Dear Future Husband (The Matchmaker Series)

by Angel Devlin

  “Say hi to Casey and Audrina for me.”

  “I’ll be sure to tell them how I offered you an afternoon of my company and I was turned down for an afternoon of dressmaking.”

  He handed me my bacon and eggs and just for a second I felt guilty. Finn offered to do the things he read in the letter that I liked, and I turned him down for a fantasy lover. But the lover could become a reality and Finn was the actual fantasy, so I just needed to stick to my plans.

  Later that night I began to write my second letters.

  Dear Future Husband (I know you’re Gavin but I’m sticking with my original opening line!)

  It was so lovely to hear from you.

  No, I don’t think it’s too early to tell me you’d like to be a father. I did address my first letter to my future husband! I think it’s important from the outset to state the things we hope for, otherwise we’re not really getting to know each other, but rather just scratching the surface, aren’t we?

  I also would like children. I don’t know how many.

  Maybe start with one and see how that goes, hahaha. I’d also like to have pets. A dog or a cat maybe. Not sure which I’d want first, the pets or the babies!

  I’m imagining you quoting poetry at me in the park having read how learned with literature you are! That does sound romantic. Maybe a picnic and along with the sandwiches we take a few books and talk about how wonderful the prose is while we enjoy some good food and maybe even a sneaky bottle of wine?

  I also like the sound of the candlelit dinner. We could have the classical music playing in the background as I don’t think my Taylor Swift would do much for the ambience!

  Moving things along in this letter, I currently live in an apartment, but long-term I see myself in a home with a small yard for my child/children to play in. It would need a guest room also for my dressmaking as I currently have things dotted around all over the apartment (which does my roommates head in, as they may have trod on a rogue pin once or twice!).

  It would need to be close to my business that I run with a friend also.

  I suppose we’d better talk about our more unsavory qualities this time around. I must admit that I love eating the smelliest cheese there is (another thing my poor roommate has to put up with). As I said I leave dressmaking things around, mainly because I become entirely consumed by the process. It’s such a passion. Everything else seems to fade into the background when I’m designing. That’s another not ideal quality for any partner in my life but it’s how it is. I love my work. But I’m totally aware that in the future when I have a family I might need to be a little less obsessed by my work.

  I’m told I snore a little (but only lightly).

  I really have to have the seat in the bathroom left down. It being left up drives me insane. In my future home I would love my own bathroom, just for me, that I could fill with scented candles and make a total girl zone.

  Best, Ella.

  Then it was time to write back to the other one. I couldn’t believe that these had to be read by Grace before she mailed them on. I’d bet her memoirs were going to be something spectacular!

  Dear Mr. X

  Well, your letter was something I wasn’t expecting.

  All I’m going to say this time around is I’m making the dress.

  Ella xo

  I smiled a self-satisfied smile. I’d managed to convey a huge message in just those few lines without having to say a single dirty word myself. It was a tease of a letter.

  I handwrote both letters out on plain white paper and placed them in white envelopes this time, and then put those in a large envelope which I addressed to Grace. Then I popped out to mail them. With up to five days for it to reach Grace and then her having to pass on the letters and the reply, I had a long wait ahead. Letter writing was proving to be quite the delayed gratification.

  Finn

  I’d spent the day keeping out of Ella’s way. When I got home, she was consumed by her dressmaking. As I’d learned by now to not go anywhere near her, or even attempt to talk to her, while she was in the midst of a creative process, I called one of my friends and arranged to go bowling and then for drinks again afterward.

  When I got home, Ella had gone to bed but she’d left out her laptop. I knew her passcode to her Word docs as she used the same damn thing for anything. The name of her old pet cat and then just added a number after it every time she had to update, so Tiddles8 got me through to her drafted out letters, so I got advance notice of what Grace would pass on to me.

  I had to admit, I’d been hoping for some jerking off material, but her letter was well-played. Now it was a case of waiting for Grace to send it onto me (in a brown unmarked envelope so Ella wouldn’t get suspicious) and then I could write back again.

  God, this waiting was torture.

  Ella

  Wednesday, January 23, 2019

  The mail hit the mat just as I was on my way out of the door. I scooped it up, popped it in my purse and made my way to work.

  “Well?”

  “Give me chance to get my coat off, will you?”

  “You’ve got replies, haven’t you? What do they say?”

  I’d filled Jodi in on everything and I think she was almost as excited as me.

  “It only dropped through on my way out, so I’ve not had chance to open them yet. You go get the coffees while I actually get set for doing some work around here and then I’ll open them.”

  Jodi grabbed her purse and didn’t even bother with her jacket. “There’d better not be a queue, is all I’m saying. If there is, I’m declaring a state of emergency and pushing to the front.”

