I heard a groan from the body on my left side. “Oh,” he sighed with relief. “Thank goodness you’re awake.” It was Andreas.
“Why can’t I see? It’s like everything is so magnified it’s blurry,” I told him.
“Yes, vampires can essentially use their eyes to zoom in and out on things. Just imagine you’re shrinking things down in your mind.”
It took a couple of tries, but things went from huge blobs, to manageable, and finally to normal. “That is something I did not know,” I said.
Once I could see, I didn’t need to waste any time investigating the identity of the person on the other side of me. His long curls were tangled, and appeared to be the color of blood against his fair skin, in this dim lighting.
I moved a strand of hair from his face, and those green eyes opened. I recalled the last vision I’d had, of floating among the emerald stars. It had been Boude looking down at me.
He smiled and sat up, shirtless, the same as Andreas. I looked on either side of me and grinned to myself. Two beautiful men, half-naked, and tousle-haired, who had been holding me for hours, and I couldn’t remember the details of it. It fucking figures.
“Before you freak out,” Boude started, “none of us had sex.”
I could see he was very concerned about me being upset with him. “We’re all still wearing pants, so I figured we’d behaved, at least in that way.”
“Yes,” Andreas huffed. “We all behaved most respectably while you were floating about in the ethers. And I can’t tell you how much I will forever regret not having had both you and Boude at the same time.”
I touched his shoulder. “Thank you for being a gentleman.”
He shrugged me off.
“I wouldn’t say we were perfectly respectable,” Boude said, as he put on his shirt and handed me mine. “There was a lot of touching and kissing, and tension.”
My head was still a little foggy as I tried to think of things I needed to ask. “So where did Grace and Mel go? When did Boude get here? And who did I kiss?”
“You were unlike anyone I’ve ever brought over. I quickly saw I wasn’t going to be able to handle you myself. Grace was starting to panic because your soul was trying to leave before I even bit you. I’ve never seen someone go under that quickly. She went to get Boude, but then she and Melinoe left so we could focus. It was a good thing she did, too. It took both of us to hold you and drain you. Not that you had more blood than an average person, but it was thick and rich. I couldn’t have done it on my own. Then when I gave you blood, you wanted a lot more than I’ve ever had to give. Boude and I took turns sharing our blood with you. Oh, and you kissed us both,” Andreas added.
I looked at the two men. “So both of you are my makers?”
“We are,” Boude said.
“I didn’t even know that was possible,” I replied.
“It’s not often done, but it’s very possible,” said Andreas.
I took one of their hands in each of mine. “Thank you. How can I ever repay you?”
Boude leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “That’s not how this works, love. No repayment needed.”
“Well, that was a lot more work than most transitions. I was very concerned for your safety, and you know how I feel about stress. I think getting to have that threesome you got us so worked up for would be a fair repayment,” Andreas suggested.
Boude and I had a good laugh about that.
Andreas let me shower and put on some clean clothes that Grace had left there.
I stared at my eyes in the mirror. I had always been intrigued and mystified by vampire eyes. No white, no pupil, just faceted gems or swirling patterns that often looked like semi-precious stones. Now that I had my own, I still found them amazing.
Because Boude and Andreas had both assisted in turning me, my eyes weren’t exactly like either of theirs. My eyes were chartreuse: a beautiful mix of golden honey and emerald green. When I turned my head in the light I caught little glimmers of flecks of gold and green, almost like glitter. I hadn’t seen all the types of vampire eyes, but so far, mine were my favorite. My fangs were also new and fun to poke at, but not nearly as pretty.
“Stop admiring yourself and come on. You need to feed—now,” Andreas urged.
I was not excited about this part, but it was a necessary evil that I was well aware of going into this. I followed the men back to the spot on the floor and laid back down between them.
“OK, so how do I do this?” I asked.
“Just close your eyes and let your mind drift away,” Boude said. “We’ll lead you through this to start.”
I did as he said, and within a short amount of time, I was standing outside of a busy nightclub, on a street I’d never been on, in a city that I’d never visited. Of course it was nighttime, and with my new eyes, the colors of the neon lights were entrancing.
The air smelled like cotton candy, and suddenly my mouth was watering. “Where is that smell coming from?” I asked.
“What do you smell?” Andreas asked.
“Cotton candy.” I could almost feel the texture of the fluffy spun sugar dissolving on my tongue.
“I smell steak,” said Andreas.
“Roast pork,” smiled Boude.
“Why are we all smelling different foods?” I asked.
Andreas said, “Actually, we are all smelling the same thing: blood. Our brains just interpret it as our favorite foods to make it more appealing.”
“Wow, does that mean when I bite someone their blood will taste like cotton candy?”
“No,” Boude replied. “It’ll taste a million times better.”
I had always thought it would be hard to make myself bite someone and drink their blood. I found it gross and inhuman, almost animalistic. After a while perusing the club and the occupants in the alley, I discovered that the part of me that thought those things was the human side of my brain.
