Love of Finished Years

by Gregory Erich Phillips

  How long would it be before American men had to join the deadly fray? Not only was it a question for the political halls in Washington, London, Paris and Berlin. The impact of the question had reached every corner of the country, even the Grahams’ tearoom in quaint Lindenhurst.

  ”But why should it be our problem?” said Mrs. Graham to her guests, more as a declaration than a question. “Europe has been fighting itself for centuries. There’s no reason for American boys to die.”

  “Have we even decided what side we’re on yet?” asked Mrs. Streppy.

  ”Mother, we clearly could not support Germany’s aggression!”

  The women in the room all looked at Glenn, surprised by his passion. Even Elsa looked up from her serving. Mr. Graham glanced up cautiously from his cup of tea.

  ”Germany is bleeding the life out of France, our ally,” Glenn continued. ”They sunk that ship last year, a civilian ship sailing from New York. It’s pure aggression. I don’t understand how in good conscience we can keep from joining the war.”

  “But Germany has been our ally as well,” said Mrs. Graham. ”The German people must be suffering terribly, too.”

  Elsa wondered if she was thinking of her husband’s clients. Elsa had seen and translated some briefs. Her heart broke at rumors of starvation in her homeland.

  ”The war is on French soil,” said Glenn. ”The action hasn’t come to Germany yet. And did you hear what the German troops did when they marched through Belgium? Atrocious!”

  Elsa slid between the couches to inspect the status of the six teacups. She was glad her presence continued to be required. The conversation interested her greatly.

  “If we’re going to fight we had better get on with it,” said the sixth tea guest, Mrs. Reynolds. ”All anybody talks about now is this war. No domestic politics get done anymore. I thought we would have the vote by the end of this year, but now it won’t even be considered until next year at the soonest.”

  Mrs. Graham gave Mrs. Reynolds a nod of approval. Elsa glanced at Glenn’s mother, who was leaning back in her chair with folded arms. Politics could be a contentious point at the Grahams’ house. Elsa knew that Mrs. Streppy didn’t think women should have the vote.

  Glenn brought the conversation quickly back to the war.

  “I agree with Mrs. Reynolds,” he said. “The longer we wait, the more French and English will die. There’s no sense sitting comfortably over our tea while Europe slaughters itself! We have the force to decide this war if President Wilson chooses.”

  “I just don’t see why our boys need to die when it’s not our problem,” said Dafne, speaking for the first time.

  “But darling, it is our problem! Not only morally but also politically. It became our problem after the German U-boats sank the Lusitania. This new submarine warfare is ruthless!”

  Elsa glanced at Mr. Graham and briefly caught his eye. She wondered how much he knew about these underwater ships. His business primarily consisted of German shipping interests. Things were never as simple as they seemed—she certainly knew that. After all, she was a German herself!

  “Furthermore, the Kaiser has allied with Mexico,” Glenn said. “They are devising a plan to attack us from the south.”

  Nobody seemed very alarmed by this latest threat.

  “Tell us, Glenn,” said Mr. Graham. “How have you heard all these developments about the war? I didn’t see anything about Mexico in the papers.”

  Glenn, so confident a moment before, suddenly grew unsure of himself. “Well, I talked to a military man who was in town this week.”

  Dafne glared suspiciously at him. “What kind of military man?”

  “I suppose you would call him a recruiter.”

  The conversation stopped. Even the clatter and slurping of teacups paused for a moment as all eyes fixed on Glenn. Elsa stood motionless beside the table.

  “I’m thinking about enlisting in the army.”

  “Glenn, do you realize what you’re saying?” asked his mother.

  “Entirely. If we join the war, all us young men will be drafted anyway. There would be months and months of training. By the time the army was ready it might be too late. But if I enlist now I might have a chance to do some good.”

  “Would you have to go away to one of those bases in the South?”

  “No. There is a training camp in Brooklyn. So I wouldn’t need to go far.”

