by Lisa Lace
I laughed. “Come to the bar, and I’ll show you.”
“All right, all right. You win. Cocktails it is.”
“I could do with a proper night out. I’d love to let my hair down. Carla says this place makes great drinks.”
I was already picturing myself wearing a gorgeous green dress I’d just bought. In the last two weeks, I’d treated myself to more than a few outfits. Now that I was officially with Nate, I wanted to look good for him.
I never looked nice when I was with Victor. He didn’t like it. He’d always been paranoid that a short skirt or tight dress would have me falling into another man’s arms, so he criticized everything I ever put on until I found myself wearing nothing but baggy jeans and oversized sweaters, just to make sure that nobody would ever look twice at me. Until Nate, I’d almost forgotten that I was a young, attractive woman. I was rediscovering myself, and loving every second of the adventure. I felt free.
A night out sounded wonderful. Nate and I had spent a lot of time alone together over the last two weeks, but the early days of our relationship had been kept very quiet. Now we were at a stage where we weren’t keeping it quiet anymore.
Carla had been the first person I’d told, and she’d shrieked so loudly that I’d thought the glass of her coffee shop cake stands might shatter. In her own words: “I knew you guys were getting it on, but I didn’t know you were a couple!”
A couple. It felt amazing to let that sink in. Nate and I, together. Nate was, hands down, the most handsome, amazing, incredible man in the whole of Brayford, and he was all mine. We’d had a false start at first, but now, we were really together, and I woke up every day feeling like a brand-new person. Life was in color again.
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face as I headed into town to my PO Box. I wanted to read the latest letter from Charlotte, but I was more excited to write one. I wanted to tell her all about Nate and how happy I was. I was also expecting a whole bunch of catalogs I’d ordered so that I could go crazy buying even more clothes. It felt good to be young and alive.
“What time do they want to head out?” I asked Nate. “Will we be getting a cab?”
“I was going to drive me and you. I think Carla and Sam are getting a cab up there and having dinner in Fort Wayne before we meet, but I’ll be giving them a lift back. I know for a fact that Carla will be getting wasted. I’ve never gone on a night out with Carla that hasn’t ended in me carrying her home.”
I laughed. “That’s probably all part of her wicked plan.”
“It’s Sam’s job now! He can sling her over his shoulder while she keeps dropping the stilettos she’s taken off because they’re hurting her feet. Please tell me you’re better at holding your liquor.”
“Hard to say. It’s been a very long time since I’ve gone out for a night on the town.”
In fact, I’d never been one to go out drinking and partying. I’d always been a stay-at-home kind of girl; sensible. Then, once I’d met Victor, I couldn’t have gone out even if I’d wanted to. He’d have never allowed it.
Even now, it made me sad to think that I’d lived for so long that way, tethered to Victor like a prisoner. It made me even more determined to go out and have a great time. “And afterward? My place or yours?”
Nate chuckled. “Thinking ahead. I like it. My place. Kacey’s out tonight, so I’ve got a sitter for Harriet.”
“Where’s Kacey going?”
“You know, I think she might have a date of her own.”
“With the boring one?”
“No, someone new.”
“Good for her! I hope they hit it off.”
“Me, too.”
I reached the post office and stepped inside, pulling the key for my PO box from my purse.
“Did you submit your college application today?”
I smiled. “Uh-huh. I should hear back in a few weeks.”
“That’s amazing, Jenna. I’m excited for you.”
“I’m excited, too! It’d be great to think I could finally get it finished, finally teach.”
“They’d be crazy not to accept your application.”
I laughed. “Let’s hope so.”
The thought of getting accepted into college again made my heart flutter with joy. I’d put so much on hold for Victor. I’d been about halfway through my degree when he’d been accepted into the academy. He’d argued with me for days about how he couldn’t earn while he was at the academy, and how I should support him by pausing my degree.
I’d known he was being selfish and that it was unfair, but he’d worn me down, like always. I’d done what he’d wanted and stopped my studies. The remaining credits I needed to finish my degree had been like a splinter in the back of my mind ever since, torturing me with the memory of all I could have achieved if I’d put myself first. Still, things were changing now.
Nate wasn’t like Victor at all. Nate was thrilled that I wanted to study and supported me all the way. With him by my side, I felt like I could achieve anything. All my dreams were in reach.
I pulled out a bundle of mail from my PO box and began sifting through. A couple of catalogs had arrived, and I smiled at the pretty images on the cover, already thinking about what I wanted to order. I had a letter from Charlotte, which I slipped into my purse. A couple of bills.
I stopped shuffling the mail when I came across a small, light envelope with a handwritten address. My heart stopped in my chest. I recognized that writing.
My voice came out choked when I ended the call to Nate. “Nate, I have to go. I’ll see you later. Bye.”
I hung up and stared, petrified, at that letter. I looked all around me as if Victor might be standing at the window or looking over my shoulder. My hands were shaking. I pressed my thumb into the fold of the envelope and tore it open.
Inside, was a short, chilling note:
* * *
I’ve found your mail. Now to find you.
