Saven Defiance (The Saven Series Book 4)
Page 21
I take a quick swig of the punchy, spicy liquid, relishing the burn at the back of my throat. “It won’t matter. The damage is already done.”
His earnest eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry.”
I prop my face in my hands. “This situation is hardly your fault.”
Our conversation dries up after that. Both drained, in more ways than one, we finish our drinks in amicable silence and retreat to bed.
“You were wrong, you know,” I say, slipping in under the covers. “I’m not inherently good.” Shunting on my side, I look him squarely in the face. “I’ve made terrible decisions that have hurt those I love. In all honesty, a part of me actually agrees with Haydn.”
“Don’t say that. It’s not true.” Logan hauls me into his loving embrace. “You’ve done the best you could in difficult circumstances, and you never intentionally set out to hurt anyone. Haydn will see that in time.”
Logan’s gentle snores reverberate around the room. This time, I’m fighting sleep, not battling with a bout of insomnia. I’m actually glad I overheard the earlier conversation, because it’s solved another little problem for me.
Or it’s about to.
I ease carefully out of the bed so as not to disturb Logan. He can’t know what I’m up to.
I dress quickly and quietly and let myself out of the room. Down in the lobby, I have no trouble convincing the girl on duty to give up Haydn’s room number. Riding the elevator to the twentieth floor, I tread purposefully to his room, gently rapping on the door a couple of times.
The sound of cussing and giggling greets my ears, and I rear back in surprise as the door is opened. Haydn grimaces the minute he sees me. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
I lodge my foot in the doorframe so he can’t close it on me. “Tough. I need to speak to you, and you are going to listen.” I push past him into the room and slam to a halt. A pretty girl with long raven-colored hair is sitting up in his bed, clutching sheets around her naked shoulders.
I blush scarlet. “I’m so sorry!” Though my every instinct screams at me to haul ass out of here, I’m not leaving until I’ve arranged what I came here to do. “I need to speak to Haydn for two minutes, and I’ll leave you alone then.” I send her an apologetic smile, and she looks between Haydn and me with a confused look on her face.
“In here,” Haydn growls, wrenching me by the arm into the bathroom. He shuts the door. “This better be good.”
I tuck my hair behind my ears. “I need to ask you to do something.” His scowl thickens. “It’s to protect Logan!” I stammer before he kicks me out. Folding his arms across his bare chest, he pins me with a look. “I don’t know if Griselda can still get into my mind and control me, but if she does I need you to promise that you’ll knock me out or incapacitate me in some way before I can do any damage.”
He stares at me, but it’s hard to gauge his reaction.
“Please, Haydn.” I beseech him with my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”
A flash of emotion sparkles behind his eyes, and they soften, but it’s so fleeting that I’m not even sure if I read it correctly. “Okay,” he concedes. “I’ll do it. Knock you out if I spot anything suspicious.”
“Thank you. I knew you would have no trouble agreeing to this.”
He growls as he grabs my elbow. “You think I’m happy about any of this? You may be my least favorite person right now, but that doesn’t mean I’d enjoy hurting you. It’s my job to agree to this. To keep him safe.” He rubs his neck, looking sheepish. “To keep you safe.”
Color me surprised. I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. “Don’t go reading anything into that. Nothing has changed between us.”
Tears prick my eyes, but I push them away. “I understand. Thank you.” I turn to leave.
“Sadie?”
When I turn back around, the look on his face is softer. “It’s probably best if we keep this between us.”
“Agreed.”
“Okay, then.” His eyes flit over my head, and his whole demeanor changes, lightens. It’s a good look on him.
“Who’s the girl?” I blurt out, instantly ruining the atmosphere.
“None of your business, that’s who she is,” he hisses.
I wrench the bathroom door open and race toward the main exit without looking at the girl waiting in Haydn’s bed. At the last minute, I turn back around. Haydn is standing right behind me, and I almost slam into him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry I ruined our friendship.” Despite my best intentions, tears pool in my eyes. “I miss you,” I whisper.
