by Mina Thorne
“I get it, I just wouldn’t mind a little warning in case it’s bad,” I replied. I thought it was admirable that he was looking out for his friend, but I didn’t know what I was getting into when I talked to Barrett.
We made small talk for a few more minutes before he locked his eyes on me and said, “I’m going to kiss you, Steph. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.”
“Just like that?” I asked and blinked.
“Yeah, just like this,” he said and leaned forward, cupping my face in his hands and bringing his lips to mine.
He kissed me again, we hadn’t had much of a chance since that night of the horrible party at Mason’s but I’d thought about this a lot.
He was such an incredible kisser, his lips were soft and demanding and his hands were possessive as he moved them to the back of my neck.
Whitt made noises too, that was my favorite part about kissing so far, the noise. Nobody ever told you how sexy boys sounded when they were turned on.
His weren’t as deep and demanding as Barrett’s, but he made a purring sound in his chest, a sound of pleasure and bliss.
We didn’t kiss for long, we couldn’t or we would be discovered, but it was enough to reignite the fire in between my thighs that I had for him.
I squirmed in my seat and pressed my legs together, feeling the warmth and wetness there as my desire grew.
He pulled away from me and said my name simply, “Stephanie,” like it was like a declaration of love. It sent a shiver down my spine.
“I should go,” I said and he nodded, kissed me again quickly, and watched me as I left.
I could still feel him burning on my lips when I went inside.
My night was filled with dreams of his mouth on mine and I thought about him until I fell asleep.
Chapter 32
But just like that, life reminded me that whenever I thought I had Harrisburg and my new life figured out, I would stumble into something new and awful.
Barrett wouldn’t talk to me much about what had happened at the football game and it felt like he was doing everything in his power to avoid me at school and at home.
I figured if I gave him a few days he’d come to his senses and finally open up, but it didn’t happen that way.
Friday was the worst day of all. The morning was normal, sort of. He drove me to school but he didn’t speak the entire way. I babbled on like an idiot, trying desperately to get him to reply, but it only made me feel discordant and desperate.
Then in Biology, Becca walked past my desk and knocked over my experiment so I had to stay during lunch to finish it.
By the time I made it to the cafeteria, Sienna hadn’t been able to save me a seat so I ended up wolfing down a salad wrap leaning up against the wall.
I was rescued when the football team came through on some school spirit march. At least the entire cafeteria had stood up and I didn’t feel so foolish being on my feet by myself.
It was weird to note the absence of Barrett on the team though. I didn’t know where he was and he hadn’t responded to any of my texts.
Whitt ran by and grabbed my hand though, distracting me by taking me with them running around cheering for the school. I felt right again, I felt good.
At least until Becca, who was leading the cheer squad right behind them, somehow managed to stretch her foot out and trip me as I was parading around, laughing with the boys.
I fell forward and Whitt reached out to grab me but the remains of my salad wrap flew out of my hand and exploded on the floor in front of me.
Nobody else had thought it was such a big deal, but my cheeks burned with embarrassment when I caught Becca shooting me a smug look as she flounced past me with the cheer squad.
I hated her with the heat of a thousand suns and I needed to get rid of her as soon as possible, but by the end of the day I just wanted to get home and dive into the pool or something, to relax and forget about everything.
I waited by our usual pick up spot, but Barrett was nowhere to be found. I finally texted him after the halls started to clear out and I was left alone, but he still didn’t respond.
I went outside to wait by his car, but I found Kit waiting for me in front of the school in one of our family Range Rovers.
"Where's Barrett?" I asked, surprised to see her there.
"He's been sent home," she said and her eyes flitted to the front. She seemed to be avoiding me.
"Is he okay?"
"You should ask him yourself," she said tightly. Her hands gripped the steering wheel and she began to drive home.
I didn't know Kit well, but I did know she could keep her mouth shut when she wanted to. I wouldn't get any more information from her but I was too tired to push anyways.
Once we were at home, I jumped out, tossed my things in my room and headed right to Barrett's room. In spite of my plans to relax at the pool after my stressful day, I needed to get to the bottom of this first.
I was done giving him his space, I wanted answers. I deserved answers.
I knocked on his bedroom door and demanded he open it, that he needed to talk to me.
He didn't reply at first, but finally I heard him yell, "Go away."
"It's me, Steph," I said, and realized I wasn't stuck on Stephanie here in Harrisburg, I was okay with Steph now.
It was strange how quickly new things became normal if you repeated them enough times.
"Go away," he yelled again.
I knocked persistently and said, "I'm not going anywhere until you open the door."
I kept knocking and knocking loud enough that I didn't hear him on the other side until the door swung open, surprising me.
"Oh," I exclaimed and fell forward. “There you are.”
"You're a persistent little bitch when you want to be," he replied with a grumble and stalked back to his bed.
I stepped inside, farther than I'd ever been into his room, and looked around.
It was tidy with a few items of clothing tossed here and there but it wasn't as gross as I'd expected.
