Saving Grace

by H D Coulter

  “So, what are you going to do?” Asked George.

  “Drink.” Joshua said bluntly.

  “And after that?” There was a chuckle in George’s voice.

  “I don’t know – I have forgiven a lot of her past deeds but this - it is not the fact she attended the meeting that has me so angry, it is the fact she has been lying to me, keeping it a secret because she wouldn’t like my response. How can I trust her?”

  “From what you have told me, none of the past deeds where her fault and she has paid heavily for it...”

  “I know; I see the scar it has left behind every day.”

  “And now you are what? Willing to walk away, leave her and your family behind? All because Mr Goldstein says so. And the fact she kept it a secret, you yourself have been keeping your own from her. Maybe you don’t trust her?” Said George, the question lingering in the air. Hanley rejoiced at the thought.

  A young serving woman dropped off another tankard at Hanley’s table.

  “Would you do me a favour,” Hanley held up a dollar coin in front of the woman. “Tempt that man over there, provide drink and encouragement, and in return I’ll give you ten more of these.”

  “I’m not a whore,” exclaimed the woman.

  “I’m not saying you are. However, I have watched how you behave in here. I am merely doing it to protect a friend. I don’t trust him and believe him to be untrustworthy. You only need him to think he has.” She nodded her head and took the coins. How easily people can be manipulated into doing your deeds if you use the right words.

  “Excuse me, miss.” Joshua’s call carried over the increased voices as she stopped what she was doing and strode over, rolling her hips, which Joshua watched openly.

  She leaned in a little closer and dropped her eyes, and shifted her dress around her breasts. “Yes, handsome?” She said. Her long eyelashes fluttered for a moment before gawping at him.

  “I was wondering, do you serve any whiskey or something stronger than ale?” He smiled at her blatant flirting.

  She stroked down the side of Joshua’s face, carving her dirty fingernails through his evening stubble. “For you, I’ll have a look.” Her face was so close he could have kissed her.

  Hanley watched as Joshua fell for the bait, the way he looked at her – the need to escape. He knew that look all too well. Beatrice didn’t see Joshua for who he truly was, and Hanley was the one to show her – prove to her. He will make her come to him.

  “Thank you.” Said Joshua suggestively.

  “I know how you can thank me.” She whispered.

  “Is Claire working tonight?” Said George, spinning in his seat to see if he could spot her. “This is not acceptable, and he is not the usual man in here. It’s Lisa isn’t it?”

  Both pretended George wasn’t there, as Joshua laughed and gave her a wink.

  George waited for the woman to leave. “What has got into you? You’re playing with fire and she is the kind of woman that will burn you. Think about Bea.”

  “All I do is think about Bea, that’s what got me into all this mess. I walked away from my family, my position, my reputation because of her. Then all the mess with Hanley, saving her from the noose, almost killing a man which I now regret since he is back, planning God knows what. I should have killed him when I had the chance. Raising a child that is not mine, building a life here in Boston which I thought would be safe, but now, that could come crumbling down for what? - What could Bea do for that cause anyhow, how is she helping them? She is jeopardising everything to hear a few stories and break the law. I realise my feelings don’t matter to her. She’s not interested in what’s important to me?”

  “And what is important to you? I’m afraid to say but she is right, lives matter more than money.”

  “You sound just like her.” He pulled a silver flask from his pocket and took the last mouthful to George’s surprise.

  “What has got into you? This is not like you.”

  Hanley watched the serving lady bringing back two glasses filled with a clear liquid. He had seen, drank moonshine before, and you remember little of the night before. It was perfect.

  “Joshua, I think it’s best if I took you home now, get you back to your wife.” George said the last part more towards Lisa, who had taken a step towards Joshua and was ignoring George.

  “And what do we have here?” Joshua picked up a glass and gave it a sniff, scrunching up his face at the harsh, bitter smell.

