can catch the last few drops before the carpet soak em up.” Rio gave a drunken chuckle and stormed into his room.