It was similar in size to mine, but the furniture and flooring was all much more masculine. Everything was in dark wood, or painted blue and green. He had thick curtains drawn across the windows so it was dark with just a little light coming from around the edge, giving the room the feeling of twilight.
Barrett had gone back to the bed, so I closed the door and walked over to join him.
He laid on his back with his hands behind his head and watched me while I moved, his simmering mood reflected in the dark gaze he locked on me. I felt almost naked as I approached him, he made me feel so vulnerable.
I sat carefully on the edge of the bed and said, "What's going on?"
"Nothing," he replied and drew in a deep breath. "And everything. But it's none of your fucking business."
"It is my business because I care," I replied gently and smiled at him. "Come on, talk to me. If you do then I’ll tell you about how Mrs. Cooper had an allergic reaction to fish in the cafeteria and blew up like a balloon."
He smiled briefly but it disappeared quickly, his face returning to an unreadable mask within the blink of an eye. I frowned and nudged him with my hand. "You can tell me what's up. Nothing you say will bother me."
I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I'd swallowed a stone and it hung heavy there now. Uncertainty made my pulse unstable and my hands felt sweaty, prickled with anticipation of what he would do or say.
I prayed he wasn't going to tell me he wanted nothing to do with me or something. We weren't able to be affectionate with each other in public, not like I could be with Whitt.
None of us had ever said anything about the things between us, and we were all still oddly okay with the triangle that had developed.
But maybe it wasn't enough for Barrett. Maybe he wanted a girl he could kiss in the cafeteria the way he'd kissed Becca that time with his tongue practically down her throat.
Maybe he wanted a girlfriend, somebody he
could hold hands with and be seen with in public with. Somebody who could be on his arm everywhere he went.
Somebody who wasn't his sister in everybody's eyes.
He didn’t reply though, instead he growled and rolled away from me as if in pain.
I crawled over to his side of the bed and looked at him, trying to study him in the dim light.
"Can you tell me what’s going on?"
"Everything is fucked, okay?" he groaned and wouldn't look at me. I wanted him to open up to me so bad, I wanted him to tell me everything so we could connect over our shared misery and grief, whatever it was.
"How so?" I asked.
"I'm cut," he replied.
"What do you mean? Are you injured?"
He laughed, a quick, sardonic bark. "No. Fuck, Steph, try to keep up here. From the team."
"They cut you from The Warriors?" I said, shocked. "But you're their star player."
"Their star player who's a fucking retard," he blurted.
"That's a terrible word to use," I told him. "Not just because you aren't, but it's a gross word."
"I am though," he replied. "I'm failing all my classes."
“How have you stayed on the team so far?” I asked.
“Cheating,” he replied. “I can’t seem to pass anything, so they’ve all set it up this whole time.”
“Who did?”
“Everybody. I was good enough that they did whatever it took to keep me playing. But something’s different now, Dr. Adams wants me out.”
"I'll help you. We can study together. I can get you through this...just please," I promised him and pulled at his shoulder. “We can get through this together.”
All at once he sprung into motion, like a big cat, a wild beast...some feral creature I'd assumed I had tamed.
The look in his eyes let me know I hadn't tamed him at all. Not by a long shot.
"Why are you always coming after me?" he rasped and pushed me down onto his bed. He pinned my wrists over my head and locked his glittering, green eyes on mine. They burned with madness, pent up rage and lust.
And I was terrified.
But...an ache bloomed between my legs as his massive, muscled body crushed mine onto his bed.
"I don't know...I want to help you," I replied, my breath coming in shallow gasps.
"You can help me," he said deliberately. "You can help me in a big way."
His knee pressed between my thighs and pushed my legs apart. I was panting with fear and anxiety as he moved slowly against me, shoving my knees wide and leaving his leg there so I couldn't clamp them back together again.
"How can I help?" I whispered with my eyes stretched wide open.
"I think you know," he grunted and dropped down to kiss me, to take me, to own me.
Chapter 33
My mouth opened for him and his tongue snaked inside, swirling and twisting around mine until I felt like my mind and body were all wrapped up in that one single sensation, a chaotic hurricane of desire.
Barrett's one hand encircled both my wrists, pinning me in place and as he kissed me, his other hand moved lower along my body.
I was still in my uniform, I was wearing the pleated miniskirt with a linen blouse that day, and he thumbed the top button. He paused for a moment, plunged his tongue in my mouth again, and yanked my blouse open with a quick jerk of his hand.
I gasped but his mouth captured the noise and I realize why he'd done that, to hide my cries of surprise and limit the risk of us getting caught.
All the little hand-carved pearl buttons popped off my shirt and he pulled the front open. Without breaking our kiss, he slid his hand under my bra and shoved it up.
He rolled my nipple around between his thumb and forefinger and I couldn't help myself, I groaned and writhed against him, wanting him as much as I feared him just then.
It was like a force of nature now, like snow starting to slide down a mountain, there was nothing either one of us could do to stop this.
I was going to lose my virginity to Barrett, and nothing could get in the way now.
My senses were heightened. I heard those little growling noises of pleasure that Barrett made in his chest, so different from Whitt’s, and I wanted to scream in pleasure with him.