  “Oh, just a little Moonshine we make out back. It hits a hard punch. Only the genuine men drink this.” She gave him a challenging look before smiling, showing some of her darker yellow teeth. He raised his eyebrows, lifted the glass up to cheers and in one gulp, drank the clear liquid. Followed by a cough as the liquid burnt his throat.

  There was a pang of anger stirring in Hanley as he watched Joshua flirt. He had taken the bait. The boy who was meant to be better than him now had another woman, a whore, draping her arms across his shoulders and Joshua wasn’t doing anything about it. This was the boy she left Hanley for? Grace and Beatrice should be with him, not this boy who had tantrums when he doesn’t get his own way.

  Joshua took the second glass, stumbling on his feet. “I’ll see myself home,” and gulped it down and slammed it on the table. Ensued by a barking cough.

  “Do you want to get me some more?” Joshua mumbled, his words sticking in his mouth as he tried to speak.

  Hanley pulled down his hat over his face as George stormed past, cursing the foolishness of his friend.

  Hanley’s work was done for the evening. He contemplated heading over to Miss Julie’s establishment one last time. Instead, he made his way back to the confiding boarding house; he had a busy day tomorrow he must prepare and pack for his journey south.

  Chapter 31

  “Would you like another glass?” smiled Sarah, already taking the empty vessel out of Bea’s hand.

  “A small one please, it’s medicine for my thoughts.” Bea let out a small chuckle. “Oh, Sarah, what am I going to do? We can’t be at odds with each other, not when Hanley is out there. Only God knows what he is planning, and we are doing all his hard work for him... I just want my husband back.”

  “He will come round tonight; he’ll have gone a-lookin’ for young George, and a drink.”

  “I hope you are right. What a day. But, how are you feeling now, after this morning?”

  “Do you mind?” Sarah pointed to the dark red decanter for herself.

  “No... I think we all deserve one!”

  They both sat in silence, sipping for a moment, and then Sarah spoke.

  “My name isn’t Sarah. He’s right, it’s Jessie. Well, that was my slave name.”

  She started at the beginning, speaking of her life in the plantation, of her husband Hercules, and then, slowly, of her beloved son. She spoke of their first attempt at freedom and starting her journey on what they called the underground railroad. Being sold to Hanley before escaping once more. Both women cried silently together, Sarah reliving the pain of the past, and Bea weeping for her friend.

  “The smell of the sea was strange, salt lingered in the air as gushes of wind surged around the darkness. There was a low glow of an oil lamp casting a figure in shadow standing beside what I guessed was a boat. Jeb raced toward the figure. I had no other option but to follow. The man waiting for me was as black as the night itself and introduced himself to me as Winston. Before I could thank Jeb properly, he headed back to the cart and kept heading down the road. Winston held out his hand and guided me towards a small rowing boat. He rowed us out to a ship waitin’ a mile from the shore. My Mama had told me of the ships her parents came on; the chains, and the smell of death she carried with her until her last breath. But when Mr Winston lead me into that great wooden belly, they had filled the room with blacks of all shades, dressed in fine clothes. I stood there like a statue, frozen in surprise at the sight before my eyes.

  It took a week, I think, to travel up the coas
t to Boston, and still the reality of freedom hadn’t set in. For days we had nothin’ to do - first time in our lives. We docked one sticky night, away from the larger tradin’ ships. Even at night, Boston was so loud, and movin’, all the time. Three carriages were waitin’ to take us to a nearby boarding house, where I spent my first year. They taught me my letters and numbers, to get myself into havin’ a job. I’ll never forget the feelin’ of holding my first wage there in my hand! After a while, Mr Winston introduced me to the meetin’ house and there I found a new family. The thing is, you are never really free. It seems like it; sometime it feels like it, but your heart is always knowin’ fear. I saw it in you too, when we first met, and I understood.” Sarah took a deep breath. “And so, I told Winston today that Mr Hanley had found me, and he’s put a plan together to hide me once more.”

  “You’re leaving? He can’t take you; we won’t let that happen. You live in a free state.”

  “If he wants me back, he will do it. Once I am back across the border, he has the papers to say where my belongin’ truly is. We both know it.”

