by Lannah Smith
That he was so fucked.
**Yoi gogo no, Okaa-san - Good afternoon, Mother.
**Watashi wa anata wo mamori-masu. Watashi wa anata o sono monsuta kara mamori-masu - I will protect you. I will protect you from that monster.
**Daijoube desu - It's okay/It's alright.
Chapter 25
Five years ago, John and Terry at age eleven
It was on a hot summer night that John suggested Terry meet his best friend. It was her turn to visit that summer. Spending most of the day of her arrival catching up, they ate popsicles with their feet in the water of the swimming pool while Miss Annetta cleaned up and gathered his unwrapped gifts from her.
"You want me to meet your Nicky?" Terry confirmed with a scowl.
John grinned and bumped her shoulder playfully. "Are you still angry that I tricked you into thinking he was a girl?" he teased.
Terry bumped his shoulder back in retaliation and there was nothing playful about it. Rubbing his aching shoulder vigorously, John tried to reason with her, "I already apologized, haven't I?"
"While laughing!"
"And I really thought you knew he was a boy. Didn't I tell you I gave him a toy car on his birthday?"
Terry threw her popsicle stick at his face. "I played with your toy cars too, John."
"And that we play superheroes?" John went on as he peeled it from his cheek. "I told you I was Batman and he was Superman."
Terry gave him another scowl. "You made me play Captain America to your Ironman last summer, you idiot."
"Huh." John's expression turned thoughtful. "Now I'm wondering if you're really a girl."
"Don't make me hurt you."
"But seriously," John said, laughing. "I really do want you to meet him. He'll be here later."
Despite her irritation, the excitement in John's eyes made Terry feel a bit excited too. She gave him a tiny smile and said, "Alright. I did want to meet him anyway. I do hope we'll get along."
"You'll get along just fine," John declared. "I'm sure of it."
But his prediction did not come true.
Nicky refused to meet her and instead, hid inside John's bedroom. John was disappointed but Terry just shrugged it off. She really didn't care much about meeting his other best friend.
As long as John would always be with her, she really couldn't care less if his Nicky didn't want to be her friend.
"Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Leon's voice was terse and angry as he glared down at John.
John glared back at him.
He didn't get why he was angry. He wasn't the person with the bruised face and ass. Not only had the asshole punched the daylights out of him just because John wanted him to patch things up with Rohan, he even forcibly dragged him down to the basement.
"I think I want to exercise some more, my dearest friend," Leon had told him with a worryingly feral smile when John didn't stop messing with him.
Exercise, his ass.
Leon may have a gym in his basement but the jerk had already all the exercise he'd need after having a fistfight with Rohan and after hauling John's body down the stairs into the basement. So if his best friend was angry well he damn deserved to be too.
Well, at least his job was done, John thought grimly. All was fucking well in the group and he honestly wished he'd have to stop dealing with this stupid crap over and over again.
"What do you mean what's wrong with me?" John sullenly asked as he rose and planted his bruised ass gingerly on a bench.
Leon crossed his arms. "Don't shit with me, John."
"I really don't know what you're talking about, alright?" he answered exasperatedly.
"We've been friends for over ten years. I may not act like it anymore but I fucking care for you."
John stared at him, dumbfounded.
"So tell me," Leon growled. "What the fuck's wrong with you?"
Clenching his jaw, John dropped his gaze. "Nothing."
"Like hell, it's nothing. Something's troubling you. You know why I know?"
He shook his head. "No."
"Because you cuddle."
John blinked twice. Then he lifted his gaze.
"Excuse me?" he asked with amusement.
"Don't laugh," Leon warned. "It's true. You get all touchy-feely when something's bothering you. When we were kids and if you don't have access to a piano, you stick too close to me. And you're doing it again. You're sticking too close and it's annoying."
"Maybe I'm sticking close to you because I'm worried about you?" he retorted sarcastically. "Because you just got out of the hospital? Because you had another panic attack?"
Leon looked like he wanted to hit him when he said, "That was over a week ago. I'm fine now. I just told you that I'm tired of living in a fucking fog so I'll do better not to mess myself up again."
John let out a sigh. "And I'm still worried—"
"Is it her?"
"Her?" He tried playing dumb.
But Leon knew him too well.
"I said shut it with the jokes," he snapped and John winced. "What happened?"
"Nothing," he denied again with a reassuring smile. "I told you it's nothing."