His face contorts, and it’s obvious he’s hugely conflicted. Expectation is palpable in the air. I silently plead for some peace offering, some indication that things might be salvageable.
“I miss you, too.” His voice is raw, gruff, his look full of remorse, pain, and so many differing emotions. I move toward him but he holds up his palm to halt me. “But it changes nothing, Sadie. I’m sorry.”
Tears glide down my cheeks as I flee the room.
I’m too traumatized to return to our suite, and I need to get my emotions in check in case Logan wakes up and senses my inner turmoil. I can’t have him searching my mind and discovering the truth of my agreement with Haydn. If he finds out, he’s going to go off on one.
There is a small partially covered courtyard at the rear of the hotel that I gravitate toward. Soft couches are grouped around low tables, faintly illuminated by the glow of multicolored candles that litter the space. Lilting music plays softly in the background.
I sink into a couch, tossing my sneakers to the ground. Hugging my knees to my chest, I focus on taking innate breaths in an effort to calibrate my wayward emotions.
I think Haydn is lost to me forever, and that acceptance guts me.
But I have other more pressing concerns. Rampant fear for my sister is at the forefront of my mind. I massage the dull pounding in my head, as I shiver involuntarily. The breeze is cooler out here at this time of night.
“You look like you could use this.” I jump as Ax looms over me. His hand is outstretched in offering.
I gratefully accept the thick, gray blanket, wrapping it around my shoulders without delay. “Thanks.”
He sits down beside me without invitation, and we don’t speak for several minutes. “I saw you out on the balcony earlier looking at the fireworks display.”
“Yeah. I’ve never seen one before.”
He presses forward on his elbows. “Actually, you have.” He casts a sidelong glance at me, through long, thick lashes, and swirling colors glimmer in his eyes. He launches into an immediate explanation. “We attended the Annual Christmas Ball every year on Torc, and you were always mesmerized by the fireworks show. This one time, I managed to bribe the event organizer to put on a private show. We snuck out, and—”
“Don’t. Please.” I interrupt him without apology. “I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to help.”
A flare of anger ruptures his face. “Why are you so determined to cut me out?”
I swathe myself fully in the blanket as I face him. “I’m not, Ax, but no amount of stories from our past is going to change my mind. I’ve chosen Logan, and that’s not going to change.”
“You haven’t even given me a chance!” He presses his knuckles to his forehead.
“It isn’t a competition! This is my life we’re talking about!”
“Mine, too!” he yells, jumping up and pacing the room. “I know this is difficult for you, but you’ve turned your back on us without a second thought. You’re making a mistake.”
I stand up and the blanket flutters to the ground. “I’m not, Ax. I know my own mind, and I’ve made my decision.”
Rushing to my side, he palms my face before I can protest. “That’s exactly the issue, though. You don’t know your own mind. It’s full of the secrets of your past, and instead of trying to understand that, you are charging pig-headed down the wrong path.”
Super-fast, he reels me into his arms, holding me in a tight embrace. “I can’t lose you, Sadie. I just can’t. Every day I die a little more inside.”
I try to wriggle out of his arms. “Please let me go.” And I’m not solely talking about right now. He crushes me to him one final time before reluctantly releasing me with a shuddering exhale.
A subtle noise just outside the room snags my attention. I whip my head around. Haydn shakes his head as he pierces me with a knowing look through the sheer glass wall. He turns to walk away, and I dash after him.
“Haydn, wait!” I call out. I catch up to him and pull at his shirt. “That was not how it looked.”
Stopping, he faces me with a thunderous look. “I felt bad for making you cry, and I came to see if you were all right.” He sneers. “I should’ve known you’d run straight to him.”
Shooting me a scathing look, he shoves my arm off and starts walking away.
“Goddammit!” I roar, stomping my foot. “I didn’t run to him. He just showed up.”
“Whatever, Sadie.” Haydn says as he stands by the elevator bank. “Save it for someone who believes your lies. Like Logan.”
