The Dirty Version

by Hadley Quinn

  Lips. Whatever.

  He leaned his forehead down against mine, and his hand pressed softly against the side of my face. Being so close to him was so familiar yet so new. He was taller than he used to be, so instead of my forehead reaching his lips, he could have easily rested his chin on my head. And in place of that baby-smooth face, his jawline was rugged with a week’s growth.

  Josh had kissed me a thousand times our senior year of high school, so I shouldn’t have been so nervous. But I was. Until he pressed those lips against mine and something else took over. Wasn’t my thoughts, that’s for damn sure. Heat and passion and a whole slew of desire crashed together. I could say it was one hell of a reunion, but it was an impulse I’d never experienced with Josh.

  His other hand slid to my hip, and I could feel his demanding grip as his tongue slipped between my lips. There seemed to be a measure of restraint present, like he was trying not to unleash everything at once when his fingers skimmed my waistband and stopped at the front button.

  He pulled away and exhaled, dropping his head against the truck so his lips were at my ear. “There are so many things I want to do to you right now,” he murmured.

  I was attempting a silent gasp for air, but when he tugged at the front of my jeans to make his point, I’m pretty sure I whimpered.

  Whimpered.

  Like a needy little sex kitten.

  Josh faced me again, visibly studying my reaction. I leaned my head back to give myself a chance to form a coherent thought. My eyes kept drifting to his mouth until his lips stretched into a smug smile.

  “What time are you off work?” he asked softly.

  “Um…uh…one. Yeah, one a.m.”

  He slowly nodded. “Okay, beautiful. We’ll continue this after work.”

  Josh stepped back, as if to grant me passage to leave. It took me a few seconds to gather my wits before I carefully moved past him. I focused on finding my car and only on finding my car; anything else might have been too much for my brain and body to do simultaneously.

  The word beautiful kept cycling through my head.

  When I sat behind the wheel and mechanically turned the ignition, I exhaled my anxiety.

  Wait a minute… Continue this after work?

  What the hell did that mean?

  ~

  11:14

  11:26

  11:51

  12:37

  12:38

  12:39

  I was a freaking wreck. And I didn’t know what Josh thought he was doing by telling me, “We’ll continue this after work.”

  As usual for a Saturday night, it was busy as hell. There were two big games going on, so the place was packed. It wasn’t until after eleven that it started to clear out a bit, and that’s when I couldn’t keep my eyes from checking the clock.

  I could still feel Josh’s lips on my mouth, shocked a kiss from him had felt like that. Maybe I’d been a goody-two-shoes in high school, making sure I was never burdened with a tramp reputation. Josh and I had been good friends before we ever dated, but once that changed and we became a couple, I think I turned somewhat insecure and possibly a bit uptight.

  Being chaste hadn’t necessarily been a goal of mine. Other than some tongue and an occasional make-out session with some boob fondling over the bra, we’d never gone very far, let alone “all the way.”

  I’d always wondered if that had bothered him. I’d definitely not been an expert on horny teenaged boys back then.

  When we left the building at one-thirty, Anna and I parted for our separate vehicles. I stopped at mine to unlock it, checking my phone in case I’d missed calls. I tossed it across the seat as I waved at Anna exiting the lot.

  “That was the longest thirty minutes I’ve ever had to wait.”

  His voice startled me, and I jumped a mile. I saw him emerge from the shadows of the parking lot, still in the same hooded sweatshirt as before.

  “I’m really not liking how unsafe this place is,” Josh said, scrutinizing our surroundings. “Any creep could be lurking in the shadows.”

  I smiled at his dry humor. “Well, normally I wouldn’t park this far on the end but…I was sort of late to work. For some reason.”

  “Hmm, well, whatever that reason was…I’m sure it was worth it.”

  Hell yes, it was! “The jury is still out.”

  He cocked that eyebrow at me. “Oh, really.” He smirked as he took a step my direction. “Then maybe the jury needs more to go on.”

