I turned back to Aidan with a smile and nodded. He whooped and scooped me up in his arms, spinning me around. He kissed me firmly, his lips closing over mine as he pulled me close. He pulled back and said, “We’ll take it,” without lifting his eyes from mine.
And just like that we’d found our home.
Back at my apartment a few hours later, after signing more paperwork than I ever imagined possible when making an offer on a house, Aidan opened a bottle of wine to celebrate. We wouldn’t hear back from the sellers for a day or two, but we were pretty sure everything would work out so we went ahead and celebrated.
After dinner, Aidan pulled me onto the couch and said he wanted to talk to me about something. He was nervous, fidgeting with his hands and his leg was jumping. It put me on edge. I didn’t think he was breaking up with me the same day we found a great house to buy together, but I didn’t have a clue what was going on an it made me nervous.
“Just spit it out, Aidan. You’re making me crazy.”
“I have a surprise. I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to tell you but I haven’t… I don’t know how to tell you, but I’m excited about it. I just hope you are, too.”
“Excited about what Aidan?” I asked. My heart was beating faster and I was getting excited. It sounded like he had something good to tell me, something I was going to be happy about. Something that would be good. Of course I was confused that he was nervous about telling me something good, but maybe he just wasn’t sure if I liked surprises.
“We’re going to the Grand Canyon. I booked a trip. We leave in a few days and will be there for a week. I have hotel reservations and a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon planned and-“
“Wait, you did what?”
“Honey, I know how you feel about flying but you sounded so excited about going to the Grand Canyon when we were at Xander and Mandy’s and I just thought it would be fun. I started planning the day after we had dinner with them last month.”
My pulse pounded in my ears and my heart rate kicked into high gear. I couldn’t believe he thought spending that much money was a good idea, but it was so much more than that. He knew my past. He knew how I felt about flying. He knew how terrified I was.
And he booked a flight without telling me anyway.
“How could you do this? How could you not talk to me about this? I can’t get on a plane. I’ve told you that. I don’t want to face him. To do this. I can’t believe you never thought about what I would want.”
I stumbled out of my apartment in a daze, running down the stairs and tearing across the parking lot. Aidan called after me but I kept going. I needed to be away from him.
When I pushed through the door to Bite Me! I found Charlie and Lexi talking at the end of the counter. They took one look at my face and circled me, pulling me to a table.
“What happened?” Lexi asked. Charlie ducked behind the counter then brought me two cupcakes and a bottle of water. I smiled my thanks at her and took a deep breath.
These were two women I cared about. Women I thought of as friends. Women who knew nothing about my past or why I would be so upset about Aidan buying me plane tickets to my dream vacation.
Oh, hell, I went to them so I better talk, I figured.
“When I was in high school I went on spring break with my boyfriend and his family. While we were there he raped me when his parents went to dinner one night.”
“Oh my God, Claire,” Charlie exclaimed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Wow, how horrible. The first guy you trusted,” Lexi added quietly.
Lexi hit it right on the head. She understood how I felt without me having to spell it out. I hoped she’d never been through the same thing but couldn’t help but wonder if she had with how quickly she picked up on exactly how I’d felt.
“Yeah, it was horrible. But ever since then I haven’t been able to get on a plane. My ex is out of my life, of course, but I have this insane fear that he’ll be on a plane if I go. That somehow he’ll find me, even though I have a restraining order. I know it’s crazy, but… anyway, so I haven’t been on a plane since. Aidan knows all this and he understands why, but he bought us plane tickets to the Grand Canyon.”
Lexi and Charlie exchanged a look. It was one of those looks that told me they thought I was certifiable. They appeared to be having a silent conversation, one of those where best friends exchanged looks instead of words and somehow understood each other. Mandy and I had lots of those conversations, especially when we were living together in college.
“Okay, I have to ask. Is this because of the money or because of your fear of flying?” Charlie finally asked.
“Well, I’m not too thrilled about the money because we’re buying a house, but the bigger thing for me is the flying. He knows how scared I am to get on a plane. I just don’t know why he would do this to me.”
“I think that’s the first thing you need to figure out. Why would he book this trip? Has he been talking about going there?”
I shook my head and took a bite of my cupcake. I chewed and tried to calm down. “I told him I would travel if I won the lottery and the first place I would go is the Grand Canyon.”
They exchanged another look and I started to wonder if I was losing it. Was I overreacting? Was I being ridiculous? Did I care what they thought?
It was how I felt. I was the one who was afraid of flying and as the man who loved me, Aidan should respect that. Instead it felt like he was dismissing my feelings.
To do something amazing for me.
Oh, fuck.
“I don’t want to sound like a bitch here, Claire, but I would love it if I guy did that for me. It has to be about the sweetest thing ever. I get why you’re upset and why you’re scared, but if you told Aidan you wanted to go there and he made it happen, how can you be mad at him?” Charlie defended Aidan.
I breathed out a heavy breath. Maybe she didn’t understand.
“I’m mad because I wish he’d talked to me. Maybe it’s selfish but I feel like he’s forcing me to face something I’m not ready to face.”
