Before It Stains

by R. E. Bradshaw

  “Okay, just keep it together, Steph. You can do this.”

  When she walked through the open door, she found Mo in the front room, wearing the gray sweat pants and old blue tee shirt, as predicted.

  “Hey,” Mo said, shyly.

  “Hey,” Stephanie replied.

  Neither spoke for a moment. Mo’s hair was a mess and she looked like she hadn’t slept at all. She was pale and Stephanie could see she was trembling. She probably had not eaten since yesterday. Mo never ate when she was stressed. Stephanie used to have to force smoothies on her when she got like that. Stephanie always looked out for Mo.

  They both started talking at once.

  “Can I get you something to-”

  “Why don’t we sit d-” Stephanie stopped, and then said, “No, thank you. Let’s just sit down.”

  Mo held out her hand, indicating Stephanie should sit on the couch, which she did. Mo took the armchair across from her. More moments of silence followed. Stephanie searched Mo’s face for an answer. She only had one question, why? Their eyes darted back and forth, locked on each other, until Mo dropped her head and began to cry softly. When she spoke, her words were whispers.

  “I’m so sorry, Stephanie. I know you hate me. I don’t blame you.”

  They were both crying now. A tear rolled down Stephanie’s cheek. The pain rose in her chest, shortening her breath.

  Her calmness belied the tempest growing inside her, when Stephanie responded, “I’m hurt, I’m angry, and I feel betrayed, but I don’t know that I hate you. I have loved you so long, I don’t know that I can hate you. I wanted to. I even said it. I’m definitely not your biggest fan right now, but I don’t hate you.”

  Mo looked up from the floor. “I don’t know what to say to you. I can’t lose you. I can’t lose our family. I’ll do anything you want. I’ll stay home. I won’t go to LA. I’ll …”

  Stephanie held up her hand. “Just stop. Before we go any further, there is one thing you need to understand. I won’t let that bitch take my house or part of my business. You’re going to go to LA and fulfill that contract.”

  Mo tried to interrupt, “But-”

  “Don’t. Just don’t. You lost your right to have a say in this when you put our home and family in jeopardy. We will get you out of that contract somehow, but until we do, you are holding up your end of the bargain. Go do your job. Unless I’m mistaken, and remember I did read the contract, she simply gets you jobs and takes her cut. It doesn’t say anywhere in there that you are required to have personal contact with her.”

  “How do I do that when she’s my agent?”

  Stephanie leaned forward to make her point. “If you have one inkling that I’m letting you back in my life, you will cut all ties with her this minute. Ban her ass from the set, lose her number, and keep your fucking pants on.”

  Mo almost smiled, but covered it by saying, “Done.”

  Stephanie realized she had given Mo hope and wanted to make sure she understood that this was just the tip of the iceberg.

  “Don’t think you’re getting off that easy. I’m simply taking care of Colt. This isn’t about you and me. It’s about making sure his home isn’t ripped out from under him, because you fucked around. That’s not a lesson I want him to learn at this age.”

  The smile faded from Mo’s face. “Is he okay? Did you say anything to him?”

  “I told you I wouldn’t, and I haven’t. That’s your hornets’ nest. You deal with it.”

  “I will,” Mo said, weakly. “I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to hurt him.”

  Stephanie narrowed her eyes. “You already hurt him, he just doesn’t know it yet.”

  Mo’s tears began to cascade down her face. She buried her head in her hands, her body jerking with silent sobs.

  “Why, Mo? Why did you do it? What was so wrong with our lives that you slept with another woman? Are we holding you back? Is there somewhere else you’d rather be? Have you just been waiting for something better to come along?”

  Mo shot out of the chair. “No! None of that’s true.” She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, but it was no use. Her tears were coming hard and fast. “Stephanie, I never once thought any of that. Don’t you get it? I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk and to tell you the truth, I don’t remember very much of it at all. I don’t even know if I really had sex with her. I know I did enough to feel guilty as hell and scared.” She shuddered, her diaphragm fighting her attempt to take in air. “Scared you would find out and this would happen.”

