by Zoey Marcel
“You, too.”
He left the light on and shut the door behind him on his way out.
****
Travis woke up with a start when he heard a shrill scream followed by wailing. He pretty much leaped out of bed and burst into Kayla's room. Her light was still on, but it looked like she had just woken up from a nightmare.
“What is it, Kayla?” He sat down on the bed with her and pulled her into his arms.
She shrieked and struggled, seeming half out of it before the light came on in her head. “Travis.”
She appeared relieved and fell into his arms, weeping aloud softly.
“Did you have a bad dream?”
She nodded against him and sniffled. “Yeah, but I'm okay.”
“Do you want to talk about it?
She pulled away from him suddenly and shook her head rapidly, sobbing more audibly. “Can you please take me to the doctor tomorrow? Please. I made an appointment earlier. I'll pay for it. I need to go first thing in the morning.”
Her voice broke and shook with emotion, and she cried harder once she finished her sentence.
Lord Almighty, what was wrong with the poor thing? That must have been some nightmare. “Sure, darlin'. Whatever you want.”
“I'm so screwed up. You deserve better than me,” she wailed. “My daddy's gone. I never got to make him proud of me. He wanted a horse-loving girl, but I just wanted to be free and make something of myself. Oh God, what have I done?”
She bawled into her hands, and Travis brought her back into his arms to cry on his shoulder. He rubbed her back, thrilling at the uncovered skin of her upper back and shoulder blades. It felt smooth and sensual. Her tears soaked through his T-shirt, and it broke his heart that she was so shaken up.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Kayla.” He would have thought those to be comforting words, but they only resulted in his shirt getting wetter.
“I do. I'm such a bad girl.”
He shifted his weight so she wouldn't feel the sudden interest his cock had taken in her self-degrading reference. He knew a few solutions for curing a bad girl, or making use of her waywardness.
“You're a good girl, Kayla, a good woman.”
She shook her head frantically and tried to pull away from him again, sobbing like crazy when he wouldn't let her go. “I'm not. I've done things. Horrible things I never meant to. You don't know me.”
He gripped her arms tighter, and she shuddered, swallowing hard and breathing unevenly when she saw his firm grasp on her. Her eyes elevated to his, and she seemed to relax some when she gazed at him in despair.
“What do I have to do to fix this?” he asked with urgency. “Tell me, Kayla. I'll do anything to make you feel better.”
Her features darkened with seriousness and something else as she glanced down into his lap and placed her palm over his semi-erect penis.
His dick lifted to meet her warm touch, wanting to get better acquainted with her skin on skin. “Kayla—”
She lightly touched a finger to his lips and tugged the waistband of his boxers just enough to get his riled organ out. Slowly and without words she worked the swollen flesh up and down in a gentle, soothing rhythm that would surely be his undoing.
“Lord Almighty, girl. That feels wonderful.” He flashed her an intimate grin and reached for her shorts, surprised by the way her eyes widened and she slapped his hand away.
“I want this to be about you.” She looked nervous, but that was an understatement. She acted downright scared.
“Kayla, I can't just take pleasure like a selfish jackass and not give you any in return. Seriously, now, just let me—”
“If you touch me, everything stops.” She released his shaft and glowered at him. “I want to make you come, Travis. I just want to please you and serve you. I don't want an orgasm.”
He blinked at her like she was a quirky hippo grazing among cattle. Not want an orgasm? What woman was opposed to climaxing? Kayla handled his goods like she'd fondled other men's junk, but she seemed dead serious about not wanting any kind of release for herself.
“Why not?”
Her countenance shadowed with numerous emotions and thoughts that were unfortunately concealed from him. “Just let me do this for you. It'll make me feel better.”
He sighed. “Well, all right. If that's really what you want to do.”
Her hand fisted his tingling length and gently coaxed him to swell and harden even more. The orgasmic awareness growing in his engorged genitals made him wild with passion.
Her neutral facial expression confused and grieved him. He wanted her to be a part of this, but apparently she didn't want to be. Why? She jerked his turgid cock faster and harder, ensuring his wandering mind must focus on his impending finale.
“You're so good at this, cricket,” he choked out, wishing he sounded more like a man when she behaved so calm and collected. Why was she?
Seven years ago she'd pretty much thrown herself at him and been ready to give him her purity. Now here they were experiencing their first intimacy together and she was cool as a cucumber. It made him awkward, hurt, and annoyed. But mostly it summoned the Dom in him to take control and make her feel as much as he did.
“I can't stand this, Kayla. I've got to touch you, girl.”
Kayla lost her breath and let go of his shaft when he yanked her head and plastered his mouth on hers. His libido went into overdrive when he heard her soft little moan and felt her tiny hands rest against his chest. She sucked in a violent breath of air when he groped her breasts and rolled them rhythmically in his hands.
Her sudden loss of control shattered what was left of his, if any. He nudged her back onto the mattress and stuck his hand down her shorts. His balls solidified when he felt the fleshy smoothness of her waxed cunt. Oh lord, she really was perfect for him, wasn't she?
