Or that he liked me so much.
“At the same time, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I want to be with you, to date you. But if it’s not what you want, I’ll back off and we’ll be friends again. I told you I was going to make my intentions more clear in the future. If this is you telling me you’re not receptive, I’ll let you go right now.”
Terror ripped through me like nothing I’d ever felt before. I knew we couldn’t go back. Nothing would ever be the same between us again.
I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to go forward, to figure out where this was going. Where whatever we were starting could lead. I wanted to trust a man again and I knew that man could only be Aidan.
“No,” I whispered. “I don’t want you to back off. I’ve been fighting you because I thought you flirted to pass the time, not because you liked me. I don’t think I can go back to just being friends, not after the way you’ve made me feel today. Like I’m special, like I matter.”
“You are special, Claire. You’ve always mattered to me. And I’m sorry but I can’t wait another minute to kiss you.”
Before I could respond his lips came down over mine. His hands, still holding my face, softened as our lips met. A spark, small but fiery, leapt out and lit me up. Just the brush of his lips to mine made me feel more alive than I’d felt in a long time. When his hands drifted from my cheeks, I let out a soft sigh of pleasure.
One hand fisted in my hair, holding me right where Aidan wanted me. The other hand slid down over my throat to my shoulder then down my arm where he reached for my hand, our fingers winding together again. Aidan turned my arm behind me and rested our joined hands on the small of my back, his thumb hooking through a belt loop on my capris.
He kissed like a man who knew his way around a woman. His soft pecks traveled from one corner of my mouth to the other, softly and sweetly tasting every inch of my lips. When he dipped his tongue into the corner where my lips met I sighed again, my lips parting ever so slightly.
Aidan, always in tune with me, centered his lips over mine again and took advantage of the gap in my lips, his tongue dancing between them and tempting me to open. My free hand reached for him as my lips fell apart and his tongue slipped inside my mouth the same time my arm slipped around his neck.
Pulling him closer, Aidan took the encouragement and kissed me deep. Our tongues slid together, tangling in the purest expression of love. He held me to him as he learned my mouth, stroking my tongue with his and dipping into the hollows of my cheeks.
I did the same, learning every part of his mouth from his lips to the end of his teeth, cataloguing him for later, for when he inevitably left. I knew this kiss was the kiss I’d been waiting for my whole life. This was the kiss I’d read about in books and heard my friends talk about. The kiss that would change my life forever and make me a different person.
Everyone thinks a first kiss is special. It marks something, says something about you. If you’re too young, you were a whore. If you’re too old, you’re a prude. If you use too much tongue or are too good at it then you’re lying about it being your first kiss. But none of that really matters because a first kiss isn’t that special. A first kiss is usually sloppy and awkward and feels weird. It’s something you tell your friends about but don’t ever really enjoy. No one knows what they’re doing the first time, so you have no idea if you’re good or bad.
But that kiss, my first kiss with Aidan… That was a kiss that meant something. A kiss that could move mountains and heal the sick. It was a kiss that gave me strength and zapped all of it at the same time. It was a kiss that told me life with Aidan would never be boring or dull but would be full of passion.
It was a kiss that made me a new woman.
When Aidan finally pulled back from me I couldn’t open my eyes. They were heavy with lust and desire. I wanted to drag him back to my bed and let him have his way with me. If he could make me feel that good with just a kiss I could only imagine what he could do if he was let loose on the rest of my body. I wanted to know what it felt like to lose myself with a man, to enjoy sex, and to scream his name as he moaned mine.
All these thoughts ran through my head as Aidan stood there, holding me close. His heart was pounding in tune with mine and I knew the kiss had effected him just as badly as it had me. We were both grasping for words, gasping for breath, desperate to explain what had just happened.
But we couldn’t.
All we could do was stand there and hold each other. Our entwined hands were still pressed into my back and his cock dug into my front. We each had a hand in the other’s hair and neither of us seemed ready to let go. Ready to face whatever had just happened.
We stood there, holding onto each other for a few minutes, before Brownie bounded over. He had found his stick from earlier and was proudly nudging it toward Aidan. We both leaned and looked down on my dog, waiting not so patiently for Aidan to play with him. I could sympathize.
Aidan squeezed my hand and pressed a kiss to my forehead then bent to retrieve the stick. He launched it across the grass and Brownie bounded happily after it. As soon as the stick left Aidan’s hand he reached for me again, pulling me into his body, holding me close as though he couldn’t get enough but also didn’t know what to say or do after the kiss we’d just shared.
We spent the rest of the afternoon like that, alternating throwing the stick for Brownie and holding each other. When Brownie was tired, Aidan walked us back home then kissed my cheek, leaving without another word.
But I knew he was as shaken as I was. Right down to my quivering core.
Five
The following Tuesday I headed back to Bite Me! for our weekly girls’ night. I was excited to be seeing my friends again but an unease settled into the pit of my stomach. I knew what it was, but I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to ignore it, even though it wouldn’t help.
I was afraid to face Sam.
She was one of my best friends. We’d known each other since our freshman year of college and after nine years we were as close as friends could get. Still, in all that time none of us had ever fought over a guy. I didn’t know if Sam and I were really fighting over Aidan, but I worried that she would be pissed off. That she would think I stole him from her.