  “What you have been through... I could never imagine – I am so sorry.” Bea placed her hand on top of Sarah’s.

  “What we have both been through.”

  Bea shook her head. “My pain is nothing compared to yours.”

  “Do not belittle what you have experienced because it is different, sister. It is your own, and few women could ‘ave survived it in the manner you have, never mind find a kind of compassion inside themselves to help others.”

  “You have, and so have others; in the meeting house, and all across this town.”

  “That is true, we all have our own stories.”

  “And I understand why you did not tell me yours before now.”

  The two women embraced, wrapping their arms around one another protectively. “Shall we go downstairs and see what has happened to Beth and Grace?” said Bea finally, smiling through her tears.

  Chapter 32

  Bea had stayed up all night waiting for Joshua to return home, Sarah’s story and her own, mingling in her mind. Dawn crept through the curtains, highlighting, in a rosy glow, the space on the bed where her husband should be. She threw a woollen shawl over her shoulders and made her way down to the kitchen.

  “Mornin’.”

  “Morning Sarah, you are up early – I thought I would take some coffee.”

  “You were up all night, Bea? What time did he come home?”

  “He... he hasn’t.”

  “Here.” Sarah grabbed a cup from the side and placed it on the table beside the coffeepot. It smelt welcoming to Bea’s fatigued brain.

  “I kept thinking about what I would say to him: how sorry I am, and how important the meeting house has been for me. Try to get him to see it from my side. But now I’m just worried about where he might be. Why hasn’t he come home?” Bea watched the black liquid blend lovingly into the creamy milk as she placed the pot back down on the table.

  “He’s probably with George.”

  “I thought that, at first. But what if he has run into Hanley, and is lying on the ground somewhere, with a bullet in his back?”

  “I doubt Mr Hanley would be that bold. Not in the city. Have somethin’ to eat now. Do you want eggs and bread, or gammon? You ate little of your dinner last night.”

  “Thank you, but I will stick with the coffee for now.”

  “Look who is awake.” Beth made her way into the kitchen, holding a noisy, squirming Grace in her arms. “I think she wants her Mama, and her milk”

  “Thank you, Beth. Good morning, little one.” Bea took hold of Grace, who instantly calmed down in her mother’s arms.

  “Still no sign of him?” Beth’s eyes scanned the kitchen as if she were hoping to find him there.

  “No,” said Bea flatly.

  “He is probably sleepin’ off a bit of liquor with your George,” Sarah quickly suggested.

  “I hope not too much liquor. George is picking me up in an hour; he wants to show me a couple more sights of Boston, or something of the sort, and then he mentioned tea somewhere – Joshua will surely return with him.”

  “That will be nice,” said Sarah. “You two have got quite close?”

  “I like him... We can talk; he listens, he makes me laugh - and I think he is fond of me – there are no secrets, no pretence. I like that.”

  “I think he is more than fond of you.” Bea smiled.

  Blushing, Beth took a cup from the dresser and poured herself a coffee.

  “There is no rush – he wants to prove to his father that he can make it on his own as a business person before...”

  “You are right, there is no rush – you must take your time to know each other first.” There was a hint of regret in Bea’s voice that Beth picked up on instantly.

  “You and Joshua know each other inside out; better than any couple I’ve known, even Da and Ma! You will get through this. Lord knows you are stronger together, and you love one another, and Grace, regardless.”

  “Yes, you are right. Well, on that note, I had better feed this little one before anything else, hadn’t I?” They watched Bea as she made her way back up the stairs, rocking Grace gently.

  “I’ll bring some more coffee up.” Sarah called up after her. There was a slight nod from Bea before she disappeared round the banisters.

  “Do you think she will be alright?” asked Beth warily.

  “Only time will tell, honey, but I’ll monitor her today when you’re out. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

  AN HOUR LATER, GEORGE had arrived and left without sign or sound of Joshua. Back in the kitchen, Bea kneaded the bread violently for dinner, hitting it, slamming it on the table, and then hitting it some more. Sarah raised her eyebrows.