"And I told you. You're not that good of a liar. So get rid of that fake smile of yours."
John didn't answer.
And he stopped smiling.
He felt a little relieved Leon called him out on his bullshit. He was getting tired of smiling all the time. He was getting tired of pretending everything was alright with him when it wasn't. And it was fucking him up because he didn't know what to do anymore.
Terry wasn't answering his calls.
And she still wasn't replying to his text messages.
John fucked up huge, he knew, by not going to the Blue Rose ball and not telling her. He'd promised and promises meant everything to Terry. He'd already lost count of the times he went to her house to see if she'd return from Texas but the house was empty except for a few maids and guards. He badly needed to talk to her, to explain. And that was if she'd let him.
But hell, his girlfriend could hold a mean grudge.
So he was fucked.
"If you're not telling me, then go home," Leon said quietly.
John shook his head and replied just as quietly. "I'm not leaving you."
"I'm fine, John. You're the one who's not."
He shook his head again. "Leon—"
"You look like you need to go somewhere," Leon interrupted and John looked at him. His best friend's face was hard when he told him, "Go. I'll see you tomorrow at school."
John looked at him for one second then two. Then he nodded and stood up
He took two steps up the stairs, stopped and turned. Leon was staring at him. He'd lost the hard expression and his face was now just concerned. He clenched his jaw. He didn't like giving Leon another thing to worry about when he should be worrying about himself.
So he decided.
He decided to put on the act better.
It was what he was good at anyway. And if it meant that Leon would stop worrying about useless shit like this and just focus on himself, then John wouldn't even feel guilty for lying to his best friend.
He looked away, went up the basement and exited Leon's house. Getting in his truck, he took a moment to stare at the moon in the night sky. He closed his eyes and wished she would give him another chance.
Then he opened his eyes, turned the engine on and backed out of Leon's property.
The light in her room was on when he parked the truck across her house. Hope flared in his heart and he immediately jumped out of the truck. He made his way to the giant tree outside her window, unnoticed by the guards, and knocked on her window. The curtains rustled once but it didn't open.
It never did.
"Hey, Terry! Sophia's here!"
I looked up from my cellphone. Hannah was standing next to Sophia with a wide grin on her face. I immediately dropped my gaze. I didn't need either of their crap so early in the mor
ning when I had other things to worry about.
Block number? The message read on the display of my cell phone.
I closed my eyes tight.
Then I opened them and pressed yes.
It was the first day back to school.
It was hard, it was painful, but I managed to stop myself from answering John's calls and returning his messages since the Blue Rose ball.
He'd seen me when I arrived at school in my car this morning. He was standing near the entrance of the building. I purposely parked near so he couldn't ambush me and it seemed like he'd read my mind. How he knew, I didn't know. I'd already given up trying to figure out how his mind worked a long time ago.
People were avoiding him, making sure not to brush up against him as they passed and honestly, I couldn't blame them this time. His face was dark, his jaw and hands clenched, and he looked like he was out for blood.
I gritted my teeth as I ignored him and went inside school. He couldn't touch me, he knew, because I'd never forgive him if he'd talk to me with all these people around. He knew that I knew and it didn't surprise me, not in the least, when I heard him let out a frustrated groan when I passed.
He sent me a text when I entered my classroom. My chest smarted when I saw the message.
Please. Talk to me.
I could no longer stand seeing his name and number in my phone. So I blocked him, something I should have done when he didn't appear that night at the ball.
"I don't like this," Hannah mumbled as she took her seat beside me. "I don't like how short vacation was."
Putting my phone inside my bag, I answered her, "Did you do your homework?"
I made that sound natural right? I thought tensely. If true, then I should probably congratulate myself.
Hannah gave me a glare. Then she smiled.
"No," I shook my head.
She fluttered her eyelashes at me and leaned forward to me. "Pretty please?"
"I reminded you a lot of times during the break to do your homework. And I also reminded you a lot of times that I won't let you copy off me. So don't give me that look."
"You're being selfish, Terry!" Hannah whined as she tugged on my French braid.
I slapped her hand away. "And you also better start studying for the upcoming exams."
"Now you're being mean."
"Just being real."
The teacher arrived and Hannah let out a defeated sigh. She leaned back on her chair, muttering under her breath. Taking a hold of my pen, I glanced at Sophia. She was holding her necklace, a dazed expression on her face.