  I swallowed, hoping he didn’t notice. Josh closed the distance between us and placed a hand on top of my car. Just being so close to him again sent my heart into a stupid frenzy. This bolder, self-assured Josh was foreign territory.

  “What would convince the jury?” he asked softly. “And by jury…we both know we’re talking about those twelve personalities in your head.”

  I couldn’t help but snort with amusement. “Haha, funny guy.”

  He laughed for the first time since we’d become reacquainted. It was the best damn sound in the world. Even his laugh was deeper than I remembered. It sent a silly, swoony feeling into my stomach.

  “Ah, it’s good to see you smile,” he said. “I was beginning to think you’d lost that over the years.” He touched the corner of my mouth with his thumb, and his hand remained against my cheek.

  Realizing I truly had unshackled a genuine smile, I felt the heat from his touch radiate down through my chest. It was the most life I’d felt inside me in a very long time, and all he did was touch me.

  “Do you know how beautiful your smile is, JoJo? I’m torn between watching you laugh and kissing the hell out of that pretty mouth.”

  “Kiss the hell out of my pretty mouth,” I mumbled without thought.

  He smiled again—a sexy, solid, cocky smile—and slowly nodded. “As you wish.”

  His mouth was warm in contrast to the cool February air. I let my body meld with his, because let’s be honest, I wanted to feel everything about him. That paradox of a man needed to be explained, and if that was how he’d grant me the opportunity, I’d be a fool not to take it.

  I’d never had a man make me feel so reckless with desire. I was absorbing his lust, letting it melt me from the inside. It was a hot reaction that traveled from my heart to my core as I felt his rock-hard erection grinding into my—

  Hand. I was stroking his dick through his jeans, not even aware of it. No wonder he was kissing me harder, breathing heavier, and had his fingers down the front of my pants.

  His hand was in my pants.

  A kiss at the ballpark could lead to this? So much for being the king and queen of morally sound teen relationships ten years ago. This time, we’d gone straight to the blowjob-under-the-bleachers sort of thing as adults.

  Except it was a dark parking lot. And his fingers were doing the pleasuring while his mouth worked mine. Even the kissing had never been so intense with Josh in the past. I didn’t know who this passion belonged to!

  But I wanted to know, and I wanted him to keep going.

  Combining a finger to my g-spot with a thumb on my clit was my undoing. With the way I was being kissed, I never had a chance. I’d even given up on the mutual fondling because I needed both hands to brace myself—one on the back of his neck and the other against the car.

  Suddenly, my surroundings transformed from quixotic fantasy to a dark, empty parking lot. What had just happened? Five minutes of ecstasy had left me breathless yet full of life, and now reality seemed to pull me back into its realm.

  I was so surprised Josh had gotten me off in the parking lot at work, I’d barely considered the consequences. I’d let him into my world. I’d let down my guard. The barrier I’d carefully crafted to keep men away had been taken down single-handedly.

  Literally.

  He gave me a generic goodbye, and I wondered if he shared my surprise. But my observation of Josh seemed to tell me the opposite when I watched him casually walk to his truck and climb in. He didn’t seem fazed in the leas
t bit. He just waited for me to get my car started and head out before him.

  Hopefully, I’d only misread the situation. Surely he wasn’t so blasé as he seemed, right? We’d just hit unexplored territory with each other, and we both needed time to process.

  Right?

  ~8~

  The colors behind the bar mesmerized me. Ever since Sandi, our bar manager, explained the layout of the alcohol, I’d become obsessed with observing the setup at other bars. I especially liked ours because it seemed to be so artistic in its arrangement. For some reason, I liked pretty bottles with colorful liquid.

  “You’ve been in space camp all day,” Leslie giggled. “Is everything okay?”

  It was nearing the end of my Wednesday afternoon shift, and although it’d been busy enough, I couldn’t stop thinking about Josh. A lull in the day had me overanalyzing our time in the parking lot the other night. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since.

  What did that mean?

  “Just a bit tired,” I lied. “I’m fine. How about you? How’s your sister doing?”

