“Ruth, be honest with me. Is it Solomon Mendenhall? I saw him escort thee from church the other day.”
She blinked in obvious surprise. “No, he only walked me to the carriage and came home to eat lunch with us at Father’s invitation. He hasn’t been back.”
Josiah believed her. At least he didn’t have to battle competition on top of everything else. There was only one thing that could be holding her back—she no longer trusted him. How could he win her trust back if she refused to let him? If only he hadn’t been so dimwitted in trying to make their marriage perfect before there was ever a marriage, he wouldn’t have hurt her so deeply, and their relationship wouldn’t be at risk right now.
“Please give me one more chance.”
“I’ve forgiven thee, Josiah. That’s all I’m prepared to do at the moment. Now please excuse me before the others come find me. We’re having a late Thanksgiving meal with Dolley and James Madison, before they leave in a few days.”
“May I call on thee when they leave?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Ruth shoved past him, spilling water on his arm in her haste.
Josiah reached up to stock the top store shelf with more chicken feed. The doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of another customer.
“Good morning!” He called over his shoulder.
“Josiah, it’s me.” Andrew strode toward him. “I heard some news, and I’m not sure how thee will take it.”
At his brother’s serious tone, Josiah paused and turned toward him, balancing himself on the ladder. As far as he was concerned, Ruth had forgiven him and the day looked bright. He was one step closer to being enveloped in her good graces again. Naught else Andrew could say would change that.
“If thee plans to tell me that George and the rest of the Federals are upset that I apologized to the Paynes, as well as to Dolley and James Madison, I’m quite aware of it. And I don’t care.”
“If only that were the case,” Andrew said, shaking his head. “This concerns Ruth.”
Josiah’s chest tightened instantly. He climbed down the ladder. With his feet planted on the floor, he folded his arms and met his brother’s gaze. “What about Ruth? Is she hurt?”
“No nothing like that.” He gripped the ladder. “Ruth’s leaving. She’s decided to go back to Virginia with the Madisons.”
Cold fear clenched Josiah’s gut, making his stomach coil and bile rise in the back of his throat. He swallowed and shrugged, trying not to let himself grow alarmed. “I’m sure it’s just a temporary visit. Naught wrong with that, since they’re family.” He scratched his temple. “Perhaps she’s going to spend Christmas with them.”
“That’s what I thought at first, but then I heard that it’s an indefinite trip. She and Dolley came into town this morning and Ruth’s being fitted for three new gowns. At least that’s what Sarah Goodson told me.”
Sarah? Josiah suspected Sarah had always harbored a secret jealousy of Ruth. She pretended to be friends with Ruth by attending their quilting parties and inviting her to dinner, but she never failed to flirt with Josiah when she came to the store or when she saw him in New Garden without Ruth.
“So Sarah’s the one who told thee this?” He released a relieved breath. “I think I’ll wait to hear it confirmed from a more worthy source.”
“I just wanted thee to be aware of what’s being said in case there’s any truth to it. I’d rather thee hear it from family than someone else.” Andrew removed his hat and coat.
They worked for another half hour before the bell jingled and two women entered the store. Josiah glanced up from his ledgers on the counter, and his breath caught as Ruth walked over. He nodded to her and to Dolley Madison, who stood behind her in a bright red cloak and a colorful turban hat.
Even in plain gray, Ruth stood out like a canvas painting. Her sandy-brown hair curled around an oval face, ripe with cold. She must have gotten some rest last night; the dark circles under her eyes had faded, and the redness was gone. Her pink lips were prominent. Josiah swallowed, a deep ache of longing reminding him that he no longer had the right to kiss Ruth or pull her against him in a tight embrace.
“Josiah, I wanted to come by and let thee know that I will be traveling back to Virginia with Dolley and James. For the first time in years, I’ll see my grandmother for Christmas.”
Her soft brown eyes sparkled with excitement even as his own gut twisted and kicked in rebellion. Had he lost her for good?