  “Until you go to France,” said Dafne. She had been sitting silently beside him, her eyes burning with ever-increasing rage.

  Suddenly Dafne lurched to her feet.

  “How could you?” she screamed. “I’m your fiancée! Don’t I deserve to be thought of before you throw your life away?”

  “Darling, I—”

  “Don’t darling me! I don’t care if you go off to France and get killed!”

  She spun on her heels and ran upstairs.

  An uncomfortable silence hovered over the gathering. Finally, Mr. Graham rose and came across the room.

  “I’m proud of you, son,” he said. Glenn stood hesitantly and shook Mr. Graham’s offered hand. “It’s a brave thing to consider, and we’ll all be proud if you do enlist. Even Dafne, once she has time to think it over.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  The three ladies nodded and muttered in agreement. This European war suddenly seemed much closer to home.

  Elsa looked at Mrs. Graham, who nodded. Elsa followed Dafne upstairs. Mrs. Graham served the remainder of the tea herself.

  Elsa found Dafne crying on her bed. She sat beside her and rubbed her back.

  Dafne didn’t look up from the pillow. She knew the feel of the hand on her. “Will he really have to go to Europe?”

  “I don’t know. He didn’t say it was certain yet.”

  “Oh, rubbish.” Dafne turned her face to speak over the pillow. “He told everyone like that because he was afraid to tell me alone. He’s decided. Maybe he’s bored with me. Do you think he’s tired of me?”

  “No.”

  “Why does he have to be such a man?” She sniffled and smudged her mascara vigorously on the pillow. “Maybe he doesn’t want to marry me anymore. We were already thinking about waiting until the war was over. Now I reckon we’ll have to wait. Do you think I should marry him?”

  Elsa laughed lightly. “It is a little late to ask me now. You already told him you would.”

  “But you wouldn’t say what you thought back then, either.”

  “It was your decision.”

  “Oh, golly, Elsa! Why can’t you ever have an opinion? I have far too many of my own. You can borrow some.”

  Elsa smiled. “Do you still love him?”

  “I do. It’s just that, you know . . . I’m still here. I’m going to be twenty-one soon, and I’ve still never left this town for more than a couple days at a time. Now I’m engaged to a man who wants to stay here and add more children to Lindenhurst. Poor dears! They’ll be just like me.” She cried again.

  Elsa brought both hands to Dafne’s shoulders to soothe her. Those shoulders weren’t as bony as when Elsa first met her mistress. These four years had been good to Dafne. She was still a slender girl but had put on weight in exactly the right places. Her cheeks had grown full and playful. Her shoulders were soft and smooth. As Dafne had discovered her feminine sensuality, she gradually moved on from the boyish fashions of her teen years. Elsa wondered whether she realized what a beauty she had become.

  “It all happened so quickly.” Dafne rolled onto her back while holding Elsa’s comforting hand on her stomach. Although she was talking about her relationship with Glenn, Elsa thought how she could have been talking about her development into a woman.

  “I kissed him before I even thought if I should. Then a few years go by and we’re engaged. It’s not that I have regrets. I love him dearly. It’s just . . . oh, I don’t know. I wish I’d had the chance to do more before this all happened. Both with him and on my own.”

  “I know.” Elsa smiled at her
mistress.

  “I wonder if we hadn’t gotten so settled all of a sudden, if maybe I could have discovered and experienced more things . . . I’ve never even kissed anyone else.”

  “Didn’t you hear him, though? If he goes to a base in Brooklyn, perhaps you can go to the city to be near him.”

  “Yeah, I thought of that. But it’s sort of too late now. I don’t think I could have the fun in New York that I might have a year or two ago.”

  “Don’t be silly. Of course you can.”

  “Oh, thank you, dear.” She half rose and hugged her servant. “You always encourage me. I’ll take you along to New York. I couldn’t live without you.”