  “I think that will do for the bread, hmm?”

  “Sorry, Sarah... but he refused to look me in the eye!”

  “Who?”

  “George. He wouldn’t look at me; he knows where Joshua is and he can’t look at me for fear I’d guess the truth.”

  “You don’t know that, now. There are many reasons he might a’ been kept away, and it ain’t the one in your head.”

  “But what if it is? What if he has left me?”

  “He loves you, you are his woman.”

  “So, where is he?” Grace cried at her mama’s raised voice, and Sarah scooped her up from her chair and cradled her tenderly. “I’m sorry – both of you.” Bea stroked the top of Grace’s head and gave her a light kiss.

  “Why don’t I take Grace out for some fresh air, give you some space to let it all out.” She smiled “We won’t be long, will we sugar? Twice round the park. Joshua might be home soon; it will give you a minute to talk.”

  “We’ll see. Take layers, the air is chilly and her bag, if she needs anything and keep a lookout.” She gave her a warning look.

  “I’ll be gone an hour, Bea, maximum. There is no need for the bag.”

  “Oh, please... For me?”

  “Alright, alright!” Sarah chuckled, shaking her head fondly.

  “I love you, little one.” Bea gave Grace another kiss on the head, and she smiled up at her mama, showing her wooden rattle excitedly. “See you both soon.” She watched them leave through the back door and out of the yard.

  The house maintained an eerie silence after that. Everyone was gone. Tears dripped from her cheek and splashed on to the dough, making it sticky. She sprinkled more flour over the mound and kept hitting it. This was all her fault again; she had caused yet another rift, and she didn’t know how to mend it. Was there something wrong with her? Why didn’t she fall in line like all the other women she knew, why did she keep making trouble for herself and her family? Then she heard the front door open and shut with an empty bang. She ran into the hallway, with flour across her face and apron.

  He stood in front of her, pale and clammy, and he too couldn’t look her in the eye.

  “Where have you been? I have been worried sick t
hat something had happened!”

  “I was with George; I drank too much last night and slept at his lodgings.”

  “Is that the truth?” demanded Bea, bluntly.

  “Of course, it is. What kind of question is that...” he replied dismissively, trying to slip past her toward the stairs.

  “George came by about an hour ago, and there was no mention of your sleeping at his. Why would he come alone if you were with him?”

  He kept his back to her and set a foot on the first step. “I was far more the worse for wear than he... I asked him to tell you I would be back soon. I don’t know why he didn’t pass on the message.”

  “Look me in the eye, Joshua,” she scolded.

  “Don’t be foolish, I am in no mood.” Still, he stared down and to the left, at the edge of the stair carpet.

  “Stop Joshua – we can’t keep lying to each other, you need to tell me the truth, if we are to have a future.”

  He spun around at her words. “What do you mean, if we are to have a future? What are you saying?”

  “You left me last night, after our argument, saying maybe love wasn’t enough - you walked out that door telling me that. All night I waited for you, to tell you how sorry I was, and how much I love you. But you never turned up, until now, in the middle of the afternoon, and now you’re just telling me lies. What am I meant to think? You can’t even look at me!”

  He jumped off three steps and landed slightly unsteadily in front of her. “There.” He grabbed tight of her, holding both arms down by her side. He smelt of alcohol and something else. He stared straight at her. “What do you want me to say? That your words last night didn’t hurt me? That I went drinking with my friend, didn’t know when to call it a night, and woke up in a storage room somewhere, with no money left in my pockets and no idea how I got there?” He saw the fear in her face and let go of her arms as his own eyes returned to the ground.

  “What? George just... left you somewhere? Drunk? That’s not like him.”

  “No... When he left me... I had only just started drinking heavily. I promised him I’d have one more and take the long way home to clear my head. I don’t think you even realise how much pain you caused me last night. How much I have struggled and sacrificed for the past two years just to see a smile on your face?”