“Will thee be coming back after the New Year?” He held his breath. She dropped her gaze, and his heart thumped harder.
“Actually that’s why I came by to speak to thee in person.” She crossed her arms and glanced back up at him. “I need time to think and consider my future—to be alone. Every corner of New Garden reminds me of thee, and it distracts me from seeking God. I’m sorry, but I didn’t make this decision until late last night.”
Wasn’t it only yesterday he’d come to a similar conclusion? He’d been more than distracted by placing Ruth as a higher priority in his life than God. His involvement with the Federalist movement had fallen somewhere in the middle.
He searched Ruth’s dark eyes. She blinked back tears. What she’d come to tell him hadn’t been easy for her. No matter what, she would do what she believed God wanted her to do. It was one of the reasons he loved her so much.
If she’d come here with any other excuse, he would have protested, but not this. He wouldn’t be the right man for her if he stood between Ruth and her relationship with God.
Not my will, Lord, but Thine.
“I’d never knowingly distract thee from God. Ruth Payne, I want thee to know I’ll always love thee as a man loves a wife. If God doesn’t lead thee back to me, I know in time that He’ll heal me, and it wasn’t meant to be.”
Her chin trembled, but she held it in place and continued to meet his gaze. Ruth’s eyes narrowed as they filled with tears. How could she not believe that he loved her after all this time? There was naught else he could do to prove it. The rest was now in God’s hands.
“May I have a good-bye hug?” he asked, aching to hold her in his arms one last time.
Ruth shook her head in denial. She turned and strode to the door with Dolley Madison taking her arm to comfort her like a mother. Josiah’s world crumbled when she walked through the door.
Chapter 9
Once Ruth made it back to the carriage, she burst into tears. Dolley laid a gentle hand on her back and opened the door. Ruth wiped her cheeks as she climbed inside, eager to escape the view of passersby.
“I daresay you’ll feel better soon enough,” Dolley said.
“All I can say is I’m glad that’s over.”
How long would this gaping hole in her heart take to heal? She’d done the right thing, hadn’t she?
Josiah would soon realize he didn’t love her enough to commit himself to her, and he’d be grateful. Staying in New Garden held too many painful memories. It made sense to go to Virginia with Dolley. She needed a fresh new start on life with no reminders.
When they arrived home, Ruth excused herself to her chamber. She had no desire to talk to anyone. Over the next few days, she kept her mind occupied with work from the moment she rose until she rested her head on her feather pillow. When others brought up Josiah as a topic of conversation, Ruth told them she didn’t want to talk about him.
She knew her behavior not only puzzled her family but also concerned them. She didn’t know how else to handle the situation. Even harder to bear was that Josiah had stopped offering his help around the Payne farm, eagerly attempting to win her affections back. Ruth didn’t know whether to be relieved in finally accomplishing her goal or disappointed that Josiah hadn’t fought harder to save their relationship.
A week later she and Naomi returned to Greensborough to pick up Ruth’s new dresses. Dolley stayed home to spend time with their mother.
As they walked by the barbershop toward the wai
ting carriage, George Osbourne stepped out with a new haircut and fresh shave. He stroked his jaw and nodded, his gaze glancing at Naomi and settling on Ruth. His eyes hardened as he straightened his shoulders and back.
“Well well, if it isn’t Ruth Payne and her little sister.” He stepped in front of them, blocking their path. In the past Ruth never had any reason to fear George since he was Josiah’s best friend, but now she sensed more hostility steaming from him than ever before. He blamed her for the few times Josiah had cancelled their plans or refused to join them on one of their Federalist adventures.
Why would he have any reason to resent her, now that Josiah was free to pursue all his political interests? It didn’t make sense. She gave him a polite nod.
“Good day to thee, George Osbourne.”