Furious beyond reason, I slam into him from behind. Anticipating the move, Haydn grabs me before impact, spinning me around in front of him, holding my wrists in a tight bind. His warm breath hovers over my ear. “I don’t know what sick game you two are playing, but I’m watching you, both of you. If anything happens to Logan, I won’t hesitate to take you down or use whatever force is necessary. Have I made myself clear?”
“Let her go!” Ax roars, stomping noisily across the lobby.
Haydn turns around, hurling me at him. “She’s all yours. You’re welcome to each other.” I collide with Ax as the elevator pings and Haydn gets in.
Ax catches me with ease as the elevator doors slide shut. “I really dislike that guy.”
My head explodes with a multitude of confusing emotions. I straighten myself up. “I need to go back to my room.” My voice sounds devoid of any resemblance of emotion. I’m numb to the core.
“I’ll walk with you.”
“No.” I slam my palms into his chest, looking up at him. “You’ve done enough damage as it is. I care about you, Ax, but I think it’s best if we stay as far apart as possible. At least until we get through this mission.”
His jaw hardens. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is. We can’t afford for anyone to be distracted. There is too much at stake.”
“Fine.” He turns on his heel and stalks out the front door of the hotel, indicating exactly how far removed from “fine” we are.
Pressing my forehead against the cool marble wall, I close my eyes and wish I could erase the last hour. What a mess. All I seem to be doing is making matters worse. I should glue my mouth shut and sedate my brain. If only.
Pushing off the wall, I recall the elevator and drag my weary body to our suite. All I feel like doing is crashing into oblivion, but I know what must be done.
No more secrets and lies. A promise is a promise.
And I was foolish and naïve to think I could’ve kept this from Logan earlier. I don’t like waking him, but I’m not going to sleep with any threat of misunderstanding lying between us.
So, I wake him up and tell him everything that transpired.
Although he’s seething over my request to Haydn, annoyed as hell that he agreed to it, and fuming over Ax’s unwanted intervention, he’s pleased that I told him. Despite all the stressors fighting for space in my head, I feel lighter after I’ve unburdened myself. Go figure. Wrapped around his solid chest, I actually have little trouble falling sleep.
Early the next morning, after indulging in breakfast in our room, we have a quick heart-to-heart. “I need to return home, Logan.” I’m lounging on the edge of the couch, resting my head on his shoulder.
“I know.” He threads his fingers through my hair. “I could teleport you there, but I don’t like sending you into the unknown without any protection. I’d like a few days to organize it properly, to arrange suitable transportation and a contingent of guards to accompany you. Would it be okay if we stuck to the plan for now, and once we are back in the Central City, I can organize a craft to take you to Earth?”
“Of course. Thank you.” I bend down and kiss him.
He pulls me onto his lap, circling his arms around my waist. He looks pained. “I won’t be able to go with you.”
“I know. I understand that you have to stay here and settle things.”
He brushes hair out of my eyes. “I hate the thought of separation, but at least this time, we’ll be able to stay in constant contact. There should be no barrier to our telepathic connection. It gives me some measure of comfort, but I still wish I could be there for you.”
We both know what awaits me on Earth may not be easy, even if we don’t vocalize those thoughts. And while I wish Logan could come with me, I also know this is something I need to face on my own.
We trek to the lobby, hand in hand, to convene with the others. I keep my head down as Logan tears strips off Haydn for agreeing to my plan. Ax deliberately averts his gaze, and I’m grateful. Logan is primed to rip his head off if he so much as looks in my direction.
Neve and Alex are staying behind in Talla on the pretext that she is ill. She feels the timing isn’t right to tell Logan or share the news with the group at large. “There is enough drama without adding more distractions,” she says in my ear. “Besides, humans believe it’s bad luck to publicize the news so early, right?”
I hug her tightly to me. “The superstitious ones do, yeah,” I say with a teasing smile. “It’s totally your call. Stay here and look after yourself. I’ll see you soon.”