Even though I knew him first and technically he went to the grand opening with me. If anyone should have been pissed it should have been me. I had nothing to be upset about though. I was still tingling from the kiss Aidan and I shared. Yeah, three days later. I’d never relived a kiss three minutes later let alone three days later.
I stepped into Bite Me! a few minutes late just to make sure I wasn’t alone with Sam. I knew at some point we were going to need to talk, but I wasn’t ready for it yet.
The sweet scent of cupcakes filled me when I walked in the door, already picking out which cupcakes I would have. Vanilla Bean had been my favorite before Saturday, but that changed when Aidan fed me the cinnamon roll cupcake. I looked through the case and saw a tray full of them and tingles traveled through my body, with my nipples leading the way to see if Aidan was there for another round.
When the customer ahead of me left I asked Charlie for a Vanilla Bean and a Cinnamon Roll cupcake to go with my water. She smiled knowingly at me but didn’t say anything. I handed her my card and carried my goodies to our table where everyone was waiting for me, even Mandy who was usually late.
They all stopped talking when I sat down, something I knew meant they were either talking about me or they were waiting for me to get there. I looked up into Addi’s gentle brown eyes and knew it was the latter. Even Addi was smirking at me.
“What?” I asked defensively, knowing as soon as the words left my mouth that it only made the situation worse.
Addi and Sam returned to their cupcakes but Mandy held my gaze. “Aidan was nice.”
She was baiting me. Trying to get me to spill everything about him, and about us, without having to work for it. Well, we’d been friends for more than twe
nty years and I wasn’t about to fall for her tricks.
“Yep,” was all I said.
“Are you going to see him again?” she asked.
“Of course. We work the same shift. I see him every time I go to work.”
That clearly wasn’t the answer Mandy was hoping for and she pursed her lips and lifted an eyebrow at me, waiting for more.
“What about outside work? You two seemed pretty cozy when you were curled up on his lap,” Sam said. I was surprised to find there wasn’t a hint of anger or jealousy in her tone, just curiosity.
I didn’t know how to answer her. Even though I’d been thinking about Aidan’s kiss for three days, I hadn’t seen him or heard from him. We weren’t working so I didn’t expect to and normally wouldn’t expect to see him. But after our kiss… well, I did expect to hear from him.
And it hurt to admit that he hadn’t called me and that I had no idea what was going on with us.
“I haven’t seen Aidan since Saturday,” I finally answered. It was the truth, leaving out everything about how much it hurt to not hear from him or anything about our kiss.
“You two were as cozy as Mandy and Xander. I would have guessed you guys were sleeping together. Color me surprised you haven’t seen him in days,” Sam said honestly.
Mandy and Addi nodded their agreement, everyone looking to me for more information, more details, that I just didn’t have. They wanted the whole story, the inside scoop on my relationship with Aidan. Details I was still trying to work out, ones that would only be worked out when I saw Aidan again.
“Are you mad at me, Sam?” I finally asked, partly to shift the subject and partly because I had to know.
“What would I have to be mad about? At first I thought you two were just friends, but I saw the way he was looking at you. Like you were even better than one of Charlie’s cupcakes. I backed off before he went back to you, before he fed you that cupcake. I do have one question though… Does he have a brother?”
I laughed and said a quick prayer of thanks that my friends were so great. Only Sam could bounce back and not let it bother her that she was flirting with a guy who was interested in someone else. Sam was amazing, resilient, and a great friend.
“Sorry, but no. He’s an only child. He has a few cousins I think.”
Sam rubbed her hands together excitedly and said, “Once you figure out what’s going on with the two of you, have a party and invite his cute cousins.”
I smiled but didn’t quite feel it. She’d hit the nail on the head, I had to figure out what was going on with us. Since my experience with relationships was limited to shitty ones in real life or fictional ones in movies, I had no idea how to go forward, how to figure out what was going on with Aidan.
Maybe after he kissed me he realized he was a fool and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Maybe he thought he liked me until he kissed me. Maybe… a hundred different things. None of which I had a clue about.
I was going to have to wait until I saw him at work two days later to get some sort of clue about us.
I just wish my friends were so patient.
“So, you don’t know what’s going on? But it’s clear something is going on. We all saw him feed you that cupcake. If that wasn’t hot as hell I don’t know what was. Have you two been seeing each other?”
I took a deep breath and readied myself for the interrogation. I knew it would happen, but I’d hoped to avoid it. Silly rabbit.
“No, we haven’t been seeing each other. He’s asked me out a few times and I told him no because I didn’t think he was serious. He always said it in a joking manner.”
“How so? And how could you say no to him?” Addi asked.
Over the last three days I’d wondered the same thing. It was foolish of me to think saying no to Aidan was a good idea, or something I could do forever. He said he liked me, but he kissed me and didn’t call. While I couldn’t lump him in with BJ, my asshole ex, he certainly wasn’t straight out of the movies either.
The truth was he’d kissed me then walked away.