“Is it a good day? I suppose it is when thee is planning a splendid one-way trip to Virginia with one of the most famous couples in America, while Josiah Wall nurses a broken heart in Indiana—hundreds of miles away.” He shrugged. “Although I’m not surprised his brother Samuel is going with him. The boy is young and eager to discover the world. Has a little bit of his father’s wanderlust about ‘im.” His accusing eyes met Ruth’s. “But Josiah? He’s never had a desire to go anywhere—until now.”
Ruth’s heart thumped so hard she felt breathless. Josiah in Indiana? She’d never heard him mention it. Several Quakers had moved out that way to plant new roots and escape slavery, but since when did Josiah have a desire to go there? He’d spent the last three years consoling his mother, determined to never leave her behind as his father had done.
“What of his mother? Will she be going with them?” Ruth held her breath. If Josiah was truly going away without her, something was terribly wrong.
“I heard she has a sister living there, so I understand that she’s going with them.” George shook his dark head. “Josiah sold his portion of the store to Andrew. He’s the only one in the family who’s staying. Josiah also resigned from the Federalist Party, and now he’s putting the house up for sale.”
“Our house?” It was as if the blood drained from Ruth’s head, numbing her down to the shoulders. An eerie sensation slithered through her spine, making her shiver.
“It isn’t exactly thy house now that thee has abandoned it.” George’s tone sharpened. “What was Josiah to do with it?”
“I don’t know, but he poured himself into that place trying to make it perfect. All his hard work and sweat can’t be for naught.” Tears stung her eyes, and Naomi laid a comforting hand on her arm.
“Thee still doesn’t get it, does thee?” George shook his head in disbelief. His dark eyes pierced her with no understanding or compassion. “He wasn’t making it perfect just to be making it perfect, Ruth Payne. He only did it for thee.” He turned and strode away.
Ruth clutched her stomach and bent over. Tears blinded her. What had she done? Had she expected to run off to Virginia in a prideful rage, while Josiah waited here with open arms? Yes. She’d hoped that time would help him determine if he truly loved her and could commit to her for a lifetime. But this news changed everything.
What did it mean if he was willing to give up everything he’d ever held so dear? She never imagined he would go back on a promise he’d made to his mother. Surely Josiah wouldn’t leave.
“Ruth, is thee all right?” Naomi asked, wrapping one arm around her shoulders while carrying a package in the other.
“I need to go to the store. See if this is true or all a lie.” Ruth wiped at the hot tears spilling over her lids. “What if I was so hurt by Josiah postponing our wedding that I was blind to his love and everything else around me?” She looked up at her sister. “What if I’ve lost him because of my behavior and not because he didn’t love me as I thought?” She groaned. “How could I allow that much pride to control me?”
“Come on, Ruth.” Naomi guided her across the street to the carriage. “There’s only one way to find out. I’ll take thee to the store. Thee must find him and discover the truth for thyself.”
“Yes, let’s make haste. I must see Josiah Wall within the hour before he does anything else he’ll regret.”
Josiah nailed the FOR SALE sign onto the oak tree in the front yard of the home he’d built for Ruth and their future family. His heavy chest felt like a loaded burden. He’d finally realized he couldn’t force Ruth to change her mind and trust him again. In time he’d learn to live with his regrets, but until then he prayed God would make things more bearable for him.
He gripped the hammer in his hand and turned to go inside. A carriage rolled up the lane. Josiah paused. Who would be visiting him here? Everyone in New Garden knew the house was still empty, and by the end of the week, the newspaper ad would be out. Soon they would all know it was for sale.
As the carriage drew near, Josiah tensed. It looked like the Payne family. Matthew and his sons would have come by horseback or wagon. The only exception was on Sundays when they traveled to meeting. Today was Wednesday.
Hope filled his chest. Could it be Ruth? As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he squashed it. No sense in getting himself too excited. She might be coming by to congratulate him for moving on and starting over.
He walked forward as the horses slowed and the wheels crunched over graveled dirt to a complete stop. Naomi held the reins and set the break as Ruth scooted to the edge and prepared to exit. Her white bonnet concealed her gaze from him. With his heart nearly in his throat, Josiah offered his elbow to assist her.