  “Don’t give me that shit, Mo. You know exactly what you did, drunk or not. You were scared I would find out? If I hadn’t, would you be feeling less guilty? You got caught, Mo. Fess up, tell the truth. No use lying anymore.”

  Mo spoke, almost in a whisper, “I don’t know how this happened.”

  “I do.” Stephanie wasn’t letting up. “You started believing your own hype, Mo. She stroked your ego and you liked it. Don’t try to put this off on being drunk. You put yourself in an inappropriate situation, something bad happened, and you’re surprised? You crossed the line long before you actually slept with her. If you don’t realize that, then there’s no need to continue this conversation.”

  Mo stared at Stephanie.

  “Admit it. It was exciting and new. It wasn’t the same wife and kid at home. Was it worth the few hours you were free of us?” Stephanie’s words were hurting Mo. She could see it, but she didn’t care. She wanted to say it all. “I’m sure she did look good without any responsibilities tied to her, no mortgage, no car payments, no kid, nothing but time and money to spend on you. I guess, in comparison, your humdrum, day-to-day life with me just didn’t stack up.”

  “Stephanie, it wasn’t like that. Don’t you know how much I love you, that I love Colt, that you’re my world? None of this means anything, if you aren’t with me.”

  Stephanie shot off the couch. “Were you thinking about me when you were flirting and playing grab ass with another woman?”

  Mo came toward Stephanie and grabbed her elbows, desperately pleading, “Listen to me, please, listen to me. I betrayed your trust. I know that. I’m trying to tell you I know what I’ve done. I don’t know how to make you see, I know, God, I know.” She backed away and fell against the wall. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  Stephanie stood frozen in place, unable to maintain the rage that had bubbled just below the surface. She couldn’t look at Mo. Stephanie had never known strong, confident Mo so shattered, so distraught. She’d never heard Mo keen with grief. The audible pain tore at Stephanie’s soul. It was all she could do to stand there and not take Mo in her arms, hold her, and soothe her broken heart. Once again, faced with the decision to put Mo’s needs before her own, she would choose Mo. Maybe that was the problem all along.

  Stephanie reached out and helped Mo steady herself. She walked the completely helpless woman to the bathroom. Mo had given over to Stephanie’s touch with no resistance. Stephanie put the lid down on the toilet and sat Mo down. She got on her knees and pulled Mo’s chin up from her chest, so they were eye to eye.

  “Mo, you never once had to wonder where I was or what I was doing. You never had to sit through a dinner I didn’t show up for. You never had to wonder if that dinner would still be waiting for you when you came home. You never had to explain to a little boy why his MoMo was too busy to play with him, again. You took us for granted and I let you. I’m not letting you anymore.”

  Mo tried to speak. Stephanie placed her fingers over Mo’s lips.

  “Shhh. Just listen. Take a shower and get yourself together. You’re going to LA. You’ll have some time to think about being alone, on your own, without me hovering over you. Maybe you’ll decide that’s the life you want. We’re tied together forever by Colt. I couldn’t leave you if I tried. You’ll always be in my life, but, after Colt, I have to think about me, not you. I have to put me first, do you understand?”

  Mo nodded that she did.

 
; “Maybe I spent so much time trying to make our lives perfect, I lost sight of me. That’s my fault. You were my universe. That’s an awful lot of responsibility for my happiness in someone else’s hands. The cheating was just a symptom of something bigger. We have to find out the cause, before we can fix it. I love you, Mo. I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I may have loved you too much.”

  Mo reached out and smoothed stray strands of hair from Stephanie’s face. “When I get back, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know you’re everything I ever dreamed of.”

  “If that’s how this ends, then I can live with that, but what I can’t live with is the prospect this would ever happen again. I have to trust you. Give me a week to figure out if that’s possible, because if I have to tell you today, the answer is no.”