Keep her close, Terry, Haru had ordered me. She'll be useful to us.
My grip on the pen tightened and I slid my gaze away from her.
How the hell could I even let myself get close to her when I hated her so damn much?
She'd blocked his number.
John clenched his jaw and returned his phone inside his jacket pocket before he'd decide to hurl it against the wall again.
Terry had blocked his number.
"You look like shit, John," he heard Leon say and he turned to look at him. Leon was leaning against the lockers in the regular building, waiting for Sophia's classes to end so he could go pick her up. "Did you even sleep last night?"
John shook his head. How could he when all he would think about was meeting her in school and finally talking to her since she didn't open her windows last night?
He didn't say that however.
Instead, he said, "I was up playing games."
"What time did you sleep?"
"Past midnight."
"How's that girl of yours?"
Damn, how'd he see through him again?
John looked at the floor and slowly inhaled. "Which girl?"
Leon punched him on the shoulder and John glowered at him. Leon shook his head and pushed off the lockers just as the bell rung.
"Get it worked out, John. Get your shitty relationship worked out."
"I don't have a relationship," John yelled after him as Leon walked away.
If this shit continues, if Terry keeps on ignoring him, he'd really have no relationship.
He waited next to the lockers for a few minutes more than necessary because he knew Terry was going to pass the hall any second now. And just as he calculated, he saw Terry go down the stairs with her friends. She came to a quiet stop when she noticed him and he straightened. Holding his breath, he stared and waited for what she was going to do now that she'd seen him again.
He was far enough that he couldn't hear what she was telling her friends but close enough he could see the shuttered expression on her face. When her friends left her, she didn't waste any more time and turned the opposite direction as him.
She gave him the same cold shoulder as she did that morning and fuck if that shit didn't sting.
John squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back.
He didn't know until then that hearts could literally ache like this and it hurt so much he wanted to reach inside and rip it out of his chest so he'd never feel this way again.
This couldn't go on.
She'd had days to stew on this and if he really didn't do anything, he'd really lose her.
"Hey, asshole. I thought Leon had killed you yesterday. What are you doing here?"
John opened his eyes and shook his head at Skull. "Not now, Skull," he murmured quietly. "Don't fuck with me now."
He couldn't do this. Not right here.
He couldn't fucking fall apart right here.
"John?" Skull took a step closer and said in a low voice, "Are you alright?"
He shook his head again.
Then he turned around and walked straight out of the building with brand new determination.
I should have known that I could never escape him.
"Talk to me," John said in a pleading tone and I wanted to punch his stupid face in.
Instead, I slid my gaze down to my shoes and crossed my arms.
And I really should have known he wouldn't give up and would pull stupid crap like this.
The nerve.
It was lunchtime and I'd said to my friends to go to the cafeteria first. I'd needed some time to compose myself after seeing John. Staring at myself at the mirror in the ladies' room, I told myself I was doing the right thing.
Still, it made me feel like complete crap to keep ignoring John like this.
Suddenly, I heard the lock turn then I found myself face to face with John.
How the heck does he keep doing this? I thought with irritation as I kept staring at my shoes. One moment he was in the hallway staring at me, the next he was in the ladies' room. Did he have some superpower I wasn't aware of?
Ridiculous.
"Terry, eyes to me and listen to me," John clipped, suddenly sounding angry and I looked at him.
I did it frostily.
Then I said, "Fine. I'll listen. Tell me your reasons. Tell me your excuses. Say what you have to say to make yourself feel better so I can get out and leave."
He moved to me and stopped five feet away, giving me space but not enough to take the tension out of me. "This isn't about me, Terry. And this is hard enough for me too."
"Well, poor you," I returned cuttingly. "Poor John Steele. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"I need you to understand why I couldn't go."
I tipped my head to the side and asked, "And what if I don't want to understand?"
He held my gaze.
Then he took in a visibly massive breath and said, "Then I'll make you."
A fresh wave of anger burst inside of me and I leaned in. "You jerk," I seethed.
"I'll beg if I have to. Get down on my knees."
"I don't need your drama."
"But I need you!" he returned immediately and firmly, closing the short distance between us.
I tore my gaze away from him. I couldn't look at him for too long. God, how I missed being close to him. But I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. It was kill
ing me, having two warring emotions brewing inside of me and I blamed him for this.