I caught the drifting scent of his deodorant blended with his natural musk and I wanted to inhaled it deeply and lick him all over.
I wanted to taste him and feel him.
I wanted him to keep ravaging me, to take me and make me his.
Barrett finally broke away from our kiss and dropped me to the bed, free and clear to move if I wanted, but I didn't.
He sat up, still between my legs and he looked down at me with a cruel smirk on his lips.
"You're just like all of them in the end, aren't you?" he said. "Just another panting little whore after my cock."
My brows knitted together at his words. I wanted to deny him, to tell him he was a piece of shit for saying so, but I was too shocked by his verbal attack and I just wanted him in any way I could have him.
Even in this cruel form.
He shoved my skirt up over my hips and hooked his thumb in my little silk panties. He watched my face as he tugged at them until they tore away like floss in the rain, leaving nothing between my aching, wet pussy and his fingers.
He didn't hesitate. He plunged his thumb between my swollen lips and stroked it across my clit, making me draw in a sharp breath and quiver in anticipation.
"I thought so," he said. "You're fucking soaked, Steph. You're dripping for me, aren't you?"
I nodded and bit my lower lip to keep from crying out. His thumb prodded inside of me, into my entrance, farther than anybody had been before.
"Say it, tell me you want my cock," he said and paused with his thumb deep inside and the rest of his hand cupping my pussy possessively.
"I want..."
The words wouldn't come. I was so raw and exposed that the language had left me.
"Come on, my little whore. Tell me what you want."
"I want you to fuck me," I exhaled quickly.
"That's a good girl," he smirked and tugged his thumb up towards himself where he hit some bundle of nerves that made me jump. "Oh, looks like I found your G spot. I'm going to fuck you good and hard now, Steph. I'm going to fuck you because you want it like a little bitch in heat and I need it or I'm going to fucking explode."
I bit my lip again, so hard I feared I might draw blood, and I nodded yes for him to keep going while I whimpered for his dick.
He pulled his finger out, leaned forward and reached into his nightstand.
He picked up a condom pack, closed the drawer and tore the corner of the package open with his teeth.
"Do you want to do the honors?" he asked, handing it to me.
My hand was shaking when I took it from him. I'd done this a million times in health class with bananas, giggling with Maddy and Brie as we talked about how dicks weren't going to be curved or yellow so what was the point. But I was so grateful then that I'd done it before.
I didn't know if Barrett understood this was my first time. I didn't know if he'd really caught on that I was a virgin.
I didn't want that to change anything though, I wanted him to keep going so I kept it to myself.
I watched in the dim light as he stood on his bed and peeled his clothes off. He tossed them piece by piece to the floor beside us, and dropped back down on his knees between my thighs.
I finally got a good look at his dick up close and personal and I was afraid.
It was huge, way bigger than any banana we'd had in health class. Bigger than any of the porn I'd watched online. Bigger than Josh had been back in California.
Way bigger.
It was long, thick and gorgeous. I didn't think I could tell him that though, like how do you tell a guy that his dick is pretty?
I tore the rest of the condom pack open and pulled it out. Barrett looked down at me as I sat up and touched him for the first time.
His dick pulsed in my hand, it was red hot and felt nice as I gripped it. I drew my hand up and down the shaft a couple times, settled on the head and rubbed the precum around like lotion.
He drew in a breath and put his hand in my hair, tangled his fingers in it and said, "That's right, Steph...that's a good girl."
I pinched the condom tip and pulled it slowly down over his shaft. He gripped it at the base and released his fingers from my hair.
"Lean back and open your cunt to me, babe,” he rasped and I obeyed.
I felt like I was falling backwards for an eternity as our eyes met and my breath stopped.
This was the moment I'd been waiting for, the moment I was losing my virginity and finally becoming a woman. Finally catching up to all my friends and classmates.
Finally, and with a guy like Barrett....so fucking hot and complicated and slightly dangerous. He kept me on edge and kept it real.
He lifted my hips up to him and he held me in place as he pressed the head of his dick against my entrance.
He slid it up and down a couple times to get it nice and wet, adding to the lube on the condom, and finally he did it.
He thrust himself inside of me and all at once that was it. I was having sex. I crossed that threshold, that rite of passage. I was a woman.
And it hurt, oh my god, it fucking hurt.
Barrett dropped down to his hands on the bed and slammed into me from above. I wrapped my legs around his hips just to try and get some leverage to slow him down, but it didn't work.
I was on fire, the pain was intense and my eyes began to tear up as I couldn't contain myself any longer.
Barrett didn't seem to notice, his eyes had glazed over with some sort of primal lust, as if I wasn't Stephanie to him, as if I was just some whore to fuck when he was feeling stressed.
"Slow down," I finally cried out and dug my fingernails into his back to get a grip on him. "Please...slower..."
He seemed to realize who I was then, he looked down and his brows knitted together. "Are you crying?"
"A little," I admitted, hating to even share that with him. I felt incredibly vulnerable.