  Stephanie leaned in and kissed Mo with the full knowledge that this could be the last kiss she ever shared with the love of her life. Mo pulled Stephanie closer, pressing into her lips. The moan that escaped Mo’s chest wasn’t sensual, it was desperation and longing for things lost. The sound clutched Stephanie’s heart and the kiss deepened, their tears mingling on each other’s cheeks. Mo slipped to her knees on the floor. They held each other too tightly, too passionately. Stephanie had to break free or she would give in right there on the bathroom floor. Mo’s kiss always held some mystical power over Stephanie; at this moment, it threatened to ruin her resolve.

  Stephanie gently pushed Mo away and left the bathroom without another word. She heard Mo speak, as she closed the door behind her.

  “I love you, Steph. That’s never going to change.”

  The old Stephanie would have stayed. She would have arranged Mo’s flight, as she normally did. She would have made Mo eat something. She would have checked that Mo had everything she needed in her suitcase. She would have driven her to the airport and kissed her goodbye. The new Stephanie walked out the front door without doing any of those things. Mo was on her own.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  After finally shooing her mother and PJ away, Stephanie was alone for a few hours. She promised to call them both just to check in. Stephanie didn’t discuss the details of her conversation with Mo, other than to say, as far as Colt was to know, nothing had changed. It was three-thirty when she finally sat down in the home office and flipped on the desktop computer. Stephanie was a businesswoman by trade. She knew a little about business law, but not a lot. She did, however, know someone who did. Colt’s father, or the man he called Dad anyway.

  She intended to do a little web surfing on her own. Before she started, she texted Randy Ransom, asking him to call her. Randy and Stephanie were best friends since high school. They dated back then, slept together a few times, even went to the same college, but they realized what drew them together was their sexuality. They were both gay. Randy introduced Stephanie to her first girlfriend and picked up the pieces when it fell apart. He was there when she met Mo and stood by Stephanie’s side when she married her. He was Stephanie’s maid of honor, decked out in full white tails and matching top hat, claiming if Stephanie could wear white, he could too.

  Randy went on to law school and coincidently worked in the firm owned by the female law student Stephanie was in a relationship with when she met Mo. That law student went on to be one of the most successful defense attorneys in the Southeast. Stephanie broke off the relationship when it became obvious to her, she and Mo were meant for each other.

  Randy worked in the civil law division of the firm. His specialty was suing insurance companies when they refused to pay a legitimate claim. When Randy got through with them, they usually paid more than it would have cost to do the right thing in the first place. Stephanie enjoyed watching Randy butch up for court, because he told her, “There are twelve people on the jury. My sexuality does not matter to the lesbians. I am already ahead with the gay guys. It’s the straight ones I have to play to. It’s all in the game.”

  Stephanie glanced down and saw the napkin with Michaela’s note, wadded in a ball, and resting on the top of the trash. She shoved the trash down further and put a piece of paper over it, so she could no longer see the lipstick and faint curl of the inked “M.” Stephanie turned back to the computer screen and typed “sexual harassment” in the search engine. The phone rang on the desk. Distracted by the search results, Stephanie did not look at the caller ID.

  “Hello.”

  The voice on the other end sent a white-hot bolt of lightning down Stephanie’s spine. She went rigid, her rage growing with every syllable on the line.

  “Stephanie, this is Michaela. I’m at the LAX. We just landed. I’m sure you know by now Mo did not get on in Raleigh. She knows how important this meeting is tomorrow. I can’t imagine what would have kept her off that plane. Is she at home? Did something happen? She won’t answer her phone. Hello, are you there?”

  “She had to catch a later flight,” Stephanie said, through clinched teeth, her knuckles turning white from gripping the phone so hard.

  “Are you kidding me? What time will she be here? I’m not waiting around the airport for hours.”

  Stephanie, unlike Mo, was not in the least attracted to or impressed by Michaela. She never liked her, but the young agent came highly recommended. A recommendation Stephanie intended to address in the near future, but right now she had the “other woman” on the phone, and this was not an opportunity she was going to let pass. She laid the gauntlet down.