To his surprise Ruth didn’t hesitate laying a gloved hand on his arm. She gripped him tighter than he anticipated, almost as if she feared something. Ruth held her skirt with her other hand as she stepped down.
“I’ll wait right here,” Naomi said.
Ruth nodded and turned to glance up at Josiah. Worry filled her dark eyes as she continued to hold onto him even though she no longer needed his assistance. “I would like to talk to thee…alone.”
Her hand trembled on his arm when he didn’t answer right away. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t speak to her alone, but he needed a moment to calm his racing heart so he could trust his voice. A lump kept trying to form in his throat. Josiah swallowed it back several times before nodding. “Of course.”
She led him toward the tree with the FOR SALE sign and pointed to it. “So it’s true? Thee plans to sell this house?” She gestured to the white two-story structure behind them, very similar to the Payne house.
He nodded but didn’t offer her an explanation.
“And the store? Is it true that thee sold it to Andrew? Will thee move to Indiana?” Her hand on his arm tightened.
“Yes, it’s all true.”
“But why?” She tilted her head to the side and blinked up at him in obvious distress. “Thee has put so much work into everything. I heard thee also quit the Federalist group. The house, the store, the politics.” She swallowed and shook her head. “I thought they meant so much to thee. I thought they were thy life. I don’t understand. Josiah Wall, I don’t want thee to make a mistake thee will regret.”
“None of those things mean that much to me. They’re not my life. God is, and next to Him, thee is.” Sorrow filled Josiah’s chest, and he wished he’d seen things from this perspective sooner. He covered her hand with his. “Ruth Payne, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked, but he cleared his throat and continued. “I should have shown thee how much more important thee is than all those other things. I only pursued them with such vigor to make thee happy, but I was wrong.”
“And I was wrong. I see that now.” Ruth stepped closer and lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “I was so blinded by hurt that thee would postpone our wedding, not once, but twice. I couldn’t see beyond the pain to the truth. It took thee to give everything else up for me to realize it. Will thee please forgive me?” Tears filled her eyes, and her nose turned pink.
A huge burden lifted from Josiah’s heavy chest, but he was afraid to let his guard down. “There’s naught to forgive.” He h
eld himself still even though he wanted to wrap her in his arms. “Does this mean thee will still marry me?”
“Yes.” She nodded as tears slipped down her cheeks. “If thee will still have me.”
“Oh, make no doubt about that—ever.” Josiah pulled her into his embrace and squeezed her against him. Relief gushed through him like a rushing wind, sweeping away all his concerns. Her warm body felt soft and perfect against him. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment.
All too soon she pulled back. “Would thee like to set a date?”
“No.” He shook his head.
She frowned, biting her bottom lip.
“I’d like to find a preacher and marry this day. Does thee think Naomi will be a witness?”
“Indeed.” She threw her arms around his neck and leaned up on her tiptoes.
Josiah could no longer resist, now that her mouth was so close. He dropped his head, allowing his lips to meld with hers. She smelled of gingerbread and felt as warm and inviting. Yes, today he would make her his. He couldn’t afford to wait any longer.
When their lips parted, he leaned his forehead against hers. “What about thy trip with Dolley to Virginia?”
“Forget Virginia. I’m going with thee to Indiana or wherever thee goes.”
“Let’s build a fresh new start together in Indiana. We can create our own New Garden there.” Josiah kissed her again. She smiled up at him, her eyes lighting with new hope.
JENNIFER HUDSON TAYLOR is an award-winning author of historical Christian fiction and a speaker on topics of faith, writing, and publishing. Jennifer graduated from Elon University with a B.A. in journalism. When she isn’t writing, Jennifer enjoys spending time with her family, traveling, genealogy, and reading.
NEW GARDEN’S
CROSSROADS
by Ann E. Schrock
Dedication
In loving memory of my grandmother,
Quakers of New Garden Page 6