  It was cruel but I’d deliberately hoped there was a queue because I wanted to read my letters myself before I shared them with Jodi.

  Both this time were in plain white envelopes, so I didn’t know which I’d open first. I ripped open the first envelope and found a letter from Gavin. Did my insides just drop a little in disappointment that it wasn’t the horny Mr. X’s letter? I was disappointing myself with my physiology. Maybe I just generally needed to get laid more?

  Dearest future wife,

  Well it sounds like we already have two perfect dates lined up. Firstly, a trip to the park where we shall read poetry and drink champagne. (You said wine but maybe champagne is more romantic, and we could also eat strawberries?) Then again maybe you don’t like champagne and that’s why you said wine. Either is fine with me! Then secondly, we can eat by candlelight with classical music in the background. Afterwards I feel it’s only fair if we go somewhere that plays Taylor Swift so you can have a singalong or a dance!

  Then somehow between these dates and a suitable period of time we will move onto the new home, pets, and children! Feels a little strange saying this here, but everything is in full working order, though you can actually never know if you are firing the right shots, if you get my drift!

  I’m allergic to cats, so we’d have to go adopt the cutest little puppy as soon as we got our new home. Then we could work on the babies…

  You’d definitely need your own workspace so that you could expand your business if required. After all, if we had small children, maybe you’d like to do some work from home. Although I must confess I’m not the neatest person myself. Still I don’t think the idea of pins in my feet is one that features in my future fantasies!

  I would like to write my own books one day. Maybe it’s a dream; but seeing as we’re talking about our ideal future, mine would be to be able to work from home writing, and that way I can take my fair share of the childminding and dogsitting duties and support your career.

  My bad points. Hmm, let me see…

  I can be a real grumpy ass after I’ve been out for the night. I think it’s because my drinking days are coming to an end. Could I be getting too old???!!!!

  Sometimes I break wind and it smells. (I’m guessing you do too). I promise to try to walk out of rooms if I know one’s coming but sometimes they sneak out. And I might laugh, because
I’m a guy, and we do this, even though it annoys women. (Sorry, but I felt we were at the stage of warts and all!!)

  I can be jealous. Not to the point of psychotic. But if a woman is mine, I can be a bit alpha. I’m not possessive like I won’t allow my girlfriend to go out, but if a man talks to her, I might have to tell him to back off, you know do a bit of male postulating.

  Hoping none of the above has put you off, and that you write our third letter!

  Your (potential) future husband xo

  Jodi came through the door clutching our drinks. I startled guiltily.

  “You bitch! You started without me. What’s it say?”

  I exchanged a coffee for the letter. She placed both her coffee and my letter on the counter and sat on the stool behind before picking the letter back up.

  I watched her face as she took in all the content. She looked up at me.

  “Do you not find it disturbing that this guy knows all your hopes and dreams and you are both talking to each other like you might actually get together, when there could be no sexual chemistry between you at all? What if he’s given your details and after you meet on the date, you can’t stand him, and then he becomes a complete psycho. Like Joe in YOU. Oh my god, what if he kills me? Or kills Finn. Actually, yeah, he’d be more likely to kill Finn, see him as a threat, and then hopefully he’d be caught before he worked his way around to me. Phew.”

  “Okay, yes, let’s address how crazy Gavin might be...” I made a cuckoo noise and pointed to Jodi.

  “You can call me crazy, but you might wanna address the security Grace employs in all this before you meet him. Perhaps you could have Finn wait somewhere as a bodyguard. He’s ripped enough.”

  “Yeah, actually, that’s not a bad idea. And he’ll totally go for it. Not because he’s concerned for my safety, but because he’s a nosy bastard who will be dying for it to be a Mr. Bean lookalike so he can fall about laughing and prove that I’m a romantic idiot.”

  “Romantic? Basically, the guy told you if he farts when you meet, he’ll warn you first and leave the room.”

  I burst out laughing. “Well, at least he’ll warn me, not like Finn!”

  “Now open the other letter. I’m not sure coffee was a good idea. We might get too hot. Shall I go back next door for two ice-teas?”

  “I’m reading it first. Then I will pass it to you.”

  “God, you’re cruel. Well, hurry up.”

  I tore open the letter.

  Dear, Mrs. X!

  Well played! There I was hoping for a letter full of your deepest, darkest fantasies, and instead you tease me with the information you are making the dress from those fantasies.

  So, all I’m going to say is I have my suit… and I made reservations.

  For Valentine’s Day.

  Our letters should be finished by then.

  Be my Valentine (and my potential future wife).