  I listened to her summarize her sister’s experience being a new mom. I couldn’t relate but nodded with smiles. When Chris and I were dating, he told me he wanted kids like I did. That never happened. There was always some excuse or new milestone at work he wanted to reach first.

  When we divorced, it was the only time in my life I was glad I didn’t have the extra complication.

  Anna breezed in from the back room, glancing around the restaurant. When her eyes stopped on me, she grinned. It wasn’t just an everyday “hey there” grin. Clearly, something was up.

  “Meet me in the break room when you’re done,” she hissed across the bar. She looked extremely excited, so I was looking forward to some good news. Maybe her baby daddy finally wanted to get married, or perhaps she won the lottery and was going to share?

  One could only wish.

  It was hard to finish out my last ten minutes, so I cut out early to find her. Whatever her news was, I needed to hear something good.

  Anna was sitting at the breakroom table, eating chips and salsa. A shimmery red gift bag sat on the table in front of her, and she slid it my way upon spotting me. “I got you an early Valentine’s Day gift,” she beamed. “Open it!”

  Surprised, I shook my head. “Why would you get me a gift for Valentine’s Day?”

  “Because. I want you to at least have fun if you don’t bag one of those men in a few days.”

  I snorted. “Oh God, come on.”

  “I’m serious, Jo. Pick a man and ride the stallion. Even that Sam guy from table six is nice looking. I think he’d be worth it, if you know what I mean. Did you see the size of his feet?”

  I sat down across from her. “Pretty sure that’s a myth. Anyway, tell me what’s up with you and Danny.”

  She shoved the red bag forward until it almost fell into my lap. “Nice try. Open your present. You shouldn’t reject peoples’ kind deeds, Jolie. It’s rude.”

  Reluctantly, I parted the polka-dotted tissue paper and retrieved a rectangular white box. After lifting the lid, I blinked at a lovely pink, dick-shaped vibrator.

  Rolling my eyes, I tossed it all back in the bag and pushed it away. “Real funny, Anna.”

  “What?” she laughed, grabbing the bag. She pressed it against my chest. “This is for you. I picked that out just for you. Take it home, Jo, and have some fun.”

  “This is what our friendship has come down to? You feel so sorry for me you have to buy me sex toys?”

  She laughed again. “Woman, this is a good thing and totally normal. I can’t believe those years with boring Chris didn’t consist of hiding one of these babies in your drawer. Or five.”

  Seriously, I’d considered it.

  “And besides,” she continued, “you’re less likely to have all that sexual buildup force you to jump into bed with some pathetic loser because you’ve fully snapped and need a damn orgasm!”

  Patrick had entered the room, and upon hearing that, turned right back around and left.

  I dropped my head in my hand. “For shit’s sake.”

  “Take the diddler and have some fucking fun with it. Literally. And definitely name it.”

  For some reason, that made me laugh. My stupid awesome friend thought I needed to fuck myself with a fake penis. It was weird, but it was in that moment I felt I could tell this woman anything and trust her with it.

  So…I told her about my recent encounters with Josh.

  And her mouth hung open for so long, I thought it was stuck like that.

  “Well, holy shit,” she finally whispered, nodding slowly like she was processing the information. “Holy. Fucking. Shit.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  She popped up from her chair and grabbed the bag, yanking me up at the same time. “Well, you just take this thing on home, think up some really great fantasies about Mr. Football Stud, and go to town, girl. Then, think about how much you want his real thingy inside you and go find him.”

  Patrick slowly passed by the breakroom another time, and then two other employees showed up for dinner shift. It signified the end of our girl chat, especially since Anna needed to clock in.

  My feelings were a jumbled mess when it came to Josh, and as I climbed in my car to head home, I considered Anna’s suggestion. Find him. I supposed our first two run-ins were coincidental; the last few were per his decision.

  Maybe it was my turn to make a move.

  When I got home, I tossed the dick bag on my bed and texted my brother. He said he didn’t have Josh’s number, but he’d be stopping by their practice that day to help out.