  “But your parents need me here. Your father’s work—”

  “Nonsense. Don’t you see what’s happening? My father’s German clients are all disappearing. Besides, you’re my servant. I’m keeping you. And I always get what I want.” She frowned for a moment. “Except from Glenn.”

  Dafne laid her face back onto the pillow. Elsa rose and looked out the window. She saw Glenn pacing alone on the street outside.

  “Go on down,” Dafne said. “The tea’s probably over. No need for me to keep you.”

  Elsa left her but instead of returning to clean the tearoom, she went down the back stair and met Glenn at the side of the house. He stopped with his hands clasped behind his back. His coat was open and pulled unflatteringly away from his vest.

  “How is she?”

  “She will be all right.” She paused. “You should have told her differently.”

  “I know.” He rearranged the bottom of his shirt, which had begun to poke out from between his vest and trousers. “I meant to talk to her about it, but I never had the chance. Every time I tried, she started talking about something else. Then I just sort of blurted it out without thinking.”

  “I know you did not mean to hurt her. But it was insensitive.” He said nothing. Elsa wondered whether she had been too direct for her station. “You did decide to enlist.”

  He nodded.

  “When did you decide?”

  “In there.” He inclined his head toward the house.

  “I thought so.”

  “You understand why I need to do this, don’t you?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  Glenn started walking again as Elsa fell in beside him. “I think you understand Dafne and me better than we understand each other.”

  “That is true. Sometimes you miss the most obvious things about each other. For example, the reason why neither of you is content. It makes sense to me.”

  “Why aren’t we?”

  “Dafne wants to get away from Lindenhurst. You love it here but need to feel purposeful. That is why you are joining the army, is it not?”

  “That’s exactly right.”

  “I understand you because I have worked my whole life. I would not know what to do with myself without work. I can see how restless you are. Dafne has never worked, so she does not understand.”

  As they spoke, Elsa thought of the various business attempts Glenn had made in the three years since he graduated from Harvard. None had gained traction, and Dafne always thought him silly for trying. Elsa remembered, when she’d first met him, that he’d said he would probably need to spend some time in New York or Boston in order to start a career. But that was easier said than done when he loved Lindenhurst, loved a girl here, and had a good life. The three of them—herself together with Dafne and Glenn—had had such good times through these years. But it would be foolish to think it could last forever.

  “You’re very wise, Elsa. I envy the need for labor you’ve had. When nothing forces me to do something with my life, it’s hard to initiate anything.”

  Elsa had a brief recollection of all the horrors she had endured at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory: the foreman’s molestation, risk of frostbite each winter, the tragic, terrifying fire. Her present situation was wonderful, but she had gone through hell to earn it. Glenn hadn’t yet gone through his trial.

  “How can I make Dafne understand?” Glenn asked.

  “Just talk to her. Do not let her think you are running away from her.”

  “You’re right.” He turned back toward the house. Elsa almost reached for his arm, but stopped herself before she touched him. She had grown so comfortable with him that she sometimes had to remind herself of her position.

  “Not now,” she said. “Give her time. Go home and call her tomorrow. I think you will be able to explain yourself better.”

  He nodded.

  “This may be a good thing for the two of you. Dafne can come to New York to be close to you. Then you will each have what you always wanted.”

  They both smiled.

  “You are a blessing to both of us, Elsa.”

  “I do what I can. Your world is still something quite foreign to me.”

  They stood for a moment, awkwardly smiling at each other.

  “I should go in and rejoin my mother,” he said at length.

  “Good day, Mr. Streppy.”

  Dafne plopped ungracefully to the sand. She didn’t care whether the grains got stuck in her dress. She was tired of this one. However, her shoes waited for her on the grass just off the beach.

  Everything was moving so fast. It had only been a couple weeks since Glenn dropped the bombshell of his enlistment. His base was in the city, so naturally she was going too. Now her things were already being packed.

  This spot on the beach always reminded her of the night she decided to fall in love with Glenn. That choice had turned out better than she could have imagined. She knew she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, but Glenn was always patient with her. He put up with her impulses. He let her monopolize their conversations. She couldn’t imagine what she would do without him.