“I said no because I really thought he was joking. When he would ask me out he would say things like, ‘You should just go out with me because no other man will ever be worthy of you,’ or ‘You know we’re perfect together. Stop fighting it and just go out with me so I can prove it to you.’ I really never took him seriously.”
Three faces stared at me like I had three heads. Or maybe icing on my shirt. Sam spoke first, as usual, “He’s totally into you. If he’d said any of those things to me I’d still have him in my bed.”
Addi and Mandy nodded, leaving me to wonder why I’d never picked up on it before. It’s always easier to see things when you’re not in the middle of it. And I was thick in the middle of confused as hell where Aidan was concerned.
Thinking back, I knew it was there. I knew I liked him a lot more than I wanted to admit. I wanted him to like me, too. I hoped his words were the truth, that he did actually want to date me. Even though I didn’t believe in love.
After his kiss, love started to get confusing for me. If love could exist, it was in a kiss like that. A kiss that made me breathe heavily and want to go back for more. But not calling for three days was a kick in the ass sending me right back into the ‘no love’ zone. If Aidan felt even half of what I’d felt, he would have called me.
Right?
“If Xander told me that, I’d marry him on the spot. I know he loves me, but he doesn’t talk like that. That’s shit straight out of the movies you love to watch. I could totally see you swooning over some guy on screen saying that but when you hear it in real life you think it’s a lie,” Mandy added.
She was right. Not that I liked hearing it. If a guy in a movie had said that to the woman he was chasing I would have been crying over how sweet it was. Instead, I heard it in real life and didn’t believe in it. Didn’t believe in Aidan.
But he didn’t call. So how could I believe in him now.
“Okay guys but he hasn’t called me. Yes, I said no, over and over again. I was stupid. But I said yes on Saturday. That’s why he was there. He hasn’t called me. Doesn’t that mean something.”
“Are you sure he has your number?” Addi asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “He’s called me before when a group of us have gone out. Occasionally he’ll text me.”
“What about work? He said he works a lot of overtime. Could he have been working this weekend?” Mandy asked.
She was right. He did tell everyone that he works a lot of extra overtime because he’s saving to buy a house. Maybe he had to work the last few days.
“Or maybe he didn’t know what to say. He ran out of here after you pretty quick Saturday. None of us knew why you left like you did, but when Mandy stood up to go after you Aidan was already halfway to the door,” Addi told me.
“Yeah, he wasn’t stopping. Did he catch up to you?” Mandy asked.
I nodded thinking back to our walk back to my apartment and him staying with me until I was home. I felt my cheeks flame as our kiss flashed through my mind.
And they all noticed.
“Ooh, what happened? You look incredibly guilty. Did you sleep with him?” Sam leaned in ready for the gossip.
I rolled my eyes at her. She knew my history and how much trouble I had opening up to men, but she always treated me like everyone else, asking the same thing she would have to Addi or Mandy.
And I appreciated the hell out of her for it. For not making me feel different just because the first and only boyfriend I had raped me. For not making me feel like I was different because of it.
“I didn’t sleep with him. He just kissed me.”
“That must have been one hell of a kiss,” Addi said quietly. A smile played across her lips and I knew she wasn’t jealous, but was a little envious. I knew the feeling all too well.
“It was an amazing kiss. A kiss that needed fireworks behind it. A kiss that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since then even though
it appears he hasn’t had any trouble moving on.”
“Aww, hun, you don’t know that,” Mandy said, draping her arm over my shoulder. “If he was working or had something going on he might have been too busy. He also could have been trying to figure out what happened. Guys don’t process things like we do. If it was that good of a kiss it probably confused the shit out of him.”
“Yeah, but why wouldn’t he call me. If he’s confused then maybe he doesn’t like me as much as he thought he did.”
They all exchanged a look that told me they’d been thinking the same thing. I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t handle the pity in their voices or the discomfort in their eyes. It might not be fair but I couldn’t take any more.
“Let’s just talk about something else. We aren’t going to answer any of the questions running around in my head and all this is doing is getting me more upset. You guys know I’m shady on men anyway. If Aidan decides he made a mistake then I’ll just chalk it up to another guy who was a jerk.”
I didn’t think it was going to be that easy to get them to drop the subject, but I guess it was. Of course the tears threatening to spill from my eyes probably helped. I hadn’t cried over a guy since I’d confessed the whole horrible story of BJ to Mandy. Really, that wasn’t crying over a guy but crying over the pain of what had happened, over my loss of faith in men.
Aidan hadn’t done anything nearly that bad, but I felt let down. I foolishly thought we’d silently agreed to try things out. But he never called.
Six
When we were all finally getting ready to go Mandy put her hand on my arm and said, “Can I give you a ride home?”
I shook my head, wondering why she was bothering. She knew I lived around the corner and always walked. Being later June the weather was nice and it was barely dark.
“Please, I would feel better,” she said.
With a glance toward Sam and Addi I agreed, wondering what was going on that she needed to talk to me about. Mandy usually only sought me out alone when something happened. Immediately my defenses went up as I prepared to bash Xander, even though I’d actually started liking him.
Lush & Lovely (Big & Beautiful Book 2) Page 4