  Me: Help with what?

  Drew: Coach Gilman knows him and asked him to

  Me: Batting?

  Drew: Yeah and anything else

  Anything else? I considered this new information. Josh was a stellar athlete, and when it came to baseball, could hit almost anything. He’d received his college scholarship for football, but it could have easily been for baseball instead.

  After a brief yoga session and a long shower, I decided to make a quick trip to the grocery store. You know, the one in Berkeley because the one a mile away probably didn’t have fruit. Or oatmeal. Or popcorn. And it was a total coincidence that I happened to drive by the university’s baseball practice.

  Total. Coincidence.

  I paid for metered parking and walked a couple blocks to Evans Diamond. It was beautifully sunny, and the walk felt refreshing. Hopefully, I was catching the end of practice since several players were heading out with their bat bags slung over their shoulders, but I could still hear bats cracking in the batting cages.

  “Hey, is Drew Chambers still here?” I asked a pair of guys as they passed by.

  “I think he might still be in the cages.” One of them motioned with his head.

  I thanked him. Even though I’d been inside the indoor batting facility before, I didn’t want to just drop in like a lurker. But I actually heard my brother’s voice—and recognized Josh’s, as strange as that was—so I spied from the doorway to get a look.

  “Nice, that was perfectly fluid. Watch that elbow, though.” Josh was standing outside the cage, coaching my brother through a batting session. The actual batting coach—Gilman—was observing in silence.

  They were the only three people in there.

  Another swing and another hit. “That was solid.” Josh nodded reassuringly. “But definitely a shallow fly-out. Roll that wrist and remember the route of your hip.”

  I was slightly fascinated by this scene in front of me. Since when did Josh coach batting sessions for pitchers? I knew even as a relief pitcher, my brother still put in a lot of batting practice. But why did Coach Gilman need Josh to instruct him?

  “What brings you by?” a familiar voice asked.

  Boxer—aka Julian—was standing in the doorway behind me. I hadn’t seen him in person since their game the week before—when he’d been thrown out at first—and before that, our two
phone calls hadn’t exactly gone in his favor.

  Motioning to Drew, I answered, “Just thought I’d stop by and see my little brother practice for a bit.” Hopefully, he focused on the word little to signify his age.

  Boxer followed my gaze, just as Josh turned around and spotted me standing there. Hell, when had a hoodie and backwards ballcap become so attractive?

  “Since when have you been interested in seeing practices?” Boxer asked, interrupting my subtle ogling.

  I resented his tone and hastily exited the building, aware he followed behind. “Last I checked, I don’t need permission to see my brother.” I faced him resolutely.

  He held both hands up and scoffed. “Chill, Jolie. I’m just saying, you’ve never been to a practice.”

  “And how would you know?”

  Okay, so I’d never stopped by one of my brother’s college practices, but I didn’t like my motives being questioned. Didn’t matter that I was there to see Josh; it was no one’s business.

  “Whatever,” he replied. “You know what, Jo? Leading me on was a pretty shitty thing to do, but if you wanna keep chasing that guy,” he jabbed a thumb to the batting cages, “then be my guest.”

  I knew he was referring to Josh, and I refused to bring him into the conversation. “Leading you on? If I’m not mistaken, I specifically told you I was putting my brother first and it had nothing to do with you.”

  “Right,” he smiled sarcastically. “You just dangle a line for me until you’re sure you’ve got someone else snagged, is that it?”

  “You asked me out, Boxer, and I turned you down as politely as I could. Don’t you dare make me feel guilty for that.”

  “Guilty. Well, at least you admit you have reason to be. It takes a real bitch to make a guy think she’s interested and then blow him off for someone else—”

  “Call her a bitch one more time.”

  My entire body reacted to the sound of Josh’s threatening voice.

  Boxer froze and stared at the figure behind me before grumbling a response and stomping off. As I exhaled to release some tension, I glanced through the doorway for my brother. He was still packing up his gear in the batting cage.