Her scream excited him, and the way she pushed against his chest as if in feigned protest was equally arousing. He pinned her arms down enjoying the submissive position she was in as he prepared to tug on her shorts. When she thrashed like a shark in a feeding frenzy and tried to knee his groin, he broke the kiss, startled by the wide-eyed terror etched all over her pretty face.
“Travis, don't! I can't do this!” she sobbed. “I need you to be different.”
A cold chill of reality blew through him when he realized what she was. He wasn't lying on top of the same girl who'd professed her love for him seven years ago. He was lying against a victim, looking down into the hazel eyes of lost innocence. A sickening nausea assailed him when he saw a thousand unshared horrors in her haunted eyes and heard a thousand unheard screams in the silence.
Kayla had been raped.
Travis immediately got off her and pulled his boxers back on, watching her in heartache and anger. “Who hurt you, Kayla?”
She sat up, seeming humiliated and uncomfortable. “Nobody hurt me. I just don't want you touching me.”
“You did seven years ago.”
“Well, things are different now.”
“You mean before you were—”
“Get out.” She raised her voice before her eyes squeezed shut in anguish. “Please.”
He heaved a frustrated sigh and left, flipping the light off on his way out.
She screamed. “Oh God, the light!”
He barged back into the room and flipped the switch on, stunned to see her in the fetal position, bawling and shaking violently with terror. He hurried over to her and then sat on the bed, bringing her into him. “Shh. It's okay.”
She clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably. “I never should have gone to California. I should have stayed here. I never got famous like I wanted to. I should have stuck around and waited for you to pull your head out of your ass and like me.”
He had to smile at her little slur against him. “I should have made you stay. Better yet, I should have pulled my ass out of my head. I meant that the other way around.” He snickered, pleased at her soft giggle. “Darlin', I
loved you then, and I love you now. You were just so young at the time and I didn't want to scare you off with my needs, but I've mended my mistakes and foolish way of thinking.”
“I love you, too,” she said tearfully, kissing his shoulder and holding him tight. “I wish I had stayed.”
“So do I, but you're here now and that's all that matters. You are planning on staying, right? I noticed you only had a purse with you and no luggage, so I didn't quite know what to make of that.”
Kayla sniffled and scooted back, brushing the tears off her cheeks. “I'm back for good. I'm never going back there.”
He didn't miss the way she shuddered, looking like she might vomit over whatever memory haunted her.
“What happened in California, Kayla?”
She stiffened, keeping her eyes lowered. “I fucked up my life. That's what happened.” Her eyes watered again. “And now because of it I can never be with you.”
He smiled, relieved to prove her wrong as he wiped away the soggy trails from her face. “What are you talking about, girl? Of course, you're gonna be with me. I've only been holding out for you for years. I mean there were a few girlfriends, but it was never like what we had.”
“We only had friendship.”
“I know.”
She seemed touched by his words.
He weaved his fingers through her sleek strawberry blonde hair and took in all of her lovely features. “Who hurt you, darlin'? Tell me. Let me take your pain away.”
Her head lifted, and all traces of light had left her eyes. “You can't heal me, Travis, not unless you have a cure for HIV.”
His heart nearly stopped beating in his chest. “What?”
She wept soundlessly as she spoke. “I don't have mono. I have HIV.”
It was just as devastating to take in the second time she said it. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I was tested, and it came up positive. I don't know if it's turned into AIDS yet or not, but I really need to get to the doctor to see if they can give me some kind of medicine to make it more bearable.”
He tried to process the information, but his brain seemed unwilling to entertain the thought of his lady being ravaged by a deadly disease that would only result in her death.
Her voice cracked. “Now you know why I can't be with you. You deserve a clean woman who can give you healthy babies and share a long life with you. I can't give you those things.”
She buried her face in her palms, bawling like mad.
He gawked at her, still in shock. “Kayla, I don't really know what to say. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
She sniffled and swiped her arm under her nose, shaking her head. “Just take me to the doctor tomorrow. Oh God, look at me, blubbering everywhere like a weepy clown. I'm sorry.”
“Don't be. I want to help you.”
“I just need to be alone right now. Please.”
He brushed her arm in a caring sweep before taking his leave. “It's gonna be all right, Kayla. I'll take care of you.”
She nodded bleakly. “Thanks.”
Travis exited the room, leaving the light on this time. Kayla had a lethal disease. His baby cricket wouldn't get to have the life he planned on having with her.
He wandered back into his room and planted his butt on the edge of the bed, spying the picture of him and her with his two brothers on the nightstand. He snatched it up and absorbed every detail. It had been warm that day, he remembered. Kayla had been in a silly mood, and he recalled hoping she didn't feel his erection through his pants as he and his two younger brothers huddled together around her while their mother had taken the picture.
That was what he wanted, oddly enough. He wanted to keep her with him and his brothers for always and never let anything happen to her. But something did happen to her, and he couldn't help but feel that if he'd only taken her up on her offer years ago and made her his, none of those terrible things would have happened to her. She wouldn't have been raped or whatever else, and she wouldn't be dying either.
Tears welled in his eyes, and the power permeating off the picture provoked him to do something he hadn't done in years. He wept. Kayla was his perfect match, but he'd let her go and now it was killing her.