My new vampire brain found the stalking and attack part of this very fun. Food was my reward: sweet, metallic blood that flowed into my mouth and down my throat—warm, and more filling than a five course meal.
We didn’t kill anyone, and went back to our bodies sated, and a little drunk. I liked being a vampire.
“How do you feel about things now? What do you want to do, or what do you desire?” Andreas asked.
“I want to see Raphael, to see if those feelings are still there,” I told him.
“What if he is repulsed by the fact that you turned?” Boude asked.
“Then it is what it is,” I said calmly.
I made my way back to the mansion. I wanted to see Grace, but other things needed to be addressed first. Andreas had assured me he would let Grace know that I was doing well.
My decision was going to be tough for my friends to understand. I thought about Billy, and wondered if he would hate me now; Soren certainly would, if we ever saw one another again.
I dreaded opening the door, but knew I had to face everyone once again.
Raphael was sitting on the couch when I walked in. No one else was around. He didn’t act surprised or repulsed as I walked closer. He was calm, and almost cold.
“Are you OK?” he asked; his tone was neutral.
“I am. I had to do this,” I told him as I began to tell the story. I hadn’t planned to dump all of it on him at once, but the words just poured out. I told him everything that had happened from the moment I ran out of the house, away from him, until now.
He nodded. “Well?”
“Well what?” I asked.
“Well, how do you feel about me now? Were all of the feelings we shared just your goddess destiny using me?” He sounded so angry. I really couldn’t blame him.
“I didn’t know that’s what it was, Raphael. You know I would never have used you. You know I didn’t want any part of being a goddess. I just gave up my soul so that I could get to the truth of this,” I whined.
He put his hand on my leg. “You’re right. I know you didn’t know an
y differently. It’s just a lot to process.” He ran a hand through his long black hair. “And now you’re a vampire, and I don’t know what that means for us either.”
“Does it bother you that I turned? It’s OK if it does bother you. I didn’t do it believing it would fix everything,” I explained.
Raphael looked me over carefully and gazed into my new eyes. “Those are pretty,” he said. “But it’s hard for me to believe it’s still you in there.”
“That’s fair. I’m sure the fangs will take some getting used to, on both our parts,” I laughed.
“Uh, yeah,” he laughed. “So how will we know if this worked?” he asked.
“I guess we will need to see if we can have sex,” I told him plainly.
He seemed to mull this over, and then said, “Well everyone is out right now.”
We made it upstairs in record time, but once the bedroom door closed behind us we both froze, afraid to make the next move. Neither of us wanted a repeat of the previous event.
“Just kiss me,” I told him, “and check in with me now and then—and don’t be rough.”
Raphael leaned in to kiss me, and I kissed him back. I insisted on my tongue being in his mouth instead of vice versa; that way I could break the kiss if needed, and he wouldn’t cut himself on my fangs.
As we kissed and undressed, I tried to gauge my feelings for him, now versus in the beginning. He was still beautiful, he was still fun to kiss, and the things he did to my body felt good. But whatever it was that had captivated me so deeply and passionately, it wasn’t there anymore.
I pushed the sadness away and enjoyed the time with him. He was still a good lover, and from his reactions to the things I did, my own skills had improved. I was grateful that I wasn’t haunted by the faces of demons this time, but the ghost of our past was hanging overhead.
After sex, I stayed in bed with Raphael, trying to decide if I needed to tell him now and make an honest break, or wait until I knew how things were going at the palace.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
Raphael answered, “Your old boss came by and said Billy could come back to work, that people were dying again. So Margaret was going back to work, and Ray decided to go too, and see if he could get assigned.”
My heart jumped at his words. “Soren, came by? He was in the Quarter?” I didn’t hide my shock.
“Yeah, I guess he needed Billy’s help. He asked if you were coming back, but none of us could tell him anything, since we didn’t know where you were.”
I knew that Soren would have dug up every single body himself before coming into the Quarter. Something was wrong.
I didn’t want to be too obvious, so I stretched and yawned and said, “Well, I should probably go get caught up on everything, and let Hades and Persephone know I won’t be ruling.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Raphael asked, still naked and cozy in the bed.
“You should probably see about getting assigned as well, or at least catch up with Ray. It sounds like things are getting back to normal,” I suggested.
“OK, I’ll do that. Should we plan for all of us to meet back here later?” he asked.
“That sounds good,” I said, feeling a bit absent minded as I hurried to get dressed.
He sat up and leaned towards me, obviously waiting for a kiss goodbye. Since I wasn’t ready to have the discussion about us just yet, I met his reach and gave him the quickest of kisses before skipping down the stairs.
I was getting really tired of trekking back and forth between the Vampire Quarter and the rest of the underworld. I wondered where I would finally settle once everything else was decided. I still couldn’t imagine myself living in this place. It was beautiful, gothic, and intricate, with lovely designs and menacing sharp edges everywhere you looked. I could fully appreciate the planning that had gone into the architecture now, with my super-vision; but it was still dark, and I still didn’t really care for vampires outside of my close circle. Am I allowed to be a vampire living out of the Quarter? I wondered.