“Or maybe he just thinks you’ll be strong enough to face it when he’s there with you. He loves you and he is trying to make you happy by doing the one thing you would never do for yourself. Yeah, he’s pushing, but he’s pushing you to do something he knows you would love,” Lexi said. “Besides that, you’re working on a program that will help girls who went through what you went through, prevention and afterward. He probably thinks if you’re willing to do that that you are ready to face your other fears. Chase away your demons for good.”
I finished my first cupcake thoughtfully. These women were true friends because they weren’t just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear, they were telling me the truth.
“Why did I come here?” I asked, wanting to be annoyed with them.
“Because you knew we would tell you the truth and give you the advice you didn’t want to hear. Oh, that and it’s the only place you could get to walking that would also provide the best cupcakes in town,” Lexi quipped.
I laughed and started in on my second cupcake. “It’s a good thing I love you two. And that you keep me in good advice and cupcakes.”
They smiled and kept me company while I finished my cupcake. Lexi told me about a project she’d been working on and Charlie let us know how things were going with the shop. Thankfully she was having good luck so far and the shop was doing well. I think not having Bite Me! within walking distance was going to be the hardest part of moving.
Charlie closed up as I finished my cupcake and Lexi dropped me off at home so I didn’t have to walk alone in the dark.
I climbed the stairs, unsure what I was going to find on the other side of the door.
Twenty
I opened the door to my apartment and ran straight into a wall. A wall with arms. Again.
Aidan.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. We can cancel the trip. I just wanted t
o make you happy. I wanted to do something amazing for you. But we can do something else. Something that won’t upset you. I’m so sorry.”
I gently pushed free of his suffocating hold and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, too. You were being sweet and I flipped out like a crazy person. I went to Bite Me!”
“I know. I called and Charlie told me you were there with them. And you’re not a crazy person. I was an insensitive asshole. I just thought that maybe-“
“You were right,” I stopped him. “Whatever you thought was right. I’ll never be ready to get on a plane. It’s something that will always scare me and pushing me to just do it shows me how much you love me.”
Aidan took a deep breath and pulled me back into his arms. I wrapped mine around his waist and just held him, listening to the steady beat of his heart. The heart that beat for me, just as mine did for him. I knew he would keep me safe, would distract me on the plane and not let anything happen.
As I stood in the circle of his arms I knew nothing would be able to take that away from us. That he would be there for me and I would do the same for him, forcing him to face his fears if it made him better.
When I pulled back from him I looked into his soft brown eyes and said, “Tell me about the trip. I want to know what you have planned.”
He led me to the couch and detailed our trip. He’d planned for us to be there a full week with only a few of the days having plans. He wanted the chance to explore the area around the Grand Canyon, possibly even taking road trips to other nearby cities while we were there.
As Aidan told me all the things he’d organized for us, for me, I felt myself getting more and more excited. My anxiety slipped away, but my joy at having him do something so amazing stood up and cheered. It wasn’t long before I found myself anxiously waiting for the next three days to pass so we could go on our trip.
~*~
Soon enough, we were packed and headed to the airport. We walked in hand in hand and passed through security at the Buffalo Niagara Falls International Airport. Aidan said it was easier to fly from there instead of from Winterville, but I knew I would have felt a bit better going through Winterville, seeing our friends and knowing they’d keep us safe.
After all the years I’d worked security, it was only the second time I’d gone through the checkpoint to the other side. We gathered our things and headed down the long hallway toward our gate.
The airport was much bigger than Winterville, and a bit crazier, too. The best part was we wouldn’t have to see Zoey. There was a bright side. At our gate, Aidan and I found a seat and waited. The anxiety that melted away days before snuck up on me and held on tight. Every tall man with dark blonde hair was BJ waiting for me. My eyes searched the area, fearing finding his bright blue eyes looking back at me.
I jumped up from my seat, desperate to get away for a few minutes. “Are you okay?” Aidan asked.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Just going to use the bathroom before we board.”
It sounded logical. At least I assumed it did because Aidan went back to flipping through his phone as I walked away. The bathroom had about ten stalls but there was no line. I locked the door to my stall and sat down, trying to calm my breathing.
Blood rushed through my ears and my heart pounded. I wondered if I was having a heart attack. I forced myself to take deep breaths and rested my head in my hands. Freaking out in an airport is generally frowned upon. I’d learned that over the years. The chances were pretty good that I would be escorted out of the airport if I didn’t calm the fuck down.
I finally walked out of the stall and faced the mirror. I could still see the panic in my eyes but splashed cold water on my face to try to cover up the crazy. When I walked back out of the bathroom I focused on Aidan and didn’t let my eyes drift to anyone else. I sat down next to him and took his hand, holding it tightly in mine, and closed my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Hey, honey… Are you okay?” Aidan asked. I heard the concern in his voice, ramping up to terror.
“No,” I told him honestly. “I’m sort of freaking out. I think I had a panic attack in the bathroom.”
“Fuck, baby. Look at me, talk to me. What’s going on?”