  Yet she had to wonder how these four years might have passed had Glenn not come into her life. Would she have found her way to New York? Or would she have been stuck in Lindenhurst regardless?

  She didn’t regret her choice; she only regretted the things she’d missed. And if she would have missed them anyway, then she might as well miss them while enjoying romance with a wonderful man. She couldn’t complain about her life—between Glenn and Elsa, she had the best people to love. Still, she felt discontented.

  Glenn had taken her to the city several times, but the trips hadn’t met her expectations. He was timid and didn’t know anyone; she was a small-town girl. They had no inroad into society. She knew she could work her way in if she had the chance, but it would take longer than a weekend. Dafne could never relax when she and Glenn went to New York together. She didn’t belong, and it made her feel nervous. Once they took Elsa along and that helped. It seemed as if they needed the final member of their threesome to maintain the right chemistry. She laughed to think how shy those two were, and what unlikely friends they would be without her.

  Perhaps Elsa was right—Glenn’s enlistment could be just the chance she needed. Now that her anger had subsided and she really thought about it, this might be the best thing Glenn ever did for her. Without such a drastic step, she would have been destined to grow old in Lindenhurst. As long as the war ended in time and he didn’t actually have to go fight in Europe, it would be a good thing.

  Dafne stood and scampered to the edge of the water. Pulling up her skirt, she kicked her bare feet into the foam. Although the spring day felt warm, the water was icy.

  The three years since Glenn finished college had been so much fun. She, Glenn and Elsa had been together almost nonstop. Whether shooting billiards at her house, dancing at the grange, or sunning at the beach in the summertime, their fun and adventures never seemed to end. It seemed like it could last forever. Dafne still wanted to believe it could.

  Whatever passion she may have had for Glenn, it had passed. Honestly, it had never been very passionate. She remembered how Jeanette used to describe the rush of being kissed by a boy. Dafne never really felt that rush. But she still enjoyed it and wished he wo
uld do more than his impeccable sense of propriety allowed. She wanted Glenn to find her irresistible.

  But she put up with his lack of adventurism for all the other things she gained by being with him. How she loved the times she spent with Glenn and Elsa. She had to marry Glenn to preserve this wonderful time. She saw no reason why it couldn’t last, no matter what anyone said.

  She feared the future because of how it might change her memories. She even feared New York. All her life she had wanted to be there. Now, on the verge of realizing her dream, all she wanted was to keep the happiness she had gained here.

  Yet on the other hand, what an opportunity this was! If they could bring the magic of their friendship to the city, how much more wonderful it would be. It frightened her, but as long as they had each other she believed they would be happy.

  She kicked at a clot of foam that floated toward her toes. It exploded on her foot and splashed all over the bottom of her skirt. She squealed and jumped out of the water. She sat back down on the sand and shook her head.

  “I knew it!” She always got her dress wet eventually.

  Elsa felt wistful as she gave Mr. Graham what was effectively a tour of his own office. In recent years she had spent more time here than he had. But tomorrow she would move to New York City with his daughter. Her sadness was twofold: She wasn’t eager to return to the city of her childhood after the wonderful life she’d found here. Also, she regretted leaving the service of this man, who had given her such an opportunity to further her education and start a career. Yet she understood how her usefulness to him was waning.

  “Every translation I did for you is filed here.” She opened drawers of the file cabinet along the wall behind his desk. “They are alphabetical by case name; both the German to English, and the English to German are in the same files.”

  He watched her absentmindedly.

  “Elsa.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “When you are in the city, it would be smart not to tell people you are German.”

  She nodded, not needing to ask why, and also, in a flash, understanding what the fate of her translations would be. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he would burn all her hard work as soon as she was gone. These years of records of his involvement with the German shipping industry had to be destroyed. He couldn’t risk having someone comb through his files and find a distant connection with the inventors or financiers of the U-boats.