I came to the street in town where I needed to decide if I was going to the palace first, or going to the fields. I knew going to the fields would be pointless if I didn’t first go the palace and make sure my new condition had canceled out my destiny. Right it was.
So many locations I could be visiting in the underworld, and yet it seemed I was always in the same few places.
Loki greeted me at the door; his face wasn’t young and cheerful looking anymore. “What have you done?” his voice rumbled several octaves deeper than I had heard come out of him.
“You, all of you,” I said, flinging my hand at the whole of the palace, “forced me to do this so that I could make my own choices.”
His eyes were so full of anger. “You do not know what you’ve done,” he said through gritted teeth and walked away from me.
I expected my welcome from Hades and Persephone would be about as warm, but I needed to know what the plan was, and who was in charge now.
I walked into the garden and saw Persephone standing nearby, having just watched my argument with my father. She was so still I hadn’t immediately noticed her.
“Do you feel the same way?” I asked, when she saw me looking at her.
She shook her head. “Don’t you think I would have done the same to have avoided my own destiny? Don’t you think Loki, the God of Mischief, would have done that—or much worse—to get out of much less?” she laughed.
“So I did it? By getting rid of my soul, do I now get to decide my own destiny?” I asked.
“I can’t say that I believe it is all that easy, but for now at least, yes,” she admitted, and gave a deep and elegant curtsy.
I remembered her earlier promise. Having the queen of all of the underworld curtsy to me didn’t make me feel like I had won, though. I laughed awkwardly and motioned for her to stand.
“So now what? Who is ruling? Are the gates closed?” I asked.
“The gates are indeed closed, and Lucifer’s little hidden passageway has been sealed. The souls that made it here from Hell are being screened to see if they can in fact stay. Lucifer is angry that he wasn’t able to convince any more souls to follow him back to Hell.” She giggled and it lit up her face.
“He seemed charming enough, but I guess he just wasn’t that good a trickster after all,” I mused.
“He’s a brilliant trickster, but Loki is better. Up against anyone else, Lucifer would have cleaned up with souls, who would have happily followed him back to the pit. The souls Loki won have already gone to their new places, and the door was closed. Loki is just here until things with you are done.”
“Guess I killed his dream of a perfect family,” I scoffed.
“My dear, if you can show me one perfect family in the history of gods and goddesses, I’ll be impressed. He will get over it,” she said. “So since you aren’t taking over the underworld, I will continue to oversee things, and it will run as it always has. What are your plans for yourself now that you are free to choose your own way?”
I felt immense relief knowing that Persephone would still be in charge. She was the only one of these crazy deities that I even remotely trusted not to let things go up in flames. At the very least, I believed she wouldn’t set the fire.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think I want to live in the Vampire Quarter, and I would love to go back to reaping, but I’m not sure there’s still a place for me there. So much has changed,” I sighed.
“Will your Raphael come with you?” Persephone asked, with curiosity sparkling in her brown eyes. As spring faded in the living world, her hair and eyes were returning to their darker shades.
“I don’t think so. He doesn’t feel like mine anymore,” I told her.
“I see. That’s OK; paths cross, destinies unfold, and then everything gets shaken up so that it can start all over again. In time, love will find you again,” she smoothed my hair and gave me a sweet smile. “Go see if there is still a place fo
r you in the fields,” she said.
“What about Loki. Do I need to make some kind of amends?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Families of gods do not make amends in that way. In time, he will forget, and he might contact you again.” She shrugged, “Or he might not, and either way, you will be fine.”
I waved to her and left the palace, hoping that I wouldn’t be returning anytime soon.
My stomach felt like a big tangled mess as I approached the fields. I felt like the prodigal son (or would it be daughter?), returning home and hoping I would be accepted.
Soren had been very clear on his opinions of vampires from the first time I had met him. After getting to know Boude and Grace a little better, he had admitted that maybe they weren’t all bad. However, he had shared my belief that a soul was far too valuable a thing to give up, even to be a vampire. I had believed that too, until I learned that wasn’t always the case.
Soren might not even be there, or might not even speak to me, if Eira was still making decisions for him. I recalled our last conversation at the shed before I left for Hell, and his confession. I wasn’t certain I was ready for that conversation either, but it was better than the one I needed to have with Raphael.
Out in the distance I saw the silhouettes of Billy and Soren digging. I wanted to run to them and throw myself into their arms, then grab my own shovel and jump in beside them.
I didn’t run, though; I kept a steady pace, and hoped that they would still love me—that they would still be my friends.
“Hey guys,” I said when I got a little closer.
“Hel!” Billy said, and he actually sounded excited to see me; he hadn’t noticed yet.
“What you doing here, your highness?” Soren asked, looking all huge and serious.
I remembered how he intimidated me when I was first around him. Now I just smiled. “That royal life wasn’t for me. Give me a blue-collar job any day,” I said.
Digging to Hell (The Gravedigger Series Book 3) Page 13