* * *
I swallowed back a scream, but couldn’t hold back my tears. This was it. It was happening. All my worst fears were coming true. Victor had tracked me down. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t know when; it didn’t matter. He had found me.
I felt the world come crashing down around me. My ears were ringing. I thought about all the things that made me happy here: my apartment, my friendship with Carla, my job, Nate… I imagined all those things slipping away.
I knew I couldn’t let it happen. Not again. Not now. I had more to lose than ever before in my life. When Victor had sent me running in the past, it had been from one unfulfilling, dead-end existence into another. This time he was out to destroy my life. A real home, a real future.
I began to sob loudly enough for other people to turn around and begin to whisper. I put a shaking hand over my mouth to try and stifle the sound.
An old lady came and rested her hand on my shoulder in concern. “Are you all right, dear?”
I forced a nod and then fled from the post office. I raced back to my apartment and bolted the door behind me.
I kept thinking about all the years that Victor had tormented me; all the countless hours of my life that were gone forever—lost in fear and obedience. I thought about all the places I had run from and all the fragments of myself that I’d left along the way, trying to escape him. I thought about my dear sister and her kids, so far away from me now, because of him.
Then my thoughts turned away from the past and towards the present again. Carla. Nate. My home. My job. My head started spinning, and I felt sick at the thought of losing any of them, let alone losing it all. Victor couldn’t win. Not this time. Not again.
I looked up at the clock. Only a couple of hours until Nate came to pick me up. With a calmness I didn’t feel, I slowly placed the letter in the drawer of my bedside table and headed towards the shower. My mind went numb as my body went through the motions of getting ready for a night out.
I’d been so excited before I’d gotten that note.
I knew I would
have to face the fact that Victor was here sometime, but I needed time to think about what I would do. I knew that the best person to talk to was Kacey, but the support group wasn’t for another few days.
I would tell Carla, I decided. But not tonight.
Once I’d finished getting ready, I stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom, staring at my reflection. Hair done, makeup applied. Body not hidden under some oversized outfit, but on show in a tight green dress. Was I really the same woman that had run from Victor all those months ago?
Looking at my reflection now, I knew that I wasn’t her anymore. I was someone different, stronger, and this time, I wouldn’t give up. I gripped the edge of the basin, my hands clammy, and took a few deep breaths to push back the feeling of nausea that was churning inside me. When I looked up, I looked myself straight in the eye and gritted my teeth.
Not this time, Victor.
I didn’t feel strong as I picked up my purse and waited by the window for Nate’s car to pull up, but I felt determined. This time, I was not leaving.
Chapter Nineteen
Nate
Jenna stepped out of the lobby of the apartment building. She was wearing a tight emerald green dress that showed off every curve of her incredible body, and a pair of high heels. Yet, although she was wearing the right clothes, and her hair and makeup were done, I sensed that something was off.
Maybe it was the way that her smile was so tight when she greeted me, or how she didn’t really say anything in the car. That wasn’t like Jenna. She was usually so happy to see me, and normally started our dates with excited talk about her day, or questions about mine. Tonight, she sat in stony silence beside me, clutching her purse on her lap and staring wordlessly out the window.
“Is everything all right, Jenna?”
“Mm-hmm.” I saw the back of her head tilt in a little nod, but she didn’t turn around to face me.
“You’re quiet.”
“Just tired.”
I looked over at her again. She was still turned away. The fingers grasping at her purse were white at the knuckle, she was gripping it so tightly. Her whole body was tense.
“You know, we don’t have to go tonight. I can turn around right now. We can have a quiet night in if you’re not feeling up to it.”
Jenna finally turned to me and shook her head. She forced a smile, but I could see the worry underneath. Her skin was pale under her makeup. Her eyes looked puffy like maybe she’d been crying.
“Has something happened at work?”
“No, Nate. Everything’s fine at work.”
“Something wrong with the apartment?”
“No.”
I paused, trying to think of what else might be on Jenna’s mind. “Have you had a fight with Carla?”
Jenna let out a big sigh and turned back towards the window, resting her head on her hand wearily. “It’s nothing, Nate. Seriously. I’m just tired.”
I frowned. I didn’t believe her. I’d not known Jenna long, but long enough to know that something wasn’t right.
The rest of the drive to Fort Wayne was pretty quiet. I tried to draw Jenna into a conversation, but she only gave short, one-word answers or made only some small sound in response. I was worried about her.
When we arrived in Fort Wayne, I helped Jenna out the car and then put my arm around her. She didn’t nestle into me like she usually did. She was stiff and rigid, her arms wrapped around her.
We walked towards the bar, where Sam and Carla were already waiting for us outside. Carla was wearing a tiny purple dress that left nothing to the imagination and heels so high you’d imagine nobody could ever walk in them, although, I had to admit, that Carla seemed to walk like she’d been born wearing them. Sam had his arm around her waist and was grinning ear to ear, shooting sideways glances at Carla in her mini-dress.
“Hey, Nate.”
“Hey, Sam—how you doing?”
We shook hands. Sam said hello to Jenna, and then I turned back to Carla. “I haven’t seen you in a dress like that since high school, Carla.”