  X

  Ps what’s happening when we skip dessert and get back home? If you tell me that, I’ll tell you what I have planned for the next morning…

  Otherwise my final letter will just say what time I’m picking you up (when I have your address of course).

  “What is it? I’m guessing it’s not good with the look of disappointment on your face.”

  I passed over the letter.

  “Oh, well played, Mr. X. This one is definitely a match for you.”

  “How can you say that? The only thing I know about this one really is how he’ll seduce me.”

  “It’s how he knows exactly the way to push your buttons. I love it. You thought your letter was so clever and now he’s put the ball right back in your court.”

  “And we kinda wasted a letter each.”

  “Not really. I think it’s flirty. Now you need to think of what you’re going to send back. Your deepest, darkest fantasies. That’s what he wants. Shall I get a pen?”

  “No!” I protested. “There’s no way I’m writing my sexual fantasies down in my place of work with my best friend present. Jeez. I shall drink an entire bottle of wine tonight and do it then.”

  The door dinged open and in walked Finn.

  “Oh, the very man. Ella needs you.” Jodi announced.

  “She does?” Finn said, eyes wide.

  “Yes, for Valentine’s Day. You doing anything?”

  Finn actually blushed! I didn’t think I’d ever seen him embarrassed before. “Well, does that mean—”

  “She needs you to be her bodyguard. She has a date with one of these suitors. There’ll probably be a date with the other one too. We need to know they aren’t psychopaths, so can you sit in a corner somewhere to make sure she stays alive?”

  “Jodi! The guy just came through the door, and you’ve ambushed him. I was going to ask him later.”

  She grimaced. “Oh, sorry. It’s not my fault my love life is crap and I’m excited over yours.”

  Finn looked entirely uncomfortable. Did he think when she said Valentine’s, I wanted him to take me out? I bet he did. He looked so unsure then. Not like the Finn I know.

  “Sure, I can do that no problem. I’d not sorted out my date for Valentine’s yet, and anyway I wouldn’t want my roommate being murdered. Getting a good replacement would be problematic.”

  “Well, you might have to do that anyway if she marries one of them.”

  “Jodi. Please shut up. Please.”

  I then realized that Finn only knew about Gavin and not the mistake and letters from X. Damn, there was no wonder he’d worn a strange expression on his face.

  “Oh, I forgot to tell you, Finn. There was a mix up. I got replies from two men, not one. Crazy, eh?”

  “Hey, what if you ended up with both?” Jodi gasped. “How hot would that be?”

  Finn looked from Jodi to me and back again. “Could I just pick up my suit and then escape away from this very uncomfortable girly conversation? Would that be okay?”

  Jodi looked contrite. “Of course. My apologies, Finn. Come on through. I have some cookies from next door in my purse. Will you forgive me if I offer you one?”

  “You didn’t tell me you had cookies!” I protested.

  “I’ll bodyguard if I can eat yours as well.” Finn said.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Like I have a choice.”

  He grinned a triumphant grin before going through to the back.

  The clock showed it was only 9:45. The time from now to when I would be able to write my next letters was going to take forever to pass, and then the wait for my final replies was going to feel like purgatory.

  But soon, soon, I was going to get to meet my matches for real!

  I wondered if either really was my future husband?

  Finn

  Jesus!

  When Jodi raised the subject of Valentine’s, I almost had heart failure. I thought they’d worked it out. But no, she just wants me to be her bodyguard.

  I’m really hoping this isn’t all going to backfire on me.

  It’s starting to feel like an amber alert weather warning.

  Please don’t turn red.

  Ella

  I started my first glass of wine along with my first letter. The final one to Gavin. I didn’t need Dutch courage for this one.

  Dear Future Husband

  Can you believe we’re on our third letter already? Next is our blind date. I’m both nervous and excited.

  Wow, you must write your own book. I’m sure you can do it. My roommate is a book editor. I’ll have to introduce you. I can’t wait to hear about your story idea.

  Maybe, given that we can’t know what the weather will do, we should make the candlelit meal with the classical music our first date?

  I do like champagne by the way. I just didn’t want you thinking I was a demanding diva hahaha.

  Maybe we should go all out on our date?

  Now, let me say this here. On dates I can pay my way.

  Romantic it may not be. Practical and fair it is. I insist, so now there should be no ar
guments over the bill when we meet!

  You should also know this, the thought of eating seafood makes me want to hurl, so if it’s okay please can you never eat it in front of me? I know it’s a big ask but once, not too long ago, I had a dodgy prawn curry. Oh my, just writing about it here has me dry heaving!

  I adore chocolate, so I hope there’s a chocolate dessert on the menu.

  Now I feel we’ve shared enough information for now.

  Let’s leave what happens on the date and after to fate shall we?