I shook my head, refusing to open my eyes. “Every guy I see that looks even slightly like BJ makes me think it’s him. I just need to keep my eyes closed and not look around. What he did has stolen too many moments of my life and I’m not going to let him take this from us. I’m excited about the trip and I refuse to let him ruin it.”
Aidan wrapped his arm around me and held me against his chest. He pressed a kiss into my hair and whispered something I couldn’t understand. I asked him what he said but he didn’t answer, just told me to clear my head and think only of how amazing it’s going to be to see all those pictures from my parents’ honeymoon in real life.
I mentally flipped through the photo album and was relieved when I heard them call for our flight to board. I stood up and glanced around the airport, ready to get onto the flight.
And then I saw him.
Fear ripped through me, tearing my body in two. I couldn’t breathe. My feet were cemented to the floor and my heart pounded against my chest. It had been ten years, but I knew it was him.
His hair was longer than I remembered, and a bit darker. Whiskers covered his jaw, giving him an even harder edge than he’d had ten years earlier.
“Aidan,” I whispered. “It’s him. Right over there.”
Aidan was immediately on alert. I was grateful I didn’t have to explain who I was talking about to him. He looked around casually, as though he was just taking in the scene around us, and then looked at the man who changed my life.
“Are you sure? I thought you had a restraining order?”
“I do.”
“Stay here,” Aidan said firmly before going over to the desk. He talked to the gate attendant for a few minutes, then pointed toward BJ. After a few more minutes they shook hands and Aidan turned back to me.
“It’s not him, honey. There’s no one on the plane named Brian Joseph Ziegler. They checked every combination. Look again, honey. Are you sure it’s him?”
I looked over at the man again. He was facing toward the gate, leaving me to look at his profile. I stared at him, taking in the man before me and reconciling him with the boy I remembered. The closer I looked the more I saw differences. His nose was slightly bigger and more pointed. His hair could have gotten darker with age, but it also could have just been a darker shade. Then he turned and looked at me. His eyes were different. Instead of the menacing, evil blue I expected, the man had soft blue eyes, kind eyes. He nodded at me, seeing me looking at him, and kept glancing through the airport.
“I was wrong,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s not him. He’s close, but it’s not him.”
Aidan wrapped me up in his arms, tucking my head under his chin. I was safe with him. He wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
We boarded the plane with the other passengers, including the BJ lookalike. He sat a few rows behind us. Having him close, even though he wasn’t BJ, made me anxious. I leaned into Aidan when we were seated, taking comfort from him.
I glanced up and my eyes met his, love shining in the depth of the deep chocolate pools. “Look at me, no one else,” he said. I nodded and focused everything I had on Aidan. “I don’t want you to ever be afraid to talk to me. I wish you hadn’t run out to the bathroom when you started to flip out, I wish you’d talked to me. But, I’m going to make sure you don’t have another panic attack.”
“How are you-“
My words were cut off by his lips against mine. In the airplane surrounded by other passengers, Aidan kissed me with as much passion as he used in the bedroom. His tongue teased my lips and they opened for him. His tongue glided against mine as his hand caressed my cheek. He tilted his head and moved over me, shielding me from the other passengers, as he continued kissing me.
His tongue sought mine over and over and they tang
led together. I moaned softly, reveling in the rhythm of his thrusts, knowing it matched the pace he set with his hips earlier that day, the rhythm that had me screaming for more. His hand drifted to my hip and he gave me a gentle squeeze before pulling back.
Our foreheads rested together, our eyes closed and breathing heavy. “I love you so much, sweetheart,” Aidan murmured, his breath fanning out over my face. I opened my eyes to look at him and saw all that love in his eyes.
“I love you, Aidan. You’re amazing.”
His eyes twinkled with mischief. “If you start getting nervous again, just let me know so I can distract you.”
“Oh, well in that case I think I’m getting nervous. I can feel my heart pounding and-“
I didn’t have time to say anything more. Aidan kissed me again, the passion of the first kiss carrying over into the new one. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a way for us to do anything more than kiss but decided that wasn’t a good idea. Still, I’d take his kisses all day every day.
We reached cruising altitude as he kissed me, Aidan drawing all my fears out of me as his hands drifted softly over my clothes, teasing me into a frenzy that nearly had me bursting. When his fingers slid from my hip to drift between my legs then up over my breast I wanted to strip my clothes off and let him have his way with me.
Aidan finally pulled back with a devious smile and a look of pure glory on his face. “Did I distract you?”
“If you distracted me any more I’d be naked and you’d be inside me,” I whispered.
He nuzzled my ear as he laughed, the deep sound rumbling through me. He held me tight and I enjoyed the closeness of him. He’d definitely gotten me out of my head and away from my fears about BJ. He was in for a very big treat later.
Aidan held my hand during the rest of our flight to Chicago. We sat quietly side by side reading and occasionally kissing. We landed and switched planes to head out to Phoenix. I had a little trouble with the crowds in Chicago but Aidan distracted me with a quickie in the family bathroom after our Chicago style pizza.
Lush & Lovely (Big & Beautiful Book 2) Page 16