Carla grinned. “Well, that’s because you’re no fun, Nate. Some of us go out on the weekend.”
“You look nice.”
“Thanks.”
Carla turned to Jenna and let out a little squeal of excitement. “Jenna! You look fabulous. I adore that dress! Where did you get it?” She linked arms with Jenna, and the girls went ahead into the bar.
Sam held back to walk with me. “So, that’s your girl then, huh? She’s pretty.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Sam. You know, she’s a really wonderful woman.”
“Carla’s right, you know. It’s been a long time since you’ve come out with us—any of us. It’s good to see you out.”
“Can’t say that cocktails are my thing, but Jenna was excited to go. Although now she seems pretty tired tonight.”
“She’ll be fine once Carla’s got a couple drinks in her.”
We entered the bar and were hit with a wall of music and the smell of syrup. The bar was styled in neon and chrome, very eighties. There were stools at the bar and some booths around the edges of the floor, but we went to stand at the high-table in the center of the room.
Carla hunted down some cocktail menus from the bar and started making her recommendations.
“Blue Hawaii! Oh, it’s amazing—my favorite! Rum, pineapple juice…what else? Oh, I don’t care. It tastes great. What are you getting?”
Jenna flicked the pages of the menu. She was attempting to mimic Carla’s enthusiasm, but I could tell that the effort was draining her. When she spoke, her voice was full of forced brightness.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a Long Island.”
“Great! Boys?”
I held up my hand. “I’m driving.”
Sam looked at the menu in horror and made a face. “Whatever, babe. You choose.”
“Sex on the Beach it is, then.” She gave him a suggestive wink. “I love that. I’ll get you a Coke, Nate.”
“Thanks.”
Jenna stayed silent while Sam and I caught up and spoke about work. She was picking at her nails and keeping her eyes lowered. When she thought nobody was paying attention to her, her whole expression collapsed.
I could see stress taking over. I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arm around her waist. I leaned in towards her and asked softly, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Another forced smile. Jenna lifted herself onto her tiptoes and planted a kiss on my lips. She made sure to catch my eye. “I’m fine.”
I still didn’t believe her, but my concern seemed to snap her out of whatever reverie she’d been in, and she began to join in the conversation a little more. “This cocktail’s really good.”
Carla grinned. “Didn’t I tell you? They don’t skimp on the alcohol here. Plus, Rita served me, and I think she snuck in an extra shot for us. Take it easy, Jenna. Cocktails always seem to hit me all at once.”
Jenna looked down at her glass, and her eyes widened in surprise. She gave a little giggle. “Too late.”
I looked over and saw that she’d already drunk the whole thing.
Carla found it hilarious and screeched with laughter. “A girl after my own heart! I’ll get you another.”
“No extra shot this time, please. I don’t want to get plastered. Thanks.”
The night continued. Jenna remained a little reserved for the rest of the night, but she joined in the conversation and tried to shake off whatever was bothering her.
“Excuse me, boys, I need to pop to the ladies’ room. Jenna?”
The girls left to go to the bathroom. I finished my third Coke. When Jenna and Carla returned, Carla didn’t seem herself either. I didn’t know what had been said when the girls had been alone, but I could tell that whatever had been bothering Jenna was now on Carla’s mind as well.
In truth, it was a relief when the night was over. The bar and drinks were okay, but I was worried about Jenna and wanted to get her home. Jenna was compl
etely silent again on the way home while Sam and Carla made out in the backseat, and then finally tumbled out at Carla’s apartment building a while later.
I lingered for a while outside the apartment building.
“Do you still want to spend the night at my place? I can drop you off now if you’ve changed your mind.”
Jenna reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. Her earnest eyes fixed on mine, and she shook her head. “No. I want to stay with you.”
I nodded and started to drive again. We arrived at my place, and I relieved the babysitter. Harriet was already long asleep, but I checked in on her in her bedroom before I returned to Jenna.
She was in my living room, taking off her shoes. She gave me a weary smile when I returned. “Harriet okay?”
“Sleeping like a rock.”
“Good.”
“Are you okay?”
“I had fun.”
“You really don’t seem like yourself.”
Jenna let out a long, heavy sigh, and gave a little shrug. “I guess I’m feeling a bit stressed at the moment. I guess the move and the new job and everything must have hit me all at once. It’s been a busy week.”
“You’d tell me if there was anything wrong, right?”
She didn’t answer. Instead, she changed the subject. “Is it all right if I take a shower before bed? I smell like a candy factory.”
I smiled. “Those cocktails were pretty sweet, huh?”
“Ninety percent sugar.” She offered me a weak smile and started to head towards the bathroom.
I got her a towel from the linen cupboard and handed it to her. She took it from me, and then her fingers folded around mine. She looked up at me from under her thick lashes. “Come with me?”
“All right.”
I followed Jenna to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and set it to hot. Soon, the room was filled with steam. Jenna began to undress. I did the same.
Jenna moved towards me and pressed her naked body against mine. Her skin was already damp from the steam in the room. Her hands hungrily pulled my face down towards hers, and she locked me in an intense, wanting kiss.