  “Mo’s a big girl. She was travelling without your assistance when you were still in braces. I don’t see in her contract where it says she has to depend on you for a ride from the airport, or anything else really, other than whoring her out to jobs so you can get your cut.”

  Michaela revealed just how frequently she had been involved in situations like this. She picked up the heated tone in Stephanie’s voice and went straight to the point.

  “I guess you found my note.”

  Stephanie was skilled in the art of handling difficult people. She had to in her job, where she dealt with irate contractors and outraged property owners. She stood toe to toe with guys in hardhats and building inspectors without losing her cool. However, Stephanie could drop her cultured exterior and get down to the nitty-gritty, when the situation called for it. Michaela was flaunting her conquest and disregard for anyone’s feelings but her own. Stephanie narrowed her eyes and sat up straighter. If she could have reached through the phone, Michaela would have had a handprint across her face. A verbal slap would have to do.

  With the superior tone intended, Stephanie said, “You wanted me to find that note. You’re really quite the little bitch, aren’t you? Are you so pathetic that you have to get your thrills wrecking other people’s lives? Is this what you do to get daddy’s attention?”

  “I believe your problem is with your so-called wife. She wouldn’t be fucking me, if she got what she needed at home.”

  “Let me ask you a question, Michaela.”

  “Go ahead, but you might not like the answer.”

  “Oh, it’s not about Mo. I know everything I need to know about Mo. I know what she likes on her hamburger. I know what size shoes she wears. I know what brand of toothpaste she prefers, what she’s allergic to, her momma’s name, where she had her first girl kiss, her favorite color, I even know what thread count she likes in our sheets. I know her annoying habits and endearing quirks. So, no Michaela, I don’t need you to tell me a damn thing about Mo."

  Michaela sounded bored. “So, what’s your question?”

  “I want to know if you love anything. Is there one thing you just can’t live without? And I know it’s not Mo. You’re caught now. The game is up. No more thrills for you. So, tell me, what could you not stand to lose? Let me guess, it’s daddy’s money. No wait, it’s daddy’s approval, isn’t it?”

  Michaela dropped the attitude, when she asked, “Why do you want to know?”

  “Because when this is done, and it will be done, I want to make damn sure you
realize what kind of games you’ve been playing at. You seem to forget that I run quite a large business. I know a few things about sexual harassment laws.”

  “It’s not sexual harassment, if she consented.”

  Stephanie laughed. “I think you better read that part again. That napkin alone is enough to bury you. Have daddy’s lawyers check on that for you.”

  “I’ll do that,” Michaela snapped.

  “I’m going to save some other woman the trouble of dealing with you. After I’m done, you’ll think twice about going after something that isn’t yours to have. I want you to lie awake at night, wondering where it all went wrong. I want you to remember this moment, when I promised to take the one thing you love more than anything and destroy it. This is my family you’re fucking with. I think by now you’re wondering what can she do to me? You just keep wondering, honey. Your day is coming, you can bet all your daddy’s money on that. You may already have.”

  “You don’t scare me.” Michaela laughed, but it was faked to cover her distress.

  “I should,” Stephanie said, calmly in control of the situation. “I don’t have anything else to lose.”

  Stephanie hung up, reached in the wastebasket, and pulled out the wrinkled cocktail napkin with the lipstick stain that destroyed her world. It was now a weapon and she intended to use it to clean up the mess.

  #

  Stephanie carried the bowl of popcorn and Colt brought the drinks. They piled on the couch in the den, together. They settled on “True Grit,” after Stephanie nixed all the horror movies Colt wanted to watch. Love stories were out. Colt hated them and Stephanie wasn’t in the mood for romance. So, a shoot ’em up western was the choice for movie night. Stephanie loved that Colt still wanted to spend time with her. She knew the days were numbered when eating popcorn with his mother would win out over some other activity.