Chapter Six: Mind-Fuck
Kayla walked out of the clinic in a zombie-like trance. It didn't make sense. What the fuck was happening? She climbed up into the truck, feeling warm when she took Travis's big hand and he pulled her up onto the bench seat with him.
“Well?”
Her lower lip quivered as she foundered for her words. “They said I didn't need medicine. I had them test me like you suggested, and the results were negative.”
His face perked with enthusiasm, though he appeared skeptical as well. “You mean you healed?”
“I … I don't know. People don't just heal from something like that. I don't understand. I had a positive HIV test back in California.”
“Maybe they mixed up your test with somebody else's.”
She shook her head, still trembling with shock. “I don't think so. He showed me the results. I looked over them very closely.”
“Who did?” Travis took her hand in his, using his callused thumb to stroke the top of her hand.
“My employer. The clinic sent for my medical records just to verify the results. They should know here soon why that happened.” Her head went back against the headrest. “Somebody screwed up somewhere. I just really hope it was Dr. Smith and not these guys. I don't want to die.”
Travis squeezed her hand and made his tone firm. “You're not gonna die, Kayla. I won't let that happen. Come here.”
She smiled and scooted toward him, feeling safe and like she'd come home when he took her in his arms.
“Damn, I was so worried about you. That scared me to death what you said last night. I need you to be safe right here by my side.”
She melted into his strong arms, feeling completely moved by the beauty in his words and the passion that motivated them. “Thank you.”
“You want to grab a bite to eat? Now that you're not stricken with that awful disease, you may as well enjoy some real food. How about some fried chicken and all the fixings?”
She grinned, mouth watering in remembrance. “That sounds yummy.”
****
Kayla stood under the deluge of hot water, basking in the swirls of steam rising around her. The high water temperature felt relaxing to her muscles, but her spirit felt empty and numb. She couldn't stop thinking about her dad and how she'd disappointed him, and to a point, he her. But she loved him and knew he'd loved her back. She'd give anything to have more time with him, or at least a fleeting moment to tell him she was sorry.
Then there were the conflicting test results. The negative today was as much a relief as it was alarming. Which was the accurate reading? She could be walking around with a deadly disease in her, or she could be perfectly fine. She was probably clean given the favorable newer test results, but that dreaded “what if” still gnawed at her imagination.
Had Beck Hammond created fake test results to scare her into obeying him? He’d sometimes used her supposed medicine as a bargaining chip to gain her cooperation. He’d gone on and on about how she would never be able to afford the medicine on her own and that she needed him to pay for it. Had those pills even been medicinal or a mere placebo?
“Kayla.”
She stiffened, head jerking at near neck-snapping speed when she heard Travis's voice as he entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. “Yeah?”
“Do you mind if I sit in here and talk to you while you wash? I won't look at you none, and I promise I'll leave before you get out.”
She nodded, feeling dumb when she realized he couldn't see her do so through the opaque shower curtain. “That's fine.”
It sounded like he sat on the closed lid of the toilet seat. “I want you to tell me—”
“Let me go first.” Anything to keep his pesky questions from unearthing her soul-scar
ring past.
“All right, go ahead.”
“What did you mean yesterday when you said that you, Jake, and Keith had waited for me?”
A telling pause occupied the space she expected his answer to.
“The three of us have loved you since you turned eighteen.”
She felt her lips tweak to form a sassy half smile. “Everything magically changed on my eighteenth birthday, huh?”
“Well, we might have—and the key word is might—have noticed you a few months or a year before that. We were kind of in denial, though, because you were so young.”
Her head dropped to watch the water run down the drain. It was there, and then it was gone, like passing moments in her life, never to return. Haunting, tragic lyrics ran back through her head, touching and breaking her heart as the song reminded her that nothing lasted forever but the earth and sky.
She shoved the heart-wrenching lines from her head. “Was that the only reason you turned me down that night all those years ago—because I was so young?”
“Well, that and the lifestyle we live.”
“Ranching or BDSM?”
He hesitated before answering. “Both.”
“I'm a lot stronger than you think I am, Travis.” That was an understatement. She'd been through hell and survived somehow.
“I know you are. You're the strongest woman I know.”
She wouldn't take it that far. His sister, Miranda was a hell of a lot stronger, but Kayla's heart warmed at his praise. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome. We all had a fight about you. After the way you professed your love for me and I turned you down, then you cried your eyes out over seeing Jake with another woman, and you ran to Keith and let him kiss you.”
She recalled the intoxicating bliss and amorous sweetness of that first kiss with Keith Langley. Pure heaven. Travis and Jake had walked into the orchard and seen Keith kissing her. The brothers had argued and then basically turned on her and all but called her a fickle flirt. The words still hurt, but she'd eventually accepted the label and let her dream of being with all three of them die.
But somehow it hadn't. Despite the horrors she'd suffered and the years that had gone by, she still loved them all dearly, and the dreamer in her still imagined the four of them together. It wasn't realistic, but her heart refused to listen to reason as it repeatedly asked “Why not?”