We set out shortly afterward on borrowed four-man hovercrafts. It sure as hell beats walking. Thankfully, Ax and Izzy boarded a different one than we did, but we still have to contend with a glacial-looking Haydn. One of the soldiers is driving.
“You look exhausted,” Logan says, his eyes raking over me. “Why don’t you try and catch some sleep.”
“All your nocturnal activities must be taking a toll,” Haydn mutters not too discreetly under his breath.
“The same could be said for you,” I retort, in no mood to ignore his renewed mean streak.
“That’s rich coming from you.”
“Haydn.” How Logan can manage to convey such potent meaning with one word is sheer talent. And I’m eternally grateful, because it shuts Haydn up. I lie down on Logan’s lap and shutter my eyes. It doesn’t take me long to drift off.
“Psst, Sadie,” Ax whispers. “This way.”
Crouching down, I creep behind him, keeping my body pinned to the side of the wall. Lurid music blares from the interior room. The hum of hundreds of voices tickles my eardrums. “She’ll kill you if she finds out. Or me. Or both of us,” I hiss.
Ax hops down and spins around with his arms extended. Lifting me up, he spins me around as if I weigh nothing. He gently places my feet on the ground. Angling his head, he plants a tender kiss on my lips. “She’s not going to find out. Come on.” Excitement filters through his tone as he takes my hand and grins. I grin back at him. We run quickly and quietly through the large garden and out beyond a line of tall trees. Ax steers me to the edge of a small lake and pulls me down onto his lap, wrapping his muscular arms around me.
I look all around me with a puzzled expression on my face. “Where’s my surprise?”
“Don’t you know good things come to those who wait!” He winks cheekily as he tweaks my nose. I swat his hand away. An unexpected shrill pop in the sky startles the hell out of me and I sc
ream. Ax slaps a hand over my mouth while he does his best to contain his mirth. “Shista! Could you be any louder?”
Tilting my head up in amazement, I gape as an array of multicolored lights burst in quick succession across the twinkling nighttime canvas. I stare at him in staggering disbelief. Words begin to take shape in the sky, and I squint to read them. I LOVE YOU SADIE is spelled out in a bright red blaze. “You’re crazy,” I tell him, leaning back to kiss him. “But I love it. And you.”
The fireworks continue to detonate in the background as we kiss. Suddenly, Ax hops up, shucking out of his shirt. Oodles of toned, ribbed skin glistens in the moonlight. “Fancy a midnight swim?”
“In this?” I gesture at my fancy-pants dress.
Hauling me in to his naked chest, he pins me with a wolfish grin. “Without it was more what I had in mind.”
“I am not stripping down to my undies out here.”
He shoots me a wicked look, before throwing me over his shoulder. “The dress it is!”
I shriek as he races toward the water, pleading with him to stop. But he’s a man on a mission. “Ax, no! Stop it! Ax! You’re freaking crazy!”
My whole body shakes and shudders, and there’s an unfathomable trembling in my bones. “Sadie. Wake up. You’re dreaming.” Logan’s voice breaks through the haze of the memory. I blink my eyes open and it takes me a couple of seconds to remember my surroundings. Logan’s distress feeds through our Eterno line loud and clear. My eyes search his. “You were calling out his name.”
Oh, crap. I sit up and straddle him. I don’t care that we have an audience. “When I was on Torc, I experienced some flashbacks. It hasn’t happened since I returned, until now. I don’t know what triggers it exactly, but last night Ax tried to tell me a story from our past. I stopped him before he could explain, but I think what I’ve just dreamed was connected. Here, let me show you, if I can.”
Though it may upset him, I would rather be completely upfront about it. We haven’t shared dreams before, and I’m unsure if he’ll be able to see what I’m remembering or purely feel the thoughts and sensations associated with it, but I want to try. He nods, so I open the line and follow the bright light deep into Logan’s core. Then I close my eyes and recall the memory, frame by frame, scene by scene.